What is fate? Is it a predetermined ending, or a map of the choices we make as we make them? And what are bonds? Are they the links that hold us together, or are they the chains that limit us from what we could become? 1st person HiE.
When one takes an afternoon nap, they do not expect to wake in Equestria. Furthermore, one would hope that the path home was an easy one with loads of giant arrows to mark the way. One's hopes might be stupid. Correction: one's hopes are definitely stupid.
This is the story of my life in Equestria: the bonds I forged, the challenges I had to overcome to get home and the nature of fate; both my own and that of the random ponies (and griffons. And minotaurs) that I bumped into along the way.
This could end up as quite a long fic, depending on its reception. Positive feedback is appreciated and I hope I can make it a fun ride. If you like it pretty please click the like button. If you don't like it, please explain why and help me to improve as a writer.
As my eyes fluttered open I immediately knew something was out of place.
The tree I remembered falling asleep under had branches sticking out in only one direction – that way when the sun rounded the sky my peaceful slumber would be broken by glorious rays of light, but right then I was still in the shade. In fact, all of my surroundings were in shade and I was no longer leaning against a tree.
Sitting up, I observed my inexplicable new environment. I appeared to be in a forest – luscious fauna dotted throughout my perceived vision, odd trees in all directions, though a there was distinct lack of visible wildlife. Audible wildlife was all around – harmonious birdsong, the constant chirp of crickets. But I couldn’t see any of them.
Silence.
The sudden change in what I could hear was rapturous. There was absolutely no sound, whatsoever. My breathing was slow, controlled and silent. The crickets and birds had been replaced with a hollow void. Even the wind didn’t dare blow for fear of angering something.
Something’s out there… I thought to myself.
All thoughts of wondering where I was, or how I got there, were put on hold – something had frightened those animals to the point of complete silence, and I had heard nothing to help me figure out what it was.
I slowly got to my feet, taking tremendous care to make not the slightest peep what could give away my position. If birds that could fly away from a threat were worried, me and my sub-par fitness ought to be worried as well.
Fear. I hadn’t felt genuine fear in what felt like such a long time. I would say it creeped up the back of my neck, sent a chill up my spine or even made me exhilarated beyond compare. That would be cliché, and it did none of those things. I was scared, I knew something was wrong and I wanted to flee as fast as I could. Knowing my stamina, I knew I couldn’t run far and would almost definitely alert it to my position
That left two logical options, and one stupid one. The logical part of my brain told me to hide, or noiselessly leave the area. The correct part of my brain told me to quietly observe whatever it was that was out there. The correct part of my brain told me to learn about it and help provide more insight to where I had awakened.
I left my bag on the ground and climbed the closest tree. Full of somewhat stable branches it seemed to me the best choice for climbing and was tall enough to nearly reach the top of the forest canopy which was useful for observing whatever the scary monster was. The thought did cross my mind that I could have scared the animals but I dismissed that quickly - I’d been completely silent and non-moving. Humans aren’t that intimidating to wildlife, as far as I know…
I grabbed hold of the first tree branch and pulled myself up. There was a gentle yet deafening jangle when I reached for the next branch, remembering me to tuck my customary dog-tags into my shirt lest they betray my position to the mystery stalker.
The climb wasn't that difficult up to the near top – a couple of scrapes on my hands, but there was a ridiculous amount of tree sap.
What kind of tree has that much tree sap!?
Evidently, that kind.
Shut up.
Not desiring to continue my mental skirmish I turned my thoughts to reaching the top of the tree, which by the end was no mean feat. The branches got smaller and smaller, eventually just little nubs sticking out of the bark and while the sap was no longer on the tree there was enough on my hands to mess with my grip. A couple of times I nearly fell to my impending doom. The height wouldn’t have killed me, but the noises from the fall coupled with the probable ankle injuries I would inevitable sustain were hardly desirable.
Upon reaching the top I took a moment to catch my breath. I was hardly panting, but controlling my breathing would make me less jittery and my breaths less audible. The act of climbing the tree, while difficult, was satisfying – I felt a little fulfilled and finally got what those fitness nuts were on about when saying ‘exercise makes you feel good’.
However, the act of climbing the tree was also noisy, evident from the sound of heavy paws beating down on the ground, seemingly in my direction. The stupid part of my brain may have been correct, but also stupid.
