I had a lot to think about and no real place to start. Since Twilight hadn’t come back yet and the sun had set, I decided to get some sleep. Odds were she was doing damage control, or just trying to find some of the ponies I had upset. In the meantime, I could reach out to Luna for some advice. Normally I had to go looking for her in my dreams, though I had a feeling she would come to me this time.
Once I laid down on my bed I began to feel the gentle breeze coming through the windows in my room. It was a quiet night out and I could see a crescent moon in the distance, just above the horizon. My cat had curled up near my hind hooves and meowed angrily as I rolled over to go to sleep. He had the ability to fall asleep anywhere in a matter of seconds, and must have thought I could do the same.
As I tried to fall asleep I was forced to relive the memories of the day over and over. Thinking of what I could have said differently, or getting angry over each small detail. Nopony seemed to see things from my side of the picture.
I hardly noticed I had fallen asleep when Luna showed up. We were still in my bedroom, though my cat was gone along with the breeze. She had conjured up a chair to sit in near the bed, and waved her hoof towards an empty chair across from hers.
“Hi, Luna. So I guess you’ve heard or do you need the short version?” I got out of the bed and walked to the chair, noticing that in my dream my hooves made no sound on the hardwood floor.
“Indeed, though only bits and pieces from the perspective of other ponies having restless nights. You’d be surprised how much of what goes on in our days is replayed in our dreams to commit to memory.”
After sitting down in the chair, I turned side-ways to use it as a bed, propping my head and hind hooves up. “Yeah, you’re the NSA’s dream. Instant access to everypony, everywhere.”
“NSA?” Luna chuckled, shaking her head. “I had not expected your human traits to get you into trouble so quickly.”
I nodded, then stopped. “Wait, so quickly? So you figured I’d screw everything up and kept it to yourself?”
“Well, for your many admirable qualities you have just as many that are more likely to get you into trouble. Rash decision making, grudges, and a rather deep-rooted need for individuality and privacy.”
My wings stretched out as I got comfortable. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. My individuality and privacy are all I have. If I let go of that, who am I?”
Luna’s horn began to glow and the air rippled above us, beginning to play images. This one was of Applejack harvesting apples. She looked like hell, with thick-grey bags under her eyes. They were bloodshot and she seemed to stop every few steps to fall asleep. “Some ponies feel the need to shoulder burdens all by themselves, but it is not our nature.”
The image rippled and was replaced by the sight of Dash, Twilight, and Applejack’s other friends helping with the harvest. From the looks of it, they were getting a week’s worth of harvesting done in short order. “Our strength comes from our friendships, from helping one another. It does not make Applejack any less of an individual, Dawn.”
I nodded, flapping a wing to blow a gust of air at the image, causing it to vanish. “Yeah, well this isn’t so simple as picking apples.”
Luna frowned. “You can not expect others to help you if you do not be honest with them and ask for help. Would admitting your difficulty with impulse control under the effects of poison joke be so embarrassing as to outweigh the benefit of Twilight helping you fix the problem?”
“I suppose you’ve made your point, but I’m not sure confessing is going to win many of them back. What about Soarin, and shouting out how I was an alien in front of a crowd?”
“Of all the strange things they’ve witnessed in Ponyville, most thought little of your outburst. Alien conspiracies, the roar of the crowd, the fight with Soarin… luckily Twilight was able to explain you were ill under the effects of poison joke and most ponies understood.”
I laughed, causing Luna to tilt her head. “So I’m not trusting enough, and everypony else is too trusting.”
“We don’t have much time left. I’ve given you my advice. Trust them to understand and face your fears...”
Before I could reply, the dream began to fade to darkness around me. The weight of my blanket was the first feeling to return, followed by the warmth of the sun against my body. I stretched my legs and rolled over, kicking the sheets off in the process. It seemed like I had only just gone to sleep, and yet it was morning. With my luck, Twilight would show up before I’d had a chance to brush my teeth let alone grab something to eat. I went straight to the bathroom to brush my teeth in case she did drop by first thing in the morning.
Once I got downstairs I found a bagel in my kitchen to eat and then heard a knock on the front door. I felt a bit of dread, having to come clean in front of everypony about the poison joke, my feelings, and apologizing to them. Part of me wanted to blame it all on them and argue, but I knew that wouldn’t do much more than further alienate them and piss them off.
