Chapter One: The Summoning
The following Fanfiction is an allegory and contains references to the Bible, let none of the events or ideas described in this Fanfiction offend you nor let it seem as an attack to your beliefs. Proceed reading with caution.
Chapter One:The Summoning
People always used to ask me, ”Why do you watch that show made for girls?”, “Are you gay?”, "Who is the King and/or Queen of Equestria?", and "Does Equestria have a religion?", and also,"Are/How are the princesses immortal?"
Well, I used to just say "I don't know; Equestria's not real, so why bother?" But I'm a religious guy, and seeing the monster who had try to destroy Equestria in the end of Season Four being sent to the Equestria's version of hell began to edge at my mind. And I really wanted to know more about Equestria, but I didn't go to the extent of praying and asking God to send me there--that would be ridiculous!
But it seemed that God had meant for me to go; I was reading Chinese For Dummies and I looked up to the window at my left after seeing movement in the corner of my eye, and I saw a chariot which was bright as can be, and I just felt like I needed to go downstairs and get a better look at it. When I reached the chariot, one of the gleaming golden-white horses connected to the golden-white chariot spoke to me, it kinda freaked me out, but they had said,"Get on the chariot; you are needed as per The Lord."
So I was thinking that I was going to Heaven, and I looked around, holding my head because I was only fifteen, and because two horses had spoken to me. And I began to shed manly tears and I yelled "Bye; I love you!" To my parents whom were somewhere in my apartment, I sniffed, and pulled myself into the glistening chariot. As soon as I got comfortable in the chariot, the horses had began galloping, then flying through gates and trees and houses, in which I began to shout, "OHHHHHHHHHH...Ooo an Xbox--wait OHHH!!" And we suddenly dove into the ground. For a few minutes I could only see the bright-white chariot and horses, but then, we rose out of the ground.
The first thing I thought was "This isn't hell, so that's a good thing." But before I could take good look, we rode vertically up--at an amazing speed--a mountain and over to the other side of it. As soon as we reached the other side, I saw a huge castle in the distance;I thought it looked familiar, but I shrugged it off for now.
We must have been going at least two, no three hundred miles per hour, because we reached what looked like a city which was at least seven miles away in about ten seconds. I had closed my eyes to stop the nauseating blurs I was seeing, until we had started to slow down. It was only then that I realized what the place looked like; it was a really nice-looking city--the houses and buildings were taller than usual and made from a glassy material; and, from what I could remember, there was a train approaching to the left of where we entered the city.
But then the sky started to change; it rapidly became dark and light multiple times, and then I realized that it was the Sun that was moving incredibly fast. Wait WHAT?! I mean, it I’ve went through walls and stuff, but how and why is this happening? I guess it must’ve have been God. But why were we time traveling?
At last, we started to slow down to about ten miles-per-hour, and the Moon stood in the sky in the center; suggesting that we were near the Equator, and that it was about midnight.
We began to slow down a little more as we were reaching a statue of some kind. It seemed as if we were going to stop near the statue, I also noticed that behind the statue there was a huge building, no wait, a castle? I could barely see the castle, except for the light some sort of a giant balcony. “Where was I?”, I asked myself. But something was itching in my mind--there was an extreme familiarity with statue, but I cou-
“OOOHHH! WHAT?!WHHAAAAT?!NO,NO!WHAT?!” I yelled, waving my hands in disbelief.
I was staring at a huge statue of a dragon holding a heart; Spike the Dragon. I was staring at the 15-20 ft. statue for so long that horses had told me that we had stopped, and that this was where I was told to get off. "The Lord has given you the robe that is hanging off the back of the chariot; you are to wear it everyday except Sunday. You are here to turn every speaking creature in the land, air, and sea to fear God. If you sustain your efforts in doing so, you will be rewarded greatly. If you do not try to do what you are commanded, you will die, and your body will lie on top of the statue of Spike the Dragon, and creatures will drink of your blood, and eat your flesh." The right-sided horse said to me as I was looking around. I was still uncomfortable about a horse speaking to me(I guess I'll have to get used to it if I'm in, what I think is Equestria, and since I'm going to convert every living thing to Christianity(How?)), but I grabbed the robe off of the chariot, examined it--I could barely see that it was dark-colored; mostly black, with the exception of a golden cross on the back. I put it on, and it fit very nicely; it wasn't too hot nor cold and it wasn't too big nor small--it was as if it were meant for me.