While I doubted it was a bear, seeing as they aren’t indigenous to England, a few might have been brought from overseas for whatever reason and it definitely sounded like one. And, as it happens, climbing a tree is one of the worst things to do if a bear is after you.
However, these preconceptions were quickly dispelled when I heard its roar. Not a low growl, or a deep snarl, but a great, powerful, unparalleled roar.
I began to wonder if I was being hunted by a lion as opposed to a bear, as unlikely as it would have been, and as if to answer my inquisitive nature the beast burst into the clearing where I had awoken not five minutes ago.
“Well shit” were the only words that left my mouth as I gazed in awe at the creature below me.
My assumption of being stalked by a bear was completely wrong, though a lion only half described what I was seeing – it had the body and head of a lion, with lustrous golden fur and a crimson mane. Feathered wings of an eagle rested on its back, though vastly out of proportion. To put the final touch on this beautiful predator it had a bulbous and chunky blood-red tail. Not that of a lion, but of a scorpion, with a glistening tip which seemed to salivate venom.
I don't think I'm in London anymore...
The beast took in an unfeasible breath, and released it as an ungodly “ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!!” as if trying to scream me into submission. It wasn’t going to let me leave. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t hide – the only option, was to fight. Heh, I’m telling you this story now so I obviously survived but let me tell you, that was the first day of my life wherein which I felt truly alive. No masks, no lies, no acts.
Just raw, uncontrolled, un-quantifiable LIFE.
The beast had just shouted at me, and before our fateful battle I felt as if I should repay the favour. I lept from the branch I had precariously balanced myself on and released my own battle cry.
“COME AT ME BRO!” were the last words that I spoke before adrenaline overcame my thoughts and senses.
As adrenaline began flowing and my heart went into overdrive pumping blood through my veins, I realised that what I was doing, was utterly crazy. Crazy didn’t begin to describe it, it was more like completely and utterly mental beyond compare, mainly because no other human in existence had ever gone toe to toe with manticore without any weapons, armour or, evidently, common sense.
The wind whistled through my ears and I altered my trajectory to land on the manticore’s back. The monster had other plans, and it reared up on its hind legs to swat me out of the air, raking its retractable claws across my chest.
The pain wreaked havoc amongst my other senses as I collided with the ground, rolling into a heap. The manticore had only broken the skin having timed the extension of his claws badly and that was probably the only reason I was still in one piece.
The same thing couldn’t be said for my shirt though and I tore it off my body, not wanting to have any of my movement restricted by what was now just surplus navy-blue cotton and assorted fibres. Never really liked that shirt much anyway, too colourful.
Getting back to my feet I took a low stance, arms out to the side. Trying to intimidate the beast wouldn’t get me anywhere, so I decided to make it think I was more vulnerable than I actually was.
“Aren’t you a lovely puddy cat, yes you are.”
It obviously had some form of intelligence as it caught on to the fact I was taunting it and it didn’t like that. Not. One. Bit.
Charging at me with surprising speed and ferocity, the manticore flew forwards. As it opened its jaws as wide as it could and I realised it was trying to eat the entirety of me in one bite I knew I had no time to dodge. So I made another crazy decision. I dived straight into the mouth (not belly) of the beast and curled myself up in a ball.
Obviously it didn’t expect this as it immediately bit down, the *CLACK* of its teeth a sound I was thankful for – I had missed its teeth. Thus, I was faced with a new enemy – its tongue. As it flapped and writhed beneath from me, I unfurled myself somewhat struck the creatures uvula as hard as I could (considering I was laying on my side) with my fist.
The satisfying *THWACK* as the hit connected we followed by a gurgle and the opening of the manticore’s jaws. The beast must’ve gone quite a while without food, as I was met with only a litre or so of bile as I threw myself out of its mouth. With the manticore gagging and hacking I decided to press my advantage. First I ran up, superman-punching it in the nose with my left hand followed by a heavy cross to its right eye. The creature roared out in pain so I knew I was doing something right.
Not holding anything back, I grabbed a hold of its ear and thrust my knee as hard as I could into the creatures jaw. As it reeled back, still coughing and slightly stunned, I continued my relentless barrage, punching the same point over and over in its jaws, throwing my entire body weight behind each punch. The martial arts I had learned throughout my life meant nothing right now – I was fighting a monster, and to do that when you have no experience fighting monsters, you need to become one.
