• Member Since 30th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 8th, 2020

Bucking Nonsense

A Little Nonsense Now And Then Is Relished By The Wisest Men.


A feud between two chefs ends up involving a very strange third party.

Now has a prequel in the works, called Cooking Roach.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 82 )

I thought I'd try doing a real crack pairing, just to see if I could. I probably will mark this completed unless I get a really really really positive response.

Good Story. Didn't expect that outcome...

Eeeyup. :eeyup:

That was delightful. I think it's just right as a one shot.

I'd love to see more, but I really don't think you should right more of it. It works just perfectly now, and any sequel or follow up would likely tarnish it some. Also, you have enough on your plate with the Changelings in Equestria series.

You seem to be getting a really positive response, and I will agree that this is a wonderful one-shot, but it works best like that; a one shot. No additional chapters needed. HAve a like.

4022718 How much persuasion to continue this we talking here? :ajsmug:

'Your Fangs Are Showing' positive :pinkiesmile: .

Why isn't there a "negative downvote" option so I can counteract anyone stupid enough to downvote this? Not that I can see anyone doing that, but I'm sure there's someone out there who would.

Also, I'd like to see more Sombra, in whatever capacity you see fit. Rochelle as well. Whether it's part of this story or not is something else, but I'd like to see more of them.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion, and it would be a strange world indeed if everyone had the same tastes. As long as there are far more likes than unlikes, I know I'm hitting all the right notes :pinkiesmile: .

Two Words: Make more! :raritystarry:

Awesome!! Would love to read more:heart:

Well done! While it does stand well on its own, I would enjoy seeing where this story (and pairing) could go.

4023580 Oh, and isn't "spit" present tense? Past tense is "spat."

reading this make me think that either you are a chef, or know a fair few chefs because you pulled of the kitchen atmosphere brilliantly.

Hay, Nonsence! You're my changeling master! :pinkiesmile:

i havent seen anything like this before. Congrats and keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

Spit is both a noun and a verb, so getting the tense right is tricky.

Neither, but I have read a lot of cooking manga.:rainbowlaugh:

4025812 Yes, but "You Spit in Whose Food?" is using the present verb tense. Noun "spit" doesn't work at all, and it should be the past tense, "spat."

King Sombra was getting really sick of the taste of spit in his food.

Poison he could stand...

That bit right there just sold me on this story. :rainbowlaugh: When someone starts preferring something intended to kill you to something largely vulgar and maybe lethal, well... Yeah. xD

And then that whole bit with the statue of limitations... :rainbowlaugh: I mean, seriously, that was nearly a thousand years ago! They might could charge him for attempted re-conquest, but the whole enslavement thing from so long ago would have indeed made a trial oh so tricky.

Funny story.

It was the practice of ancient kings to regularly dose themselves with poisons to render themselves immune to their effects. During the time of the Roman Empire, King Mithrodates Euraptor of Pontus was famed for seasoning every meal with arsenic, just to prove how unkillable he was. If you plan on being a tyrant, you'd best be ready for that kind of thing. But spit is just plain gross, and there's no antidote for gross. Worse, in an age where oral hygiene was limited, you could end up with something REALLY disgusting in your meal.

I had an idea once for Sombra being placed on trial, and he ended up with a heavy fine and 'time served' simply because of the fact that, after one thousand years, the only crimes that he could legally be tried for were attempted trespassing, assault, and attempted theft of a national treasure.

Ah, on the subject of Mithrodates, there is just this that needs to be said:

There was a king reigned in the East:
There, when kings will sit to feast,
They get their fill before they think
With poisoned meat and poisoned drink.
He gathered all that springs to birth
From the many-venomed earth;
First a little, thence to more,
He sampled all her killing store;
And easy, smiling, seasoned sound,
Sate the king when healths went round.
They put arsenic in his meat
And stared aghast to watch him eat;
They poured strychnine in his cup
And shook to see him drink it up:
They shook, they stared as white’s their shirt:
Them it was their poison hurt.
–I tell the tale that I heard told.
Mithridates, he died old.

– A. E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad

Actually, checking the dictionary, 'spit' is indicated as often used as the past tense and past participle, at least in the USA, so I think I will let it stand.