But my thoughts about robe were interrupted when the chariot began to leave; I screamed "When will I go home?" And the horse on left side turn its head slightly, and said,"You will know when it is time," then the chariot turned up and flew straight into the sky until I could no longer see it.
For a moment, I just stared at where I saw the chariot last, but I turned my attention to my surroundings. I had to do a brief recap of what just happened in the past five-to-seven-minutes.
First, I was learning how to speak Chinese, then I saw a chariot that had the look of Heaven on it, now I'm a prophet/servant/preacher in the world of on of my favorite shows.
Yes? I mean, what am I supposed to think of this? Yes, I'm honored to be chosen by God, but what about my life back at home? I left my family, no; this for God. I will do anything for Him.
And then another thing hit me; how will ponies and everything else react to me? How will I react? And, should I tell them about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?
I looked at my hands, pondering these questions, but then I noticed that the sleeves of my robe had my name written on the with white letters:
E L Y J A H
That's pretty cool, I said to myself.
I noticed yet another thing (I really have to start paying attention); it was really quiet. As quiet as soundproof room. And it was cool out--at least 65 degrees out. No wind, no breeze, no crickets, nobody--just a statue and a castle and a whole city with a small light on at every other building/house. And as I was gazing at the buildings closest to the castle, something moved in the corner of my right eye--in the balcony of the castle(I forgot the name of the castle; it's hard to keep track of a name that kept changing). I quickly turned my head to see who, or what it was, but I only got to see was a(I think) pony trying to hide from my glance. It, or he or she--whatever, looked kind of pink, which for some reason brought to my attention that I had previously screamed in the middle of a silent night, which made me kind of embarrassed.
I was(and am) so used to this game, so I knew better than to just stare away from whomever this was, so I just kept staring until this someone peaked out again. But, to my surprise, this person or thing had taken his/her time to peak back out--about five minutes later was when the creature peaked its head out again--slightly, but enough for me to recognize whom she could possibly be; either Princess Mí Amore Cadenza, Pinkie Pie, or some other pink pony, in respective order of the likeliness.
And then, a feeling of "oh, shoot!" came over me, and I quickly hid behind the statue. I heard faint, inaudible voices, one being distinctly male, and two or three being female. So began to panic, looking for any shortcuts to anywhere people would have a hard time seeing me, and the question "Should I run?" began to flow through my head. I rubbed my hands in an odd way(I do this when I'm nervous) and something odd began to happen(as if everything I've described wasn't); I noticed that the letters of my name began to glow faintly red--like a glow-in-the-dark toy that wasn't exposed to enough light, and then back to white in the course of about five seconds.
I immediately thought, "Well, red usually means stop, or wrong, OOO; or No!" So I stood where I was, and prayed that I wasn't going to get hurt. In the midst of my wondering and waiting, I heard a sound that I can only describe as a mix between the teleportation sound in the zombie mode in Call of Duty, and the splash of a slightly thicker-than-water liquid. Aswell as I saw also a light-pink light shine from behind the statue of Spike and dimly in front of me.
Oh, this has to be Princess Cadenza, or some other pink unicorn. Uhh this is going to be awkward, I thought. Soon, slight footsteps began to come towards me, and I heard whispering.
"What do you think it is?" A feminine voice said.
"I don't know, Cadence, but whatever it is, I'm not letting it hurt you," a male voice said.