Sighing, I opened the door and smiled. “Good morning, Twilight.”
She nodded, and walked inside. Twilight had brought over all her friends, as well as Lyra, to clear the air. The princess had frayed hair and it looked like she hadn’t gotten much sleep. “Morning, Dawn.”
As the rest walked in I noticed Dash wasn’t looking too well either. Soarin was visibly absent, so at least I had that one small mercy. Applejack seemed to keep her eyes on me, like some kind of living guilt trip and lie detector.
Once they all came in and started sitting down in my living room, I closed the door and headed towards a bean bag chair in the corner. It was the only piece of furniture not yet occupied. So far my discomfort was somewhere between intervention and telling your parents you had sex with your second-cousin. It got worse as I didn’t really want to start the conversation.
“Is there something you have to say to us?” Twilight looked at me with slightly blood-shot eyes, not unlike a disappointed mother.
When it was apparent I couldn’t really put it off any longer, I took a deep breath and began. “I’m sorry for yesterday, there’s some stuff I need to tell you. Since I got here I’ve been having some trouble adjusting. Then I stumbled into the poison joke for the first time and started hearing the voices from my dreams. There were voices for all these different, um… personalities in my head. And then the second time, the voice seemed louder and I couldn’t really argue with it’s logic and just kind of went along with it. Oh, and they made me really horny until—”
Dash huffed, and began to walk towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Twilight asked.
“You wanted me to give him a chance to apologize and I did. I have to get back to weather duty.” Dash opened the door and began to walk out.
“Dash, don’t do this,” I said. I stood up and was about to go stop her, but Twilight just shook her head. The door closed behind her as the mare I’d probably hurt the most walked right out on me.
“So the poison joke is makin’ you hear voices? And you’re hearin’ em in your dreams too?” Applejack said. “Ah don’t like the sound of that. What’d Doctor Stable say?”
“I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell anyone but Luna.” I offered her a small shrug of my shoulders. “It just didn’t seem like their business, I’m trying to figure out some stuff right now about whether I am better off as a stallion or mare, whether I could ever go back to be human,... or if some of my friends are something… more.”
“I knew he’d be happy as a mare!” Pinkie giggled, then looked at Rarity who was levitating a few bits over to Pinkie.
It appeared as if they had made a bet over which gender I would have wanted, and I didn’t really want to dignify it with a response. “I haven’t decided anything yet. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
Twilight nodded and came over to me. “So, you’ve been hearing voices and they seem developed enough to be personalities?”
“Yeah, you know something I don’t, like you botched my ponification?”
“No, but we have never done something like that before. The process could have given some of your conflicting thoughts and emotions their own personalities, or they could be fragments of memories somehow passed through the DNA samples we used to make your body… it’s hard to say. What I do know is, we should see Zecora about a poison joke vaccine or some way to help you avoid these effects. And visiting a therapist couldn’t hurt either.”
“Yeah, that all sounds super fun, but I think I’d rather just have some time alone.”
“We’re not going to leave you all alone when you’re obviously having some major issues to work through. You need our help.” Twilight looked to her friends who all nodded in agreement.
“Why don’t we just go see Zecora instead? I don’t want to sit here talking about my feelings all day, no offense. I mean, I’d like if you each came by one at a time to apologize to on a more personal note.”
“I think that’ll work, I’ll go first and wait outside to take you to Zecora.” Twilight, who was still standing closest to me, came over and offered me a hug.
I smiled and accepted her hug. “I’m sorry for putting you through all that. I hope nopony took the whole alien body-snatcher routine too seriously.”
Twilight chuckled. “Well, luckily poison joke is a pretty blanket excuse around here.” She let go and walked out the front door, leaving me with the next mare to apologize too.
Rarity and Applejack had come over, and it was the fashionista who approached me first. “Really, Dawn, you’ve no need to apologize to me. Though, I do wish you’d have come to talk to me, I did enjoy our spa visit and am always willing to lend a friendly ear.”
