Pirouette only ever wanted the best for her children-something her life never gave her during her own childhood. She did some things that were...unorthodox and perhaps seen as insane, but she had the right intentions, right? However, it seems like Scatenata ("Scootaloo" )and Pick Pocket don't believe her intentions. She could only wish her children were loyal so maybe she won't be alone during Mother's Day.
This is a look into both future and past of Pirouette and Scatenata's past. A little treat for Mother's day.
Chapters (1)
There was something uniquely abstract about that. Like this gnawing sense of uncertainty.
I like.
4405395 Thanks. I appreciate the feed back :)
Okay, this is a challenge for me...
I like the atmosphere of that story. It feels great. I may have understood pretty much nothing of what was happening on my first reading (and I'm still not sure I've understood much), but I felt really sorry for Pirouette in the end, as well as felt like there was something pretty tragic taking place under my eyes.
So I'm going to tell you what I've understood, what I like, some of what I think I've understood but I am not sure was your intention in the hope you'll give me the keys to understand the story fully, because it caught my attention in a very powerful way.
Just know I do that comment with no ill intention, I just want to discuss about your story and understand it as well as how you built it better.
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First of:
THis is the mark of a good story in my eyes. In detail, knowing what was the term Pirouette was chasing after was the stake of the story when I read it. I focused on it very heavily. So it's great to see that you had given the answer in the very first sentence. Not only that, but it opens the interpretation of an analogy between the mother and the bed (with the whole "punishment" being linked to the bed).
Now one of the things that I threw me off the most were all the names. I'm guilty there, because I read the story without reading the description first, so I didn't know Scatenata was Scootaloo. By the way:
I think it's a typing error, but at some point I was wondering if it was a new pony.
Well, if I try to see, we have:
Pirouette: mother of Scootaloo and Pick Pocket. I still don't know if she is crazy or not.
Fiddlestick: a violin playing mare. Probably a member of the Apple family (country music). The time frame would be funny though if it was the same mare as seen in one of the episodes. First lover of Pirouette.
By the way:
I'm very prone to think Pirouette must be crazy and have done some very violent things in the past...
Octavia Octavia is linked to Fiddlestick and either Pick Pocket or Scootaloo.
It's most likely Octavia was another of Pirouette's lovers.
By the way:
Doesn't the sentence miss a "in" for "in the same silk and bed"? Will also take the opportunity to note the analogy between the mother and the bed is still there. The idea of punishment for the act of love is interesting at that point, because we never really know what happened exactly. It creates that opposition between good and evil in the same sentence and strengthens the weird atmosphere.
Pick Pocket One of the children of the mother. A mare. She is married, but it's not clear whom with. She might also be a lawyer. This part is actually very vague.
Scootaloo Also named Scatenata for some reason ("very wild" in itialian for what I understand), she is the other child and has learned love with Applebloom.
About the whole lawyer thing:
It seems to be indicating that Pick Pocket is the lawyer. The fun thing is that it can be interpretated as the presence of Scnatenat making that of a lawyer necessary (which might explain the wild nickname "Scatenata").
On the whole "Scatenata" thing:
There seem to be a complete opposition between the vision of the mother about Scootaloo (a wild child requiring the presence of a lawyer) and the reality (a pretty shy pony).
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Okay, at this point, my hypothesis is that the mother had no idea how to educate her children and has done it pretty wrong.
This is frightening depending on how it is interpretated.
Yup, very frightening.
Yeah, something quite violent must have happened there... funny thing, it feels less (but is just as much) horrible because they are all mares. What does it say about sterotypes... and social rules in our society.
I have no idea what happened, I don't even think you want the reader to know. Or maybe I just lack the basic knowledge needed to understand it fully. But I understand better how you created that weird atmosphere, that "unease" atmosphere.
As for the structure of the story, I guess it is:
- Pirouette wakes up and remembers her old lovers
- Pirouette remembers her first child
- Transition to say that even if Pick Pocket has left, Scootaloo is still there
- Pirouette ears Scootaloo and Applebloom
- Pirouette flees and see it's mother's day
***
This is a great story, even if I don't understand everything. It's actually part of what makes it great. It might be that nothing harsh really happened. It might be that the mother isn't crazy. It might be that I'm just imagining stuff. But there is so much going on while nothing going on, and so many little details that I can hardly ignore how well thought this all is.
