• Published 8th Apr 2014
  • 1,078 Views, 15 Comments

Trend in the Hoof - Part 1 - DashieReviews



Rarity is still overcoming that one of her favorite fashion designers falls for AJ. And she feels like her life could be a never-ending tragedy if she doesn't confess to Trenderhoof why she avoids him.

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The worst kind of Introduction (not really)

Picture this, Sunny day, Fluffy clouds, Birds singing, Rarity screaming. Ahhhhh, the perfect kind of day, all nice and calm... WAIT WHAT?!

KNOCK KNOCK!!

"Come in, Darling!" Shouted Rarity. Not even looking at the door to see who it was and judging by her concentration, she didn't really care. The door opened, it was just Fluttershy. If it was your ordinary customer Rarity would be out her seat by now, showing them her fabulous designs. Fluttershy came trotting in, with Angel-Bunny closely following her and then closing the door.
"Have a seat Fluttershy" Rarity then caught eye of Angel standing on the floor, looking like he was waiting for a personal invitation. DEAR ANGEL-BUNNY,

I AM INVITING YOU TO COME AND SIT ON A CHAIR WITH FLUTTERSHY AND I.

MANY THANKS, RARITY XXXX Rarity patted the seat and then Angel hopped up and sat scowling at the wall. Rarity took her glassed off and placed them on the side-table, she then asked Fluttershy,
"What brings you here then, dear?". Rarity then looked at Fluttershy, she had brought a saddle bag. It's not often that Fluttershy brings a saddle bag round to the boutique. The bag was half open, there was a newspaper inside. Oh no... the headline read,

TrenderHoof Returns!!

Famous designer, Trenderhoof is visiting Ponyville and will be seeking more talent to help out with his fashion line; 'Ponies in the Ville.Trenderhoof had stated,

I am looking for style and grace to complete the masterpiece and fix a stitch in my quilt of fame.

Any pony interested in entering with their designs feel free to sign up at Mayor Mare's office.

Reoprter Pony,
Reporter pony of Ponyville daily



"Oh, look Rarity its your..." Fluttershy was pointing at the headline and the picture of TrenderHoof.


"GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!" Rarity wailed, shoving the news article away from her sight. Fluttershy looked confused at her friend who had just disposed of what (she still thought.) she loved. Fluttershy turned round and asked and asked Rarity,
"Does Trenderhoof still like you? And do you know if he's here for a reason?" Fluttershy picked up the paper and gently placed it back in her saddle bag.
"Does he still like AppleJack?" she continued. Rarity was now looking Fluttershy in the eyes, wide open eyes staring into the shy ponies' eyes. Fluttershy started to back away, incase of any sudden anger with Rarity.
"Yes... he does" Rarity replied. Getting all watery and filling up with tears. She lay down on one of her crimson-pink 'drama seats'.

"It's still not fair!!! Trenderhoof has already left Ponyville but stil Loves AppleJack!" Rarity shouted, whilst also kicking and wailing on the 'Drama seat'*.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Fluttershy dear, could you get the door?" Rarity asked.
"Oh... um, Rarity" said Fluttershy
"Yes darling?" Rarity paused half-way through her tantrum just to reply. She sat up to look at Fluttershy.
"Guess who's here..." Fluttershy said, trying to look as innocent as possible. Rarity's face wasn't the prettiest for the pony she was about to greet...

TRENDERHOOF

"Please, come in" Rarity said, trying to look as promising as possible. She trotted over to him and she shown him a seat. Then Rarity asked Fluttershy if she could leave and let her 'handle' this big object sitting in her botique. Rarity already knew about the new fashion line and was already working on it. She pulled out racks and racks of dresses and decided to 'walk them all'. Trenderhoof only payed attention for a couple of seconds. Because just as Rarity was doing her fourth dress for him, she walked in...
"Hey y'all. Rarity, Trenderhoof nice to see you!" Applejack said, feeling like she was as happy as can be, for the moment. AppleJack quickly ran over to Rarity and whispered in her ear,
"What is Trenderhoof doing here? He's not supposed to be in town 'till tomorrow." Rarity then explained to AppleJack the entire story, only then did she understand. So AppleJack sat down and watched as Rarity 'walked' the rest of her dresses. For example,

