You feel a great disturbance in the Fandom, as if fanboys on computers are crying out for "the blood of the waifu stealer" on their keyboards. You immediately ignore this as one homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much.
As you stare at Flash's face, you can't help but feel a disturbance in the Fandom. You start to shake uncontrollably and the Horde (that's your name for your minions) starts to give you worried looks (except Spot, who starts to smile for some reason) as Flash gives you a confused glare. Suddenly, the feeling you had gets so strong that you can barely stand as thousands of voices begin to scream in your head...
KILL THE WAIFU STEALER! BURN HIM IN TARTARUS! LET HIS SOUL BE DEVOURED BY GIYGAS! BURN HIM, KILL IT WITH FIRE! I DON'T LIKE HIS CHARACTER CAUSE IT RUINS MY TWIDASH OTP! HE WAS IN EQUESTRIA GIRLS, SO THAT MEANS HE SUCKS! MORE STUPID REASONS WHY HE SUCKS...
The voices only get louder and more ridiculous the more you stare at Flash. You can't help but start to mumble to yourself,
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
Rover cautiously places his hand on your shoulder and asks,
"Uh Master... ares yous okays?"
You shrug off his hand before your mumbling begins to get louder and louder...
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"
You finally end your insane trance-like state looking towards the cave's ceiling. The Horde and Flash give you disturbed looks as you slowly start to calm yourself down as the voices have finally and thankfully stopped. One homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much. After you calmed yourself down some more, you start to...
Flashback time! *Bugzy moves behind Flash to examine his back*
"Yup, tied up like the rest of him. Now time for some exposition!"
Search every signal inch of Flash's body. As you analyze Flash, he starts to struggle against his binds, You ignore it and decide to see if his wings are tied. Luckily for you, not only is Flash's wings still tied up, the Horde remembered to tie up the limbs of all the guardponies.
Wow, they actually remembered to tie up all the limbs... huh I guess they aren't that stupid after a-
"Fido, me pretty sure CPR not involve a sledgehammer."
I stand corrected... you think in annoyance before you walk back in front of the tied-up Pegasus while thinking,
Yep, this is definitely Flash Sentry. I remember him... (Time for some exposition)!
You remember that during your time foalsitting in Canterlot (and playing hooky during that week-long Changeling assault class), the foal you foalsat for the most was an earth pony colt named First Base who's the little brother of Flash.
From what you remember of Flash, he's a nice kind Pegasus who plays guitar and is a bit of a geek/dork as he loves reading comics. He's also pretty tough as during the Canterlot Invasion, you saw him successfully beat back two squads of changelings so a group of civilians (including his brother and mother) could escape to a secure shelter (you decided to take another path to avoid him... but that path led directly to the Mane 6).
You remember The Orange Thunderbolt, the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies, but you never thought you would meet again. This is the pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Two hundred of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of you.
It might have been the concussion from his swinging you around by the foot, smashing your skull into your brothers, but you swear you saw him pull off a Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist.
You see, you know Flash because, during your foalsitting in Canterlot (and skipping changeling assault class in favor of playing some Saints Row 3 and other games the foals had) the foal you would watch over the most was Flash's Earth Pony little brother, First Base. Little dude was great at playing Baseball, while you were... less than good (by that, you usually ended up hitting yourself with the bat... curse you uncoordinated hooves). He was a nice colt, always full of energy and he loved your references (very few creatures do for some odd reason). Flash wasn't that bad of a stallion either. He was a nice stallion to hang out with (which wasn't often due to his royal guard training) and, from what you can remember, he was always practicing his guitar skills (and you must admit, he's not bad). If he wasn't practicing his guitar, he would often be snout-deep into a comic book, fanfiction, or graphic novel (he's a bit of a dweeb/nerd). (In case you're wondering how a clumsy changeling with an unreliable disguise spell was able to stay undercover for so long, you wore a jacket, a cap, and a bandanna and claimed you had a "condition".)
He's also pretty tough. During your time in Appleloosa, the gossip and rumors from the changeling hives you occasionally heard (you're still confused how that gossip got all the way to your isolated town) would occasionally mention, "The Orange Thunderbolt"; the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies. The pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Three platoons of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of them with the Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist. You knew these rumors were greatly exaggerated, but the true story was nothing to sneeze at. During the invasion of Canterlot (NOT Dodge Junction) you remember seeing him fiercely beating back two squads of changelings just so that a group of civilians (including his mother and little brother) could successfully escape. You, being the only changeling at the time to have the sense to NOT go attack the stallion who's single-hoofedly holding off over a dozen-and-a-half changelings, decided to go down another path. Of course that led you the mane six, and we all know how that song and dance went...
After remembering all that information for some weird reason, you realize that Flash has been glaring at you this whole time, so you ask him,
"What is there something on my face- I mean, hood?"
