A pegasus and an earth pony move to the Everfree Forest after Twilight defeats Trixie for a second time. Begins on the episode Spike is attacked by Timberwolves.
These lovable twins like going at each other's throats. Based on me and my sister. (No I am not a twin).
Oh Yeah did I mention that this was inspired epiphany-like. I was thinking why Celestia only has a unicorn apprentice. Then I think about why she always says twilight is her *best* student. Then it hits me she has other pupils. So why keep them a secret from Twilight. Well, they aren't like other ponies.
Chapters (4)
Alright, I have read about two scrolls down in the first chapter, and I think I understand why you are getting dislikes. I will read further and give another review after I finish, but bear with me.
They way you explain the looks of the characters was not too bad. I would reccommend replacing the word stipulate with another term. Most people aren't reading a Comedy story for impressive diction. These are nit picks though, your real problem came when I got to the section of the library.
I will guarantee you right now that at least one of those dislikes is from a Spike fan. That slave dragon comment wasn't quite necessary, don't you think? It may be what you think personally, but it isn't at all necessary for the story.
Sadly, that wasn't the big problem. When you began adressing yourself in the story, I had to force myself to read the entire first section again due to confusion. You just seemed to throw yourself in there with no previous hints to an active narrator perspective. This is really confusing, jarring, and frankly not very good. If you are going to do that, you need to set up your story in the fashion of having an active narrator, not throw yourself in in the middle. ( in in. I hate english.
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This is probably what is generating your dislikes, aside from the generally confused style of storytelling and your OCs being Celestia's students along with kinda being brats. More on that later.
I hope this review helps!
Edit: Also, you change persons in the first chapter. If you start in third person, you shouldn't switch randomly to first.
So, this is just going to be what I notice as I read, so you can get an idea of what a reader thinks as they read this story. Sorry if this is harsh, I am trying to be as candid as possible.
Your OC just gave himself wings. Its gonna be one of those stories, isn't it.
Alright, this chaos pony stuff is getting annoying. You need to describe what these currently unknown 'chaos ponies' do at the very least, not try to pass some it's chaos pony stuff bs on the reader. I know this is harsh, but it's really irritating for the author to bring up something and then just not expain it with such a half-assed excuse.
STOP SAYING A HUMAN BODY PART THEN CORRECTING YOURSELF. Jeeze louise this is annoying. It was almost funny the first time, but now you are beating a dead horse. The wierd similes should probably also be removed, for the same reason.
What is shyellow. Also, what happened to no main six. There sure is enough referances.
There are a lot of very... Interesting choices of description of situations. 'Left the party' just seems kinda out of place and strange.
CDO. Just, just no. Please? I realize this is a comedy story but this almost seems to be dipping to intentionally frustrating levels.
Way to be obscure with the interrobang! Thats actually interesting.
...Two interrobangs is pushing it though.
T'ill be more crowded than seven Night Courts combined. If you are going to use t'is don't misuse it.
Useless Luna is useless.
Oh come on, more unexplained chaos pony stuff? I hope you explain this soon. 
Obvious pokemon references are obvious. Though, Overgrow is not a ground type move.
Zecora is drifting ever further out of character. Just thought you might want to rethink your approach on her.
The narrator would probably be less annoying if you didn't make him so obvious and story breaking. The idea could work, but they way you are using it now is just annoying. It feels like you are constantly telling an inside joke to yourself that the reader is left out of, and that just irritates the reader.
That's all I really had for this chapter. I hope this more candid review helps, if it doesn't just reply to this.
I needed this. I thank you.
You have no idea how much I wanted someone to rip up my work. I am not being sarcastic. I don't think I'm capable of consciously creating sarcasm.
The OCs do have a limit in skill. I thought it was clear and it is obviously isn't.
I actually enjoy Spike as a character and I guess that comment came out other FIM comedy I've read.
Now that I think about the narrator situation it did go out of hoof a bit. I wanted a narrator with enough info to describe things but put limits on him. I knew no good way other than give him that voice. But since he wasn't really a character...Yeah it got out of hand.
Just for info this is just on the 1st chapter or the 1st two? Okay its obviously the first two since of the interrobang.
On that subject, I added the second explicit statement because I am on a personal mission to spread the word on the power of punctuation. I would preach about semi-colons but interrobangs have more of a kick to them.
After about 20 minutes of thought, I have written this. And it is short. With amount of thought I put into writing, one would think I would be better. However, life is about improving (and I feed on knowledge so).
Again thanks for the comment. I needed it. The story will be discontinued. Sadly for the one person that apparently liked the story (thumbs up for the thumbs up) and happily for the other that did not like it.
I will not give up however. I will be remaking this. This story shall be avenged. I really liked this concept I thought it was good.
This is Dan, signing off.
PS. shinygiratinaz. You shall be followed. Also ChaoticLightning since you liked it.
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Thanks for taking the criticism, I try to help but sometimes I worry about being too harsh.
It's good to know that you are going to revise it, it's an idea that could be great for a Comedy story. Lots of people around here like Discord and the random chaos he brings, so I think with a little tweaking this could be hilarious.
First stories are always the hardest, so I have no doubt that you'll be only getting better!
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I just wish someone like you came to point out the bad style before I got to chapter 4. Then I could have revised the chapters instead of starting over. Oh well. There were 100 views for crying out loud someone couldn't say something! Ok. Moving on.
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That's my problem on my main story, I have 5 chapters and 86 views and the only comments are me and my brother...
Kinda sad.