//------------------------------// // [FIXED] Episode 59: THE CAKE IS A LIE!!! // Story: The Life of a Wanted Changeling (Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// You feel a great disturbance in the Fandom, as if fanboys on computers are crying out for "the blood of the waifu stealer" on their keyboards. You immediately ignore this as one homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much. As you stare at Flash's face, you can't help but feel a disturbance in the Fandom. You start to shake uncontrollably and the Horde (that's your name for your minions) starts to give you worried looks (except Spot, who starts to smile for some reason) as Flash gives you a confused glare. Suddenly, the feeling you had gets so strong that you can barely stand as thousands of voices begin to scream in your head... KILL THE WAIFU STEALER! BURN HIM IN TARTARUS! LET HIS SOUL BE DEVOURED BY GIYGAS! BURN HIM, KILL IT WITH FIRE! I DON'T LIKE HIS CHARACTER CAUSE IT RUINS MY TWIDASH OTP! HE WAS IN EQUESTRIA GIRLS, SO THAT MEANS HE SUCKS! MORE STUPID REASONS WHY HE SUCKS... The voices only get louder and more ridiculous the more you stare at Flash. You can't help but start to mumble to yourself, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..." Rover cautiously places his hand on your shoulder and asks, "Uh Master... ares yous okays?" You shrug off his hand before your mumbling begins to get louder and louder... "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" You finally end your insane trance-like state looking towards the cave's ceiling. The Horde and Flash give you disturbed looks as you slowly start to calm yourself down as the voices have finally and thankfully stopped. One homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much. After you calmed yourself down some more, you start to... Flashback time! *Bugzy moves behind Flash to examine his back* "Yup, tied up like the rest of him. Now time for some exposition!" Search every signal inch of Flash's body. As you analyze Flash, he starts to struggle against his binds, You ignore it and decide to see if his wings are tied. Luckily for you, not only is Flash's wings still tied up, the Horde remembered to tie up the limbs of all the guardponies. Wow, they actually remembered to tie up all the limbs... huh I guess they aren't that stupid after a- "Fido, me pretty sure CPR not involve a sledgehammer." I stand corrected... you think in annoyance before you walk back in front of the tied-up Pegasus while thinking, Yep, this is definitely Flash Sentry. I remember him... (Time for some exposition)! You remember that during your time foalsitting in Canterlot (and playing hooky during that week-long Changeling assault class), the foal you foalsat for the most was an earth pony colt named First Base who's the little brother of Flash. From what you remember of Flash, he's a nice kind Pegasus who plays guitar and is a bit of a geek/dork as he loves reading comics. He's also pretty tough as during the Canterlot Invasion, you saw him successfully beat back two squads of changelings so a group of civilians (including his brother and mother) could escape to a secure shelter (you decided to take another path to avoid him... but that path led directly to the Mane 6). You remember The Orange Thunderbolt, the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies, but you never thought you would meet again. This is the pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Two hundred of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of you. It might have been the concussion from his swinging you around by the foot, smashing your skull into your brothers, but you swear you saw him pull off a Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist. You see, you know Flash because, during your foalsitting in Canterlot (and skipping changeling assault class in favor of playing some Saints Row 3 and other games the foals had) the foal you would watch over the most was Flash's Earth Pony little brother, First Base. Little dude was great at playing Baseball, while you were... less than good (by that, you usually ended up hitting yourself with the bat... curse you uncoordinated hooves). He was a nice colt, always full of energy and he loved your references (very few creatures do for some odd reason). Flash wasn't that bad of a stallion either. He was a nice stallion to hang out with (which wasn't often due to his royal guard training) and, from what you can remember, he was always practicing his guitar skills (and you must admit, he's not bad). If he wasn't practicing his guitar, he would often be snout-deep into a comic book, fanfiction, or graphic novel (he's a bit of a dweeb/nerd). (In case you're wondering how a clumsy changeling with an unreliable disguise spell was able to stay undercover for so long, you wore a jacket, a cap, and a bandanna and claimed you had a "condition".) He's also pretty tough. During your time in Appleloosa, the gossip and rumors from the changeling hives you occasionally heard (you're still confused how that gossip got all the way to your isolated town) would occasionally mention, "The Orange Thunderbolt"; the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies. The pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Three platoons of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of them with the Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist. You knew these rumors were greatly exaggerated, but the true story was nothing to sneeze at. During the invasion of Canterlot (NOT Dodge Junction) you remember seeing him fiercely beating back two squads of changelings just so that a group of civilians (including his mother and little brother) could successfully escape. You, being the only changeling at the time to have the sense to NOT go attack the stallion who's single-hoofedly holding off over a dozen-and-a-half changelings, decided to go down another path. Of course that led you the mane six, and we all know how that song and dance went... After remembering all that information for some weird reason, you realize that Flash has been glaring at you this whole time, so