When one takes an afternoon nap, they do not expect to wake in Equestria. Furthermore, one would hope that the path home was an easy one with loads of giant arrows to mark the way. One's hopes might be stupid. Correction: one's hopes are definitely stupid.
This is the story of my life in Equestria: the bonds I forged, the challenges I had to overcome to get home and the nature of fate; both my own and that of the random ponies (and griffons. And minotaurs) that I bumped into along the way.
This could end up as quite a long fic, depending on its reception. Positive feedback is appreciated and I hope I can make it a fun ride. If you like it pretty please click the like button. If you don't like it, please explain why and help me to improve as a writer.
Bleh, pretty classical HiE story.
Woke in Everfree, get chased by a Manticore, beat Manticore with martial art, get found by the CMC, then encounter Fluttershy. The whole story is really overdone and previsible so far.
EDIT : and it seems he know he's in a cartoon show, wich never turn right in almost every story.
You had me hooked for the first two chapters, but then...Woke up in a hospital/Fluttershy's cottage, bleh. Seen that way too many times. The ponies become friends with human quickly, also bleh. Seen that too many times as well. It makes the story more interesting if for example the human doesn't speak the same language as the ponies; and/or the human isn't brought into civilization right away. Then the big one, him being a brony. Thats the big turn-off. If the human already knows about the show, then there is very little character development. Character development can make or break a fic. Luckily for you, i've decided not to dislike the story thanks to your attention-grabbing beginning, but take this advice and use it to make your story better.
2603693 Sorry for being so cliche, got a few important things here and there so I stuck with something basic for the beginning
Any recommendations on the writing itself though?
heh that's what she said...... giggity...
Riiiiiight...... he just killed a manticore..... you're walking a very tight line there, be careful you don't end up creating a Marty Stu.
2604928 Cheers for the thing about the first two chapters. I'll make sure to make this more interesting than it must seem at the moment
2605001 Indeed I am. But surely I can't be the only one who enjoys tightrope performances? I'll keep what you've said in mind, however, and make sure to balance him out properly :)
i got the Are you not entertained reference
It bugs me that you don't have any characters pinned in your description. I can't explain it, it just does. But, I gave it a thumb anyway
2632180 Cheers
And the reason there are no characters tagged is that, quite frankly, I can't choose a specific five - most characters involved in the show will be key characters, depending on which arc of the story it is.
2632189 Yeah, I can get that, but at least include OC, unless you yourself aren't planning on being a main character.
2632192 I though OC was for if you're an original pony character?
I'd definitely run from twilight. No answers for her!
she's not possible!
2632330 My guy's not too smart
Nice name by the way! 
Well he just instantly forgave her for being attacked...............
You know, he should really start listening to his dark thoughts more often, they are a lot more interesting than the bland nice guy he portrays who instantly forgives whatever happens to him.
Wonder when he'll realize that Applejack is more or less treating him like an animal, they put him in the barn to sleep! I guess he ended up being the cattle. If that doesn't disturb him, then he'll really be embracing the nice guy act. I like how he's treating Rarity and Rainbow Dash, it greatly amuses me
2605037 Maybe you should try coming up with an better description of the story...
Just in time for zap apple harvest too
......................... scat singing??
2651799 The song 'scatman' by scatman john , the one in the link? The whole 'ski-ba-dop-ba-dop-bop' thing is called 'scat singing'. I can understand the misleading name though.
As for the nice side, he'sm actually listening to logic - the idea is that at the time I'll be able to get further if I play nice... for a while.
And don't worry - evil exists for a reason so you'll definitely be seeing more of him
2652145
I think you might need to be a bit more explicit when you say that he's just pretending to be nice, I'm not advocating for him to be evil per se, just more realistic reactions from him, even if he does not voice them, at least show that he's more reactive, even if it is in his own thoughts.
2652357 Ah I get you. Cheers for the advice =)
“You are not scientifically possible,”
says the purple pony with magic.