I stopped pummelling the jaw of the beast only for a second, and for the sake of variety, moved on to striking its temple. The monster was no longer that dazed and that would be a problem so I aimed to change it.
I only managed to get a couple of heavy blows in before my plans were cut short by the manticore’s tail planting itself in the ground next to me. As it tried to remove the tail from where it was embedded in the earth I decided to move on to striking the new appendage instead. If I could damage its jaw and tail, the only ways it could kill me are with its claws or by crushing me.
Immediately, I grabbed the tail at my head-height, raised my legs and spun my leg as hard as I could. My roundhouse kick propelled my shin into the solid exoskeleton with a sickening *CRUNCH*.
The desired effect was for the manticore to retreat in pain for long enough for me to figure out a way to deal with his claws, but instead it got really angry. Really angry.
I see the paw coming as it flung me across the clearing, our little makeshift arena. I felt a sense of déjà vu as I rolled over onto my side, my back exploding in pain. I looked around and figured that the manticore had has the same idea I had and was now just standing there, trying to think about how to deal with me without sustaining further injuries.
I decided to do the same and had a spark of genius. There laid my frayed shirt, left with one use before I discarded it permanently. Placing a large, fairly average stone in the middle of the shirt, I made a makeshift sling around the rock. Standing up for the second time in our bout, signifying round two, I decided to make an ultimatum.
“Leave this place and I will not follow you. If not, you will die.”
The beast roared in response and began preparations for charging. I on the other hand, stood fast and began twirling the slingshot above my head.
The beast charged. I swung.
The echoing sound of rock striking skull bounced and bounded through the forest. The momentum of the corpse kept it flying quite a distance behind me until meeting a tree, at which point it slumped down, covered in sticky tree sap. The monster was not just unconscious, but true to my statement, it was dead.
Well what do you know? I thought. I guess some biblical teachings ARE still relevant in the present world we live in. The present, manticore inhabited world…
I walked over and collected my bag, stumbling slightly as I walked. As I placed the strap over my shoulder, I looked upon numerous animals – squirrels, badgers, assorted birds and many others gazing slack jawed at me and the events that just occurred.
I thought about what I had just done, taking me a few moments to process as my brain tuned out of ‘combat mode’. Beep, beep, beep… BING!
Daayyuum! I had just killed a manticore with just my body and wits! No weapons, no armour and, evidently, no common sense and I WON! Only one thing could possibly add to the badassery of the moment, so I decided to go along with it.
I called out, “are you not entertained!?,” my words ringing throughout the forest and meeting the ears of its inhabitants. My pride swelled and yet it was overcome by only two other feelings, both flooding throughout my body as the effects of the adrenaline receded. Pain, and fatigue.
I began feeling as if my consciousness was about to leave me when I heard a voice near me.
“Oh… My.”
The squeaky noise was plain to hear amongst the deafening silence of the other animals. The wind now seemed to be afraid of me.
“Wut is it Sweetie Belle, ya find somethin’?”
I couldn’t believe my ears and turned over in the direction of these phantom voices to find a white-coated filly sticking out next to a shrubbery, wide eyed, absorbing the spectacle before her. She also had a pink and lavender mane, along with a horn on her head. But of course, none of this registered - my brain told me just that it was alive, and that it could help me.
“Quick, c’mon Applebloom and Fluttershy! She went this way!”
“Hi there. Could you help me at all? That dead manticore kind of just tried to kill me,” was all I could get out in my semi-delirious state before collapsing forwards in exhaustion, still looking forwards.
As the remaining three members of the party met up with their astonished companion they quickly mirrored her expressions when they caught sight of myself. They looked at me, then the manticore corpse, then the animals, then me again.
I only heard a distorted, “Quick girls we need to help it, whatever it is, it’s losin’ a whole lot of blood,” before the whole world faded to black.
Chapter 3 – An unfamiliar ceiling and new beginnings
Consciousness lapped at my mind like waves upon a shore. Sometimes it would crash upon me as cascading torrent of sensation, at others it gently came upon me and smudged its imprint in my memories, full of blurry shapes and disfigured sounds. Though, it always faded away in the same fading fashion – much as you don’t know when you appear in a dream I didn’t know when I faded into reality or illusion.
When I finally awoke, aching all over, I squinted directly ahead of me for a short time. I assume it was short. It could have been hours and I wouldn’t have known.
At the time, I had no recollection of the events that transpired after killing the manticore and announcing my victory, my memory left with a void.
