Take place 4 months after first equestria girls movie, while sunset shimmer trying to gain trust and trying to redeeem herself from her past sins she having a dream about a soldier that fighting a demon in hell, what taught to be a dream came to a reality when a marine were end up in equestria girls world
now doomguy is stuck in here and thing get worst when cyberdemon who taught to be dead were ressurected by none other king sombra himself
can they survive the nightmare or the town fall under nightmarish hell forever
ITS TIME TO RIP AND TEAR!!! BRUTAL DOOM STYLE
(UPDATED!: The story picture has been updated as for each posted story, an Artwork for this story will be also present but not always)
Chapters (4)
Judging Fics by Their Covers: My Impression of Your Description
Part 14 of 9999: BRUTAL DOOM: Worse than Equestria Girls (BRUTAL DOOM Equestria Girls)
Nothing can "redeeem" this story, my best guess is that "thing get worst" from here. I "taught" I had seen bad grammar, but then I saw this. I can't survive reading this nightmarish hell, so ITS TIME TO RIP AND TEAR!!! this fic apart.
Hopefully after it's dead, it won't be "ressurected".
Impression: 0/2563
this has autism written all over it
5040449
what do you mean after its dead it wont be ressurected
and yeah im trying my best to fix the errors
5040781
Besides the awful grammar, you have demonstrated two things that make this story's prospects look grim:
1. You released it without any apparent attempt at editing. That shows both laziness and haste.
2. You released it as only an introduction, no Chapter One. That shows haste.
Haste makes mistakes (or Haste makes waste), so I doubt this will get better.
5040824
dang i should fix it before publish this story in the first place
First impressions:
It sucks.
Bad.
Like, work on this for another month, or scrap it and start over.
5041635
it was my first chapter and story trying to get the grammar right on the next chapter
5041989
I understand, my first story was AWFUL. But it's important to go over grammar thoroughly, that's the backbone. Get a proofreader if you're not sure you can do it yourself.
I... uh, is English your first language? We have a few translator groups on this site that would be more than happy to assist you with translating this to English better.
If English is your first language, what the heck. Just go ahead and read everything that you wrote out loud. If it still sounds correct to you, please take a few courses in the English language and come back.
5042347
oh no no im okay with english
only the story was the first time i did
5042366 I'm afraid that I must correct you, you are indeed not okay with English. I'm sorry, some people write better than others, but this is nearing illegible. It's not even the fact that this is your first written story, this reads as if you have never written proper English before in your life.
There are also groups here for editors. Please, visit those groups and get a very dedicated editor. Or two. This story really needs editing right now.
I'll even link you to a few:
EditorsRUs
Looking For Editors
The Proofreader Group
Just, please. Get an editor.
5042450
alright ill find an editor for the story
5040463 cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/594751682071692597/189F267C0145699FCDB49DB7A38A852B3945FC92/1024x576.resizedimage
The grammar needs work but im interested in this story take all the time needed to fix it.
5054355
thanks ill try to do my best to fix the grammar
Dude I like your story concept, but work on your FUCKING grammar! I'm having a hard trying to read this with puking my eyes out.
5060711
still trying to fix it
still needing help from editors
Make "i" into I when talking about yourself, also capitalized the "d" in doom guy into capital D. Please get an editor, your writing is just terrible.
5060739
i know still needing helps from the editor
what the heck?
5691961
whats wrong with it?
Really? little help, TAKE IT DAMMIT
Hey, English isn't your first language, is it? Not tryin' to be offensive here, but you kinda made far too many mistakes. If you ever decide to read my comment, then check out the program Grammarly. You might have a better time fixing a few of these errors. It could be that most of them come from rushing, so just slow on down and use that program.
7557655 yeah...the story have soo many mistake this is what i get for not asking people to proofreading before posting the story
for now the story are put on hold for a moment
it would have been better if it was the new Icon of Sin or the Cyberdemon Lord
8065456 originally i was going to put the iconic icon of sin but i decide to change it
Honestly, I prefer using the Project Brutality version of the mod, several brutal weapons to rip and tear with.