• Published 29th Aug 2013
  • 1,991 Views, 5 Comments

Delays - Nightroad



Fluttershy has a secret for Twilight. However, it seems like the surprise just keeps getting delayed.

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Delays

“Okay Fluttershy...today is the day. Today you take your relationship with Twilight to the next level.” The normally timid mare said to her reflection in the mirror. While confidence shined on her face, inside was different story. 'Oh...but what if I'm taking it too fast? I know what Pinkamena said was true...but still...' The pegasus looked up and at herself once more. “No! No more doubts, no more stalling! You CAN do this Fluttershy!” With a determined nod, Fluttershy turned around and looked out the window...only to see the sun begin its ascent into the sky. “Now...I just have to wait for our date...” The caretaker sighed and headed downstairs to begin her usual morning routine of caring for her animal friends.

~~~~

“Come on Angel Bunny, I need to go.”Fluttershy pleaded. However, the rabbit stood steadfast. “Please?” The little creature shook his head rapidly, stomping his foot impatiently. “You know how important this is to me Angel! Please let me pass.” The small fuzzy thing seemed to contemplate letting her do just that, but instead answered with a half eaten carrot to the face. Fluttershy sighed in disbelief and looked up at the clock. It was almost three. “Oh no! I'm gonna be late! Angel, I'm sorry I didn't make your breakfast the way you wanted it, but I've got a lot going on! I promise I'll make it up-” another carrot sailed through the air to strike at the poor mare. However, before it could hit her, Fluttershy snatched the vegetable out of the air and turned it at Angel.

“Now listen here mister! I have been up since four this morning working up the courage and determination to do this and I'm not going to let anything stand in my way! I'm sorry your breakfast didn't turn out the way you wanted, but what's done is done. If you want it that bad, I'll try again tomorrow. Now, I'm going to be late so please MOVE!” The whole time Fluttershy was glaring at the rabbit and no matter how strong his will was, it was no match for the stare of an angry Fluttershy. No more than a few seconds later, he moved out of the way and disappeared from sight. “Oh...I'm so sorry Angel...Oh! I'm late, I'm late for a very important date!” With that, the pegasus took off for Ponyville, stunning many ponies with a speed that nopony thought her capable of.

~~~~

“I'm....so....sorry...Twilight...” Fluttershy gasped, greedily inhaling as much air as she could.

“Oh my gosh, are you alright? You look like you just flew a marathon or something. Wait...are there any marathons going on? I don't seem to recall any being-”The pegasus shook her head, and Twilight stopped talking, instead offering herself as a resting post to her lover. “Maybe you should rest first. What's got you so worked up in the first place?”

After a few moments, Fluttershy replied, “Didn't...wanna be late...”

Twilight smiled and said as she extended a wing over the pegasus, “I wouldn't have minded if you were a little late. You said yourself that I probably shouldn't be so punctual all the time so I'm trying to do just that. So go ahead and rest.” Fluttershy wanted to argue, but she was too tired.

'Wow...I'm really out of shape if I get tired so easily from flying like that...' The yellow pegasus thought unhappily. 'Just another delay I guess. But no need to get upset. We still have plenty of time.' With her spirits uplifted once more, Fluttershy allowed herself to be lead into the Golden Oaks Library.

“Would you like water, or tea?” Twilight asked, leading Fluttershy to the couch before heading into the kitchen herself.

“Water will be fine.” Moments later, the newest Princess of Equestria came back in, holding two cups of water in her magical grasp. Fluttershy quickly grabbed one and downed the beverage quickly, sighing happily when she had finished. “Thank you Twilight.”

“It's no problem dear. So, how was your morning?” The lavender alicorn asked, sitting next to her lover.

“Not bad. There were a few problems with the raccoons hiding the ferret's food, and some of the foxes were being mischievous with the wolves but otherwise it was fine.”

“Angel didn't give you any trouble about leaving today, did he?” Twi asked, taking a sip of her water.