The first thing that consciously came to my mind were the words unfamiliar ceiling. I must have made these musings aloud, as I then overheard someone saying “Quick, Fluttershy, ah think it’s waking up!"
My heart skipped a beat.
Did I hear that right..? Fluttershy?
Turning my head to look at whoever had noticed my stirring I gazed upon three forms.
The first one that my eyes rested on was a small white rabbit. Not small by a rabbit’s standard, actually from the way it stood as a biped it was quite tall for one of the Leporidae family.
A suspicious, for lack of a better term, expression seemed to be plastered to its face and its eyes screamed to me that I was constantly under their scrutiny. The motions to show that its eyes on me weren’t necessary – I got the message. The next form was actually three fillies closely held together, glued by a mixture of wonder and excitement that was obvious from the collective glowing of their eyes.
The one on the left was small (like all three of them, actually) with a white coat, a curly pink/lavender mane and sea-green irises. There was also a horn atop her head but that didn’t sink in for several seconds. An orange filly with a pinkish purple mane along with lilac eyes and small, disproportionate wings flanked her on the right. The central filly, however, somehow caught my attention the most.
Her coat was a light yellow, contrasted but not clashing with her crimson mane which was topped off with a pink bow. But what hooked me the most was the expression in her deep, orange, windows to her soul.
The other two had a hint of fear as they inspected me but this one had an expression that cried out for adventure. They called out to the world I’m going to explore every inch of anything that catches my interest, and no amount of danger is going to stop me!
I recognised them well – they were the eyes that closed each night when I tucked my little brother in and told him a story to finally make him fall asleep. I didn’t miss him at that point, too caught up in my own adventure.
The final figure that my eyes rested on was a grown Pegasus, hovering a metre or so off the ground, covered pale yellow fur and donning a long mane of light pink. She had a determined yet inquisitive expression on her face, though this was betrayed by the tepidness in her emerald observers.
I looked at them for a second before shifting my gaze in hope of finding who called that name.
And then it all clicked. The wings on their backs, the horn on one’s head. The fact that they were the only ones there so only they could have spoken. And the fact that I recognised each and every one of them; it all, in one instant, clicked.
“What the bloody hell!? This can’t be possi-”
I had shuffled away from them instinctively and ran out of room on the bed on which I was situated. Falling for half a second my weightless state was interrupted when I landed with a *THUMP* on the wooden floor.
“Argh! Bollocks that hurt!”
I immediately tried to get to my feet but had to rely on my recently vacated mattress for support, not least because of the aching pain that throbbed throughout my body if I attempted otherwise.
Settling for being able to being able to sit up I popped my head up over the bed to find all of the figures looking startled but still where they previously had been, either frozen out of fear or standing resolute in defiance against the strange creature that I was.
“See Scootaloo, I told you it could talk!” squeaked the little white filly.
“Hello, um, excuse me, but, um… can you… understand us?” asked Fluttershy, slightly cowering behind her mane.
My slow nod was reaction enough, my head still reeling from the fall and spinning from the realisation of where I was.
It wasn’t a dream – far too vivid based on the manticore fight and other sensations. I didn’t recall dying; though having been napping previously I doubt I would. That left me either in a coma or having been genuinely and inexplicably transported to my current location.
I had to face it – regardless of what form of reality or ream of illusion this was, I was in Equestria. Fluttershy’s cottage, to be precise. There was no point fighting it so I thought I might as well just go with the flow, stickin’ to the status quo.
Hehe, that rhymes.
“Um, if I might ask, what exactly… are you? I-I-If you don’t mind answering that is…”
“Not at all.” I reply as I shake my head and smile, trying to come up with a solution to my current predicament. “And as to what I am, is a very good question. I,”
I gave a slight pause, though only to add to the tangible suspense,
“am a human.”
“What’s a hew-man? ‘Cuz ah’ve never met one of you before”
“Look out Applebloom! It could be dangerous!” shouted an evidently terrified Scootaloo, who to her credit quickly tried to recover her supposedly ‘fearless’ reputation by adding “I mean, eerrr… I’d fight you head on human!”
“You sure?”
“Definitely!” Her expression seemed more resolute that before but her bravado was clear for all to see.
So decided to have a little fun
“Even though I killed that manticore where you found me?”
“Even though you-”
The four of them realised what I had just said and gasped in surprise. Scootaloo made an audible gulp. I was about to crack up laughing but Fluttershy began to stammer:
“B-b-b-but why would you do such a thing?”
