• Published 19th Apr 2012
  • 1,540 Views, 17 Comments

Behind Blue Eyes - Sulliman



A young man is thrust into the world of Equestria, learning to adapt and gain control of his hyperactive emotions before they hurt those around him.

  • ...
21
 17
 1,540

Just Your Average Morning

My eyes slowly fluttered open as bright sunlight invaded my room through the small window. I slowly sat up in my bed, twisting my back until there was an audible pop. I let out a small sigh, rubbing the sleep from the eyes and swinging my legs over the side of my small, twin sized bed.

Pushing myself onto my feet, I let my toes grip the soft red carpet beneath me. I walked around my bed and flicked on the light switch. As light illuminated the room, I walked over to my small wood dresser, pulling on one of the small oak knobs and grabbing a pair of underwear.

After procuring a few more clothing items I made my way into the bathroom next door to my bedroom. I turned on the water and shed my nighttime garments, taking a look at myself in the mirror above the sink.

A mess of curly, dark brown hair lay atop my head. Below that was a pair of deep, vibrant blue eyes. A small amount of facial hair had formed above my lip, though only noticeable in direct light. I looked away from the mirror, taking a look at the rest of my features. A slight pudge protruded from my gut, obviously showing that I was a bit overweight.

I scowled and raised my head back up, turning on the shower behind me and quickly jumping in. The water quickly warmed to a comfortable temperature and I began washing myself with a small bar of scented soap.

After my shower I threw on my clothes and walked downstairs. On the way, I took note of the pictures of my parents hanging along the walls of the hallway. I never understood why my dad kept pictures of my mom up after the divorce. I guess it reminded him of a happier time.

Either way, it didn’t really matter. I quickly walked into our living room, plopping myself down on the large red couch in the middle of the room. Taking the remote from the coffee table in front of myself, I tried to turn the TV on but to no avail. I assumed that the cable must have gone out, so I resigned myself to getting a bit more sleep before my day really started.

I lay my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes, intent on getting at least five more minutes before my teacher arrived to shit on my day. Unluckily, I wasn’t able to go back to the oh so sweet world of dreams. I sighed and raised my head off of the couch’s back. Guess I’d just have to wait.

After about ten minutes, my teacher still hadn’t arrived. It wasn’t unlike her to be late once in awhile, probably hungover. “Dumb bitch.” I said to myself as I pulled my Xbox controller out of a nearby drawer. Pressing the button in the middle, I expected the machine across the room to come to life. To my dismay however, the machine let out some disturbing sounds as if the parts inside had been broken to pieces and rubbed together.

“Just fucking great, the piece of shit broke,” I said angrily, sighing and throwing the controller back into the drawer from whence it came. I stood up, stretching my back and walking towards the door of my house. My teacher wouldn’t arrive for a good time at this point, so I had decided to take a walk. I reached the front door of my house and gripped the small, circular handle.

I flung open the door, stepping out into the morning sun. I took a short look around. The same boring suburb in the same boring town. I closed my eyes and shook my head, stepping off of my porch and onto the pathway leading to the sidewalk. Except once my foot touched it, the pathway disappeared. I quickly opened my eyes, pulling my foot back onto the porch.

“What the hell?!” I shouted, staring at the space where the path once lied. Instead there was a gaping black hole, leading to seemingly nothing. The hole began growing, spreading out to the rest of the neighborhood at a rapid pace. First the street was engulfed, then my neighbor’s houses. I was frozen in place as I watched the world be sucked into the never ending darkness before me.

Once I had regained my senses, I spun around to run back into my house. Only my house had also disappeared, the deep black abyss having engulfed it as well. My breathing quickened, noticing the area beneath me begin to be swallowed as well. I tried as best I could to stay on solid ground, but it was inevitable.

I had only enough space to fit one foot on the ground left not gone. I watched intently as the last sliver of my porch disappeared. Then, I fell. I fell, and fell, and fell. I don’t know how long I fell for, or how long it took me to stop screaming. If I had to estimate, I had been falling for around twenty minutes before the light appeared, though I can’t be sure.

It was a blinding light, emanating from seemingly everywhere. It seemed to cradle me as I fell, like I was a babe in the arms of my mother. My descent was slowed, and eventually came to a gradual stop. I looked all around, but the light was too bright to really see anything. After squinting for a minute though, I could make out the silhouette of a figure not far from me. What it was though, I could not tell.

The figure seemed to look back at me, and then it spoke. “I wish you luck on your journey young one.” The voice was heavenly, it’s very essence warming to me core. It was strangely calming, and I found my eyelids growing quite heavy. Soon, my consciousness began to fade, and so did the light.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes shot open, and I took in a large breath. Placing a hand on my chest, I tried to calm myself down and get my breathing under control. After a minute or so, I propped myself up on my hands, my eyes now adjusted to the light. I took a look around, trying to get my bearings. I seemed to be on some sort of hill. There was a tree to my right, and a dirt path leading down the hill. In the distance I could see some houses and what looked like a small town. There was also a small cottage more close the hill I was situated on.

The things around me didn’t look exactly, well normal. Everything was really brightly colored and looked like something out of a cartoon. I raised a hand in front of my face, and even that looked weird! I shook my head, confused as to where exactly I was. Of course, sitting there wasn’t doing me any good. I stood up, brushing the dust off of my jeans, and began walking down the path towards the small cottage nearby. I figured it would be best to head to the nearest residence first and find out where the hell I was.

The walk there wasn’t long, but it was actually kind of pleasant. Even though this place was weird, it wasn’t bad. The sun was warm, the nature was nice, and the air was clean and fresh. It was quite calming, and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the short walk to the cottage. I could feel myself smiling on the way there, my hands sliding into my pockets as I traveled the short way.