“Er...well...a little. B-but not as much as I thought he would.” The yellow mare said quickly, wishing she hadn't drank all her water so quickly.

“Well that's good. I'd have hated to wait because of Angel not being happy with something or other.” The alicorn laughed, and Fluttershy just chuckled.

'I shouldn't have yelled at him like that though.' The caretaker shook her head, telling herself to focus.

“What about you? How was your morning?” Twilight thought for a moment, taking another drink before speaking.

“Oh, the usual. Got up and did a little magic practice, then a little flying practice, and...that's about it.” Flutters nodded and waited for Twilight to finish her water before looking up at the clock. It read three-fifteen.

“So! Shall we be going?” Fluttershy asked, hopping off the couch and extending a hoof to her marefriend. Twilight opened her mouth, but her stomach beat her to the punch, grumbling loud enough to be heard by both of them. The alicorn blushed and simply nodded while Fluttershy giggled behind her wing. “Come on, lets go get some food in you. I take it that you “missed” breakfast?”

“Eh heh heh...I might have...forgotten to take a break to eat this morning.” The Princess mumbled in embarrassment, scratching the back of her head before taking Fluttershy's hoof and getting off the couch.

“Well then, we'll just have to fix that, won't we?”

“Mhmm!” As if in agreement, Twilight's stomach grumbled again and the two set out, laughing as they went.

~~~~

“So he says, 'That's not a frog, it's a puffer fish!' and everypony starts laughing!” Fluttershy laughed as they turned the corner.

“So I take it that Discord is adapting to life in the castle well then?” Twilight nodded, stretching her wings out behind her and flapping them a few times before returning them to her side.

“Mhmm. Though he still gets into mischief every now and then, but it's just playful. Like the other day when I was visiting, he had transformed to look like the carpet in the Great Hall, and nearly all day he was sucking ponies into the carpet and making them pop up somewhere else in the castle. He did it to me more than a few times.” The lavender alicorn chuckled, shaking her head as she did. “Oh! That reminds me, he asked me to ask you if you'd come up to Canterlot with me next time I go. He says he wants to see you and do a little catching up.”

“I'd be delighted. It has been awhile since I've sent him any letters or anything, so it'd be nice to actually go and talk to him.” Twilight nodded and the two continued on towards their destination: The Golden Lyre. It was a small cafe near the outskirts of Ponyville and had quickly become popular after it's construction. The owner had given Fluttershy a coupon for a free couple's meal in return for the use of her care-taking abilities with animals. As the couple went, they continued to make small talk and laugh. However, as they passed under a balcony, a shout gave them pause and they looked up to see three fillies falling toward them. The following crash couldn't have been avoided, no matter what either of the mares could've done.

“Ooh...I told you two we shouldn't have tried that...”

A soft voice called out from the dust and was answered by a louder, “Ah know...but it looked like so much fun!”

A third voice quickly rang out louder than the others, “And it was! Good thing we landed on...what did we land on?” After a few flaps from her wings, Fluttershy quickly cleared away the dust that had exploded upon impact with the dirt.

“Girls? What in the name of Celestia were you doing up there?” Twilight asked, using her magic to lift the three up and inspect them for injuries before placing them down side by side in front of her.

“We were trying to get our cutie marks in free running!” Scootaloo said, a large grin on her face.

“Yea! It's all the rage in Manehattan according to Babs!” Apple Bloom said, adjusting her bow.

“But like I told them, Manehattan is WAY bigger than Ponyville so there are more buildings and stuff to use.” Sweetie Belle said quickly. The other Crusaders turned to her and frowned.

Scoots rolled her eyes and said, “So? That doesn't mean we can't try! We have to do WHATEVER it takes or else we'll never get our cutie marks!”

“While that may be true, you three still need to be careful. Don't want your special talent to be going to the hospital frequently, do you?” Sweetie Belle quickly shook her head while the other two contemplated the idea.

'Oh...not another delay...' Fluttershy thought worriedly. “Uh girls?” The yellow mare said, interrupting Scootaloo and Apple Bloom's argument. “Why not try...um...” Fluttershy looked to Twilight, begging for assistance.

“Oh! Uh...why not try...window cleaning?”

The three looked at each other and smiled before shouting, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER WINDOW CLEANERS! YAY!” While Fluttershy and Twilight's ears rang, the fillies took off, a trail of dust behind them.

“I have to hand it to them, those girls certainly are energetic.” Twilight said with a laugh, brushing herself off.

“Y-yea. Shall we continue?”

The lavender mare could sense a small hint of worry in her marefriend's voice, so she said, “Of course. But you don't need to worry. The cafe won't close for awhile now. We have plenty of time to get there.”