you ask him, "What is there something on my face- I mean, hood?" Flash just glares at you before saying... Flash immediately recognizes you as "The Hooded Offender" and says he was one of the Royal Guards there when you threatened the princesses.You then ask Flash if he approves of Luna ordering the execution of foals and Flash responds with a disgusted response. "I remember you, you're the Hooded Offender! You were the thing that threatened the princesses back at the castle! You're the reason why four of my squadmates were stuck in counseling for a week!" You look at him in shock, but then you realize that he must have been one of the guards you blew back at the castle so you ask in a serious tone, "Oh, so you were there when Princess Luna ordered the hanging of a helpless little filly? *snap* Are you just another mindless drone who agrees with her?!" By the end of your speech, your eyes are glowing orange once again causing Rover to take a nervous step back from you. Flash gives a disgusted look and responds, "NO! I don't agree with her suggestion at all! Nopony did! Especially not Princess Celestia!" You look at him in shock before you decide to play along with the 'I remember you' idea by doing... science! >> forevertheDoctor You use a menacing voice. "Oh. It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know. After you murdered me." "I did what?" You pick him up by the throat (How are you doing this?) "OH NONONO!" You lift him up off the ground and he starts choking. "Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us." You throw him down into a puddle. "For science." He looks up at you with disgust. "You monster." Your voice switches back to normal. "HEEEEY! You got the reference! Maybe you're not so bad after all!" Everyling looks at you blankly. "You know, portal 2?" "Me get it." Dig Dog No.2 says. "Anyling?" "Me get it!" He repeats. "Oh, COME ON! The cake is a lie!" You throw the remaining half of a cake in Flash Sentry's face and do an evil laugh. You give off a menacing chuckle before saying in a robotic (somehow) monotone voice, "Oh... it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me!" The Diamond dogs gasp and begin to growl at Flash for what you just said while Flash just gives you a confused look before saying, "I did what?" You ignore him and you just pick him up by the throat (how are you doing this with hooves?). Flash starts to struggle in your grasp as you lift him off the ground, causing him to choke a little bit before you continue, "Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us..." You throw him down into a puddle causing him to start gasping for air. "For science." He looks up at you with disgust and... finishes your reference!?!!? "You monster." You look at him in shock before you say in your normal voice, "HEEEEY! You actually got that reference! Your not so bad after all." Of course I know he's not so bad, but I need to stay in character... Wait, why am I thinking this? Sadly, everyling else in the room just gives you guys blank stares. You and Flash both sigh in annoyance before you both say, "You know, Portal 2?" One of the Dig Dogs raises his paw and says, "Me gets it." You don't hear him because you and Flash are both annoyed and confused that you both said the same thing at the same time. The Dig Dog is about to speak again, but you get impatient and yell, "Oh, COME ON!" You then grab the cake off the ground and yell, "The cake is a lie!" *splat* Before throwing the cake into Flash's face before chuckling evilly. You then decide to get down to business, which is... You knew nothing about manageing a large group of dogs or ponys for that matter infact you where kinda baseing everything of evil movies and that one game where you take over citys with your gang...... What was it? Hmm.... You really need to get these,dogs in purple...... But first you had to deal with your prisoners. Looking around the,cave you where in you remember something your hours playing video games and movies has tught you: thier was always a place for intruders. Looking at the dimand dog to your left you make up a random name in your head and say " you! Throw them in the pit!!!" All the dogs gasp and a few the gurds just now getting up looked somewhat spooked. You honestly diddint think they had a place called that. You lean to your left and whisper to one of the dogs " whats the pit?" The dog whispers back "its our wost punishment master, its when we lock you in a dark room and force you to wach all four sesons of my little human." Your eyes widened that was truly the sadtistic! You couldent.....but you would. "take the others to a secure place. This ones going to the pit-" you swallow hard as you point to flash sentry"-with me!" To hurry up and lock up the guards as they look like they're waking up. So, thinking of every bad guy cliiche, you point at a random Dig dog and order, "You! Throw these prisoners into the pit!" Your order is met with horrified gasps from the Horde (even from the formally unconscious Dig Dog who fortunately woke up before Fido could bring down the sledgehammer on his chest). Wow, they actually have a pit... I was just guessing there. You then lean over to Rover and whisper, "What's the pit?" The dog whispers back, "It our worst punishment master, it when we lock you in dark room and force you to watch all four seasons of My Little Human." Your eyes widen in horror and you can't help but feel like puking while thinking, That's... That's sadistic all the way! I couldn't... and I won't! I may be keeping up a fake image of a supervillain, but NOLING deserves that fate! You decide to quickly cough and say, "On second thought, just throw them into some cells, but leave the leader here." You assume that the commander is the only unicorn here, so The Horde drags off the prisoners (including Flash) as the leader slowly starts to wake up (after you put his hoof in warm water... heheheh) you can't help but think, Lady luck, if you have any remaining respect for me, please let this interrogation go by quickly and easily. With that, the leader wakes up, with wet armor down there... hehehehe. What do you do?