Just your average british lad. I write things for a living. It’s the strangest living you’ll ever find, second only to my inability to take myself off of the grid.
One night after seeing so many little fillies and colts enjoying Hearth's Warming Eve, Diamond Tiara finally snaps and does something completely despicable.
If you haven't read the title yet, i suggest you read on.
A very big thank you to Telaros of The Diamond Cutters Group, for this lovely picture.
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THIS.
WAS.
GREAT!
I wonder if Silver Spoon is her faithful dog?
Hehe, I just saw the AVGN chistmas special and the foul language here reminded me of that so this made me laugh
SWEET BABY WOONA IN A MANGER!!! THAT PIC IS STRAIT UP TERRIFYING!!!
DT reminds me of Freaky Fred!
Silver Spoon: well she has been NAAAAAAAAAUGHTY!
OMLuna i just lost my s*** at that point!
you're KILLING ME!!!
I am both relieve and Disappointed Silver Spoon isn't involved.
Of all the Christmas stories that are retold in jest, the story of the Grinch may be the one I know best. Sure there's George Bailey's problem and Scrooge's old tale, but I think Dr. Seuss hits the head on this nail. I was happy to see that you put forth the time to make this a true parody, told only in rhyme. I know it's not easy. Some say it's too much. But you even threw in the song. Nice touch.
I'd go over the story, but there's not much to be said. A lampoon of Diamond is seeping with dread. She's fed up with this season, all the laughter and glee. It's almost as if she's a flat parody. Of course, it's required for a story like this. Even karma can't pass up the jovial bliss. Diamond steals all the presents? And nobody cares? Not one foul complaint from these stallions and mares? You changed Diamond's mind, in your own special way, but only a joke fic could have all be so blasé.
With that being said and all that in mind, let me share how this tale can perhaps be refined. First of all, there's the issue I had with the song. Though the lyrics are crude, something else is more wrong. I'm no stranger to lyrics or the art of the rhyme, and there's one thing I know that I learned over time. When you pair up two words that you happen to know, you have to make sure they don't mess up your flow. Say the sentence out loud to make sure it sounds fair, for bad rhymes make your readers want to pull out their hair:
Why is Diamond a snitch? Does she tattle a lot? Yes, the verb does mean 'steal', but the noun just does not.
She wants to avoid waking Bloom with her mood? Are you sure that you couldn't have gone with 'intrude'?
You seemed to be reaching when you used the word 'shunt'. If you needed the rhyme, why not use a cold front? I get why you chose to put that word here, but it's not an insult. It's not even a jeer.
I find it amusing that the singer's so prickly despite the fact Diamond recovers so quickly. His words would imply that he's blinded with hate. Maybe he should clue someone in since he's out there this late. Diamond lives outside Ponyville? Now that just doesn't fit. And she has a huge sleigh? Tell me, who's pulling it?
The story is brief and all in good fun. In that field, it's successful when all's said and done. Diamond steals all the gifts while some singer complains. Really, that's all that the story contains. Nothing really needs changing in the actual plot, though there are some mistakes I happened to spot. I wrote quite a bit of them down in my notes, but the biggest I saw was your problem with quotes. Look up how they're written and take it to heart. For improving your writing, it's a good place to start.
As a last word of note, one related to cooks, I'd call this story a gingersnap. It's spicier than it looks.
Make the most!
3695619 That, my good sir, was the most epic comment I have ever seen.
Funny lines here and there but needs some heavy edits.