Flash just glares at you before saying...
Flash immediately recognizes you as "The Hooded Offender" and says he was one of the Royal Guards there when you threatened the princesses.You then ask Flash if he approves of Luna ordering the execution of foals and Flash responds with a disgusted response.
"I remember you, you're the Hooded Offender! You were the thing that threatened the princesses back at the castle! You're the reason why four of my squadmates were stuck in counseling for a week!"
You look at him in shock, but then you realize that he must have been one of the guards you blew back at the castle so you ask in a serious tone,
"Oh, so you were there when Princess Luna ordered the hanging of a helpless little filly? *snap* Are you just another mindless drone who agrees with her?!"
By the end of your speech, your eyes are glowing orange once again causing Rover to take a nervous step back from you. Flash gives a disgusted look and responds,
"NO! I don't agree with her suggestion at all! Nopony did! Especially not Princess Celestia!"
You look at him in shock before you decide to play along with the 'I remember you' idea by doing... science!
>> forevertheDoctor You use a menacing voice.
"Oh.
It's you.
It's been a long time.
How have you been?
I've been really busy being dead.
You know.
After you murdered me."
"I did what?" You pick him up by the throat (How are you doing this?) "OH NONONO!" You lift him up off the ground and he starts choking.
"Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us." You throw him down into a puddle. "For science." He looks up at you with disgust.
"You monster." Your voice switches back to normal.
"HEEEEY! You got the reference! Maybe you're not so bad after all!"
Everyling looks at you blankly.
"You know, portal 2?"
"Me get it." Dig Dog No.2 says.
"Anyling?"
"Me get it!" He repeats.
"Oh, COME ON! The cake is a lie!" You throw the remaining half of a cake in Flash Sentry's face and do an evil laugh.
You give off a menacing chuckle before saying in a robotic (somehow) monotone voice,
"Oh... it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me!"
The Diamond dogs gasp and begin to growl at Flash for what you just said while Flash just gives you a confused look before saying,
"I did what?"
You ignore him and you just pick him up by the throat (how are you doing this with hooves?). Flash starts to struggle in your grasp as you lift him off the ground, causing him to choke a little bit before you continue,
"Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us..."
You throw him down into a puddle causing him to start gasping for air.
"For science."
He looks up at you with disgust and... finishes your reference!?!!?
"You monster."
You look at him in shock before you say in your normal voice,
"HEEEEY! You actually got that reference! Your not so bad after all."
Of course I know he's not so bad, but I need to stay in character... Wait, why am I thinking this?
Sadly, everyling else in the room just gives you guys blank stares. You and Flash both sigh in annoyance before you both say,
"You know, Portal 2?"
One of the Dig Dogs raises his paw and says, "Me gets it."
You don't hear him because you and Flash are both annoyed and confused that you both said the same thing at the same time. The Dig Dog is about to speak again, but you get impatient and yell,
You then grab the cake off the ground and yell,
"The cake is a lie!" *splat*
Before throwing the cake into Flash's face before chuckling evilly. You then decide to get down to business, which is...
You knew nothing about manageing a large group of dogs or ponys for that matter infact you where kinda baseing everything of evil movies and that one game where you take over citys with your gang...... What was it? Hmm.... You really need to get these,dogs in purple...... But first you had to deal with your prisoners. Looking around the,cave you where in you remember something your hours playing video games and movies has tught you: thier was always a place for intruders. Looking at the dimand dog to your left you make up a random name in your head and say " you! Throw them in the pit!!!" All the dogs gasp and a few the gurds just now getting up looked somewhat spooked. You honestly diddint think they had a place called that. You lean to your left and whisper to one of the dogs " whats the pit?" The dog whispers back "its our wost punishment master, its when we lock you in a dark room and force you to wach all four sesons of my little human." Your eyes widened that was truly the sadtistic! You couldent.....but you would. "take the others to a secure place. This ones going to the pit-" you swallow hard as you point to flash sentry"-with me!"
To hurry up and lock up the guards as they look like they're waking up. So, thinking of every bad guy cliiche, you point at a random Dig dog and order,
"You! Throw these prisoners into the pit!"
Your order is met with horrified gasps from the Horde (even from the formally unconscious Dig Dog who fortunately woke up before Fido could bring down the sledgehammer on his chest).
Wow, they actually have a pit... I was just guessing there.
You then lean over to Rover and whisper,
"What's the pit?"
The dog whispers back,
"It our worst punishment master, it when we lock you in dark room and force you to watch all four seasons of My Little Human."
Your eyes widen in horror and you can't help but feel like puking while thinking,
That's... That's sadistic all the way! I couldn't... and I won't! I may be keeping up a fake image of a supervillain, but NOLING deserves that fate!
You decide to quickly cough and say,
"On second thought, just throw them into some cells, but leave the leader here."