For some some reason, I closed my eyes while in a soldier position, like I was a person in a horror film, trying desperately not to get caught.
"...There it is! It's like a standing owl or something!" The apparent Princess Cadenza.
"Watch out, Cadence. I don't want that thing hurting you!" The male pony said.
I slowly opened my eyes, looking towards the two familiar ponies.
"I'm not here to hurt you..." I managed to whisper.
"It talks!" Cadenza yelped.
Shining Armor blocked his wife with his arm--no--his leg.
"Listen here, man, you better not step near Cadence!"
I felt a sense of déjà vu. Almost every story with a character who enters another world has this conversation. I've become one of them.
I slowly began to go on my knees and I said,"You must've been the one I seen in that castle, Cadence, if you both live there, you must be of royalty. Please forgive me for the scare I've given the both of you."
Armor lowered his leg after seeing that I had bowed. I do not how I was able to talk so clearly, but I was thankful for the blessing. I stood slowly back up, so the two ponies in front of me weren't scared, and then I had asked them a question; "I have never been here before; can you direct me to a place in which could stay and rest for the night?"
They both looked at each other, and said;"Excuse us."
Now, I do not know exactly what they had said, but I'm sure it was somewhere along the lines of "You think we can trust it? We don't even know who or what it is and whether or not he's hostile!" And when they were done Princess Cadenza had said;"Um, creature, what is your name?"
I felt like smiling, but I didn't.
"My name is Elyjah Vasquez," I said, shocked at how much confidence I had while I was talking.
Shining Armor glanced back at Princess Cadenza with an vacillating look, and received the same look in return.
I wanted to be removed from this situation, but I just kept thinking, “This is what I am meant to do,” and kept my cool. These royals will not have me killed, that is for sure. But how would the rest of Equestria react to a being like me, from a totally different world, and with an unusually large body structure, entering this world for (what seems to be) the first time? “I shouldn’t worry,” I said to myself, and later, I’d figure out that I was right.
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Don't mind me, I'm just sitting here listening to Rich Girl by Hall and Oates.
4538717 It already came my friend. It already came.
So when you say references from the Bible, you mean it basically centers around it.
NOPE
So, self insert Christ-centric fic?
Would Jesus agree with a teen rating?
how long until Sweetie Belle has to perform fellatio to get out of underground sex dungeon?
I'm not sure if it's a wrong thing or a right thing to ponify the Bible...
Elijah's a better name.
As a Christian who tries to be as respectful as I can to other beliefs, I have one thing to say to this.
This. Was. A. Terrible. Idea.
Wow, there is a word called subtle. If you don't get the point of that statement now, I can't help you. You can't just go around shoving religion into everything. I know that for our faith it is a serious matter, and that in our minds it is life or death, but that's not how everyone sees it at all, and not how we should be reacting to our world. We are trying to spread our good news, and we can't do that by forcing our ideals upon people. We simply try to sow the seeds of kindness, and hope that our actions can help others to what we perceive as the truth.
In all honesty, this is hard. It's very hard to balance your religion and what we are called by it to do with respect for the beliefs and privacy of others. The best way I have found is to simply be there for those who need someone, but I honestly fail more than I succeed. It's part of being human, I fail, I get angry, I don't say what I should have said. It's all about finding the right thing and going with it, even if sometimes the best option is just to wait patiently and be a shoulder.
Making a Christian centered fanfiction is probably not on the list of good ideas. In fact, I generally consider it a bad idea to create a religion-centric anything while on internet sites not related to religion, or unless asked. This is because it then is perceived as an attempt to shove religion down others' throats just by it existing. It may not seem that way to you, but that is how it is being perceived.
Please, remove this fiction. I don't wish to bash you, or to accuse you of blatant flame-mongering, but that is probably all of the attention this story will receive. The internet has a weirdly delicate balance with this sort of thing, and tipping it can't lead to any good. For your sake, and for the sake of cooler heads prevailing, could you please at least un-submit this story? There are other ways to spread the word, most of them considerably more wise than this endeavor. I don't claim to be better or wiser than you; I'm not. I just don't want to see this devolve as it probably will. Good luck to you as an author, and I hope that you find your balance.