“Thanks, Rarity, I’ll remember that.” I returned her friendly nuzzle before she walked out, leaving me to face Applejack. “Sorry about causing a scene on your barn.”
“And upsetting my friends? Ah can relate to your stubbornness and wantin’ to solve problems on your own, but ya see now how that can hurt the other ponies that care about ya?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Well, you didn’t place top ten in the Iron Pony, but you may get a kick outta knowing you set a record on the obstacle course. Ah figure Soarin and Dash won’t soon forget what a good flier you are.” She smirked and was the next to head outside.
“Pinkie, did I ever thank you for setting me up on a date? And sorry I missed the first one.”
She smiled and jumped on me, giving me a tight hug. “It’s okay! A true true friend helps a friend in need! You just let me know if you ever need a thing.” As Pinkie pulled back she produced a cupcake for me, chocolate with red sprinkles.
“Thanks.” I took the cupcake and ate it quickly, expecting to find a few stray hairs from her mane in the cupcake. Once again, she’d exhibited her skill at concealing baked goods on her person.
Lyra came up next, delaying the pony I owed the biggest apology to for last. “How are you doing, really?”
“I’m fine, Lyra. Like I said I’m just trying to figure some stuff out and made some bad decisions. I’m sorry for hurting you like that…”
“Hey, you didn’t upset me. Just because we had some fun doesn’t mean I was expecting you to go steady or marry me, silly. Besides, I’ve always sorta like the pegasi tradition.”
“Huh?” I tilted my head to the side, trying to recall some memory of what she might be referring too. “I haven’t heard that one.”
“Yeah, pegasi have been known to form flocks. Pegasus stallions are more likely than unicorn or Earth ponies to cultivate multiple relationships at once, some even marrying more than one mare.”
“You’re shitting me?” I sighed, while the others gasped at my language. “Sorry, I mean, Soarin was hitting on me and I made a huge scene, when that was normal?”
Lyra rubbed my shoulder with a hoof. “Hey, between you and me I think Soarin doesn’t deserve a mare like you.”
I laughed, gesturing to between my legs. “Well, feel free to stop by later and I’ll dispel this mare rumor.”
She gave me a gentle nuzzle on the neck. “I don’t think Dash and Fluttershy would appreciate that,” she whispered. “By not sorting out your feelings and making your intentions clear, you’re hurting them both.”
Lyra pulled back and walked out the doors, leaving me standing there with a dumbfounded look on my face. It wasn’t until Fluttershy almost snuck past me and out the door that I snapped out of it. “Fluttershy…”
She turned to look at me, clearly as uncomfortable as I had been. “Dawn.”
I walked over to her and hugged her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at Dash, or take advantage of you or anything… I value our friendship too much, you’re such a sweet mare, and I thought you’d finally accept me as a mare—”
“Dawn,” she interrupted. “I accept you for who you are, not your gender. I admit I was rather, um… thrilled when I saw you as a mare. It was like something out of a dream, and I was more than willing to accept your advances. However, I would never ask you to be something you’re not just so that I could find a little physical intimacy. I also value our friendship.”
“Thanks, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard you say, and also the longest.” I hugged her tighter for a moment and then let go.
“Please stop by if you need a friend to talk to, or your wings preened.”
She turned to leave and her primaries flicked across my neck. After she’d gone out the door I took a moment to take a deep breath and get ready to head out and see Zecora with Twilight.
Twilight and I had an uneventful stroll through the Everfree to the house of the zebra shaman. At this early time in the morning, the forest was rather brightly lit. The sun rising in the east was able to pierce most of the foliage along this well-traveled road to the shaman. The predators and animals they preyed on were all asleep.
Once we got to the hut, Twilight knocked on the door and a minute later Zecora opened it up. “This is the last thing I expected you to bring me, is this the pony you created with a dash of humanity?”
“Morning, Zecora, this is Dawn. Dawn, Zecora,” Twilight said, giving us a chance to greet.
I extended a hoof. “Hi, nice to meet you.”
Zecora bumped my hoof and bowed her head slightly. “The honor is mine, to observe a specimen so fine. Please, come inside and have some tea, and tell me of what use I can be.”