Art Critique

Tea Party Hostess

And her personal best,
Seasonal Flow

When Rarity had finished Trenderhoof showed some appreciation by clapping and cheering for her, just because AppleJack was! Trenderhoof walked over to Rarity and asked her a question that she would wait a million years for,
"Rarity, may i ask?" Trenderhoof put a really nice smile upon his face. Rarity turned round and replied,
"Yes you may," Trenderhoof took a deep breath. And asked her,
"Could I get premission to take these dresses and use them for my new fashion line, Ponies in the Ville?" Rarity was speechless of what her idol had just asked her. Trenderhoof was about to leave when he turned back around to add something,
"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. AppleJack will be modeling for me at the next show." AppleJack had no idea about this and she got such a fright about her doing that, she smashed Trenderhoof's glasses. But he didn't mind. Hmmmm, I wonder why?
Rarity was completely heartbroken, because they where still here, she ran into the dressing room and burst into tears.
"Why? Why? Whyeeee???? He is my life long idol! He has no right to leave me aside!!
And that's when Rarity started to scream and practically everyone in the ponyhood had heard her...

* A Drama Seat (to Rarity) is a seat where one lays down to cry, sleep (dramatically) or tell a very sad story (dramatically, again). Most users of the Drama Seat have them in the brightest of colours (dramatic colours, duh!).

Comments ( 15 )

I liked it, when's the second part coming out? :twilightblush:

4202744 It depends what reviews I get from this. If it doesn't go very well :applecry: . I have some other stories instead. :yay:

OMG I'm loving this!! you have to make a part to you have too!!! or I'm going to have a tantrum like rarity whyyyy?! whyyyyeeee?! lol kk but you should make a part to *puts hoof on his/her shoulder* I'm counting on you.

Hmm..
Didn't rarity get over her crush in the episode?
If not, good idea for a story, but it's still rough around the edges. I would recommend getting an editor.
Also, the 'Fluttershy' tag doesn't need to be here, as she doesn't really have a large part in this. It seems to be a AJ/Rarity/Trenderhoof story, so I would get rid of the FS tag unless she comes up later with a bigger role.
You labeled this complete, but it's obvious there's more to the story than this, so you should probably fix that.
That is all :twilightsmile:

4204303 I've already started working on it, it should be out today. :yay:

Comment posted by Nopony Home deleted Apr 9th, 2014
Comment posted by Nopony Home deleted Apr 9th, 2014

Trenderhoof was a travel writer, not a fashion designer.

4206568 Can you close to being done?

4206568 And fluttershy should be a tag because she was in it

4254016 The second part is out

4257137 SAY WHA Alright i'm totally reading it

The story is nice enough, but really rough and badly paced. There are several grammar errors and typos. The changes in font size is jarring, as are the pictures - after all, we do know what Trenderhoof looks like. (Though the dresses are very nice-looking.) I get that you're using larger font to emphasize Rarity's distress, but it draws attention away from the story. We understand that she's upset just fine as is.

What most gets me is that a lot of scenes are underdeveloped and summarized instead of acted out, such as when she sends Fluttershy away. Also, there's absolutely no reaction when Trenderhoof walks in; nothing from him, just a simple line from Rarity, it's like he's hardly there. You could stand to flesh this out so much more.

Also, as mentioned, Trenderhoof is not doing fashion. Even if he were, just asking another designer to lend him her dresses so he can use them for his own fashion line is shamelessly criminal. I mean, Suri at least tried to pretend her copies were her own design. If I may make a suggestion, it'd make more sense if he was writing an article on fashion trends and needed the dresses modeled for that (with the not-so-subtle intention of getting to see Applejack in fancy outfits).

All in all, it's not a bad story concept, you just need to brush it up a little. Hope this helps, and good luck.

4311900 I'd have to agree. The premise is a nice one, but the font sizes and embedded pictures make it hard even to look at, and then it's very hard to tell if it's a good story or not.

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