Fight for Love
On a twinkly night, the friends find out about the relationship of Twilight and Applejack. They weren't exactly that happy. "Applejack, you should break up with Twilight." Rainbow said.
"I agree with Rainbow this time. Being marefriends seems unbecoming." Rarity said.
"Granny once said, 'Be yourself, that's all that matters.' and I still stand on that." Applejack said angrily.
"Well, fine! We'll just sit here until you make a decision." Rainbow shouted.
So they sat together. They didn't know that what they hear next is not good. "We should ask for your parents help. My family is too busy." Applejack said.
Applejack noticed the tears of Twilight, she was in pain. "My parents are dead, remember?" Twilight replied trying to fake her smile.
"Oh yeah, I'm so sorry Twilight." Applejack said.
"No, no, it's alright, maybe we should do this-" Twilight said and whispered her plan to Applejack.
Applejack nodded in agreement. She was scared, but she wanted to be with her love forever. So they both grabbed a knife and went to the friends. The friends were very scared but relaxed when they saw them put the knives on the floor. "We've decided that if you don't want us like this, we shouldn't be in here." Twilight said.
"W-What do you mean?" Fluttershy stuttered.
"We're going to kill ourselves." Applejack said seriously.
"Hahaha! It's a joke! Right?" Pinkie said undoubtedly.
"Nope, we are serious this time." Twilight said using her magic one last time to lift the knife.
Twilight and Applejack stabbed the knife on their bodies. With one last breath they shouted "Aaaaah!"
Then, they fell to the floor. Blood splattered all over the ground. It was over, they died. The friends backed away in fear and pain and ran to the mayor.
"What?" the Mayor said.
"Yes, Twilight and Applejack killed themselves." Rainbow said trying to be fearless, but, inside she felt scared.
"We should get the funeral held next week." the Mayor said.
The friends left the town hall and went back to their homes. They thought about how they would be in heaven, happy and fearless. They remembered how they screamed in pain and agony. How tense they all were when they saw their bodies laying on the ground. Those thoughts cradled them to sleep.
The next week, all the relatives of Twilight and Applejack were at the funeral. They mourned for their now dead beloved. The friends were there, they were not speaking until Princess Cadance and Shining Armor came up to them. "Twilight and Applejack headed for the afterlife." Cadance said.
It was a painful thing for her to think about, seeing that she had many memories with Twilight. "I think we need to tell you something." Rainbow said in guilt this time.
Cadance and Shining Armor nodded and headed for a quiet spot. "So, tell us what you need to tell us." Cadance said.
"We think we're the cause of Twilight and Applejack's death." Rarity said.
The older ponies were not surprised. "Well, why would they want to die?" Shining Armor asked.
The friends knew where this conversation was headed. "We thought marefriends were... unbecoming." Fluttershy said.
"You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover." Cadance said.
The friends stared at her confused. "What Cadance means is that Twilight experienced as much pain as Applejack has when her parents died." Shining Armor said.
"Yes, Twilight's parents died mysteriously. Though, I knew it was the Yellow Flag disease." Cadance said.
The friends gasped. "So you mean?" Pinkie asked.
Shining Armor nodded and said "Yes, Twilight was in pain for a month. When she left Canterlot, I believe she was in much more pain. Applejack was the only one to comfort her. So, Twilight fell in love with Applejack. And, Applejack fell in love with Twilight. We noticed that and it seems their bond is stronger than we thought."
"So now that they died, I'm sure their happy where they are. But, don't fret, they know you would feel this way." Cadance said.
The older ponies left and the friends were left in the lonely fields. "Hello? Rarity? Rainbow? Pinkie? Fluttershy?" a familiar voice said.
Then they saw Twilight and Applejack, except they were glowing in purple or orange. "I see you talked to Cadance and Shining Armor." Applejack said.
"We just wanted you to know that you don't need to be guilty. We're friends, we'll always be intact." Twilight said.
The friends nodded. With a smile, Twilight and Applejack left in a whip of white dust. The friends left feeling a bit happy. They missed their friends, but, they knew that they had a bigger bond.