'It's not being late to the cafe that I'm worried about...' The timid mare thought as she felt a small bit of confidence chip away. 'No no...it's fine. It'll all work out. No reason to fret.' Flutters thought, though as slow as they were going, she was beginning to think otherwise. They had stopped three more times before they finally made it to the cafe. The first delay was to help Roseluck with some heavy bags, the next delay to assist Rarity with a dress, and the final delay was another run-in with the Crusaders. By the time the couple had finally walked through the door, Fluttershy could feel more and more of her confidence draining away with each delay that happened. 'N-no...it's g-gonna be fine. N-n-nothing else will go wrong...S-stay positive Fluttershy.'

The mare felt frazzled inside and wondered if this was how Twilight felt with the whole incident with Smarty Pants. 'Slowly going crazy and impatient as things didn't go her way...' Fluttershy's thoughts were interrupted when a pat on the back startled her.

“Whoa! Careful there 'Shy. Didn't mean ta scare you like that.” Fluttershy looked to her right and saw the bright smile of Lyra Heartstrings, owner of the cafe.

“S-sorry. I was just thinking is all.”

Lyra scoffed playfully and said, “Thinking? Psh, when you're here, you aren't allowed any deep thinking. You're only allowed to have fun.” This put a smile on the pegasus's face while Twilight seemed caught in a mental predicament.

“You heard me Twilight! You might be a Princess, but you still gotta follow the rules.” Lyra said, lightly waving a hoof in front of the alicorn's face.

“Huh? Oh, right. But I don't understand, what if thinking IS fun for a pony?” Lyra blinked a few times before laughing.

“Shoulda figured you'd be the exception to the rule, Your Royal Smartness. Now c'mon. I've got a table saved for the two of ya.” Twilight blushed at the title and followed without word while Fluttershy looked around. In the cafe were a few ponies, including Cheerilee, Aloe, Lotus, Daisy, and a grey stallion that she didn't recognize. There were also a few griffons, and even a pair of changelings.

'Wow...I'm surprised they're being let into Equestrian borders so casually after the attack. Though, a lot can happen considering how much has happened since then.' Fluttershy bumped into Lyra, who had come to a stop in front of their table.

“Now what'd I say not even ten seconds ago Fluttershy?” Twilight giggled as Fluttershy blushed in embarrassment.

“S-sorry. I was just looking at the other customers. I was a little surprised to see changelings here is all.”

“But sweetheart, I thought I told you about that.” Twilight said, taking her seat.

“Oh...right. Sorry. My thoughts are just a little scrambled is all.” The pegasus said, taking her seat.

“So, what can I get for ya ladies?” Lyra asked, a small notepad and quill hanging in the air beside her.

“I'll have my usual please.” The alicorn said with a smile.

“A daisy and daffodil sandwich with a side of Earl Grey tea, and for you, Flutters?”

“Oh, um...I'll have a lily salad with...some ginseng tea please.”

Lyra nodded and scribbled down the order and said, “Alright ladies, be back in a flash.” And with that Lyra left the couple to their own devices.

“So how are relations between the changelings going?”

“Not bad actually. After we've gotten everything worked out, we've actually begun trade and commerce with them. Of course, there are still a large number of ponies who are understandably wary to trust them after what happened in Canterlot a while back.” Fluttershy nodded and allowed Twilight to continue. “But overall, the relationship between pony and changeling is growing pretty well. And their capitol is simply breathtaking. I'll have to take you there sometime and show it to you. I think you'd like it as much as I do, if not more.”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded, “As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go.” The couple both blushed lightly at the sentiment and Twilight offered her hoof and Fluttershy took it, smiling as she stared into Twilight's eyes. 'Everything's gonna be okay. Everything will be fine.' Fluttershy looked up at the clock for a moment and nearly gasped. 'W-what?! It's already THAT late?' The small boost of confidence gained was quickly dashed as the clock kept ticking, as if to mock Fluttershy.

The look of shock must've shown on her face because Twilight asked, “Fluttershy? Is everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh! Y-yea! I just didn't think it'd be this late already.” The pegasus said, hoping to Luna's moon that Twilight didn't hear the small stutter in her voice. Thankfully, she didn't appear to as she looked up at the clock.

“Huh...guess time flies when you're having fun huh?” Twilight gave a soft laugh and Fluttershy did her best to do the same.

'Oh...I hope we don't stay here too long...' The caretaker thought as she scanned the room once again. As her eyes strayed over the Spa Sisters, they both smiled and waved, prompting her to wave back as well.

“You know Aloe and Lotus?”Twilight asked, surprise in her voice.