I thought about how to respond for a second or so. I only meant to have a little fun observing their reaction but I’d blatantly gone over the top. “Well, firstly, I didn’t just kill it for no good reason – it did try to eat me first. I at least try to avoid harming things unless I’m provoked.”
The group before me visibly relaxed, but only slightly. I had still taken out one of the big-bads of the Everfree Forrest. Trying to diffuse the situation faster I quickly added:
“And also, I don’t have any natural weapons like claws or poison. So before you ask how, it involved sharp wits and a lot of luck.”
The knowledge that I had no inherent natural devices to harm them with caused them to relax even further, with Scootaloo releasing a breath I doubt she knew she’d been holding. Sensing that they’d calmed down a bit I decided to continue, though making sure to tread carefully.
“Now if I might ask a question, where am I?”
“Uhm, you’re in Equestria silly.” Was the quick and patronising response that left Sweetie Belle’s lips.
“Equestria huh? Well, never been here before. Guess I’ll need someone to show me around.”
“Some-what?” was the next quick response from the same white filly.
“Someone.”
“Ah think you mean somepony…”
“Ah,” I quickly corrected myself, “now that I’m in Equestria, I now do indeed.”
Leaving the inquisitive fillies with their confused expressions I decide to stand up.
“Wait,” cried Fluttershy, “we only brought you here twenty minutes ago! Your wounds haven’t healed!”
Guess I wasn’t out for hours then. Time really does crawl when you’re semi-conscious and bored, doesn’t it…
Requiring no great effort I managed to reach my full height without experiencing any pain. Deciding to check my sustained injuries I looked down at my bare chest to find it thoroughly bandaged, covered in strips of bloodied cloth.
Curious that I didn’t notice that until now I thought to myself. Then again, there have been more pressing concerns, like a TV show coming to life and me being stuck inside it…
While at my full height I observed that the three fillies each came up half-way along my thigh while Fluttershy, no longer hovering, reached the bottom of my ribcage.
No wonder they were intimidated, I must seem almost like a giant to them. That and I killed a manticore. Actually, the manticore thing probably takes precedence.
“So, um, if I may ask, what’s your name?” Fluttershy asked me.
“It’s polite to introduce yourself before asking the name of others.” I teased in response.
At this she became slightly flustered and a faint blush appeared on her pale yellow cheeks.
I already knew all of their names, of course, though as a new arrived alien it’d probably be creepy for me to have this knowledge before being enlightened by them in person. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is to know not to put it in a fruit salad.
“Well I’m Appleblewm.”
“Name’s Scootaloo.”
“And I’m called Sweetie Belle”
“And together we are,”
Better brace myself for what’s coming next…
“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAY!” the trio shouted out in perfect unison.
The noise reverberated throughout the room and I swear the sound waves were actually visible. Those three fillies sure were talented at making a racket, that’s for sure.
“Uuuuuuuuuh-huh. And you are, Miss…?”
“It’s, um, Fluttershy.”
“I'm sorry, what was that?”
“My name’s Fluttershy.”
"Didn’t quite catch that."
“I’m called Fluttershy.”
"One more time?"
“ Fluttershy.”
I looked to the fillies to see if they could help me with the slightly irritating, albeit unbearably adorable, problem I was having.
“Hehe. She’s Fluttershy, and in case yah didn’t notice, she’s kinda shy.”
“I did indeed pick up on that fact Applebloom.”
The four looked up at me as if they were expecting something.
“Well?” Scootaloo inquired.
“Well what?”
“Well, what’s your name?”
I chuckled and responded “Well that is only fair seeing as how you’ve introduced yourself. I’m –”
My speech was cut short as I observed my reflection in a window across from me, on the other side of the room. My gaze was focused on my dog-tags, there for appearance only. They were dented right where the name was meant to be stamped in, probably damaged during my fight with the manticore.
I could be anybody… I mused to myself. I could be a fighter, a scholar, and adventurer. This is the world I’m in right now and nothing to do with the old one holds purchase. No-one knows me, or my name. I am a completely blank slate.
First things first, new name. I don’t dislike my old name. Actually I quite like It and find it quite fitting for my character, but this is a new world. A brave new world with new rules. So I’ll be needing a new title.
