• Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen January 4th

Nightroad


T

No matter what we do, we always leave an impression. After using her magical prowess to save Ponyville once again, Twilight is confronted by an angry mother whose filly ran off to use magic and turned up dead. Unable to handle the painful confrontation, the lavender unicorn seeks shelter in solitude. However, Applejack isn't ready to allow her friend to tear herself away from her life in Ponyville and away from herself. Can Applejack save Twilight from herself or will she come back empty hoofed?

Cover picture by Ravenevert of Deviant Art (check out her nifty things, ja?)
http://ravenevert.deviantart.com/

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 34 )

First. This is also my first time being first...

1291928 It will be the first time you'll have been banned if you're not careful.

On topic: Yay more Applelight, this is going to my read later list! :ajsmug::twilightblush:

Good Good Story..... Then again any tale featuring a ship 'tween my two favorite ponies is good! :twilightsmile::heart::ajsmug:

Your Reward:
i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p570/bolemis/brohoof.gif

great fic would like to see a few more chapters for this one :twilightsmile:

You know, I called the fact this was going to be a romance before I even opened the tab. Anyways time to read!

Edit: Was good :ajsmug:

The next day, when Twilight woke up, she had went through her usual morning routine before finding

It's "had gone", not "had went".

Twilight would never under any circumstances say "ain't". She adheres too strongly to her literacy skills to do that. Having her say that is not just a mistake, it's full-blown OOC.

Also, you need to create a new paragraph every time someone speaks if someone else has already spoken in the same paragraph. Otherwise, it's very difficult to keep track of who's talking.

Although I don't really like shipping, this was otherwise a decent emo-fest. Personally, I doubt Twilight's negativity would go to such extremes; at least, not in this situation. Sure, she might do something similar, but not as extreme as hiding in an Everfree cave. However, that's not for me to decide, because I am not the author. I'm just expressing my opinion, and in doing so, I'm probably overanalyzing the story.

1291952 You can get banned for that?! I had no idea........ Thanks for the warning.

1291979 Wherever there is romance, you are not too far behind. You're awesome!

1292007:twilightsmile::ajsmug: Are also my two favorite ponies of the mane six. Also, if you want, I can show you how to make images work.

1292213

Images work? :applejackunsure: I'm not sure I follow but I am always ready to learn something new:twilightblush:.......so....Yes please...now I'm am curious.

My goodness, 17 favorites already O.o

Thank you to all who liked it and to those who gave constructive criticism. Though, I just have to say one thing; I know my formatting is terrible and I am working on it. With one chapter stories like this, I edit it myself and just post it. With multiple chapter stories, I do have an editor so...yea. I'm still somewhat new to the way formatting works on the internet since it is dramatically different than writing something for school or whatever so...it's a work in progress. Anywho, that's all I got

That was really good thanks!

1292604iaza.com/work/120918C/iaza11560235629200.png Sample Luna artwork. You have to use the website Iaza. Put it in your bookmarks or favorites. Watch the intro video at the top, and bam! Feel free to tell me if you need my help with anything else.

1294565

I know that was for someone else but wow....that's NEAT :raritystarry: (and you even used Luna...even better!)

1294565

Thanx.:pinkiehappy:..that site looks super cool.....I will look at the 3 min video and get to playing with it......it may prove useful in generating my own cover art.....as well as other fun stuff. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

1294723It was either that pic or this one:iaza.com/work/120918C/iaza11560238427000.png

1294725No problem! I always like to help my fellow bronies out with their problems.

1291952 Ugh. That 'No Firsts!' rule is so ..... so .... ugh. 9_9 It harms NOTHING and NO-ONE. And yet, obviously, somebody in a position of leadership got their panties in a wad over it... Just .... ugh.

Oh, boy.
1. The dialogue is stilted and the emotion feels very forced.
2. The description of Firelock's death, and by extension most of the story, was a cheap, tasteless, entirely out-of-place way to wrench emotions from the reader.
3. The shipping makes little sense, especially in this context, and it makes Applejack look really bad since she's effectively taken advantage of another mare's emotional confusion to start a relationship with her.
Overall...this needs significant work.

... I'm with Ultimate Overlord here. This needs a BIG work over.

I love that pairing. To the favorites!

Only real problem I had was the lack of new paragraphs for new speakers. Other than that, pretty good.

you know if you ever need some help getting applejack down pat partner i more than willing to lend a hand to a fellow applejack lover im from good ole tennessee and i speak like sugarcube over there anyway. trust me it aint gonna be no trouble

I think i overkilled the accent a bit to much when tryin to prove my point

1817341

Ya' think ya ova'culled th' accent, then ya 'ave obviously neva' beheld the exaltation th't is readin' mah idiomatic commentaries.

Oh Celestia I just woke up and the first thing I did was read this.:raritydespair: I am not ready for such emotion!:raritycry:

All kidding aside this is definitely one of the best AppleSpark stories I've seen in a long time. Keep up the great work!:twilightsmile:

1936977
Wow i just got my self proven wrong, but im not sure if thats good or bad... CURSE YOU ALLINGTON SINCLAIR THE BRONIEPUS, or thank you like i said im confused :applejackconfused:

1950018

Much oblidged, Ah usually dun' post 'ere unless Ah can lay it on thick.

1950050
Did you even get the reference to a childrens show?

1950072

Ah'm afraid it sailed clear ova' mah noggin', sorry.

Could've been interesting but it was rushed throughout.

Shame.

1968973
Did it really feel rushed to you?

1970110

It did, the time between the party and the mother 'attacking' Twilight was short, and could have used a few more things happening in between. (you'd think that it would actually take foals some time to come up with a foolhardy idea like that, much less execute it)

And the time it took for Twilight to disappear into Everfree was amazingly short (in feeling she'd already holed up in a cave by the time Applejack got through to the mare back in town)

I quite honestly couldn't enjoy it after that, my apologies but I have no other examples.

Overall this was a nice fic, although it felt a bit rushed.

I could easily see this being expanded into 3 chapters minimum, but I can see it as a 4 chapter story.

1) The end of the Ursa Minor incident from the foals point of view and the decision and leaving for the forest a few days later.
2) The mother realising filly is missing and going after her - finding remains - in her grief blames twilight.
3)The attack on twilight, applejacks defending, applejack continuing to search untill she finds twilight.
4) applejack calming twilight down - return to Ponyville - admitting romance to their friends.

Overall Pinky Smile Rating: :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile:/5

Interesting concept, but I think it would be better if it was drawn out into a few chapters as already stated. Otherwise, it sets out to do just want you wanted it to. And you did fine with Applejacks accent. Great work overall. Also TwiJack. :rainbowkiss:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!