“Yea? Didn't I tell you?” The pegasus said, looking back to her lover.

The lavender mare shook her head, “Not that I can recall.”

“Oh...well, yea. I mean, we've known each other for awhile now since I go to the spa once a week, but we didn't really get to know each other until a few months ago.” The alicorn nodded and waited for Flutters to continue. “I was heading into town one day when they passed by me, talking about their concerns for the animals in the White Tail Woods being a little territorial. So, I offered to go with them and help them gather ingredients for their herbal baths. Ever since then, I'd always go with them to help out and stuff.”

“Wow...Have they ever talked about their homeland or anything about themselves? I've always meant to ask to them about where they come from and what it's like, but I never actually get around to it.” Fluttershy nodded and began to tell Twilight what she herself had been told. A few minutes in, Lyra returned, holding their respective meals in her magical hold.

“Order up ladies!” She set the respective dishes in front of their owners and took a seat between them. “So, how've you two been? Haven't seen either of ya in here in awhile, especially not you Princess.” Lyra said, emphasizing the new title that had been given to Twilight. The lavender Princess blushed and began to speak, with Fluttershy being content to listen.

'She has such a beautiful voice...I don't see how anypony could get bored with listening to her talk with a voice like that.' Fluttershy was so lost in thought that even after her food had been eaten, she was still going through the actions of eating. Lyra and Twilight had begun to giggle as they watched.

“Celestia to Fluttershy? Hey, Fluttershy?” Lyra said, lightly poking the mare in question's cheek.

“Hold on...I got this.” Twilight got up from her seat and walked behind Fluttershy's and stood on her hind legs. The minty unicorn giggled and nodded, signaling for Twilight to go forth with whatever she had planned. With that, Twilight reached around and hugged Fluttershy, nuzzling her cheek as she did. The mare didn't react as Lyra would've expected. Instead of panicking, Fluttershy smiled and reached behind her to hug Twilight, smiling.

“I'm sorry, did I drift off again?” Twilight chuckled while Lyra's jaw nearly dropped.

“Wow...how'd you get her not to freak out?”

Instead of Twilight, Fluttershy answered, “Because I know how Twilight feels when she hugs, so I always know it's her without having to think about it.” Lyra nodded, smiling.

“That's really sweet and adorable you two.” The couple blushed and Twilight went back to her seat, with Fluttershy reluctantly letting her go. “So tell me, you two have plans later?” Before Twilight could answer, Fluttershy nodded.

“Y-yea! We um...have plans later.”

“We do?”

“You do?” Both Twilight and Lyra said at the same time.

'Oh...now what do I do? I don't want to suffer another delay, but we can't afford to spend too much longer here, and I really don't wanna give away the surprise just yet.' The unicorn and alicorn stared, waiting for an answer.

“Um...yea...remember?” Fluttershy looked directly at Twilight, asking her to go along with it with her eyes and hoping Twilight understood. After a moment, the lavender mare nodded.

“O-oh yeah! We do have some...thing planned later. Sorry Lyra.” The mint coloured unicorn looked from one mare to the next for a moment before simply nodding.

“'Sall good. I was just gonna ask if you wanted to stick around for desert back at my place is all. Maybe I'll go ask the Spa sisters or the twins over there.” Lyra nodded her head over at the changelings.

“They're...twins? How can you tell?” Twilight asked, smiling and waving when they waved at her.

“Oh right! You probably don't recognize them when they aren't in pony form. The one on the left is Cherry Berry, and the one on the right is Berry Punch. Don't know their actual names though.” Both Twilight and Fluttershy stared at Lyra.

“No way...those two are...”

“Yup! Don't worry, I was pretty shocked myself. Anyways, I see that you two have finished. You gonna head out?” Twilight was about to shake her head, but Fluttershy nodded.

“Yea, we've gotta go. Sorry Lyra.” Fluttershy turned and reaching into her wing took out the coupon from it's hiding spot with her teeth. Lyra took it with her magic with a smile.

“Thanks! See you ladies later!” The unicorn gathered the dishes and headed back into the small kitchen area.

“We've gotta go?”

“Mhmm. Sorry Twi...”

The Princess shook her head and said, “It's alright. C'mon.” The couple smiled at one another and headed out. Lyra sighed as she watched them go, taking a seat at the table closest to the kitchen doors.

“Maybe some day I'll get some quality time with those two...they're so beautiful together.” The stallion sitting there turned and nodded.

“Very true. Though you've gotta be careful. While that sort of thing isn't exactly uncommon, a three way relationship is...a difficult thing.”

Lyra nodded and sighed, “Yea...I know.” He reached over and patted his friend's shoulder.

“Who knows, maybe you can find somepony else to love? Like...I hear Colgate is lookin' for her special somepony.” Lyra looked up and simply laughed, prompting him to chuckle as well.