Twilight gestured me in and lead me to a bench to sit on. We seemed to be in a waiting area of sorts. It contained a few exotic plants, such as a cactus, which weren’t seen in Ponyville. Hanging ferns, tribal masks, and some ancient artwork on what appeared to be animal hides hung from the walls. I was about to ask about the animal hides, when I remembered their homeland was on another continent. Back on Earth, remote tribes would often shrink heads or go so far as to tan leather from humans, even cannibalize them. Perhaps it would be better if I not ask from what relative or animal the hides might have come from.
Sitting on the shelves of two thick bookcases were rows of potions, each labeled with paper and twine. They listed the benefits of the potion along with the cost, and I could make out cures to every ailment from the common cold to pneumonia. One even claimed to regrow bones, though for two-thousand bits I was hard pressed to imagine who might afford such an elixir.
Zecora finally returned with our tea, and set them down on the tree-stump turned coffee-table next to us. “Please enjoy your drinks, they’re flavored with a hint of lynx.”
I looked at Twilight who was already sipping her tea, so I tried my own. It had a strange tingling taste to it, as if I were drinking the kinds of pins and needles one might feel when their leg falls asleep. The minty taste was a bit over-powering to my senses, but otherwise I felt immediately more energized and happy after drinking it. “It’s very good,” I said.
“Zecora,” Twilight began. “Dawn’s had a rather interesting reaction to poison joke. You’re familiar with how it shrank Applejack? Well Dawn also experiences physical changes. The poison joke seems to play on his identity issues to turn him into a mare.”
I blushed at how matter-of-factly Twilight laid that out there, as if turning into a horny-mare was no big deal.
“This transformation you describe is a first, but fear not for a cure as I am well-versed.”
“The antidote works fine, though by then it’s too late. He seems to become rather… clouded in his inhibitions and judgements while under the effect. I was hoping something similar to the potion you made Fluttershy to lower her voice to a baritone would help. Or perhaps a vaccine.”
Zecora hummed and began to look through some drawers full of reagents. “Even with herbs and extracts from far and wide, the vaccine to poison joke still manages to hide. A brew to control, aid, or abate his symptoms can be made, if to provide blood and tissue samples he can be swayed.”
“I’ll gladly give you a sample, if you rhyme less for example?” I chuckled and shook my head as I realized I had rhymed. “Sorry, no offense… it’s just a bit too lyrical you know?”
“Dawn!” Twilight scolded, staring daggers at me.
“It is okay, Twilight, I took no offense. It’s refreshing to meet a pony who honestly does his thoughts dispense. Sadly, Dawn, I must refuse. It is ancient tradition to keep us in touch with our muse.”
“Muse? Are you saying this is an art and not an exact science?”
“Yeah,” Twilight said. “I’ve studied it and you can’t simply combine plant A and plant B to get a certain result. Every pair of reagents has a very particular interaction, which gets more complicated with each additional reagent. While I could theoretically memorize every possible known combination, Zecora is able to quickly improvise a potion for almost anything.”
“Wow, then that is pretty amazing,” I said. “So you can just whip something up on the spot?”
“Within reason, Dawn, don’t get your hopes up. There is far more to it than crushing weeds in a cup.”
Zecora opened up the bottom drawer and pulled out a kit to collect a blood sample. It was rather basic, but at the same time not as bad as I was expecting. She had a proper needle and some tubes to collect the blood. There was a kit to scrape some skin cells from my cheeks. “So, this’ll let you fix the thing with all the voices and horniness?”
“One step at a time,” she said while sticking the needle into my arm. I yelped, and she quickly finished drawing her sample. “It’ll be as easy as a rhyme.”
I couldn’t suppress the groan at her final remark, even as Twilight bumped me on the shoulder. Once Zecora had finished, I headed outside to wait for Twilight, who requested just a few minutes alone to talk to her. I figured they were talking about me, maybe conspiring to kidnap me and sex me up in their secret laboratory or something. However, at this point that would be a rather normal and stress-free day for me. To be honest, anything would have been better than what came next. I would need to find Dash, and properly apologize to her, if she didn’t kill me first.
Sounds like you need all new editors. If they refuse to fulfill the task they agreed upon because they're pissy about something, then they don't deserve the position. Kick those whiners to the curb and move on.