Cheers.
I'm not sure about the concept, but trying to spread Jesus through Fimfiction is still awesome. I shall give this story its first like!
4538906 If people would like to hear word of god, they will go to church. My friend, I do not think that holy book needs to be mixed with ponies. If you wish to spread the word, hand out flyers and promote your church in your neighborhood :)
I'll give it a second like, but I believe this was a terrible idea. I am a very strong christian, but I think this story was damned to have many enemies. Still, I would love to see you keep writing it, no matter the feed back.
In fact, I will read this as soon as I can. And God bless all, even the ones who disliked this.
4538992 I need not the blessing of a god, for I am Snuggly! Champion of Freedom!
4539002 Who is your profile picture of? I could swear I've seen it before.
4539004 She is champion of fashion, my friend.
4539006 Fair enough.....
4538922 I don't necessarily think ponifying God is right, but I do think every way possible to spread the Word of God is a good way.
4539082 I agree. With flyers and advertisements and church. whether it is truth or not is for them to decide.
4539088 The Bible says to make disciples of all nations, preaching to everyone possible, not just advertising for a church, so for a Christian, every good way possible is great. Whether this story is a good way or not is debatable.
4538918 To be fair, he or she is not shoving Christianity down anyone's throat, (s)he's merely making a Christianity-centered ponyfic available to those who would like to read such a thing. It's up to those that find this fic to choose to read it or not to, nothing's being forced on anyone.
Don't let anyone tell you that this is bad. It is simply brilliant!
It seems this fic has spawned a religious debate. Hmm...
This story had some clever bible jokes, but it's delivery method I find a little off. There's no need to get so highly descriptive, leave a considerable amount of the story to reader imagination. Remember, writing is show, not tell.
I'll probably keep my eyes out for CH 2
4539184 Thank you, I'm just trying to help out here. God knows I've seen too many religious "debates" devolve into squabbling that serves no purpose and leads nowhere. I may seem a mite hypocritical in my statements, but I just don't want a religious shitstorm here. Thankfully there doesn't seem to be a big one here yet.
I don't understand why people are downvoting this. I'm an atheist, and I find this could be a good story.
4539125 You sir, have stolen the words right out of my mouth.
To the author,
Now I know that there is very strong opposition to any sort of Christian belief out on the vat network of the inter web, but I have to say that this debate in the comments is very hypocritical. People have many stories with gay characters and straight characters. They have racial prejudices and lack thereof. But as soon as any sort of religion other than atheism shows itself it is told that it is wrong and should not show itself every again because it is an idea that is not universal. So what if people don't agree. I don't agree with lots of things but I still listen to them to at least consider the opinions being presented. It's a matter of respect. I think that some people on here that have commented have been very disrespectful to this belief. They came and read this to show that they have very little self control but a very big mouth. It shows that they cannot stand being told that there is another way to think than what they do. Let them be bigoted and judgemental. Let them break their own rules as they try and defame your name. It shows how little they are inside. Write your story and show that you have an idea that is different than the mass of people. I want to hear this story because it shows a view that had not been taken before. Spread the possibility for free thought and expression. They went out if their way to put you down. That means you're doing something right. In the end, we cannot just sit by and let people tell us to think. God will judge us and only he can tell us if we are right or wrong. That last sentence is my opinion but I still think it is true. Just because some disagree with my opinion does not mean I should hide it. It means that I should show why I have my opinion in case others might find something good out of it. I respect anyone's attempt at creating new beautiful things and I applaud your courage to write this. Please continue.
Sincerely,
Tom the bomb
4539731 You speak as if I should throw myself on the floor and BOW to someones beliefs. How about this. A religion must earn the respect that it feels it deserves. Or did you think that any belief system is entitled to respect?