I racked my brain thinking of names I could call myself by while a blatantly obvious one stared at me straight in the face. I’d only done one significant thing in the time I’d been there and it had a name that coalesced with it very, very well.
“David. Call me David.”
I looked out of the window and my mind flashed to the sensation that I had when I first awoke in the Everfree. I had the feeling that something was out of place, and now it was plain for all to see.
I looked out of the window and into the Equestrian sky. The sky isn’t something one focuses on in England – a lot of the time it is coated by white and grey clouds, silently drifting across an otherwise blue canvas.
The sun is hardly scarce where I’m from, appearing most days when it breaks through the fluffy barrier and sometimes revelling in solitude, free of the shrouding clouds. Either way, I hadn’t really focused on looking at the sky.
That changed when I first absorbed myself into that beautiful expanse.
There were a few clouds, maybe seven in my field of view, dotted on an azure plane that seemed to fade on forever. Not a peep of grey or darkness, no hint of rain or a storm. The clouds themselves were perfectly stationary, not the slightest gust of wind propelling them. While that probably had something to do with the mechanics of how clouds work and are manipulated with pegasi in Equestria I had not a care in the world.
It was beauty carved from nature, an image of absolute serenity. If an artist were to somehow recreate it, it would easily be their magnum opus.
I’m definitely going to compliment whoever painted that sky…
“Fluttershy”
I cocked my head slightly, trying to make out whatever it is I had just heard.
“Any of you just hear that?” I asked, looking over towards the other inhabitants of the room.
“Hear what?” replied Sweetie Belle, raising one eyebrow in a somewhat comic fashion.
“Fluttershy”
“That.”
“It sounded like Rainbow Dash!” shouted Scootaloo, her admiration for her idol almost uncontainable.
I turned to the four, raising my left eyebrow in a way to mimic Sweetie Belle, causing her to chuckle
“Rainbow Da-“
Wait, four? Weren’t there five of them a few minutes ago? The CMC, Fluttershy and Angel. Wait, where’s Ange-
My train of though was cut short by a *BOOM* as Fluttershy’s front door flew off its hinges, showering us all with splinters. I tried to move in front of the wave of wooden darts in order to protect the three fillies, who were standing directly in their path. Time seemed to slow as I flung myself across a couple of metres, trying to act as a sacrificial shield.
By no means was I a selfless person, or a genuine hero by any stretch of the imagination. But I wasn’t just going to allow those three innocents to get hurt in such a tragic manner. Those words may be a heroic cliché but I had my reasons, most of which will be revealed in time. I say most, as I can hardly reveal that which I myself still do not understand.
I managed to provide a wall in between the CMC and the deadly shrapnel, but the lacerations and punctures I braced myself for never came.
Pain. I only felt pain as I collapsed forwards in a daze. My ears tune out as I try to piece together what had happened. I hadn’t felt the first impact, nor the sailing through the air or even the collision with the wall itself. It had all gone too fast. I only felt the aftermath as tried to crawl to my hands and knees, my strength ebbing and pain continuing to flow through my body.
My back was in agony, spine flaring and shoulders aching with any slight movement. My chest, however, was undoubtedly worse.
My ribs felt as if they had been turned to bone meal, and it’s a miracle that wasn’t the case. I could barely breathe, each individual gasp for air shallow and unrewarding. It was like drowning without water, choked without any pressure being applied to my neck. When I looked down to see a pool of blood below me from where my wounds had re-opened, I truly believed I was going to die.
Despair. Weakness. Insignificance. No matter how well I scribe this, no words can even come close to describing the sensation I felt. Dread is too meagre and void isn’t empty enough. At the time (being as stupid as I was) really did believe that was it. That the reaper was there to reap his scythe and collect his tithe.
No, not like this… so weak, so helpless… so… empty, and without meaning..? Trodden on as if I were just an ant, powerless to halt my suffering? Is this it? My path’s end? Is this the conclusion to my story, which in the scheme of things had only just begun? Is this predetermined or unpredictable? Could this be my fate..?
Fading…
Fading…
Fading…
SHUT UP! Enough of this self-pity! I refuse to die like a defenceless whelp. I don’t want to be helpless again. No, I refuse to be helpless again! One day I may fade to the eternal wear of time but not today. Right now I’m standing back up and telling fate what for. Right now, I’m putting death on hold, and if he doesn’t like it he can talk to customer service.
