This story is a sequel to Zerus: The Untold Story
NOTE: I began this fan fiction before the premier of Season Four, and so this fic does not fit the canon of the series.
In an alternate continuation after "Magical Mystery Cure", the mysterious General Tirek has come to steal away the Alicorn Amulet for his own dark purpose. Princess Twilight Sparkle and the others must now stand and face this powerful new threat, but it looks like there's more to everything than what they initially believed as ghosts from more than just a few pasts are quickly on the rise. Read and Review, please.
In loving memory of Tiffany "Kiki" Havivy.
Chapters (10)
First of all, each time a new character speaks it should start a new paragraph. You have several instances of different characters speaking in the same paragraph, and it isn't helped that half the time you don't identify who is speaking. At one point I wondered why Rarity had suddenly started dropping her g's because it wasn't clear that Rainbow Dash had started to speak.
The plot is interesting, but a little rushed in places. I'm also not sure why they all let Tirek wander around carrying out his evil plan when everyone apparently knows that he's up to something and none of them trust him. You'd think they'd have him followed or something.
Overall this is good, but it needs more breathing room to unfold instead of having the pace forced like it is at the moment.
I understand. I'm still working out my writing style. As for the plot,I will admit, throughout all my fan fiction (even when I first started writing back when I was in high school), the beginning of a story has always been the hardest part for me, but fret not. I think I won't have nearly as much trouble in the following chapters.
I'm glad you find the story interesting and I hope you keep reading.
Love the DS9 shoutout!
I LOVED doing that part up. Unfortunately, barely anypony ever seems to notice it
lol