You assume that the commander is the only unicorn here, so The Horde drags off the prisoners (including Flash) as the leader slowly starts to wake up (after you put his hoof in warm water... heheheh) you can't help but think,
Lady luck, if you have any remaining respect for me, please let this interrogation go by quickly and easily.
With that, the leader wakes up, with wet armor down there... hehehehe.
What do you do?
[[I know I posted this in the last chapter, but I'll post it again! MU-HAHAHAHAHAHA just because I'm that kind of piece of shit! lol]]
As you're told the princess is coming to get the guards you smile widely know she's coming to you! so you order your dogs to get you a rug, lamp, currents, spinning chair and a wooden desk and set it up like an old mod bosses office. Then once there done you tell them to go into defense formation. You pull a tied up Flash next to(and behind) your desk, you sit down and wait for the princess with the back of you r chair to the door. You hear her enter, you spin your chair to face her hooves folded, and say "ahhh, princess I see you're here... Welcome". "You!" she says "Yes ME the hooded Offender!" "Why did you attack my guards!" she ask strait to the point. "It's simple a bargaining chip, I hidden then in the catacombs only I know where they are so, please lets talk like civilized ponies/outlaws." You offer her a chair, she sits down. (negotiation proceed about Nightshade the guards and anything else you see fit)
Questions:
-How many Royal Guards are left in Ponyville? ("You'll never get me to say the Princess only has two Pegasus Royal Guards left in Ponyville!")
-Where is Princess Cadance?
-Why does Princess Luna want to kill Nightshade?
-Why did you (Strong Head) keep his squad from retreating? (Strong Head is a pompous arrogant stubborn officer who believes that lesser ranks must ALWAYS blindly follow orders even if the orders are immoral, illegal, or even just stupid)
-Something regarding the Grand Galloping Gala.
Questions (these questions are just references so instead of being answered, the Guardponies are just confused)
-Is a pony not entitled to the sweat of his brow?
-Aren't you a little short for a Royal Guardpony?
-Who is John Galt?
-Why so serious?
-"Hey [insert name], what are you rebelling against?” “What you got?”
-Obligatory Monty Python reference:
You try to interrogate the leader (Second Lieutenant Strong Head), but you quickly find that he's an insufferably arrogant pompous unicorn (think a bit of Zapp Brannigan from Futurama) and end up ordering the Horde to whack him on the head whenever he says something stupid (you give the minions free rein to decide what counts as "stupid") Some examples of things he may say:
-"My stallions will never talk, not even under torture. Go torture them instead and see! Cowards deserve it for failing!"
-"Some of them may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make!"
-"You'll never get me to say the Princess only has two Pegasus Royal Guards left in Ponyville!"
--NOTE: Maybe you barely put up with his stubbornness until he makes an offhand threat/insult towards Nightshade which causes you to go "glowing-orange eyes" and slam him into a wall, holding him off the ground against the wall with your hoof pressing against his throat as you threaten him
More coup attempts from Spot
Potential Interrogation Methods
-A Diamond Dog scratches on cave wall (think nails on a chalkboard), but even you find that appallingly annoying and order him never to do that again
-Ask politely using How to be A Gentle Colt 101
--("I have no desire nor inclination for inflicting harm most foul on your persons, so I implore you gentlecolts to disclose any beneficially enlightening information." Translation: "I don't want to hurt you guys, so please tell me what I want to know.")
--("If my current state of much-justified petulance permits me to press the point" [insert question], Translation:"Pardon my temper, but" [insert question])
-Having the Diamond Dogs eat in front of them
-Fido finds a poetry book on one of the guards and you have him try to read the poems out loud (given the Diamond Dog's illiteracy and poor grammar, this is almost like reading Vogon poetry)
Getting a semblance of an idea, you have your minions steal sewing supplies, scrap metal, and earplugs from Ponyville.
Realize the situation is getting a bit out of control and go see Fluttershy (after ordering your minions to guard the prisoners of course)
-------------
Worst movie of 2014: The Other Woman. It's pretty much if Adam Sandler tried to make a chick flick as it has odd pacing, crude sexual and toilet humor, and idiotic/mediocre characters. Only reason I saw it was because they we're handing out free screening passes.
Interrogation you say? Is that anything like... an inquisition? If it is, then you must do it in a way, that he would never expect.
Other ideas:
- Slapping Stronghead with wet noodles.
- Making him wear less than fashionable clothes.
- Forcing him to inhale aromas from scented candles.
- And finally, *shiver* making him listen to a Justin Beatbox (Bieber) album on a five hour loop. (this should be what finally breaks him)
Also, what exactly are we trying to find out from this guy anyway?
Use Nightshade's D'aww face to convince him to tell you EVERYTHING!
Bugze paces back and forth in front of the leader.
"Huh?" The leader asks.
