• Published 20th Dec 2013
  • 30,078 Views, 2,382 Comments

Dash of Humanity 2: A New Dawn - Kaidan



I'm stuck in Equestria, which reminds me of the dark ages. Instead of internet and fast-food, I have Rainbow Dash. She's been asked to help me learn to fit in... I'd like a refund.

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17. The next day - Epilogue

“Thanks for dinner, Dawn,” Dash said.

“Hey, it’s the least I could do after that new trick you showed me last night.”

I ate another bite of the salad in front of me, enjoying the rich taste of the tomatoes. They were impossibly fresh, and this was my second helping from the salad bar. Dash sat across from me in the shade of a large umbrella at the outdoor diner. We had come here the day after rescuing Shining for a relaxing dinner.

“Hmm, well I ran into Zecora today and she said she made a new potion. Apparently, you can try that move from the other side of the fence, if you catch my drift.”

I nodded and chuckled. “Yeah, I catch your drift but somehow I don’t trust you to turn me back afterwards.” I grinned and looked at her. “Stallions are the better gender, after all.”

“Is that a challenge! I’ll prove just how wrong you are, buddy!”

We broke out laughing and after a moment resumed eating our salad. Word had spread, thanks largely to Pinkie, about how we had found Shining Armor and destroyed the cave of Discord. Ponies seemed fairly happy to have some closure, Twilight and Cadance most of all. I was scheduled to take a train to the Crystal Empire in a few days to receive an award alongside my friends for rescuing Shining Armor.

Everypony was happy, except for the one walking up on our table. “There you are, Dawn, you sleezebag.”

I turned to see Soarin walking up to us. “Hey, I was just following my heart, it wasn’t anything personal. Besides, Dash can make up her own mind.”

“Dash is a whore, I see that now,” Soarin said.

The table nearly fell over as I bolted to my hooves, bumping roughly into it. “Hey! You want to be mad, be mad at me, but if you insult Dash one more time I’ll kick your ass into next Tuesday.

Soarin spit on the floor at my hooves. “You’re a freak, and I hope you’re happy with your little whore—”

He may have had more to say, but my hoof proved an effective way to silence him. There was a loud cracking sound as part of his mandible broke, and a sharp pain as my hoof split. Soarin landed on his side, drooling blood and staring at me with enough hatred to be palpable.

Dash was on her hooves now too, but she wasn’t scolding me or even speaking to Soarin. She just stared at him, perhaps disappointed in her former idol.

“I think it’s time you leave, Soarin,” I said.

He got to his hooves, scowling. Through his injured jaws he managed to mutter “this isn’t over, Dawn,” before flying away.

Author's Note:

So, there will be a sequel and cake. There's no stopping the Dawn-train. Well, unless you're Soarin and you do something illegal to get even.


Thanks all for reading. Oh, and there may be a final cloptional chapter.

Comments ( 143 )

Yay, you go get 'im Dawn!

:pinkiegasp: O this is going to be good.
kick his plot dawn..

Just by saying that about Stallions being the better gender, Dawn is gonna wake up as a girl next morning.

Well that ending was quite random...

nightmare soarin? that would be .... strange....

A sequel to the sequel! *mind explodes*

A/N
the cake is a lie!

Cake! Oh and a sequel...yay...But cake!

Great story, and I can't say enough about how happy I am that there will be a sequel, thank you soo much.

Called it, Soarin's a dick. 100% confirmed.

Anyway, this was a great story and I anticipate the threequel, with more shenigans and personality fragments. Bravo!

Noone knows this, but Soarin's nickname is Screwed.

So, there will be a sequel and cake. There's no stopping the Dawn-train. Well, unless you're Soarin and you do something illegal to get even.

the foreshadowing is real
P.S. Also the cake is a lie

5245632
She was busy playing MMORPG's in Dawn's head. Also, I forgot. :twilightsmile:

5245961 the cake is a lie

Dash was on her hooves now too, but she wasn’t scolding me or even speaking to Soarin. She just stared at him, perhaps disappointed in her formal idol.

Do you perhaps mean former? Soarin really isn't a formal guy, y'know?
also :yay: sequel

Can't wait for Moar!

5245976

So you are not gonna edit the story to add her? Lazy!

5245998
He always wears a Wonderbolts outfit and tie.

Comment posted by SilverMoonIV deleted Nov 9th, 2014

This ride has been wonderful so far. I can only see a 'bright' future for poor Dawn. I swear if he says "It couldn't get any worse, right?", I will die laughing from what would happen to him thanks to his 'luck'.
(Also, All hail the mighty Kaidan, for today we have been blessed!)