Great story. :D Crack in concept but brilliant in execution. I do want more, but adding on to this neat one-shot would be difficult since everything is already resolved here. A sequel that introduces something else from your devious mind would be pleasing. Yesss.

Also, is anyone else hungry?

:rainbowlaugh: , it is positive, but it's not yet positive enough. Tell you what: if this gets 50+ upvotes, I'll do an expansion on this one. Not necessarily a new chapter, but maybe a prequel.

Excellent work, Nonsense. This one-shot was good enough to convince me to register just to tell you how much I enjoyed it and the rest of your changling stories. I won't push you to make a decision on whether to expand this or not, but I'm sure whatever you do, it will be as good as (or better than) what you've already written.

Looking forward to more chapters following everyling.

Funny and interesting story. Looking forward to the next chapter.

*Sees the number of upvotes is at 50, and remembers he promised to make an expansion if the number of upvotes goes past 50*
*whistles nonchalantly*
*Clicks upvote*

You...just made SOMBRA seem cool. :pinkiegasp:

I always thought that he was kind of cool: so far, he's only appeared twice in history, and both times he's making ponykind void their collective bowels in fear. He conquered an entire city on his own. He's a meticulous planner on par with Littlefinger, Lelouch, and Light Yagami. He's so powerful that it took an alicorn princess working non-stop just to keep him from getting into the city, at a point in time when he was not at full strength. The only reason he wasn't considered the most awesome villain in the series was due to his lack of screen time.

4036046 Oh, I agree with you on all that; when I said "cool", I meant "likable, and not a despicable monster from hell." :pinkiehappy:

I absolutely adore this story, and it deserves way more attention than this. If you have more of it to tell, then by all means, continue.

This was excellent, but it works just fine as a one-shot.

Okay, I just submitted a prequel story (chapter one) for this. It should be up soon. After it is, I'll put a link in the description. Please feel free to read, like, fave, and all that good stuffs. :pinkiehappy:

>>>He was so grossly obese that any fat joke you could make about him would fail to do him justice. >>>

When he went into space, the moon began to orbit him.

He went to the beach and caused the tide to come in.

He jumped into the air and got stuck.

Blue whales feel anorexic when they see him.

He's so fat a black hole can't escape his gravity.

He is... the fattest pony in the world.


>>>Poison he could stand: one of the first things he had done, before he set off on the road to rule, was to acquire an immunity, or at least a powerful resistance, to every ingestible poison known to ponykind.>>>

...known to ponykind...

...known to PONYKIND...

*Alondro grins wickedly* Unfortunately for Sombra, I am a biologist with knowledge of every poison known to MANKIND.

*Sombra dies mysteriously the next day.*


4036046 And the fact that all he did when on screen was garble erratically about crystals and slaves and slam his head against the barrier.

Of course, Discord has one-upped him with the 'Plunder Seeds' in terms of foreplanning.

And frankly, Discord has to be played down in terms of evil because he's so outrageously powerful he'd win instantly if he was truly evil.

He is so fat that he bleeds gravy.
He is so fat that when he dies, the overall percentage for obesity in Equestria will lower by 28%.
He is so fat that he can prove the existence of a geocentric model of the universe, since everything revolves around his gravitational pull.

4044834 He's so fat that BP started drilling wells in his follicles.

4043219 how about some cyanide for flavour

4026914 a green spit

4099758 I was thinking more along the lines of alpha-conotoxin. Maybe shigatoxin too.

4101803 men are you sure cone snail venom its a good idea?
we are sasoning food here, might as well give him a glas with acid

4101883 Rapid paralysis of all skeletal muscles is always a good idea! :pinkiecrazy:

4101908 and a fun one imagine all the good things of paralisis noone would ever have to work again :pinkiehappy:

4101956 You never have to work again because the paralysis includes your diaphragm and you kinda die from not breathing. :pinkiecrazy:

4103083 see? wonderfull times nothing like a little death to bright your day

Huh. How'd I miss this? Gonna go read the prequel too, but...well, I'll let Fluttershy sum it up for me:



...kinda still want a more detailed explanation on Sombra though...but I'll take what you give us. :pinkiesmile:

This was a perfect slice of life, and exceedingly, endearingly cute. It pushes all the right buttons.

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