The name's Dash. (Previously Ronnie) And I write humanized pony stories. Welcome to my humble page.
(Once called Little Pony Academia) Join Twilight Sparkle on an epic quest as she enrolls in to a prestigious witch school to make friends and stop a overpowering enemy! Students have been going missing, and Twilight wants to get to the bottom of it. Can she figure out the cause before its too late?!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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They are humans, aren't they? At one point, you called RD's hair a mane. I'm pretty sure that most people don't call hair a mane. Other than that, the story moved incredibly fast. There was very little buildup, which made it so I didn't get attached to the character(s) before something happened to them. It's a decent idea, but it needs some minor tweaking. Good first attempt though! I always have trouble writing stories, so this is probably better than what I could do.
Oh, and there's an inconsistency. In the description, you call it Little Witch Academia. Everywhere else, it's called Little Pony Academia. Which is it?
I'd have to agree with RR. Your pacing seems a bit rushed, as if you can't wait to get to the reveal of the villain. You need to establish a longer background first, and the Summary of the storyplus a short 2k word chapter doesn't count.
Wait at least two or three chapters before you start showing that there is something athoof.
Beyond that, put your heart into the story and people should enjoy it... Well, unless your a cruel coldhearted madman...
2614585 ah yeah i was rushing to fix it im sorry its Little Pony Academia im such an idiot X(
2614576 im going to work on that. Usually what i do is rush the beginning but take the next few chapters nice and slow. Dont worry, youll be able to get attached to the characters
Well, I feel like this is a very opportune idea that is underused fairly and thus has room to shine without much cliche
I made a story already, similar to this except it was not a crossover but a Hie story instead. Now about your story...
thing out humanized stories is that it can sometimes fall into mistakes like "Little Pony academia" and saying mane instead of hair. Try not to slip up in those confusing things and this story can really hit the right notes
This is a good follow up to the first chapter. You fixed the pacing a little. Although, I'd like to say that it's still a tad rushed, even though it is definitely moving along more slowly than last chapter. I better get attached to the character(s)! You promised!
I just watched Little Witch Academia last night so it's still fresh in my mind, finally allowing me to read this.
Now, it's decently written, if not quickly paced. The main problems to me are:
-Attempting to shoehorn twice as many main characters into LWA's three-girl team. I personally would have not done all of the Mane Six and just concentrated on finding counterparts to Akko, Lotte, and Sucy (though it'd be hard to find a pony
as cool aslike Sucy). Trixie is obviously meant to be Diana, which makes sense.-It feels more like Ponies In High School than it does LWA. LWA has an undeniable charm to it, which this... well, it kinda lacks that. But the charm largely comes from the Ghibli-esque animation and the character designs, which you can't really do in prose.
But really, those are the main problems that I can see: Not enough like the crossover material, and too many characters. That last one is pure opinion though.
I'm gonna slip this into my read later folder. Don't feel there's enough yet for me to make up my mind if I like this or not.
2652348 I see your points :) Honestly though I didnt realize i pushed all of the mane 6 in. But i know what im doing. You'll see what will happen in the next chapter
i really hope you come to like it 
2651050 dont worry dont worry i got this! You just keep giving me pointers and i'll keep making it better!
I read the chapter a little bit ago, started to type my comment, then forgot about it and went and devoured some cookies. So here's my original comment:"I don't actually have anything bad to say about this chapter. Although, I do think that I could reread it and find something wrong. You're doing great so far. However, I personally don't enjoy Crossover stories, especially if they follow the plot of what they're crossing over with and I've seen what it's crossing over with. So I'm not sure I can stick with this fan-fic, because I watched Little Witch Academia the other day. It looks like you fixed the pace up, which is a very good thing. Again, I want to freaking love the characters!" And that's where the original comment ends. Good job and good luck with future chapters. I'll try to read them.
Twilight in the cover art reminds me of Tharja from Fire Emblem. 24.media.tumblr.com/a9ce3d03e7d1a9387fa650cf789615bd/tumblr_mld7z5hvXu1s9f53wo1_500.jpg
this is one of my favorite stories, please update it!!!!!
3167119 For a moment I though it was her, or Twilight makeing cosplay of Tarja!
I'm enjoying this so far. Will there be an update any time soon?