Yay for more Dawn-train.
and yay for dash of humanity :D

Well, I'll see what the sequel brings, but I'm a little hesitant. The way this Soarin doesn't feel anything like the one from the show is a little off-putting.

The way you write him now, he'd best hook up with Lightning Dust. Hah, there's your ending right there! Everypony's happy. Kinda^^

What about the foal growing in dash when will it be born.

eh, not a particularly interesting story. The sex spices it up a little, but it's still OC goes to Equestria and becomes best friends with the main 6. Said OC also has a tragic past and multiple head voices because he's so edgy and random. It's not terrible but... doesn't really keep my interest.

Words can't even begin to describe how good that punch must have felt. Loved it, can't wait for the sequal btw.

I've loved this story from the very beginning and never stopped. Everything about it had been awesome, be it the awkward humor of Don and Dash sharing a mind with zero walls between them at all times, or the drama of Dawn being pulled many different ways at a time in love connections of various shapes (line, triangle, a fuckin' trapezoid), or even the... Relationship building... Of... The... Extra chapters...

*cough*

... And all the way up to this point, I've never had any problems with this awesome story. But, I do have a small issue now. The final chapter, and the epilogue for that matter as well, they felt a bit... Rushed. Like loose ends were being tied up as quickly as possible to get on with the next part of the story. Like a magician whose magic words are not "Alakazam" or "Ta-daa", but instead "Okay, next thing", I feel there isn't much time to really appreciate any magnitude behind the events themselves, which staggers me a bit because before now you had captured the feeling of significance behind character interactions and story developments so well.

I could give examples, but this is already a very long comment. In any case, while it is a bit jarring to me, truly, for the sake of the story I could and would easily ignore it for now.

... Serioisly, this IS a long comment...

---TL:DR---

Great story so far, pacing and significance of action felt a bit lacking in the last chapter, I'll accept it so you can move ahead with the story, can't wait for book 3 to start.

If DoH turns into Transformers with the sequels... *Shudder* I can barely handle it as it is >.>

Mmmmm definitely looking forward to reading the next part. You wrote a HIE story with an very likable oc who is NOT overpowered as fuck and saving the world all the time. It seems to be a real Rarity... not to mention proper grammar and stuff, stuff is very important. :twilightsmile:

Oh come on, Don/Dawn could have least made a cool reference when he punched Sourin. Or like KOed him and said "Fatality".

5246720

That implies Dawn killed him though.

A split hoof? Owies. I actually think Dawn got the worse deal out of that. ... ... OK will not really but still XD

5246760 I REGRET NOOOTTHHIIIINNGGG...

This story had me trippin when I first read it, and while it's not at the same level as the first, I still eagerly await the third.

Dat rushed epilogue dou

5246508

I agree, it feels quire rushed.

5245976
Duh, Dawn was her from the beginning. He brought the courage to stand against discord.
Else he would have been nothing than a shell.

The epiloge was rushed, but I can't wait do see the sequel pop out.

...does he just realise what he said to one of Equestria's more than once national heroes?

Oh Celestia, I have another pony for you to send to the sun!

Nice work there overall. What are your plans for next?

5246536
Dash of Humanity 3: Dark Side of Jurassic Park.

Dawn hopped on his T-Rex and charged towards the center of town square where Discord-bot was causing EXPLOSIONS!

... no thanks :twilightsheepish:

5246242
They were making assumptions that the mysterious magical cave in the Everfree was Discords, and got lucky. It works on the show, at least (oh look there's the Tree of Harmony we found after 3 minutes of looking!) :scootangel:

5246508
I do seem to get excited once I start writing endings, I could have added in more story instead of just thinking of all the sequel ideas and other stories I have begging for updates. :fluttershyouch:

5247675
The moon's a lot more comfortable... maybe he'll get lucky.

I am following you now, like I should have after finishing Dash of Humanity, you deliciously devious dastardly dapper dude.

5247716

Well, Dawn might have got the mare, but he still has not resolved the whole conflict that basically almost every part of him wants to be a mare.

******

Dawn woke up, and noticed that "she" was chained to the bed. Dawn groaned "This isn't funny..."

"Oh, I had to get you back for saying that stallions are better." Rainbow Dash said. "But... I decided it would be best if I wasn't the one to teach you the lesson this time."

She then pushed a nervous Fluttershy in front of Dawn "Go on, have fun!"

"Dashie... I... I don't fell comfortable about this..." Despite what she said, Fluttershy keep ogling Dawn sexy female body and blushing.

