Their friends: Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie plan to spy on Twilight and Applejack.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 1st Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Mar 31st, 2014
Michi
I'll be writing TwiJack only. I'm a fan of TwiJack.
Michi
Joined 1st Feb, 2014 ·
Offline
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It shows improvement when compared to your last story. Always continue to write to your heart's desire.
Thanks.
... What the hell is this?
There is nothing positive to say.
3944592
uh... u want me to delete this?
3947586
Ask the general opinion of everyone who disliked it and pity-liked it.
3947586
Don't listen to the opinion of someone that can no expand upon their own opinion.
Why is this divided into four chapters of less than 1,000 words each when the story itself is only 1,300 words?
Also, some constructive criticism:
1. Short, choppy sentences without much detail.
2. It's frankly very dull and uninteresting to read. And this is coming from a Slice of Life junkie whose favorite manga series routinely features chapters about things like a little girl watching a flock of birds.
The guy who posted the really jerkish comments was unnecessarily rude and didn't bother to give any real criticism, but I agree with him on one thing: this just isn't a good story.
Keep trying. My advice is to read a lot of stories with VERY high view counts and like ratios that are tens of thousands of words long, with more than 3k words per chapter, so you can have some idea of how it's done.
Good job Michi! I enjoyed it. Don't stop writing! PLEASE?
So, I'm going to get into the story, but first, I'd like to address some things in the comments. Short disclaimer first: none of the following is intended to start an argument, insult someone on the personal level, or generally troll.
3944592
That's not necessarily true. I've only seen a small handful of stories where there is literally nothing positive to say about it. Even if a story commits many sins in the content it possesses, there usually is a silver lining in some perspective of the story. For instance, this doesn't have an Alicorn OC. I'm not saying the precedent for good, or even ok, fiction is dwelling on how it could have been worse, but saying that there is literally nothing more to talk about positive is rarely accurate.
3949079
As for you, Normal, I've seen you around a good bit on the stories that are criticism battlefields. Look, I realize I live in a glass house, and I'm not trying to specifically throw stones at you personally, but I've seen you post negative comments that are just as short and vague on stories before and have seen you can some other stories that had more going for them. Now, I'm not crying hypocrite or anything, partially because, again, glasshouses and partially out of having seen that you aren't a sycophant.
From what I can tell, you're really swaying towards rooting for this writer to improve and his stories to take off. I can understand having a bias. We all do at some level. However, that can't taint our objective view of a story. For instance, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. The last story by this writer made me livid to the point that I basically left a note summed up as, "Fuck you," on it. However, I'm trying to punch past that and judge this story based solely on its own merits.
Sorry to either of you if this offends you or I make no sense. It's kind of late here and I probably should get some rest. Peace.
It could use more descriptions.
such on what the weather was like or their surroundings. Just saying… But i see potential in this, If you go back and add more description