As I approached the cottage, I noticed the plethora of animals gathered around it. These things were everywhere. Rabbits, birds, ferrets, you name it and it was probably around this place somewhere. A bunch of them ran away from me as I crossed over a small bridge that ran above a tiny creek. I walked up to the door, which I was almost a foot taller than for some reason, and knocked. The door was in two halves, split horizontally, so I just knocked on the top half.

There was another thing weird about this house as well. For some reason, it looked a lot like a tree. You’d think when most people make a house they try to make it look like an actual house, but not these people apparently.

After waiting for a few minutes, I found no response. As I was about to knock again, I thought I heard something from behind the house. At first I just passed it off as a random animal, but then it got a bit louder and I could swear that someone was singing. I walked around to the side of the house, the voice growing louder as I neared it’s source.

I reached the corner of the house, placing a hand on the rough wooden panelling of the house and peeking my head around the corner. My eyes widened as I took in the sight before me, the source of singing I had heard.

It was a small yellow horse with pink hair and a long pink tail. From the voice I could tell that it was female, and she was had wings. She was flying around on the damn things singing and putting food into bird feeders. I honestly wasn’t sure what to think, so I stood there peering around the corner of the house, just staring at her.

I don’t think she was even saying words while she was singing. Just making “ah” sounds at different pitches. As weird as the situation was though, I had to admit that she had quite the nice voice. Of course that was only in hindsight, as at the time I was too confused to form a coherent thought.

After staring at the strange horse for a while, her singing died down and I was able to think again. Only I made the stupid mistake of opening my mouth to voice my confusion.

“What in the actual fuck?” I thought I had said it a little above a whisper but apparently not, as the small horse turned around and gasped as she saw me. I quickly pulled my head back around the corner, backing away as quickly as I could.

Maybe I should have looked where I was going before I tripped over a large tree root and smacked the back of my head on a rock. The pain was immense, and I could feel my brain rattle around inside my skull as I hit. I brought a hand to the back of my head and touched it, my vision beginning to blur slightly. Bringing my fingers back to my face, I saw a generous amount of blood caked on them. I was able to utter out two words before I lost consciousness.

“Well, fuck.”

Author's Note:

Man it feels good to be back and writing again. Sorry it's been so long everyone. Had a bunch of stuff going on in my life. That combined with laziness made this rewrite getting off the ground take longer than expected.

But hey, I'm back now and that's what matters! I'm hoping to post new chapters on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. School ends in a couple of weeks so it will be manageable for me.

Anyways, feedbacks, criticisms, opinions, please comment with whatever it is you have to say. I love any and all criticisms or mistakes I may have missed. Love ya guys and gals, see ya next week with a new chapter hopefully.

Comments ( 16 )

2636128
Do you feel as though something was missing? I'd love some more elaboration if possible.

hm, this new rewrite definitely takes on a different tone from the other ones, considering there's no scene where the main character beats a bully's face in.

Different. Getting pretty tired of the rewrites. It's better to leave out that bullying part. Much much better.

2636128>>2636590>>2641072
Wow, such a great response so far. It really encourages me to write more.

Seriously though. Only 3 comments and they're all pretty much saying meh.

If you're tired of the story I'll just be done with it.

2643769 ...where is a full version? how long will the rewrite last?

2644073
I have the original version saved on my computer. I don't know how long this re-write will last. I've gotten a few favorites, like 4 or 5, but all my feedback is just kinda meh and there's no criticisms. Idunno, thinking I might just move on from this story.

2644175 Well, I'd like to read the entirety of the original if you please. It can't be too bad, as long as the grammar is ok. As it is, I can't really give a critique of a story that only has 2,000 words or less. What I can tell you is that you have a very interesting start to your story, and that I THINK, the mysterious character with the surrounding warmth is possibly Celestia or another less know Deity, with significant importance to the story. As you haven't gone into the natures of your characters very deeply yet, There isn't much I can say besides to develop them, and the plot-line is almost nonexistent, since you haven't made anything happen yet. I look forward to him meeting the inhabitants of Equestria though.

I'd like to look over your previous writing, if you would please. I will send you my email address in a separate letter if you choose to send me the previous edition. I ask for the previous edition because I can look over it briefly, and address any possible problems in it, maybe even send you a re-edit of it with possible changes noted. (Re-edit of improper grammar and/or spelling, that is). If you would like me to help in this endeavor, I'd be perfectly happy to do so, and would like you to type a return reply to this message in response to whether you will take me up on my offer. If not, then it has been a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

ISA

2644280
I guess I could send you the original, but uh, it's really bad. The grammar is okay, but the story itself is just rushed with zero direction.

And I'm honestly still not sure if I'll continue this story. I might just delete it. It's nothing but a blemish and whenever I look at it I just want to cringe. The whole thing was just bad from the beginning.

2644321 Its nothing if you take the time to develop it. And you can't work a masterpiece from the beginning. It takes time to develop EVERYTHING!

2644330
I'm just kinda fed up with the premise. I'd rather move onto other stuff, but that'll never happen with this in the back of my mind bothering me.

2644334 Then it'll be good to get it out of the way. Of course, It'll probably take over a week to read.

I like the story, but you've re-wrote it 3 times now. It's time to just move on :P

2644334 well if you work on this i will read it i was drawn to this from the first version you had up but just no more rewrites if you dont like the story than just move on

also if you have the original could you send me it i would like to read i again i mean if its no trouble :fluttershysad:

2645820>>2647953
Y'know, I think Cryo is right. It's probably just time for me to move on from this and work on other things.

(Also I lost the original version)

other things like chapter 2-end, not other stories.

Last comment: 114 weeks ago.
Last time the author was online: 77,5 weeks ago.

img.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/this-thread-does-not-deliver.jpg

Login or register to comment