~~~~

“So tell me, what's got you so worked up?” Twilight asked, her brow raised.

“Oh...um...well...” Fluttershy's eyes darted around, looking for something or anything that could help her change the topic. Finally, her eyes settled upon a perfect target. “H-hey, when did you say that statue of Celestia was commissioned again?” Twilight followed Fluttershy's hoof over to the statue in question and the pegasus could've swore that she saw her lover's eyes twinkle at the prospect of using her knowledge.

“Well, I believe it was done several hundred years after the banishment of Nightmare Moon. I once asked the Princess herself about it and...” The alicorn continued to talk, walking up to the statue and admiring it.

'Oh... now I've done it. I got off the topic, but now I've gotten delayed once again...smooth one Fluttershy.' The pegasus hopped from one hoof to the other, battling with herself. On one hoof, they needed to get going and the only way that was gonna happen was if she interrupted. On the other hoof, she hated interrupting other ponies, especially Twilight, when they were talking. 'I'm sure she'll understand...oh...Celestia forgive me.' Fluttershy took a few deep breaths, then tapped Twilight's shoulder.

“...So for whatever...huh? What's up Fluttershy?”

“Oh...I'm sorry for interrupting Twi, but we need to get going.” Twilight tilted her head slightly in confusion.

“Oh? Alright, but may I ask where we're going?” The yellow mare bit her lower lip and shook her head.

“It's...it's a s-surprise.”

“Ooh...Sound interesting! Let's get going!” With that, Twilight stepped away from the statue and stood at Fluttershy's side, eagerness in her eyes. Fluttershy smiled and nodded.

'Finally! A little progress!' With a little spring in their step, they two headed for their next destination, known only to Fluttershy. Needless to say, Twilight was shocked when they arrived.