If they refuse to edit for you but insist that it's their right alone.. then they're invalidating their own position and breaking their 'contract' with you. Politely yet firmly tell them to go fuck themselves.
As for the chapter.. Applejack just won the 'World's Biggest Hypocrite' award. And, if anything, most of the Mane 6 should be apologizing to him. Especially Dash.
4618779 I agree that they should all mutually apologize to one another, but Dawn is hardly the pure soul out. He attempted to incite a riot, jealousy, and acted like a laser-guided cunt to practically everypony within listening distance. But as usual, Dash is the stubborn one.
4618791
Eh. Maybe I just feel empathy for the guy. He's a stranger in a strange land and they seem to be expecting him to just fit right into the herd. Also, Soarin' deserved it and a hell of a lot more.
I guess I just think he deserves a bit more slack than they're giving him.
I'll edit. I have nothing better to do. I might be slow during Yankees games though.
4618829 I personally think that Dawn is acting fine, even if I don't tend to act like that, everything he does is in character. I feel Soarin' is really different though, from other fanfics, but I like that, makes this story more unique. I also agree that he does need more slack, they're gonna drive him up the wall at this rate.
On a side note not related to this chapter, I feel that Scootaloo could be improved upon a small amount, but not too much.
Whelp, I deleted that previous comment faster than I've ever deleted a comment before. Yay.
"...is this the pony you created with a dash of humanity?”
It kinda seems that you haven't made up your mind yet for who Dawn is going to be. Those two decisions can take the story in a whole different direction
Editors? If this is what an unedited chapter looks like, then you don't need no stinkin' editors at all! I only saw one error:
You have "poison ivy" instead of "poison joke".
If a proofreader like me finds only one mistake, then editors seem pointless, and if your
currentformer "editors" pitch a fit, you can just block 'em.Dude (or girl) I feel sorry that some editors were being ass-hats to you. This community is really falling -the-fuck apart.
As I have somewhat stated on your blog post, I was with you before the Hiatus, and I will be with you on your decision to return or not to return.
Pony fanfiction. Serious. Business.
I still enjoyed it.
I think Dash and Dawn and Dawn and Soarin' should get over their pissy fits with each other respectively. It is BLATANTLY obvious that Dash cares for Dawn (Though, relations are up to you, Author.). Soarin' is just a Class A dickhat that needs to get over his needyness and petty jealousy. Dawn has a few things to apologize for as well, though, with RD being a cuntstick to him/her, it will be kind of hard. His/her apology to Flutterrape went as smoothly as it could. He/she DOES need to learn how to open up. He/she ALSO needs to bake a pie laced with Poison Joke for Soarin'. I think I have said my share.
actually not a bad chapter, but you can't get editors because something to do with criticism or feedback, and you can't go to new ones because you havn't used them much which annoys the people who won't because they still feel entitled to the job...
4619139 *bump* agreement there dude.
hmm. looks like chapter 9 and 10 got cleaned up a little bit. that or I'm paranoid.
derp.
You have "poison ivy" twice where it should be "poison joke". Probably some sort of autocorrect in whatever editor you used.
[Edit: Hey, I want to make it clear that I enjoy your story, even if I don't say it. If you ever question it, check how many people are watching you or favorite your stories. Those people agree with me.
I don't want to ask you to write if you feel it a chore. But maybe change it up a bit, that might help. Plan out some future chapters in more detail instead of writing out a chapter. Write a one-off side story you always wanted to write but wouldn't work with the main story. Think about the main story and what you don't like about it that's making it tough to write. Consider if changing anything would improve it. I dunno.]
Dawn found... herself laying lazily over the grass in a forest clearing. Being female in a dream was not the strangest thing that had happened to her, so she just decided to enjoy the sense of peace and being lazy.
Firefly approached her, she was wearing aviator goggles and a red scarf.
"What do you want now?"
"I... I wanted to apologize."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I... everypony, maybe we pushed too much. Plus, we didn't tell you about the flock thing, cause we wanted you to be a mare."
"Wait, you knew?" Dawn stood up and looked at Firefly
"Have you noticed, how many mares are around compared to colts? Being a colt puts a lot of pressure in you. Plus it feels... wrong. You know how to act in pony society, how to fly, how to do a lot of pony things, but as a female."
