• Member Since 15th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 3rd, 2014

A Pony Farce

Prospective screenwriter and massive idiot who should probably be doing something more productive with his time.


Twilight is very particular about her tea. So particular, in fact, that the only store anywhere near Ponyville to sell her favorite brand is a small tea shop all the way out in Canterlot. This presents a problem, of course, because she's a very busy pony, and she just doesn't have the time to head all the way out there every couple of weeks... but then, that's what #1 assistants are for, isn't it?

Sure, having to leave town so often is pretty inconvenient for Spike, but that's part of the job, and besides, the arrangement works out for both of them; Twilight gets her tea, and Spike gets some time off to visit his old friends in the city. After all, it's not like buying tea is a particularly difficult or time-consuming task. Well, not usually, at least.

(I've tossed in another story, "No One Kicks You Here, Bluenote," as a separate chapter. It's just a nasty, scrappy little thing that I put together as part of an audition and it doesn't really stand on its own, but it's tangentially related to the main story (even though it only really serves to explain a joke that didn't need to be explained) and there are some lines in it that I still kinda like.)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 12 )

I like how Trixie is so pretentious that she capitalizes "The".

No worries; Jack didn't at all come off as preachy.

>Jack touched down in Canterlot's industrial district, on the very edge of the city where a series of docks were built into the side of the mountain.
Would that be "was built"? I mean, "a series", unlike "docks", is singular, not plural. Have I got this right?

"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant; a Horseshoepin's faithful, one hundred percent."
Nice use of a Dr Seuss line.

225146 You know, I'm... totally not sure. I think you're right, though; I mean, it's either "of docks" describing the series or "a series of" describing the docks, and I feel like the former makes more sense.

225226 I have, over time, developed an almost-pathological need to reference things. There's another exchange in there that's a direct reference to the play True West and even a line alluding to the atomic bomb.

Ah, I knew I recognized the line "now we are all sons of mares" from somewhere!:twilightsheepish:

Nice! Good use of Cliffhanger, and the characters are impressive. Curious to see what happens next.


"I'm Jack Harness," he said, turning around, "professional freelancer."

So, everypony's favorite time lord brought some company with him, eh? :pinkiecrazy:
I like your writing style and especially noir!Spike, BtW.

Well this was a funny slice of randomness.:pinkiehappy: Good Job!:moustache:

Nice story, good characterization, excellent pacing. The story flows very well and you find yourself engrossed in the scenes without getting impatient. Jack was interesting without being overbearing.

Trixie did a good job of playing the part of antagonist in a very believable manner; not too over the top cliche villain, but also not a complete joke who gets taken down without effort. Yes, Spike's bluff did make a quick resolution, but it makes sense that she wouldn't take the chance, and it was refreshing to see that he stuck with just a bluff (which was enough) rather than actually call in real guards (which would be overkill).

All in all, good work.

Seven hours after reading I get "Old Grey" joke. Good story, buddy.

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