I admit I usually prefer a story that helps me understand, but this one does a great job at giving me a good enough atmosphere to make me forget that I needed to read it ten times to decipher it just a little.
So yeah, maybe not the reaction you were expecting, but that was mine. I like that story. I like it a lot actually. It's way more than the eye will catch at first glance.
And I do think the mother is one of those tragic characters that do what they think is the best, knowing it probably isn't, but knowing no other way to achieve what they want to achieve.
At least there is nothing contradicting that interpretation in the story (that I spotted at least).
4564762 You aren't wrong. You practically hit dead on. I aimed for that after the last time she was shown.I think its the fact we learn things from our family and depend on them, but sometimes they..leave. She herself, I suppose, can’t break from the teachings she was given, and in turn, her children figured the teachings. I suppose, the children knew better.
PS:You remembered Fiddlesticks from episode one? I'm impressed that you got that connection. :D
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Actually, no... the story gave me the idea (a violin playing pony who plays country music) and I remembered the pony from Apple family reunion (S3E8). One google search later, I knew that this pony is named Fiddlestick (or Fiddle Saddle it seems, depending on the source) and has a blue mane.
I love watching the episodes, but I'm certainly not at the point of knowing any background pony there is, far from it.
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Still, I would like to know how you built the comparison between the bed and the mother (how it came to you, how you structured it, etc...)
Also, where Pick Pocket comes from ? And if he is a lawyer and why he is a lawyer.
(the only one I found after google searching (thanks google) is this one:
http://ruaniamh.deviantart.com/art/Pickpocket-290739045
But I'm not sure there is a connection).
You're not obligated to answer those questions. I just would like, as I said, to understand it all better. It is, after all, very well built, so I've got an interest in learning from that.
Oh, and call me obsessed if you want, but I would like to know the backstory leading to this story. I mean, why you decided to write it, if it's not too personal. Because it's emotionally powerful and I wonder if you got personnally invested or were capable of pulling it off without having to resort to deep personal emotions.
4565007 The original reason I chose Fiddlesticks is because I needed a pony that would connect with her abilities. However, I was already hurting myself because I keep creating OCs. So, I used a background pony. I also kind of liked her anyway.
The comparison was created via what happened in my story, The Puppet Maker(Rewriting) and Apple Blossoms. Something did happen in the bed. In fact, it was very traumatizing. I wanted to express what enabled the mother, digging into the past to show what she actually feels. (One character, Check Mate does this, but very briefly)
I wrote it also because I'm interested in psychology. I like researching effects and the sort. I love horror stories too. Though- I haven't encountered one lately. So- I wanted to combine it. Create an intricate world. Originally, it wasn’t even a written story. I wanted a comic similar in style to Japanese horror films.This particular side story came from the undying need to show Pirouette. I loved writing her. I planned a few times, but I couldn't find a ground to put her in. I couldn't find a time period. However-there was a scene I wanted at the end of Apple Blossoms, but I couldn't enter it in. This was the huge scene that I made into one long story. It was taxing because it WAS emotional. I have friends who have parents so separate from their lives. It was my frustration too from hearing so many ramblings with friends just this way towards their parents who-while not crazy, deserve better. They always complain about their parents or families. It was a combination of things, I guess I'm saying (phone rambling)
ps:Pick Pocket was originally a name that I was going to use for a different fanfic. She was a split personality originally only. Though, she turned into her own pony eventually despite everything. Your right-she's Scatenata's (that was actually her real name, Scootaloo being her nickname)older sister. I'm planning a one shot about them based on a scene too. They have..history as you guessed. Scatenata acts like a loner. She and Pirouette have the most character development.
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Thanks for all those answers. It does satisfy my curiosity. The rest, I'll figure out or interpret on my own.
I'll be sur to turn to you if I've got more question though.
4566822 If you have more, feel free to ask :) I will link the full story to you if interested (in visual format of course)
See ya~