The next day, they saw that all the houses were not the same. Ever since the death of the two mares, they weren't welcome. It wasn't a pretty sight. Though, something changed in the next few days. They were welcomed again by many, there was a spark that they thought was given by the dead mares.
It seems that they were right, that spark was given by a magical bond. The magical bond was very powerful and the citizens of Equestria realized what the dead mares were trying to say. "Our friends feel bad, don't make them feel hurt. We want what's best for them. Although we may be dead, we still want them loved." a magical voice in their minds seem to say.
Up above, in the clouds, Twilight and Applejack watched as the ponies were back to their joyful selves. It was truly a happy sight, a sight that they will never forget. But what's more, they will never forget that magical bond that brought them together. The Magic of Friendship and Harmony.
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FUCK YOU!
Okay really....what is that? What is that supposed to be? What's the point? Why? How? Why does thi fic exists? I mean why did yoi write it? Whats the point of it?
I can respect your will and passion to write. But I have one very important question, and I want you to answer it and honestly as possible.
Is this a joke? (Please reply)
Craine...
Oh, dear...
I lol'ed too hard while reading this.
*reads comments*
Oh yeah, this is the one. I can feel it.
Come on, rustle me. Rustle me, you fanfic, you.
Rainbow Dash being a hypocrite? That's OOC. I can't stand OOC.
Applejack quoting family members' wisdom? She would never do something like that. Another OOC pony.
Twilight's parents being dead and her faking a smile when talking about her dead parents are all fine and whatnot, since it makes her more like Batman, but Applejack would never notice her friend is in pain, nor would she apologize for something she wasn't responsible for. Once again OOC.
OOC. Rainbow Dash would be crying like a little filly.
Mayor Mare would never care about a pony dying, especially Twilight and Applejack. It's not like they did anything for Ponyville, ever. This is freaking OOC.
On the bright side, at least now neither of them have parents.
Nope, see, Cadance doesn't know Applejack's name. This is the author using their own knowledge to give a character knowledge that they shouldn't have. This is frowned upon in literature. Please fix it. It should be "Twilight and the orange one."
Oh, this is a Rainbow Dash coming out of the closet fic? We all suspected she was lesbian, but we never had any proof. I bet you have the proof in this fic.
And why would they be? The Mane 4 had guilt written all over their faces.
THIS JUST IN: "Mysterious" no longer means "Unknown," only means "Unknown to Commonfolk;" more on alicorn knowledge at 6.
Exactly one month.
Was. It was stronger than they thought.
They drove their friends to kill themselves... but they still have the unbreakable bonds of friendship tying them together.
I see nothing wrong with this whatsoever.
If everyone starts seeing the ghost people, they'll actually start to have reason to believe in them. This is supposed to be strictly faith-based--that the Mane 4 see the ghosts of their two friends and then spread the teachings of these ghosts to Equestria. TwiJack is a religion.
All right, yeah, this sounds pretty incongruent. TwiJack religion is a go!
Amen to this. We should all write everything that comes to mind, no matter how horrible the idea may be. No matter how badly it pisses off everyone else, we JUST. KEEP. WRITING.
All right, review time!
Brilliant. This is greater than those double D's on your mom. Just fix the OOC crap, like Applejack caring about her family and Rainbow Dash trying not to be sensitive, and you'll have some absolute gold. This finally establishes TwiJack as a faith, something that's been long overdue, and it's a relief to know that such a thing finally exists in proper form.
Also, downvoted because NO NO NO.
4151981
Why would Cadance not know Cadance's name exactly...?
Applejack quoting family members doesn't sound that ooc to me, family is very important to her.
4152414
Aren't... aren't you from Plan 9 as well?
I make wildly sarcastic comments on any Plan 9 story I read. They're supposed to be ridiculous.
Of course Cadance would know Applejack's name, and of course Applejack would use anecdotals related to her family. Rainbow Dash also doesn't realize how hypocritical she tends to be, even without meaning to, so that was most definitely in-character, and of course Mayor Mare would want to take care of Twilight and Applejack (who both did a lot for Ponyville), though I feel Mayor Mare would have had more compassion than was displayed in the story.
Basically, I was pointing out the parts that were done right and making ridiculous claims of them being OOC, among other claims. This is high-brow stuff.