4538842 my dear sir, I think you might have also missed the meaning of the word subtle because there seems to be a lack of it in your response. Please explain to me why writing a story and giving people there possibility of reading it is in any way, "shoving religion into everything" as you put it. He is in no way making anyone read this. The author even goes out of his way to make sure to describe his story as a Christian and bible centered story. None will read this story unless they want to.(Wether the reason be a piqued interest, or to show bigotry) I think that it might not be as effective as other methods but if the author is trying to spread a truth in his mind, let him have his peace. Give him the space he needs to create and enjoy creating. Just because you don't think he will have a good reception for his work does not mean you have to put him down too. We as Christians are called to spread the Word. Not just kindness. Anyone can spread kindness. Only a believer spreads the truth of Jesus. This is because they believe more than just kindness. (In no way am I insinuating that you are not a believer) I just want you to realize that maybe he feels called to express his faith through a story rather than other mediums.
But I still want to thank you for expressing yourself. I do believe that I come across heavy handed sometimes and I don't mean to be. You saw something that made you feel concerned and you spoke out. I may disagree with your opinion but I want you to know that I think you are wrote in the face that there are other possibly more effective ways of expressing our faith in today's society. You are right in the fact that it is hard to express it and balance privacy and I have not mastered that either. Please comment back if you feel that I'm not in my right mind. We all need guidance. :)
4539809 I just think that we need to respect or differences while still holding onto things that we feel like holding onto. Religion is supposed to be a part of us. So at least respectfully give someone space to create what they think is beautiful and expresses their belief. If you want to show that you have a different opinion, start at where you are in agreement and work to where you have diverged in thinking. I find it very interesting to talk about life experiences with people and go back to where I began to believe. Everyone has a story to tell. What do you believe and how did you come to that conclusion?
But no to the second part. There are some beliefs out there that are not acceptable and should not be considered.
4539852 My friend, you tell me this but you call others who might not like to see this stuff on site for ponies bigots. I simply do not see where you draw line. Is it okay for atheist, who honestly see religion as harmful, to be vocal about it? I've seen angry Christians scream of hell to those with opposing beliefs. Should i give them pat on back?
I don't like the defense of "bible tells us to spread truth". Makes it to easy to see negative opinions as bigoted. Other man said keep it in religious forums. I agree. here it is all about pony.This story is like me buying big sack of bibles and going to E3 and preaching and than getting mad at gamers for being annoyed with my preaching.
I have no beliefs. I try to be good person. I try to live rich life. Existence or lack of god does not matter to me. I don't care.
I also don't like bit where you say kindness is just kindness. Go to middle east and spend time in active bomb shelters and then come back to me and tell me how small kindness is compared to truth of bible.
4539822 I probably did show quite the lack of subtlety. Sorry.
On the internet, I have found that all too often people will gravitate towards things involving religion, whether for good or bad intents. Mostly for bad, if the site isn't about religion anyways. Upon seeing the amount of dislikes and negative attention in the comments that the story was already attracting, I decided to speak my mind on the subject. It isn't, in my mind at least, shoving anything down anyone's throats, but to many it seemed to be doing just that.
One of the points that I hoped to express was that anything involving religion on the Internet is often met with nothing but flames and dislike, and with the notion that the person is forcing their religion upon others just by their religiously tied creation existing. I hoped to stop a continually negative spiral in which a lot of things would be regretted, just like on the fic that Rainbow Bob released around Easter that had Jesus in it.
I'm quite relieved that that didn't happen, at least so far. It's actually nothing short of a miracle, considering the groups it is in.
The other point I wanted to express was that this probably won't spread the word very well. This isn't really the right place to go about doing so, in my mind. Sure, we are called to spread the word everywhere, but it's probably not the best idea to toss seeds upon the rocky ground or the sand. The internet isn't the best place because it is so often a place for conflict, where people hide behind shields of anonymity and can scream all they wish.