"Well, is up to you, I have to go with Twilight to learn stuff about maternity." Dash left, but made sure to lock the door first.
:heart:

Thanks for yet another amazing story Kaidan.
I will most definitely be reading the sequel.:twilightsmile:

5248455 5247850
Good catch, there was a paragraph of dialogue missing there! I don't know what went wrong. :derpyderp1:

We’d only traveled maybe fifty feet and entered a large chamber. Immediately I heard Twilight squee in joy and run ahead of us, towards a statue of a stallion in the middle of the room. “Shining!”

Everypony rushed towards him and began to look at his statue. "Can you fix him?" Pinkie asked.

"I think so, I just need some time to concentrate, girls." Twilight's horn began to glow as she focused.

5248618
5248586

I'd blame my editors but I didn't have any because they're too famous for a small-time fan fic author like me. Though I'll go back now and look, I could swear he totally finds it and describes it before the happy "I rescued you" sex with Dash....

Wow, I'm such a horrible author,

5248618 5248586

Wow, I went 3 chapters assuming I described it in chapter 13... and didn't. The moral of the story: I need editors because I can't trust my own brain. Luckily, I ret-conned it before anyone noticed. I just need you to look here...

rdouglasfields.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/neuralizer_large.jpg

For people that don't want to re-read it, here they are:

Ch. 13

I pulled a splint and some gauze out of my saddlebag and began wrapping up the wing she presented me. As I tended to her wound I felt a stinging on my flank, like an insect had bit it. Then the other flank as well, so I swatted at them with a free hoof. After a moment I looked back to see what it was.

“Look at that,” Dash observed. On my flank was a rising sun, outlining a medical caduceus. The yellow-orange sun contrasted nicely with my fur, which was fortunate considering that I’d have this mark for life.

“Yeah, I’ve been wondering when I’d get my butt stamp.”

Dash laughed and after a moment I joined in, the stress and tension melting. “It doesn’t look to bad, can you fly on it?”

“Not well, we should walk.”

Ch. 14

“Well, if, um… you two are finished, the next item on my to-do list was to search for my brother.” Twilight magicked a scroll out of somewhere and unrolled it. She quickly began to mark off some boxes on it.

“She didn’t notice, did she?” I asked Dash.

“Hmm?” She looked at me, her eyes quickly finding my Cutie Mark. “Heh, guesss not. Let’s keep quiet and see how long it takes her.”

“So, Fluttershy told you we ran across some magic cave thing?” I tilted my head as she made the scroll vanish in a puff of purple smoke. Some day I’d have to ask where all the things she makes vanish actually go.

“Yeah, let’s just relax for a minute and catch our breath,” Twilight said.

“So I can’t wait any longer,” I said. I began to take my flight suit off for a moment, until it’d exposed my flank. “Twilight crashes my little romp with Dash this morning and doesn’t notice my Cutie Mark.”

Pinkie was first to gasp and rush to my side, followed more slowly by the others. “Wow, a rising sun! It’s perfect, well for you. Personally I like cakes and balloons and—what’s that?”

Twilight leaned in. “That’s a caduceus, a symbol for the medical field from ancient times.”

“Wow, are those two snakes and wings?" Pinkie blurted. "And this means I can throw Dawn a party for his Cutie Mark—”

“And he got saving me from the Everfree,” Dash interrupted.

“Yeah, I fought off a twelve-foot tall Manticore too with my bare hooves,” I stated.

“Well, don’t forget the hydra or the grizzly bear,” Dash added.

“Oh, you fought off a grizzle bear?!” Pinkie asked. “Did he look like this?” She stood up on her hind legs and raised her forelegs in the air.

“Pinkie, they’re pulling your leg,” Twilight observed.

“Yeah, Ah reckon you did a fine bit of work to get that Cutie Mark, Dawn, but Ah’ve seen you at the Iron Pony and y’all pegasi couldn’t wrestle a grizzly,” Applejack said.

“Oh, but I did see Fluttershy wrestle a grizzly bear once,” Twilight stated. “Flung him on the ground like a sack of rice.”

“Oh, dear, that doesn’t sound like me…” Fluttershy gulped. “I did give one a massage once…”

The conversation began to break up into separate ones as the ponies got comfortable and rested for a moment.

I nodded and headed over to sit next to Dash. While we sat and waited to enter the cave and face whatever challenges there might be inside, I began to preen her wings and get all the leaves out of them. She gave me a soft smile and I wished we had come out here on a picnic and not a search and rescue party—so we could take the time to enjoy ourselves.