4152477
Sorry, haven't been sleeping right...I'm not all mentally here.
And I guess I feel protective of this author since I've help him/her with previous stories.
But yup, I'm a part of that group~
Holy shit that was bad. Like, wow. Jesus Christ.
.......???
It was way to rushed, and a lot of OOC. (NOT TRYING TO BE OFFENSIVE; JUST SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCISM
I like how you don't care what others think
4164370 He doesn't care what you think either. If you don't agree with everything he says, then you don't matter. These kinds of people shouldn't be praised, they should be laughed at for being idiots.
4165054
I'm sure you weren't the best writer when you joined FimFic either. He only joined like, 2 months ago. Give him a break! And these kinds of people shouldn't be laughed at. They should just practice. How would you feel if someone said that to you ?
4166620 Being new to a website doesn't give you the excuse to write a bad story and then blow people off when they say it's bad.
4168193 He's not "blowing us off", per say. He just is simply trying to ignore the hateful and ignorant comments ponies (or people, whatever you want to call them) leave.
Also.
hm. Well that's like saying just because a newborn is new to the world, doesn't give it an excuse not to know how to walk, just because everybody else knows how.
4169368 No, it's like entering a foot race and not knowing how to walk. When you join a site for writers, and you post a story, it's expected that you know how to write a decent story.
" then that's a sign that they are not even looking at any kind of negative criticism, legitimate or not.
And when someone says, "i dont care wut u think im riting it anyway!!!!!!
4169384 You're not EXPECTED to. It would just be nice if they did write decent stories. And he obviously saw the "negative criticism" . Or else they wouldn't have said that....
.
Also:
i2ouyoi21u1oi2
4169498 Just because someone sees negative criticism, doesn't mean they see it. He took one look at it and said, "whatever wut do they kno?"
I don't know what that gibberish means and frankly I just don't care.
4169876
then you obviously don't get the amazing art called "RANDOMNESS". -_-
4170009 Look, I can be random too,
4170199 ... I don't see any
Joan lures a slush shush Xbox his s kissing wish walks jk.
That's what i thhiught.
4169876
I've helped out this particular author before and I have to say you are misguided about them. They are not ignoring this...they don't know how to properly handle it. That type of writer is the kind that most needs understanding and help from those willing.
4201381 My exact reaction when I saw the amount of downvotes...
This is incedible insulting to people who did have a friend commit suicide, its like saying to them its ok that they died, because now they are happy and killing themselves was the right thing to do!
you inconsiderate piece of shit.
You made suicide seem trivial. That's not how it works dumbass
I don't know if you meant to do this or not but still man, don't make it seem like you don't care
Wow. That was bad. Rushed as all fuck and then making all their friends seem homophobic and then Twi and AJ just say "Nah. It's okay. We're happy you drove us to suicide."
Look. Take a friggin second and read your story. REALLY read it. There are obvious glaring issues with this story but the way you ended it with
makes it seem as though you don't care about CRITICISM. Which is good and can be extremely important for your advancement as a writer.
I'm not coming back to this ...thing... again. So I could care less if you fix this mess (If that's possible).
What i DO want is for you to pay attention to what everyone has been saying and use that advice in the next thing you write. For your own sake.
If you do that maybe you can get happy comments.
Good day.
- YBG
What?... What horror from the pits of Tartarus have i witnessed, eh?
Oh my Godess... That was awful. Absolutely horrible... I get this now, I finally know what this is! This is Dante's 11th level of Hell. He just didn't write about it because he thought it was so horrible even Satan doesn't deserve it!
I'm sorry whatever power there may be, i'm sorry I curse all the time, I'm sorry I have pretty much no social life, there's just so much stress, i've gotta release it somehow, you have to understand, I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS, JUST PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE I COMMIT AFTER-LIFE SUICIDE!
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/48362988.jpg
HELP ME SANTA!
friendsofsteadpark.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Santa_Claus.jpg
HELP ME JESUS CHRIST!
img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01587/JESUS-620_1587358a.jpg
HELP ME... SANTA CHRIST!