When it comes to religion, they most often choose to do so, and the original message is lost in the roiling comments section. I feel like it would be better to provide what can be provided, and avoid the sometimes faith-damaging conflict that comes with these things. I do also see your points, however, and have to agree. There is no easy way to spread the word, and no way that can please everyone. Sometimes we do have to take a little risk, and I understand that.
Sigh. Well, at least this wasn't on 4chan, I guess. *shudder. I hope that this fares better than my negative view on it's situation holds.
4539891 I think that I'm doing a very bad job of expressing my opinion. I think that you should be open to talk about your ideas and beliefs. You should make your ideas available in whatever way you see fit. But the minute you start forcing people to listen to you by making so that they cannot escape what you're saying, that is where you draw the line. The author was not saying this on a separate story. They created their own story and allowed people to come and read if they wanted to. And kindness is awesome! It's great! What I was saying was that kindness is not the thing that separates Christians from other believers of different religions and lack thereof. The "truth" as I put it, is the belief that Jesus died. That is what I was talking about as the difference. But I think kindness, no matter what you believe should be practiced. I just think that showing kindness alone is not a Christian expression because everyone should do it. :) doors that make sense?
4539941 Allah have mercy on your soul. Sad part is, all this fuss over pony story. Give it a week and the fic with Fluttershy fisting applebloom with a mace will be biggest hit of this sad little fic site.
4539895 I have to applaud you. I really do. Not very many people have the guts to admit that they could be wrong. And I feel like you could have gone off on me for my wording. I seem to be harsh sometimes. But yes. I do believe that it is very hard to spread any idea without backlash, let alone religion. I guess we just have to search for the best way and try to find it through prayer, reading, talking, thinking, or whatever other method is available. And above all else, wwjd. :)
4539963 yeah... it is sad that there is such a thing like that. I just wish that people could understand, contemplate, and discuss without argument. I feel as if we did a fairly good job though. :) at least I hope so. I wasn't too pushy was I?
I am NOT ponifying The Bible. What I meant by "references to The Bible", is that I am simply going to refer to some of the events in it through certain thoughts of Elyjah. My real name is Elyjah Vasquez, that is why I named the character and Fanfiction "Elyjah".
4540474 Oh, so it's a self insert too
4540551 Yes.
4540567 Just out of interest, how did you think this story was going to be received?
4540579 I expected a feud of some sort, and that is what I got. I did plan to make the best of fanfiction, and like I stated in "read at your own risk".
Yeah, no.
Being a religious guy too; yeah, no, this story, I can not even being to think of it (the idea)
Well um. This is certainly ... something to consider reading. Sometime.
I'm a devout orthodox (Protestant) Christian, and I certainly think it's reasonable to make, if not a "Christian translation" of any given work, at least excellently-written fanfics that are strongly informed by a Christian worldview... just as most would consider it reasonable to write good fanfics that are informed by various other worldviews, or simply other premises. There are quite a lot of fics here that go to some lengths to rewrite the essentially sugarbowl world of MLP in a rather grimdark way, such as Fallout: Equestria, Under a Luminous Sky, Harmony, Take Two, etc. Some do so well, by accepting and adapting the assumptions of both; some, not so much, by running roughshod, but hardly anyone considers that their authors are inherently and seriously misguided in trying to write and share a story that makes such modifications. Or, if they do, they usually simply give the story a miss, rather than downvoting and commenting angrily. So it's apparent that there's something far more significant about writing a blatantly Christian fic that stirs up visceral reactions that go beyond mere avoidance.
All that said, the story description and image frankly do not give me a great deal of hope that this will integrate smoothly. Alien evangelism (i.e. of pony/gryphon/changeling/dragon/donkey/cow/zebra in this case, and whatever else in others) is probably the hardest possible genre to get right, and discernment between legitimate critique of the writing and deeply camouflaged simple hatred of the purpose for writing is hard to do as well. But essential.