• Published 20th Dec 2013
  • 30,078 Views, 2,382 Comments

Dash of Humanity 2: A New Dawn - Kaidan



I'm stuck in Equestria, which reminds me of the dark ages. Instead of internet and fast-food, I have Rainbow Dash. She's been asked to help me learn to fit in... I'd like a refund.

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4. Don't Grumble, Give a Whistle

The voice of Celestia resonated in my head as I flew down the trench of the Death Star. “Use the force, Dawn.”

I moved the small wooden airplane between the books I had set up in the crusader club house. Scootaloo was leaning forward to get a better look and threatened to topple over onto my recreation of the famous scene.

“Dawn! Your targeting computer is off!” Admiral Twilight’s voiced cracked through the radio, sounding panicked.

“It’s okay,” I replied.

“The force is strong in this one. Queen Chrysalis continued to weave left and right, keeping my ship in her crosshairs.

“Look out!” Scootaloo shouted.

“Haha, it’s okay, Scootaloo, just let me tell the story, alright?”

I had to keep my ship steady as I aimed for the exhaust port. I heard my dashboard beeping, warning me that Chrysalis got a target lock. Any second now I was going to be vaporized!

There was a loud explosion and a scream over the communicator. “Awww yeah!” I saw Chrysalis’ ship spinning out of control in the rear view display.

“Dash?” I asked.

“You didn’t think I’d let you have all the fun and get all the credit, did you, kid?”

“Thanks.” I focused on the exhaust port up ahead, pulling the trigger to fire off two proton torpedoes. They zoomed down the exhaust port as I pulled up, locking my wing together and maxing out the throttle.

“Party’s over. Get clear of the death star!” I shouted.

All the ships from the Solar Rebellion pulled away, leaving the death moon built by Nightmare Moon behind. Moments later, a deafening explosion filled the area.

“But sound can not be transmitted through a vacuum,” Sweetie Belle corrected.

“Oh yeah? But I can use the force to lift objects with my mind?” I retorted.

“Yeah, unicorns do that all the time.”

“Oh come on!” Scootaloo shouted. “Let Dawn finish the story!”

I flew back to the rebel base, where I got a gold medal for saving the Solar Rebellion from the Lunar Empire.


“The end.”

“Aww, that can’t be the end! What about Nightmare Moon or Queen Chrysalis? What happened to Celestia?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yeah, we want to know!” Twist added.

I looked around at all the fillies and colts from Cheerilee’s class. I could have sworn it was just me and the CMC when I’d started my story. Now, there were twelve children and Pinkie Pie listening.

“Look, there are more stories, but that one took a lot of energy out of me.”

“What about Lord Chrysalis? Why’d she go all evil like? Is there a story about that?”

I winced. “Uh… no. That was the first movie. You’ll just have to use your imagination.”

“What about Dash? She shot King Sombra and killed him,” Diamond Tiara pointed out. “Isn’t that murder?”

“What, was Dash supposed to wait for Sombra to shoot first?” Scootaloo asked.

“Come on, fillies, it’s not important. What is important is that this story accurately portrays my life before I moved to Ponyville.” I looked over at Pinkie. “Right?”

“Absototalutely! Dawn was a fighter pilot in outer space before this,” Pinkie said.

“Alright, I think everyone should head home. I have stuff to do,” I said.

Pinkie and I waited for everypony to leave, before walking off towards Ponyville. I had spent the entire morning hanging out with the children and it had taken a lot of energy. The fillies in this town have a reputation, mostly from the Cutie Mark Crusaders, of being trouble makers.

“So, Dawn,” Pinkie said. “I heard Fluttershy said no to your date.”

I sighed, having not told her why Fluttershy turned me down. Apparently only me and Dash knew she was into mares and I planned to keep it that way. “No biggie, there’s plenty of mares in town.”

“At least you’re not all sad and mopey about it. So I was thinking…” Pinkie jumped in front of me so I had to stop walking and stand still. “Why don’t I get you a blind date?”

“Uh, I guess. . .”

“Nuh-uh, no guesses! Do or do not, there is no guess!”

“Celestia, what have I done? Now you’re going to be stealing all my Star Wars references.” I facehoofed and shook my head.

“Well, I told you I’d rather hear a story about vampires and werewolves.”

“No, you really wouldn’t. And yeah, so when is it?”

Pinkie smiled. “Sugarcube Corner at seven! You’ve gotta Pinkie promise to be there and I’ll find the bestest mare ever!”

“Sure, Pinkie promise to be there. It’s cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, right?”

“Yep!” Pinkie ran off, only remember when she was forty yards away to shout back, “Thanks, Dawn! See you later!”