This has got to be one of the worst fan fictions I've ever read in my life! It makes it even worse that this guy was actually trying to write a legitimate story!! Look, I understand that you are trying to write, trying to be a "better" author and all. But please, PLEASE don't post anything until you've gotten better at it. Also there's the fact that you sort of played around with the whole suicide thing. It SICKENS me! Not only because I have contemplated suicide, but also for the fact that I KNOW someone that has killed themselves!
I for one feel deeply sorry for anyone would even consider letting this story be published, or read in this case.
4170009
Oh yes, randomness. The lowest form of entertainment. Tell me, why don't you just write a sequel to Meet the Spartans. I'm sure the five fans of it will hail you as a comedy god.
Congratulations! You are now one of a small handful of bumble fucks here that has genuinely pissed me off with your work. This is utter and complete tripe. Yes, it has grammar and plot problems, but I've seen worse with that.
What is utterly turning me into an apocalyptic fiery elemental of rage is how fucking horrible and mean spirited this story and its characters are. There's poking fun with some black humor or writing a dark and serious story. Then there's this shit where you just make everyone the worst kind of assholes you can imagine.
I know I have a reputation for in depth reviews and keeping professional composure during them, but with your mishandling of suicide- something I and some friends of mine are survivors of and something that many of them are still struggling with- just pissed me off. I usually never go this far, but honestly, I don't wish you get better. I hope you fail. Miserably. I hope you are realized for the piece of human excrement you are and that you and your misanthropic, needlessly meanspirited bullshit go the way of the dinosaurs never to be fucking heard from again. I hope every shred of memory of you and your "story" are erased as a failed pile of shit. Just, fuck you. Fuck you so much.
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What are you guys complaining about? This is the best fanfic I've ever read.
4170009
4968279
I guess you didn't read my entire comment.
4968378
I want to infest your liver
4968279
You know, if I didn't know you better and thought an ounce of that was serious, I just might have bit the bait.
4969034
Bitch you don't know me
it's okay, except for these VERY TINY grammatical errors.
They didn't know that what they hear next is not good
Twilight and Applejack stabbed the knife on their bodies
Twilight and Applejack headed for the afterlife
So now that they died, I'm sure their happy where they are
This is what I want to do to this story!:
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/13/551151/full.gif
4969137
No, I will not feed you.
Where's Spike?
Your Search for the Worst review can be found here.
While I can get behind someone wanting to continue writing that person needs to also learn where they failed. This story can only be considered a success if it's a trollfic. Although it might fail as a trollfic due to how offensive the subject matter is.
The premise is forced. The characters are stupid and intolerant. Spike doesn't exist. And everything turns out "good" in the end.
Good luck and I hope you learned a valuable lesson when writing this story.
MRW the story was meant to be taken seriously:
i.imgur.com/Rtd0qf0.gif
*reads fanfic*
One shouldn't play around with scuicide. It's not a wise move, now excuse me, before my temper bursts.
Very strong wiring and excellent gameplay "an excellent video"
Reading this... I dunno, it made me want to hurl my laptop against the wall. Repeatedly.
"Hey kids! Suicide is cool! Be a homophobe! Because if your friends kill themselves because of your judgmental and backward attitudes, they'll be happier!"
Okay, this was... No, wait. I've a better idea! I'll say the good things first! While, this story was not perfect, my stories haven't been the best either, and I kinda get not wanting to read a mean comment when you've worked hard on something. This story has an interesting idea. It shows what effect society can have upon deviants. However, I don't think you handled the suicide part very well. You might want to make things a little less "I committed suicide and now I'm happy as hell!" and more "I'm so sorry I drove you to do this." But other mistakes include: OOC, rushed, somewhat insensitive, grammar errors, and just... well, confusing. The confusing might be part of the rushed thing, but I wasn't able to understand it perfectly due to the fact that things were going so fast. Also, you might want to reconsider the whole "I will write to my heart's content, you may downvote or whatever you wish." thing. It really isn't helping your case. So... if you just... stretch things out, rethink the suicide --> happy part, and just... maybe... rethink your position as not really caring what others say, you might not get as many down votes.
This was fucking terrible that's all I'm gonna say because I dun wanna start a fight ok?