• Member Since 12th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen January 19th

ComatoseVEVO


"He's a real Nowhere man Sitting in his Nowhere land Makin his Nowhere plans for Nobody. Doesn't have a point of view knows not where he's going to, isnt he a bit like you and me"~ The Beatles.

T

This is the story of a Chilean survivor of the Conversion Bureaus and his group, follow him as he fights for Earth's freedom and struggles with the problems of being a former Brony. Will he give out and fall to the ponies, leaving his group not only leaderless but defenseless against the Pony threat? Or will he lead them to victory, pushing the ponies back to their forsaken Equestria, and recapture Earth for Mankind ensuring our survival? There's only one way to find out.


Random idea that popped up while reading a TCB story they never say what happened to south america other than it was decimated so I'll stand up for all the proud South Americans. Peace Out
And if you came 'cause you thought it was a Human Element crossover sorry to disappoint you just the pic is from there
Cant add more character tags so....
Princess Cadence, Shining Armor and Solar/Lunar Guards/Soldiers

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 127 )

The concept seems sort of interesting: Being a former brony and now fighting for mankind's survival from ponies.

But the grammar is awful.


5031807 Hey im chilean, and what do you mean by awful, its brittish english not american english XEN0KID revised it for me, and there are a lot other stories with worse grammar, still thanks for the feedback, i might not like half negative comments but you cant get everyone on your side

excuse me, but """""" wn, que es esto?"""""

5031856 my first atempt at a fanfic that got past the moderators, and come on constructive criticism

don't worry, i didn't dislike it, but i feel it way to rushed on the events, and the writting could use improving.

5031816
That is not British English. You spelled it "brittish", which any Brit would say is wrong, "deffendless" is not a word in any language I've ever seen, and neither is "dissapoint".

On top of that, you have run-on sentences that are wrong no matter what continent you're on.

True, there are worse fics grammar-wise, but that doesn't make it okay. There are worse dictators than Kim Jong-Un, but that doesn't make him okay.

5031816
Also "its" in that comment should be "it's", because it is a contraction of "it is".

5031883 and thanks for the catches, i'll polish them later
And could you quote my mistakes, please?

5031898

Seriously? To say it bluntly: your editor sucks.

5031898
Then you have a bad editor. These are obvious mistakes in the description. It's the first thing anyone will see, it should be the best looking part of your story. People might forgive some mistakes buried in the hundreds of words in the story, but in a 250 character description there shouldn't be any obvious mistakes.

5031912 already corrected them, and to be honest i didn't sen my editor the description

5031918

Get your editor in here. We need to talk.

5031898 that they got past and editor doesn't mean they are good, also you are jumping too close of the Ceslestia Tyrant cliche, the protagonist may be a brony but we humans wont give a dam if the ponies start killing our kin in plan to exterminate us, yes we are like that.
i feel bad of killing them?because i knew the pony of the show? "que es eso? no funciona, si vay a hacer un personaje piensa en como se sentiaria el wn, miedo, rabia o frio de mente, el protagonista esta mal hecho"
the part of cadence its regular, not bad but i could be better

it could be better, a lot.

Chilean survivor to the Conversion Bureaus

*of the Conversion Bureaus

freedom and struggle with

*struggles

Will he give out and fall to the ponies? leaving his group not only leaderless but deffenseless

*ponies, leaving
*defenseless

Or will he lead them to victory pushing the ponies back to their forsaken Equestria and recapture Earth for Mankind ensuring our survival? Only one way to find out.

*victory, pushing
*Equestria, and
*There's only one way

happened tho south america

*To South America

5031910 love you too. to be fair, i advised him to wait until about chapter 3 'till release and said i'd go through the entire thing soon to polish all this :fluttershysad:

5031912 he didn't pass me the description :ajbemused:
5031896 i'd use the best grammar with minimal mistakes in the final cut of anything i do, but with commenting i dong think it's essential to proof read my stuff, but thats none of my business :moustache:

Ugh, another human-wank story pissed off about TCB? I swear, these are just as annoying as the misanthropy stories they're made to counter.