Ch. 16

“You know, the guard could use a pony like you, Dawn. I hear you’ve got some skill at tracking.”

I tilted my head in confusion for a moment before recalling my cutie mark, which appeared during the hunt for Dash. “Oh, right! Yeah I guess I do, but I’m not much of the enlistment type.” Given my knack for finding lost things, and the bit of medical knowledge I retained that was still useful, the mark seemed fitting: a yellow-orange sun rising over the horizon to outline a medical caduceus.

You've been ret-conned. It's now official, Dash came first. Thanks for pointing out that huge over-sight, and consider yourselves honorary editors.

5248595
Also yes :D

5248734
I did leave some things open for the sequel but didn't plan to give you that many questions so here it goes:

What is Dawn exactly?
In Dawn's mind, he has a fear that he's "not real", since they created him. He isn't a golem, but he fears that he's not really "Don" anymore because of being made in a pony's image.

made out of the shards of Dash's memories of Dawn?
That's fairly accurate. After he sacrificed himself so enable Dash to use the Element of Loyalty, there wasn't much of "him" left. The strongest points like his smart-ass attitude would have faded last, but other points like say his love for pizza or ice cream, that weren't important, faded first. So I imagine Dawn like a broken glass, but it's missing some pieces. So they could glue the glass back together, but they had to pull from the Mane Six some of the missing pieces. For example: Can't find his empathy? We'll create a sense of compassion and kindness using magic, based on Fluttershy who is a shining example of them. Need some extra loyalty or laughter? Etc... So he's him, but he's also still got a large part of Dash (that merged with him), and some pieces of the others to help him feel "complete". I may visit that in the next story too.

Is he still the same person from book I or is he an entirely different entity?
A man buys an axe and goes home to chop firewood. While he's chopping firewood, the handle breaks. He goes to the store and they give him a new handle, which he attaches to the axe blade. He goes home to chop the rest of the wood, and the axe blade chips and cracks. He goes to the store and they give him a new axe blade to put on it.

Is the axe still the same axe he bought?

Didn't mean to answer a question with a question, so short version: Yes, he's still the same person from the first story. However we all grow and change over time and in a way it was accelerated for Dawn. He took on a lot of new traits, lost some traits, but he's still him. I think the cynicism and smart-assery remained as they were strong traits, and that show's he is still Don, but they've softened around the edges to where he starts using "everypony" instead of "everyone" and no longer thinks of himself as human.

Will Dash's child have 3 genetic parents since Dash was genetically spliced with Dawn during conception?

It'll have two genetic parents: Soarin and Dash. I've considered doing a side story to show that Soarin wasn't really an asshole, it was just Dawn's point of view, but I figured out another way to do that. Anyway, though the baby will appear physically like Soarin and Dash, I might have it take on some of Dawn's personality or something else since they were co-inhabiting her brain at that time. Also, I thought of another way for Dash and Dawn to have a baby.

Why did Discord invade the Crystal Empire?

While his plan to disrupt the Elements work, he soon figured out it didn't work well enough and he was looking for another weapon to use against them. The Crystal Empire had Shining (to leverage against Twilight: If she doesn't stand down and surrender the Elements, he kills her brother.) He could also have sought to use the Crystal Heart against them, or locate relics left by Sombra... but for our purposes, just the first reason.

Were the Elements of Harmony used to create Dawn's body? If so, What are the implications?

The Elements as physical jewelry weren't used, they were returned to the tree at some point. But the Elements of Harmony as the ponies themselves were used to help the Alicorns create Dawn. See above comment, sort of like having the lego-instructions for building a lego pony, they could use them as examples of how to build a pony. Which is also why his personas in his mind were seeming like seperate entities.

Was the mirror the same mirror from the show?

For simplicity we'll assume it's from the show and leads to Earth, or the EQG Earth. A friend started telling me about the comics and how there were multiple mirrors and dimensions, and that if Dawn did kick and shatter the mirror it would shatter reality... so I went with simple. It leads to Earth, and it can't be fully destroyed. It was a symbolic act, and the mirror may come back later.

5248795

It was a little slip, I just had that little slip on the top of a giant rock spire and plummeted to my death. :rainbowlaugh:

i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/07/21/article-0-1426D26C000005DC-430_964x1396.jpg

5248770

Holy hell (contradiction, I know) your a fast typer! Thanks for the speedy response. I'm looking forward to part III. When you have the time, you should watch "Caprica." It explores your "farmer's ax "example. I may very well re-read DOH I. Thanks again for the series.

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