I shrugged and continued towards my house. I’m sure Pinkie would find a perfectly nice mare for me to date. My mind couldn’t help but wander to Rainbow Dash. Of all the mares in the town there were only two I really cared about, and one of them turned out to be lesbian. I hoped the nine-mares-to-one-stallion ratio didn’t mean most mares swung for the other team.

My stomach grumbled when I noticed a patch of wildflowers, recalling how tasty they were. The bright red and yellow flowers ahead of me would make a suitable lunch. Since they grew against the edge of the Everfree, I doubt I was eating anypony’s prized garden.

I made short work of that patch of flowers. It tasted like honey and strawberry. I followed the edge of the forest towards my house, finding a patch that looked more like roses. The white and pink ones were quite delicious, reminding me of a vanilla potpourri my mom had favored when I was a kid.

My mind wandered as I sampled every flower I could find. I’d managed to find one of every color and several different species. My favorite were light blue flowers with long white stamen. They tasted like dark chocolate covered blueberries, and I ate more of them than any other flower I sampled.

My stomach was feeling full so I left the edge of the Everfree and went back to my house. When I let myself inside I found Bagheera waiting for me, or more accurately waiting for me to feed him. I went into the kitchen and poured him some cat food. He rubbed himself around all four of my legs as I did so, making it a tad difficult.

Once back in my living room I plopped back on my couch and glanced through some books I had borrowed from the library. There was one in particular on myths and legends that I had checked out.

Of the many fables in the book, several referenced humanoid creatures. They seemed to be a bit of a “Big Foot” or “Loch Ness Monster” here in Equestria. Ponies would often see something they couldn’t identify, and imagine scary creatures that stood on two legs. According to myth, they were extremely intelligent, often tricking ponies into their own death via pits with spikes on the bottom or other gruesome things.

I opened up the book to the marker I had left. One of the most promising myths was of a Slender Human that wandered the forest. Deep down I knew this was all superstition and folk lore, yet at the same time, these legends were about me and my people. Perhaps one of them would provide insight into humanity, and how to get back to Earth.

Slender Human would stalk ponies for weeks, appearing in the corner of their eye or late at night. Anypony who went out during the night time would vanish for two days. When they returned, they were too frightened to speak. They would mutter about belly rubs and long, scratchy fingers. As one of the few myths not playing up to the predatory nature of unknown creatures, it was most promising.

“Wow, reading children’s books now, Dawn?”

I sighed, recognizing the voice. “They’re not children’s books, Dash, it’s research. By the way, didn’t your mother teach you to knock?”

“Dunno, I grew up with my dad,” Dash replied.

“Sorry.”

“Eh, no problem. I just didn’t expect you to be an egghead. Maybe Twilight messed the spell up.”

I closed the book and leaned over the back of the couch to face her. “Why don’t you come over here and sit down. I can teach you to read Equestrian.”

She huffed as she landed and walked over to me. “I know how to read! You, on the other hoof, can barely fly and you missed practice again this morning.”

“Sorry, I was telling the Crusaders about Star Wars and got carried away.”

“Star what?” Dash asked.

“You know, Star Wars. You’re a smart-ass fly-mare who is the fastest pony in the galaxy known as Dash Solo in the story.”

“Go on.”

“Well, you’ve got a side-kick named Flutterbacca—I know, I couldn’t think of a better name—that’s covered in beautiful long pink hair.”

“Pfft, sounds like some silly wish fulfillment to me.”

“Hey! That movie was a classic, I read all the books—”

“Egghead,” Dash interrupted.

I jumped over the couch, getting the drop on her. I landed, knocking her back, and pinning her to the ground. “Why don’t you say that to my face?”

She smirked. “Egghead.”

I felt two hooves lift me into the air by my stomach, and landed on the floor moments later. Dash came over and landed on my chest, standing over me.

That is why you’re an egghead. You need to practice your flying and exercise more, or you’ll have those puny little muscles forever.”

“Fine, you win. Can we go practice now?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Dash walked out my front door as if she owned the place, leaving me to follow behind and close the door.

At last I could relax a little and enjoy the sunshine. The weather is nearly always a perfect eighty degrees, with a slight northern breeze, in Ponyville. The pegasi take great pride in the weather doing exactly what they want, when they want it.

There was a patch of clouds overhead in an otherwise empty sky, and I realized Dash must have put them there. She had already taken off towards them so I flew after her. Once I reached the cloud I landed in the middle of it.