2680015 My thoughts exactly
Longest chapter so far, so you're getting that aspect right. Now, I downright despise when the protagonist's subconscious is speaking to him, because to me that seems to be a sign of insanity. It's like the saying goes, if you talk to God you're religious, when God talks back you're crazy. That applies in this case. The fact that he has more than one voice speaking back to him knocks a significant amount of appeal from this story.
2716913 Eep sorry, those voices and the nature of his sanity is going to be a main part of the story
not too much of a turn off is it?
2717856 I'm just hoping that it can be resolved relatively soon, I'll keep reading no worries.
2717869 They never truly go away, but they do become less prominent.
Alrighty, here I go. First off, I like protagonists who are logical, who show the appropriate, realistic reactions to the situations and environment they find themselves in. Usually the main character ends up being someone who easily forgives and forgets, is mild mannered and aims to please in situations where such reactions do not reflect human nature. In this story, however, the protagonist is the complete opposite, which is just as bad. The MC is rational to the point where it borders on being unrealistic for him to be so in a situation as being about to be attacked by timberwolves.
Somehow I can't see someone being able to debate and draw out several conclusions while being in battle.
That just sounds massively corny and tacky, a real knight in shining armor in a fairy tale who is ever so virtuous and upstanding. Also, he's facing a pack of timberwolves and I didn't see any mention of injuries he incurred. I already mentioned you risked turning your character into a Marty Stu and with this chapter you've almost reached there. This chapter and half of the previous one have almost completely derailed most of the good work you've done with the other chapter.
2752672 The whole logical thinking part was actually before the fighting stared, though I probably should have elaborated on that a bit better.
Part 2 of the chapter will elaborate on the corny good guy part a lot better though and injuries will be much more apparent, I can assure it. I mean, logic and emotion have been pretty prevalent here, but what about Wrath?
2752717 Well, one can make the argument that he was on the battlefield so the pressure would still be there and yes you could have elaborated on that.
The thing is that he could have been a good guy with noble intentions, nothing wrong with stepping in to save them. The problem I believe was that you tried a bit too hard and overshot the mark. In this specific instance, the less said would have been better.
2752787 Edited the previous chapter to try and make it.. well, generally less crappy
This chapter was a lot better than the last, although the fight scene was.....
. At least now it can be put behind us. Looking forward to what you have in store, just.... hold off on any fight scenes for a while 
Oh and I got one of your references, when he said:
That was from... erm... what was the name of that book again.... oh yeah, The Bible, right?
2797586 Well, technically that does count
Have a moustache:
I personally never really care about indents in any kinds of stories
I believe his eyes were still closed at this point, so how could he see her nod?
2923866 His eyes weren't closed
2716913 Oh man, this. Absolutely this. The head voices thing is probably my least favorite thing about most of the Human In Equestria stories that have been coming out recently. This would actually be a top notch HiE if it wasn't for that, in my opinion. With it, it's just pretty decent.
At this point I understand this is a decision that you've decided to stick with, but dude... as a point of constructive criticism, unless the dude actually HAS voices in his head and IS crazy, the head voices are unnecessary, and at this point a little cliche. I can dig around and find at least eight other HiE's that have done the "head voices" thing. I don't know who's responsible for starting that trope, but I really wish they hadn't.
That being said, everything ELSE has been interesting and the grammar and style is competent, which puts it head and shoulders above ninety percent of its peers.
I'm gonna reserve judgement on this one, frankly.
I suppose if you're going to have the character rant maniacally while he goes psycho, stealing lines from Krieg isn't the worst way you could go about it.
Fucking Rainbow Dash...
3076830 Cheers for that mate, really means a lot to have some positive feedback
And sorry for going along with the trope of the voices, I wasn't aware it was such a big thing, but even then they aren't going to be permanent and do play quite a role in the story.
3076848 Aaaaaand someone gets it
Have a moustache good sir, and have a fine day
GCSE, is that O Levels?
3078076 Yeah, but I mostly took the Cambridge International (IGCSE) courses