Bacon Literally
Today is not going at all as I had planned.
I’m complaining. Goodness, no. I get to spend the day with Prin— With Celestia. The princess was very clear about not using her title like I just did earlier in this sentence, oh for Elysium’s sake, what’s wrong with me?
Deep breath, Twilight. Let it go. Moving on.
Today is not going at all as I had planned. Getting a letter in the morning from Celestia asking me to spend the day with her… well, it didn’t seem like her to be so impulsive. Still, she sent back the correct identity verification code when I asked for it in my reply, so I guess it’s just part of today being what it is.
Still, even then, I wasn’t expecting to putter around the royal gardens. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying it. Summer Shutdown was never a big deal for me, even in Ponyville, but now I’m with Celestia as she… um…
I really don’t have enough experience with earth pony magic to describe what I’m sensing properly. Or in general, really. The wings have been distracting enough; I’ve barely even thought about what else I got out of being vaporized and reconstituted. The best description I can give is that she’s sort of singing a lullaby to every tree and hedge in the garden, starting the months-long process of entering their dormant winter state.
…
I can’t take this anymore. I need to say something.
“Princess? Is this…”
She finishes telling part of the hedge maze’s outer wall that winter is coming and turns to face me with that faintly concerned expression that makes me feel like I kicked a puppy. “Yes, Twilight? Is something wrong?”
Deep breath. Calm in, stress out. Impossible as it is to imagine, you’re kind of, sort of her peer. “Is it really okay for you to do this?”
She takes on that quizzical little frown she always got when I answered a question in an unexpected way. “Everypony should do their part for seasonal transitions. I see no reason to exclude myself from it.”
“Yes, but today is the White Sabbath, when the night takes majority from the day, and when Luna takes on your duties. It’s your one day off all year, and you want to spend it gardening which is a perfectly legitimate hobby, why did I even bring up what you already know and why am I still talking?” I muzzle myself with my magic before I humiliate myself further.
Celestia smiles, and I feel my stress melt. “I do love it when you can answer your own questions. Though I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself in the process.”
I shrug my wings and give a sheepish grin. After a moment, I decide it’s safe to release the energy muzzle. “It’s just, this is only the fourth White Sabbath you’ve gotten to have since Luna returned, your fourth day off in more than a millennium. I’m happy to spend it with you and in whatever way you want. I just wasn’t expecting you to do the same thing as half of Ponyville.”
She nods and moves on to the next portion of maze hedge. “I understand, Twilight. Though I have been able to get a few more vacation days than you may think.”
I blink. “You have?”
“Oh yes.” Her smile becomes fond, but I can see the sorrow in her eyes. I know who she’s thinking of. “Sunset Shimmer discovered the tradition of the White Sabbath long before Luna reinstated it. One year, she insisted I relax for the equinox, that she would serve in my place.” Celestia shakes her head, but the smile’s still there. “I gave her a few hours. When I got back, the throne room was on the edge of a riot and Sunset looked a mess. That yellow mane of hers all askew—“
“Red and yellow.” I bite my lip, but not before the reflexive correction escapes.
Celestia turns to me, the quizzical frown making a return. “I’m sorry?”
Well, might as well bite the bit. “Sunset Shimmer’s mane is striped red and yellow.”
The frown deepens. I feel a weight settle in my stomach. “I remember each of my students over the centuries, Twilight. I should hope I can recall the one who came before you.”
Truth and devotion war in my mind. To my amazement, truth wins. “I should hope I can recall the mare who defeated a trio of sirens and my own crazed analogue.” I realize just who I was correcting and add, “Maybe she dyed her hair?”
Celestia nods after a moment. “Entirely possible.” She turns back to the hedge. “Have you ever helped with Summer Shutdown, Twilight?”
I shake my head, and she starts showing me how to commune with the garden. It’s fascinating, but a small part of me can’t get past Sunset’s mane.
Well, there’s an easy way to solve that.
It’s study hall when my journal buzzes. Ms. Harshwhinny barely even glances up at the glowing, vibrating book. Her usual look of mild distaste intensifies for just a moment before she turns back to the pile of essays she’s grading.
I’m not sure if the reaction says more about me, her, or what’s happened to Canterlot High lately.
Whatever. I can worry about that later. After the Friendship Games, I’m certainly not going to turn away a message from Princess Twilight.
Dear Sunset,
I know this sounds like a random question, but do you dye your
mahair? Princess Celestia was telling me about something that happened when you were her student—nothing bad!—and she mentioned that it was all yellow back then.Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle
I take a moment to process the message. Is this…
Could Celestia really…
I close the history book I was reading and click open a pen.
Dear Twilight,
No, I don’t dye my hair. I… Well, it has to do with my diet.