"So, just because it would be easier, I should be female?"
"Dude, we are representations of what you want." Firefly said and say next to Dawn. "With Discord, you have up your humanity, you have up being a guy. Sure, if there was a chance you could go back to being a guy and human, but... you made a sacrifice. Magic, the universe and everything takes that seriously around here."
"Please explain."
"Well... you want the many six to be your friends, you want Fluttershy to be your girlfriend, you want to be Scootaloo older sister, none of those things will happen if you are a guy."
"Wait, just because I am a guy doesn't meant that... "
"You noticed, haven't you? How different they treat you when you are a colt?"
"Yeah but..."
"If being a guy is so great, why the only one of us who wants you to be male is Denial? Where is the true male part of your personality?"
Damn, that was a very good question.
"They screwed me up, didn't they?"
"Not their fault, all what survived was Dash memories of you, and your own memories and personality but whatever part of you that made you a guy... just wasn't inside Dash anymore."
"So... the reason it sucks to be a guy is because, while the body has the instincts, my soul or whatever is not really there?"
Before Dawn got a definitive answer she woke up
I don't really know how I feel about this story right now.
I'll admit, it's written really well, but I can't help but feel that Dawn is always getting dragged around by the mane six and forced to conform in ways he isn't use too. Like some of the other commenters said, I feel he was justified in emotional attacking Soarin in the way he did it. True, it was fucked up, but I honestly wouldn't have cared at that point either. Especially with all the shit he's had to go through.
Yet, he's always confronted by the mane six afterward and he's made out to be the bad guy. It makes me feel bitter and confused about the whole thing, and partially annoyed by how easy he folds to their wishes.
Sorry if this comment doesn't make a whole lotta' sense, but its just how I feel right now. I blame it on a mixture of me disliking 'Rainbow Dash' and 'Diaries of a Madman.'
I read the blog. I can see all points of view present. I think your editors should accept that it isn't directed at them and get over it with at most a simple apology.
I absolutely love getting new updates for great stories. I do try not to nag on but if I have a story that I absolutely love I will say something after a few months. Usually something encouraging. But I have also been that guy who has wasted his time reading a crappy story and pointed out all the plot holes without the friendliest tone. This is one of those stories I look forward to reading and now that I am seriously trying to write my own story how hard it is.
Thousands of people read this story alone. The fact that they keep coming back for more means they usually like it. While the community may not explicitly say 'thank you' some of us do try to show our excitement and support of your work with thumbs up, favs, constructive criticism, and of course commenting about what we liked.
So since you seem to need it "Thank You."
I also want to say thank you for being an awesome author
Actually a really interesting chapter. And I'm sorry you feel that way about how the community has gotten (saw the blog) I know it often seems a lot like that but I know that all the ass-hats also tend to be some of the more vocal members of the community and it stands in stark contrast to what the show itself was actually teaching. I hope writing starts to become fun for you again, write what appeals to you and if people bitch at you for it they can go fuck themselves. So far you've done some really great work and you should be thanked more. It's just everyone's odd way of thanking you through talking and debating about it like an actual show.
4618829 I hate to say it but I'm starting to think Soarin is a bit more in the right. With the introduction of herding we can't really judge him on our Human standards, for all we know he can be acting like a normal stallion, or at least one that's publicly accepted.
He's still a asshole though
Seems like your editors feel entitled. It`s your story, you can do whatever you want with it. As for the chapter, it was pretty good. Dawn feels like, well how do I explain this, he is basically not himself. What I mean, is that the personalities and personas are a spawn of being in Dash for an extended amount of time. She took away his manhood, or stallionhood in this case.
Hmm, the ability to switch genders really puts a interesting spin in who a person is. I've always wondered on whether mystique from xmen feels comfortable with both genders, or if she still identifies as a female. Fluttershy may be willing to pursue a relationship with dawn now, or maybe not. Is she attracted to dawns personality, or just his female body. Lots of interesting questions.
4619613 It depends on which style of herding they use. The most popular Lero herding uses kind of a head mare, who kind of auditions others before they join the herd. Soarin wouldn't be the only one affected by adding more ponies, they should all b compatible, or at least friendly Idealy.