As my senses tuned back into a ready supply of information I was vaguely aware of screaming. A yellow figure stood in a few metres front of my tattered form, wings flared out. I couldn’t make out individual words but the rage fuelling the deafening rant was clear.
Letting out a deep moan I tried to push myself up to a standing position. Suffice to say it hurt. A lot. It wasn’t more than before, but it was different. The pain before was registering damage that had already been dealt. This pain was instead antagonising me because the action of standing was distributing further injury across my body.
The force it took to shove myself upwards onto two feet was herculean.
Straining with every millimetre, I slowly but steadily managed to reach a stance of being on two feet, though I was very hunched over. Pulling myself up like a puppet, I stretched and urged myself on, eventually reaching my full height and looking around at my surroundings.
The CMC were huddled together in the corner of the room, looking on in abject terror at the events that had just unfolded before them. Each of them was peppered here and there with small cuts from where some of the splinters must’ve gotten past me.
The yellow figure who I eventually registered as Fluttershy was hollering something at my attacker.
Wait… who was it who attacked me..?
Shifting my gaze in front of Fluttershy I came across a certain cyan mare. She stood in the centre of the room, cowering in front of the verbal coming from her friend. Her feathered wings were clasped in, locked while cradling her form. The rest of her body expression was that of resignation. Like a child having been summoned to the headmaster, knowing they’re in trouble and getting a right bollocking because of it.
I guess some things are the same regardless of having two legs or four.
My point of concentration wandered to her head, drawn there like moths to a flame by a brilliant rainbow mane. Each colour of the spectrum was spread across it, every flavour of life compressed into something as simple as hair. Each shade faded seamlessly into the next to create a magnificent explosion of light emanating from hair. It was hair and yet it was vibrant like nothing I had ever experienced – not a subtle yet wonderful blend to perfection, like the skyline I had lost my soul to not five minutes before. It was all of these amazing things and yet it was just hair.
The animators on the show really haven't done her justice...
A twitch of her ears drew my attention to the expression adorning her face - one of regret and frustration. Regret at barging into her friend's home without requesting, frustration at not being able to make the same friend see she was just trying to keep her safe. Deep violet eyes then glazed over, she appeared on the verge of tears. Her breathing looked tight and shallow, as if she were literally being choked.
Pupils like pinpricks, eyes wide, ears twitching – faint but incessant. No movement bar a slight quivering of her legs. And no shouting. No words coming from Fluttershy and yet my attacker’s reaction was more vivid than ever, magnitudes greater than when it was just shouting. I feared that Fluttershy had gone much further than just shouting…
'The stare’… Maybe Fluttershy went a little overboard but then again she can’t actually control it can she. Wait, oh shit she’s having a seizure!
“Uuuuuuuunngghhhhhh,” I moaned, the words I intended to speak becoming untranslatable and garbled thanks to my injuries.
I took a momentous step forwards, trying to make myself known to the pair. My efforts, however, were in vain for both were lost to their own distractions. I glanced over to the corner where the CMC had been, hoping for some help in rousing the two from their respective states, to find it vacant.
They probably ran to get help. AppleJack or Twilight I assume, AJ is Applebloom’s reliable sister and Twilight is the knowledge one whom they think will know what to do. It’s the best rational and logical choice to optimize results.
But conscious beings are often illogical and erratic, one of the features that randomises us and makes life worth living. Chances are they panicked and Sweetie Belle led them to Rarity, or maybe in their current state they bumped into Pinkie Pie. Order and logic are boring and stagnant.
While random and erratic behaviour is self-destructive and dangerous. They chose logically.
They freaked out and chose irrationally!
Focus on RD and Fluttershy, please…
Confirming my resolve while burying the bickering wagers of my sub-conscious, I took another step. The second one was more heavy-footed, pain lancing through my leg as my foot touched the ground. Another. And another. The discomfort seemed to last for hours yet I knew it had only been a few seconds – the less you enjoy something the longer it seems to last, it seems.
Eventually I was within reach of Fluttershy, capable of rousing her from her trance-like state. I nudged her, hoping for an immediate response, being instead graced with no change or her part and the discovery that when she freezes up in fear, she is truly immovable. Unless, of course, you shove her as hard as you can. So I lowered myself a bit to match her height, mustered all of my available strength and threw my entire body mass against the little Pegasus.