“Sweet to Eat? Why're we here? Need to indulge your sweet tooth?” Twilight snickered as Fluttershy blushed.

“K-kinda. C'mon.” The pegasus wrapped her tail around Twilight's forehoof and dragged her into the shop, despite the fact the sign was turned to “closed”.

“Uh...Fluttershy? I don't mean to rain on your parade, but the shop's closed.” The alicorn said, looking around and hoping they weren't going to get in trouble for trespassing.

“Well it's about time! We were beginning to think you weren't gonna show up.” A voice called out. Behind the counter were Ponyville's resident candy makers, Bon Bon and Pinkamena. The dark pink mare smiled and said, “Bons here was betting that you weren't gonna show. Speaking of which, you owe me five bits love.”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes with a smile and asked, “How about I repay you with a kiss?”

“Hmm...well...alright. Just this once I'll let ya slide with a kiss.” Pinkamena said, pulling the crème coloured mare close to her before locking their lips together. Both Twilight and Fluttershy blushed as they looked away in embarrassment. Finally, the alicorn coughed into her hoof, making the other couple stop. “Oh right, heh, sorry girls.” The straight maned party planner hopped over the counter and hugged the couple. “Anyways, I need to speak with Flutters here. You mind Twily?” The Princess chuckled and stepped away, opting to go chat with Bon Bon while she waited. “Alright...after two days of non-stop work, it's finally done.” Pinkamena whispered, handing a small candy to Fluttershy.

“Thank you so much!” The pegasus took the candy and hid it within the feathers of her wings before hugging her pink friend.

“Hey, anything for my friends. Now go on or else you'll miss your chance!” Pinkamena hopped up and said, “Alrighty girls. I love ya both, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kick ya out. We are closed after all.” Bon Bon and Twilight snickered as the mare walked over to the sign and pointed to it.

“Fair enough. We'll catch you girls later.” Twilight said, slightly suspicious as to what was going on.