Your friend,
Sunset Shimmer
I barely need to wait before her reply arrives.
Your diet? What, is your hair made of bacon?
I don’t waste a moment before putting pen to paper.
Dear Princess Twilight,
You now know the real reason why I can never go back home. I know Princess Celestia has forgiven me for going rogue, and even for stealing an Element of Harmony. But my crimes against porcinity are too great for even her mercy. If she ever saw me, she would see how I have been marked by my misdeeds. She would know. She would not be kind.
The worst part is that I can’t stop. There is no more addictive, pernicious substance in this world than bacon. Be grateful that you never tried any while you were human, Twilight. You would be trapped here with me, trapped by chains of shame and grease that grew heavier every day, and you would enjoy every horrible, wonderful, crunchy moment of it.
I won't ask for your forgiveness. I have imposed on that far too much in the past. It is my only hope, and a faint one at that, that you might one day again call me your friend. I’m sorry, Twilight. I’m sorry, but as I said before, I can’t stop.
Humbly,
Sunset ShimmerP. S. Please thank Princess Celestia for the setup. We used to do tag-team pranks like this all the time when I was her student.
And then Twilight charged through the portal after reading the response halfway through, determined to find a cure for bacon addiction. 
Seriously, I'm not sure where this came from. Part of it is probably Luffyiscool's latest Pony Shenanigans. (The bit starting at 8:26, for those who want to cut to the chase.) The rest was just striking while the inspiration was hot and wanting to experiment with first-person present tense.
And yes, Luna gets a Black Sabbath during the vernal equinox.
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I want to hate you so much for this... but I can't stop laughing long enough.
So wait; Celestia and Sunset collaborated on a prank on Twilight, across dimensional barriers, without any planning? Wow. They have Skills.
What the heck Pinkie Pie?! What are you doing under the keyboard?!
(What the heck that image!!
)
Bacon mane.
So worth it!
Delicious, delicious bacon. Not even Fluttershy would be able to resist its charms!
Also, I imagine Luna's Black Sabbath to be filled with metal of various sorts.
hydra-media.cursecdn.com/sunlesssea.gamepedia.com/thumb/8/87/SS_appallingsecretgaz.png/260px-SS_appallingsecretgaz.png
Shhh, no tears. Only bacon now.
Hah!
... and great, now I'm hungry. I think there's some bacon in the fridge...
Hah!
Too bad we don't have a Sunset smiley... Also, it's very appropriate that Luna, the Most Metal Princess of them all, has a Black Sabbath. (We also need a smiley with Lyra throwing the horns. \m/ )
Cue "Forever Pandering" by Ken Ashcroft.
Also, chillax, Sunset. Delicious bacon from a world where they are definitively no sapient is a much better reason to have red hair than, er, the character assasination job I did on you in AW, R. (In my defense, Rainbow Rocks hadn't been announced yet...)
Are Equestrian pigs sapient? If so, someone needs to tell the tale of the famed explorer Christopher Percival Bacon.
The question is, what Black Sabbath song fits Luna the best?
It'd be nice if you did more with your version of Alicorn!Twilight and her learning more about her new body. I always love the way you write Twilight.
6837633
Are you as Unaccountably Peckish as I am? Well, with bacon involved I think there's more than enough accountability... .
6837491
Why would Celestia do something as straightforward as just tell Twilight to relax or Sunset that she still cares about her when there are vastly more entertaining options available?
6837629
She often spends time in the forge and the guards' sparring ring, yes.
6837836
"Bonbon, I need you to make me a bunch of hard candy unicorn horns."
"If I ask why, will I regret it?"
"... Maybe."
(sigh) "I'll get the molds..."
6838349
Huh. Consciously, I'd forgotten about that detail, but I wouldn't put it past myself to have used it as part of my inspiration. My mind does that sort of thing all the time.
I'm almost positive that Equestrian pigs aren't sapient. Almost. At the very least, they've never spoken in canon.
6838514
Why am I so damnably hungry?
Okay, dat last line. But I'm legitimately trying to decide whether I like the story better without it or not, because this is pretty hilarious as a crackfic too.
6933593
Thanks, but it really just works in a setting where there's a seriously high level magic. It may work in normal Equestria, but it obviously doesn't work in the human world.
Well, that was amusing.
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Wait, Flim and Flam have Bacon-Hair back in Equestria...
7569288
Probably best not to think about that too much...
I had no idea how badly I needed this sentence in my life until I read it.
Goddammit, Celestia!
Also, does anybody else not understand what's so great about bacon? I always thought it just tasted like burned, salty meat.
7569288
Probably just the acts of desperation that being so dastardly will drive you to in a setting as optimistic as Equestria.
XD. I can't believe Sunset did that to Twilight. That's hilarious.