4619750 True, but the point still stands that we can't hold him the our standards. He could be acting in the norm for all we know.
4619876 ya, but if we can assume he was not acting normal if other ponies said it was odd. Lyra said he didn't deserve any mare.
4619904 Oh yeah, it's been awhile so I forgot all about that. Never mind, Soarins a dick.
...Hmm.
You know, this story is unique in my eyes. It truly make you think, contemplate and work your way through the themes it presents to the reader. Who is in the right? Who is in the wrong? Is it as black and white as we perceive it to be? From the other comments I've been reading, you've truly set up something magical. A piece of writing that can cause debate and brain power and thought processes to progress onward. The main character you've set up is one of the strongest main characters I've seen come out of MLP fanfiction, and I really mean that. He is such a believable character that I would be hard pressed to find he is written if I'd ever met him in real life. His pros balance out with his cons and he struggles with life and fitting in, a situation that every single human being on planet Earth has experienced. I think you've set up the perfect main character; one that is flawed by nature, has his quirks and oddities, has his genuine emotional moments and has many moments where the audience can connect with him. It's a very powerful thing to witness when a story runs so much on a single character alone.
But besides the complexity of the story, I do agree with the other readers. Dawn needs a time in the spotlight, a time where the other character's don't see him as the bad guy, but as a pony that is struggling to find himself in a completely different society that he grew up with, not to mention the fact that he may not truly be himself anymore because of the conversion losing bits and pieces of him in Dash's mind. I feel as if the supporting cast kind of forgot that he was human and instead judge him as if he were any old pony in Ponyville. I realize that they shouldn't treat him differently because he's special and moral stuff like that, but seriously? None of them are giving him a break, whatsoever, and it may be realistic that one would be treated to hard-hitting events like these over and over and over again repeatedly in a short time span, but to an audience, it's exhausting. From the story you've built up, the main character is likable, and thus is rooted for by the spectators. We, the viewers, want to see him succeed and grow and prosper in his new life after climbing up the mountain of perilous trials, but you don't hold back any punches. Dawn has taken so much of an emotional beating, it's disheartening to see him suffer through so much. It almost seems OOC to see the mane 6 interact with him so harshly and judgingly. They've peered down at him with such a scrutiny that it's beginning to be hard to believe that the story takes place in the same Equestria as the show does. Granted, you've proven that the story iteration of the world is not the same as the show, but as Bronies we are looking for a bit if familiarity in the stories you provide, and after straying off of the characters' personalities from the show even though you've hit the head right on the spot for so long, it's confusing to see an author like you stumble through the dialogue and actions of Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and so on.
Great chapter. I'm hoping that you're wrapping up the plot soon however, because the story is quickly running out of steam with all the garbage that Dawn has to handle.
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I dunno why people are downvoting you. You present a very good argument here.
Can't wait for that, it's going to go soo smoothly!
4618714 Yeah, I have never had editors like that. Drama and writing and writing about drama do not mix well.
Yay another chapter but that's not what I want to talk about... I know I already commented on your blog, but now that I think about it, I know that you're taking this too seriously, and so is practically everyone that has commented, myself included. This is a huge cycle of 'Pin it on someone else!' and I hate it. Nobody is truly at fault here, the fans who comment are on the internet where it's possible to not give a crap and not feel terrible about your consequences in the future if you wish! Some people don't know any better, some people deliberately do this, and others will stand out to you, telling you about how much they love your fics and why, and you love them for that. I love them for that. The thing about these kinds of people is this: The people who either just browse or seem slightly or more than slightly narcissistic, you should browse over them, but not give them terribly much thought. What you should look out for is those who would make something of a detailed critique on why you did something wrong or write, those are the people who matter, because they are the grown-ups of the internet. They would pay attention to something in a piece of fiction written on the internet based off of technicolor ponies and would comment in your comments section, pointing out what you specifically did wrong or right with a story instead of saying that they just don't like it or want more. That's what I feel you should do, but what matters right now is what you feel you want to do. Are you going to walk away, or fix the situation, or blow it up even further? Any way you handle it will be acceptable, because it's your content, your fanbase, your move. I'd reccommend you take one day to truly think over what you feel is the best course of action. You can take a break for several months/the entire summer, continue to make blog posts about the big why, you can just walk away. All of them will be respectable. Just think, man, think.