5031957

Well first of all, how do you edit? I saw plenty of errors.

5031949 its only the first chapter of the story its too soon to make conclussions but its kinda like that , not entirely so

5031965 tis only the beggining. I would wait if i were you

5031956 thanks gonna apply the changes now

5031968 this is literally a brand new computer i got towards the end of the summer. all i got on here is Steam, chrome, Gimp 2 and a small collection of games. I'm gonna install Word soon but as for the moment I'm using this nifty little box you are using to reply to me, this story, and every other thing you can comment on within this site. its quite shit but it recognises spelling errors, something notepad cant do :applejackunsure:

5031968 mind listing them off? Your comment is not helpful unless i know where i made a mistake

5031965 and i'm not pissed off about TCB i really like the genre, and did you even took the time to read it?

5031957

Even though they were our, enemies

Third sentence of the story. Three sentences in, and there's a stray comma.

more then Hitler did

*than

"Yo, Leo, you okay? - he asked mindlessly chewing pony steak-you seemed rather... gone for a second".

Some quotations are missing there.

Don't worry man, were going

*we're

And this is just the first few paragraphs.

NO, I'M NOT. I'M SITTING HERE POTENTIALLY CHEWING ON A PONY I KNEW FROM THE SHOW, AND GUESS WHAT. IT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLE

Use italics for thoughts.

gone for a second".

Period before quotes.

high of 100,000,000 bits to anypony

Seriously? Anyways don't use numbers.

our hideout twice this week"

Period after week.

Just a few, I'm not going through it all.

5032034 i'm not sure if your aware of this little tid-bit of information, but the FimFiction reply box doesn't check for grammatical inconsistencies. i do all of the grammatical work manually and sometimes errors slip through. i'm only human. and to spot grammatical errors by hand on a 3-inch fucking text box is really fucking hard. i've said this to Shadow, i've said this to Nowhere and i'll say it to you too; i advised nowhere to release this at chapter 3 to give us both more time to look through and iron out these mistakes.

however, Nowhere decided that he would put it up now, and i am not going to bitch about it to him because this is not my story; it's his and he can do what he wants with it. he could've put the initial draft that he first sent to me up here, then you'd be in for a fun time. (no offence Nowhere)

Comment posted by Sauron deleted Sep 21st, 2014

5032089
Why are you reading the story in the reply box? Read it as an unpublished story, and only make corrections in the reply box.

And this is quite a lot of errors, some quite obvious, and as I said before, one in the third sentence. Third Sentence! You should have caught that one at the very least.

5032115 win some you loose some. just like when you mean to click "Add Comment" once but your finger slips or something and it appears twice :ajsmug:

5032120 Exactly!

5032120
Why? I am talking about your story, am I not?

5032127
Actually, that was the result of a bad wifi connection. I clicked add comment, waited a while, nothing happened. I clicked again, both comments appeared.

5032152
Why not just give him the unpublished view password?

5032177 do I have to send you the original draft?

5032185

Sure, I don't care. Though is rather edit this then something that hasn't been partially edited. Plus I have some actual stuff that I need to edit do I can't promise that I'll do it soon.

5032182
On the story editing page, there's a field marked "unpublished view password". It's empty by default. Put anything, or nothing, in it.

PM the link to the story's chapter to your editor, along with a password, if you made one. They can go to the link to view the story. If you set up a password, they will have to enter it to view the story.

5032221 thank you, at least you're being more helpful than ShadowblazeCR

5032230

Just because I'm not telling you how to do things and your not even asking questions has nothing to do with unhelpfullness.

5032246 well what do you expect, im not Pen fucking Stroke, im just an amateur writer, and he is explaining thing i didnt know

5032260

Well you've been here over a year. I would expect you know how to do things.

5032271 as a simple reader, i didnt see it to practise writing, just madeit out of hobby and nothing more, this is my first story and long-term project i want to be known, i dont want to be just someone else you recognize his face, i wanna be known

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!