I still wasn’t used to standing on clouds. They weren’t soft so much as they were like a strong gust of wind. A blanket you could feel; it was fuzzy or scratchy or warm. A cloud you could see, and stand on, yet it was so light and insubstantial that it felt like you were just flapping your wings in a steady hover.

My mind continued to ponder the cool mist that I was standing on. I laid down on it, nearly falling asleep. It felt like the cool side of the pillow, only it supported my entire body without putting any pressure on it.

“Hey, I didn’t bring you up here to nap,” Dash said.

“Well if you didn’t want me to nap, why’d you make the clouds so damn comfortable?”

She sighed, and stomped a hoof in my cloud, causing it to vanish. After free falling for a few seconds I managed to catch myself and fly back up to her.

“Hey!”

“These clouds are for bucking. I made them thin to help you out. You need a job, not to mention a cutie mark, and if you’ve got half my talent you’ll manage to figure out how to bust a cloud.”

I nodded, and flew next to the cloud to her left. “Okay, so I just kick it while somepony is trying to enjoy a nap?”

“Pretty much. Then, if that pony is me, you get your flank kicked.”

“Fair enough. How hard can it be to bust a cloud?”

The cloud was floating gently on the breeze towards me. I turned around and kicked it with both hooves. They punched right through it, covering my fur in a fine mist of water. The cloud remained intact.

“Gwahaha! What horrible aim,” Dash observed.

I kicked the tuft of cloud off my hind legs, then turned around and flew through the main part of the cloud. I punched a hole through it, turning it into a donut.

“Oh, this is priceless!” Dash landed on a cloud so she could roll onto her side and laugh.

She shouldn’t have taken her eyes off me. I flew up to her cloud, and focused mentally on the image of the cloud evaporating when I kicked it. As I spun around, my hooves seemed to tingle slightly until they contacted the cloud. There was a loud yelp and something falling through the air. By the time I turned around, the cloud had completely vanished and a very confused Dash was plummeting through the air.

One of the benefits of being a stunt pony was knowing how to recover from a tumble. Dash had already started zooming towards me, and I wasn’t nearly fast enough to get out of her way. She hit me in the side, knocking me onto a nearby cloud, where I landed with a thud.

Dash hovered overhead, forelegs crossed. “That was a cheap shot, but at least you figured out how to manipulate the weather. There may be hope for you after all, Dude.

“Oh come on,” I whined. “Not that nickname again.”

“Then stop making it so fun to tease you with, Dude.”

I covered my eyes with a foreleg and sighed. “Alright, you got me. You got anything more useful to teach?”

“Yeah, it involves wind current, drag, and the mechanics of flight.”

“Wait, you know aerodynamics?” I got to my hooves and stared at her. “Looks like you’re the real egghead here.”

“Pfft, just because I don’t care about things like math or history doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough not to study meteorology or aerodynamics. I am a regional weather manager after all, and that requires a four year degree.”

I began to laugh, slapping a hoof on the cloud. “You. . . you. . . Stop. College?!” I laughed some more, trying to get the image of Dash wearing black-rimmed glasses out of my head. Just imagining her hitting the books was too much.

“Hey!” Dash was blushing profusely at this point. I would guess she doesn’t talk a lot about her college education, on account of wanting everypony to see her as a stunt mare and not an egghead.

“Sorry, I just didn’t expect you to you know. . . I mean, you always struck me as an athlete.”

“Well, I did get in on an athletic scholarship. I don’t usually talk about it much. Most ponies don’t really care about education, they just find a special talent and do that the rest of their lives. I always wanted more—challenges to overcome, races to win—so when my father challenged me to finish college and become a regional weather manager like him. I did.”

“Thanks for sharing that. I’m surprised I don’t remember more about you after all that happened.”

“Well, I remember enough about you for the both of us, so let’s agree not to go telling everypony I’m an egghead, or else.”

I put my hooves up in mock surrender. “You win! Now, what was that you were gonna teach me next?”


It was eight by the time I got home, thoroughly exhausted from all the flight techniques, exercise, and general rough-housing with Dash. I had to admit she really knew her stuff when it came to all things flying.

My sofa was as far as I made it after locking the door. I could already tell my muscles were going to be sore in the morning. My plan hadn’t been to fall asleep on the sofa, but I couldn’t help it. It was so soft and warm.

At some point I felt my cat climb onto the couch, before falling back asleep.


Author's Note:

Have I mentioned how weird it is to write slice of life? I always feel like nothing happened... and this one is heavy on the 'slice'. Anyway, it's a first step to getting back in the swing of things, and I set up some fun times for the next chapter. I hope to get it out a little quicker since I have more ideas for what to do with chapter five than I had for four.