Best of luck to you.
So, when do they apologies to him?
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Maybe because despite the fact that Dawn got turned into a mare more than once since he woke up in the body of a colt, and all the voices inside his head seem female, some people don't want Dawn to be a mare. Quite funny since Dawn mentally and emotionally became one of the girls in the previous story.
It would be interesting to see if Rainbow Dash shows some guilt about Dawn gender conflict, since in the first story, she violated Dawn, granted it was while Dawn was in Dash body, but it was still something really awful for her to do.
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Since he is the guy, he is the one who has to apologize, sad and sexist but true.
I'd volunteer for editing but I have no time... The fact I'm reading this before going to bed after a 17 hour shift (in the middle of a 72 hour work week) should be a hint as to how little time I've had free lately.
Guess I'll cast my hook like so many seem to be doing. I'd be happy to do rough editing, or anything you'd need. I work from home so I'm available just about 24/7. Shoot me a pm if you're interested. Actually anyone who would like me to edit for them, just send a pm. I'd be happy to help.
Dude, if this is unedited, why do you even need an editor? This chapter is no worse than any of your others.
good chapter
I read the blog post, and just wanted to remind you that there are a lot of people out there, like me, who love stories like what you write but dont say anything. Just needed to say that you are a great writer and I can ultimately see why you would feel no guilt for not writing, but that doesnt mean I am not disappointed because you are one of my favorite FIM authors. To see you take this road is very saddening to me. Just wanted to give one last thanks to you just in case you stop writing on FIM.
Really though, thanks.
Seriously your story's are amassing ... Pls don't leave us
After reading your blog entry I feel kinda bad about not posting under every Chapter how great this story is and how much I like it. But now is it to late I suppose. Until your will to write comes back, I'm happy to know that maybe you'll update this story in some time and I can enjoy it all the same. And I really hope that, not just because I want to read the following chapters(for now stored in your maniac-mind) but also for yourself so you can enjoy writing again. I'ts always sad to not want something you like because you see no value in it.
So for now I hope you will change your mind and write again on your stories for us and yourself
Sincerly Tsu.
P.S.: I kinda like this raw chapter :D thogh not as well written as I'm used to, but it has its own charme
thanks for the update!! I always enjoy your stories.
This was a great chapter I always enjoy reading Dash of Humanity. It's a great story. I'll always read this story no matter how long it takes for new chapters to come out. Do them at your own pace, loyal readers won't care how long it takes but that the story continues.
Love the stories to death but I'm kinda shy about talking..
This is unedited? Ya could have fooled me. I like how you made potion making an art.
I'm starting to think I'm addicted to ponies.
Hey man, it's really nice to be back to this amazing story. I was out of the country and away from technology for a few months, but I have returned and am enjoying again the story, it's sequel, and their author that have been the best things I've found on this site.
I am sorry you've felt so broken down by people, especially these editors of yours. Anyone who acts so entitled and greedy like that does not deserve to be a part of your life in any manner. I haven't seen much of this community of late having been away as I said, but the little I've seen since being back, this community seems no less caring and compassionate as it has always been. Everyone has different experiences though, and when you have a story as popular as this, you're bound to have people who just don't care and are always wanting more.
Take a break if you want/need, you're only human, you can only take so much. We're all here happily waiting for your return, if you decide to return at all. It's always hard writing when you're not motivated in any way. This isn't your job, you don't have to push through to keep writing. Take however long you need to clear your head, get some enjoyment back in your life, and if you do decide to return, know that we who have been faithful to you and this incredible story will always be here for you.
We all support you whole heartedly and all those neighsayers and greedy people can suffer from
Good luck in whatever you choose, Kaidan. You're an incredible writer, and even from what little I've seen of your personal self, definitely an awesome person. Thank you for all of this wonderful story and anything that may come in future.
Please don't stop!
Forget about these editors if they don't want to do what you ask them to. Someone else besides you shouldn't stop YOUR story from being published.
4620609 see? this is why I want to destroy women.