Cogneato Switch
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Well Spike when Twilight falls asleep from over-stimulation, you can play with it all you want.
Twilight is a mojor idion.
DEAR TWILIGHT
Y U SO STUPID?!
With love princess celiste
3883614
I do appreciate the feedback! One of my goals of writing is to thicken my skin against harsh comments, so I shall do my best to withstand yours.
I understand that the formatting is weak. I shall adopt something else.
The flat descriptions is a result of me reading it only twice and not getting an unbiased pre-reader. Understanding that the descriptions aren't up to snuff at this point is helpful.
I now realize my value set is drastically different than most others. Thus, emotions like Spike's shame from being walked in on and the embarrassment of having it described were muted, if not non-existent, and that alienated the reader. Again, another good lesson. (This also applies to the emotionless response from everyone involved: most readers attach emotions to sexual activity!)
As for the character depth surrounding the circumstance, e.g. why Big Mac was there, I was aiming for the "what" and purposely sacrificed the "why". So this was a known issue.
Finally, tagging. Yes, I should definitely do that, and try to warn readers what emotions they're likely to experience / expect from the story.
Again, thank you for your feedback!
as a person with a vehement hatred towards cuckold (and adultery in general) , the only thing that I could think of after reading this was that Spike should at the very lease NEVER even speak to Twilight again, perhaps even leave Equestria altogether... but part of it might be my hatred for Twilight x Big Mac as well...
I shouldn't be reading this, but it's hilarious
Hmm 4/10 final score, The characters act out of character starting with Twiligh who was amazingly ignorant to Mac and Celetia who had no lines and still came out poorly, Spike we could forvige the ignorance about the subject but Twilight representation was really bad.
The story felt choppy and a little unfinished, some parts were rushed and and the lack of transitions affects the narrative.
Any way cool reading but i wouldnt recomend it.