In a foreboding voice:
"Oh....so...you be up young one......" You began but suddenly trail of in a dark laugh.
"W-who-Who are you?" He shakes.
"Me?" You question but grin like a sadist only to laugh again. "Why I am darkness......I am Destruction.....I am Revenge......I am Fear....I....AM...YOUR.....FATHER!!!!!!!"
you decided to end in a space hooves reference.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The leader screams
"....Tell me......" You began
"T-tell you w-what?"
"WHAT'S THE RECIPE FOR THE SUPREME CAKE!!!!"
"......"
Silence.....your only met with silence.
"NEVER!!!!! I WILL NEVER TELL YOU THE RECIPE FOR THE PRINCESSES PRIZED CAKE!!!!!!"
"OH BUT YOU WILL!!!!"
"I WILL NOT!"
"THEN YOU SHALL SUFFER!"
"NO I WILL NOT!"
"dude, who's your captor? Me or you? I say you suffer you suffer!"
"Why would i suffer?"
"Cuz i want Cake!"
"The cake belongs to princess Celestia"
"Fat ass" you whisper under your breath, he didn't hear you but still said.
"Did you just insult the princess?"
"No"
"I'm pretty sure you did"
"How would you know?"
"My Captain sense is tingling!"
"HEY! YOU STOLL THAT FROM SPIDER-MARE!"
"NO I DIDN'T!!!"
"Yea ya did"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
que spit in face.
"DUDE! that's discussing!"
"SO?"
you just sigh
"SPOT!"
The idiot runs in
"Yes master?"
"Take him to the.....DRANGON!
"NO NOT THE DRANGON!" Spot gasps. ".....um....master....?"
"Yes Spot?"
"....What's the Drangon?"
".......i.......don't know....."
Que animated fall from captain and idiot.
"Eh! just take him to the rest of um!"
(I like Nomad 360's idea so just go with that! after words! )
You just had to ask. You couldn't leave well enough alone. You had to send me to that dark place I've tried to forget. You had to make me think of the film that crushed my heart and soul and childhood.
Oh DWC, you know not what you've done...
I posted this in a forum back in May, and I stand by every word.
WARNING:
What follows is the unfiltered release of rage that has built over the last near-48 hours. You have been warned.
The new Godzilla move ing SUCKS! I prefer the 1998 one. Yes, I know how insane that sounds, and yes, I am serious. That movie might have been Godzilla in Name Only, but this was Godzilla with no Soul, Heart, or Effort.
At least 1998 had to common sense not to kill the best actor in the whole thing. Seriously, Bryan Cranston could have carried the whole thing and he's killed off in the first half hour or so. Ken Watanabe is stuck making his death face from The Last Samurai for the whole movie, and no one else is any better.
Godzilla himself is pathetic. The director seems to think no one goes to see a Godzilla movie to see Godzilla. The first time we see him, he confronts another giant monster, roars, and THE ING MOVIE CUTS AWAY! All we see are a few second of fight footage on CNN! The other monster gets away some-ing-how and Godzilla spends the rest of the movie chasing it.
That happens three times! Godzilla catches up to the monster after Ken Watanabe delivers his only halfway decent line, "Let them fight," and the movie cuts away from the fight! They show us the entire HALO jump from the trailer! A bigger monster shows up, Godzilla grabs it by the throat and smashes it into a building, AND THE MOVIE CUTS A-ING-WAY! A slow burn is only effective if there's actually an EXPLOSION afterwards!
And the fire breath...no. Just no. It's no bigger than a lightsaber. From Godzilla. The fire breath is iconic. What would happen if Woverine only had one claw on each hand, each one only two inches long?
It's supposed to be forceful. It's his go-to move. It's Nature's fury unleashed. It's ironic. It's Nature saying, "You made this monster, humanity. Your atomic bomb did this, now reap what you've sown." It has no force. It has no impact. It has no fire. It has no energy. It really describes the entire movie.
The bigger monster that Godzilla fights actually reacts more to military rocket launchers than it does to the fire breath. I'm going to repeat that.
THE ING MILITARY IS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN GODZILLA!
That is just offensive.
I paid to see Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li. I paid to see Dragonball Evolution. I paid to see Meet the Spartans. I paid to see Godzilla.
I am only ashamed to admit Godzilla.
4742532 So... got any suggestions for next episode?
Your eyes glow blue and you scream at the leader.
"WHY DID YOU KILL YOUR HUSBAND?!" you scream.
Silence.
"Supernatural!" you explain.
Silence.
"(Gasp!) YOU UNCULTURED SWINES!" you scream.
4742174
You call that torture? This is torture!
4746701 i know something far far far worse imagine a crappy mexican christmas movie from 1956 where the antagonist a guy with red facepaint and a skintight red bodysuit claiming to be the devil
LMAO!!! I live for this!