“Come back soon!” Pinkamena said, waving as she watched her friends walk out the store. “Now then...about that other part of the bet...” The pink mare smiled suggestively at her lover of four years, making her blush.

~~~~

“So what was all that about 'Shy?” Twilight asked, following the suddenly mute pegasus.

'What should I say? I can't ruin it just yet...' As Fluttershy had a miniature panic attack in her mind, she completely stopped paying attention to where she was going. It wasn't until she felt herself enveloped in a magical aura that she snapped back to reality. “Huh?”

“Honey, what's going on? You seem a lot more distracted than usual.” The lavender mare asked, setting Fluttershy down.

The pegasus looked around and after a quick nod to herself, she said, “I've just been doing a lot of thinking today...”

“I see...bit for your thoughts?” Twilight asked, sitting down beside her lover and extending a wing over her.

“Well...you see....awhile back Pinkamena suggested something to me, and at first I was afraid but after spending some time thinking about it, I decided that she was right. So, I had her do me a favour which is why we stopped at the candy shop. You see...” Fluttershy reached into her wing and pulled out the small wrapped candy. “I...I wanted to share this with you.” Twilight inspected the candy, unwrapping it with her magic.

“That's very sweet of you Fluttershy, thank you.” The unicorn was about to pop the candy into her mouth, but was stopped by her lover.

“Wait! Y-you can't eat it just yet!” The Princess gave only a look of confusion. “You see...this candy is special...” Fluttershy held it up in the light, allowing the setting sun to light up the emerald coloured candy, showing that it looked to be hollow inside. “Well...this candy is magic. When two ponies who love each other eat it, it supposed to taste like whatever dessert or candy your lover enjoys the most. For example, if I ate it, it'll taste like the white chocolate cookies your mom and Princess Celestia made for you when you were a filly and for you, it'll taste like the fruit candy my father got for me years ago.”

“Wow...I've never heard of anything like that before! It also explains why you asked what my favourite sweet food was...Anyways, how'd you find out about it?” Twilight asked, staring at the candy in a new light.

“Pinkamena told me about it...said that this was the perfect opportunity for her to try her hoof at something challenging.” The alicorn mare nodded before asking,

“Alright...so how exactly does this work?” Twilight looked up and saw Fluttershy blushing.

“W-well...you s-s-see...” Fluttershy's words died in her throat. 'Just do it! One of the few chances for you to be assertive!' The pegasus screamed in her mind. So, taking the candy in her teeth, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Twilight's, biting down and severing the candy in half. While Twilight's eyes shot open in surprise, Fluttershy had scrunched her own shut.

'Wow...I didn't think she had it in her...' Twilight thought happily. She was about to pull away but before she could, her half of the candy began to change in taste. Immediately she could taste a plethora of fruity flavours in her mouth as the emerald candy dissolved on her tongue. 'This is....wonderful! I can't believe I didn't know this kind of magic was around! I'll have to talk to Pinkamena about it at some point, but for now...enjoy the moment...'

Twilight thought, slowly closing her eyes. Fluttershy felt her relax and relaxed herself. 'I'm glad she didn't get angry or anything...and I wonder who did more of the work on those cookies, her mom or Celestia? Either way...they taste amazing...' When the taste had faded away for both mares, they pulled away and stared at each other, each with a goofy smile on their lips. Instead of saying a word, the couple moved closer to one another and Fluttershy rested her head on Twilight's shoulder and the Princess wrapped her wing around the pegasus as they watched the sun set.

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Comments ( 5 )

First!

Alright, now that that's out of the way, I'll tell you what I thought of this story. It wasn't bad. There were a few punctuation mistakes that I noticed, mostly involving quotations. I only saw a few though, so it didn't break the immersion.

My main gripe is that you didn't really show why they were compatible. They were already together, with no backstory on how that happened. About the most we got for how they make a good couple is Fluttershy mentioning that she knows when it's Twilight who's hugging her. The most important element of any romance is to give the characters a reason why they're compatible, which brings me to Bon Bon and Pinkie. Why? Why?!? :raritydespair: They both like sweets, but there was no reason for them to be together.

Overall, it was a decent story, but it's just not very memorable. It lacks tension. I failed to see why there was such a rush until they reached the candy shop, therefore the ending really lacked any punch or "D'aww!" There really wasn't a problem to be solved in this story, and that made it fall flat.

Alright, not bad, not bad, I liked it, pacing was good, the humor was nice, and the Twilight-hugging-Fluttershy scene was very cute

ThatOneWriter does have some points. Some backstory would have been nice, though we don't want to spend TOO much time, lest that take away from the story itself. Reasons for them being together would be good, I admit, and the lack of such is why TwiDash and Twixie (:pinkiesick:) fall flat considering how unlikely those couples are. Also, maybe some focus on how the other ponies in town feel about the two and them being together

I wasn't comfortable with Pinkamena as opposed to Pinkie, and she and Bon Bon ARE a somewhat unlikely couple. Still, I enjoyed Lyra's interaction with Twi and Shy, that was a nice touch, I thought :twilightsmile:

I...found the ending rather anti-climatic, I regret to say. I enjoyed this, I thought it was a good story, but with some tightening up on the details and it could be great :twilightsmile:

is a good story, but some details i didn't get, like why they are calling Pinkie "Pinkamena", yeah that is her name but neither of her friends call her with that name.

And another thing that is just nitpick, when Fluttershy give Twilight the candy, you reference the last one as unicorn and every else as alicorn or princess.

:rainbowkiss: it was soooo cuuuute!

I am very disapointed. It started off great! But as the story progressed it kinda fell flat.... it was like you were writing and the forgot what you were doing and the didn't even bother trying to fix your screw Up. :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:
However... for what it was it was okay. Though word of advice. Try to take on an omipotent point of view while still maintaining the 3rd pov that you have going, you could added more tension to it to make it seem like there was a good ammount of consern and worry, also think about making it longer so that its not so anticlimatic.:pinkiehappy: k?

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