The effects were instantaneous – Fluttershy was sent sprawling about three metres away from where she had been standing, colliding with the couch and being left in a daze. With the connection broken, Rainbow collapsed where she was with her legs splayed out, panting and gasping for air. As for me, I had fallen to the ground and was now trying to stay still, waves of pain burning through my sea of senses.
“Ugh, my head. What the hay just happened?” inquired Rainbow as she sat up, surveying the carnage that was her best friend’s living room.
Silence gripped the three of use for a second or so ,then Fluttershy took a deep breath before blurting out,
“Oh my, Rainbow Dash I’m so sorry! When you crashed in here you took me by surprise and then you charged David and I was scared and I didn’t know what to do and I stopped you and I shouted and then I was just so angry I and I used ‘the stare’ but I didn’t mean to and I couldn’t stop and I’m so sorry!”
Fluttershy concluded her, quite impressive, explanation of the events that had occurred and immediately fluttered over to Rainbow and glomped her, squeezing her tightly and weeping into her shoulder.
Rainbow looked quite taken aback though she opted to hold her friend in her hooves.
“What do you mean? I didn’t charge anypony, just the monster that Angel was blabbering about. I couldn’t have hurt it that hard – it didn’t even go through the wall.”
As the pain began fading I mentally facepalmed. Not at me not noticing Angel’s escape, but at how I had vastly exaggerated how bad my injuries were. Rainbow was right – for me to be hurt as bad as I had thought I would’ve had to be sent through the wall. The pain was steadily receding and none of my ribs actually felt broken. There was very little blood coming from my chest and my wounds had not split open. I felt like a total dimwit. The dramatic monologue may have been in my head but it was still unbelievably embarrassing.
Huh, that all fits together quite nicely actually… Rainbow knocked me across the room before the splinters hit. She wasn't travelling that fast, but I didn't remember the impact because my head hit the wall. The’ pool’ of blood is probably about five droplets and in the heat of the moment I must have panicked like a pussy. It only hurt seemed to hurt so much because I was distracted by the head, the worst injury I could end up with is a concussion. Ugh, I really need to man up…
“Oh, no Rainbow Dash, that was no monster. That was David, he’s a human.”
“What’s a –”
“Human? I am a member of a highly advanced alien race with the intention of enslaving ponykind. Now take me to your leader, then, surrender your women and your intellectuals.”
I sat up, the pain now just a small inconvenience, to find Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash looking at me, horrified. Fluttershy’s eyes were red from her tears while rainbow’s brow was still slightly sweaty from when she was under the effects of ‘the stare’. Both appeared scared and surprised shitless.
Hold your deadpan, keep it going. God that expression is priceless. Come , keep your poker face…
I couldn’t keep my poker face.
I guffawed loudly and the looks on their faces shifted to that of confusion and Fluttershy immediately asked me:
“Um, that was a joke, right?” asked Fluttershy in a meek voice, probably intimidated by my statement.
I spent a few seconds recomposing myself, and to stop giggling, before replying,
“Yes Fluttershy, that was a joke,” I said, before looking to the cyan mare “and you, must be Rainbow Dash, correct?”
“Hey how do you know my name!? Are you an alien spy?”
“An alien? Most definitely. A spy? Not at all. It’s just that Fluttershy mentioned you a couple of times and Scootaloo went nuts when-”
“Scoots was here!? Where is she? What have you done with her!?” erupted Rainbow, suddenly very uptight and serious. Angry, even.
“Calm down, clam down! I don’t know where she is, she ran off when you charged in here and scared them senseless!”
“When I did what? What do you mean I scared them senseless – you’re the dangerous alien monster human-thing!” Rainbow looked outraged – I mean obviously how dare I accuse her of being the scary and dangerous one.
Stuck up cow, I thought to myself.
“Maybe I am. But I wasn’t the one who blasted the door off its hinges and attacked a peaceful me, who was wondering my own business, with no explanation to them whatsoever! You didn’t even notice they were in the room, what kind of role model does that? Some kind of big sister figure you are!” I snapped, losing my cool.
I only realised my mistake in mentioning the sister-thing after saying it, but thankfully Rainbow hadn’t caught on in the way I was worried about. She was just sitting there, mouth agape and teary eyed. My words had had quite a profound impact on her and I had obviously struck a nerve. She looked as if she were about to say something before it stuck in her throat. She then got to her hooves and turned to leave, slowly walking towards the exit.
Fluttershy didn’t even move – she understood Rainbow wanted to be alone. Seeing as usually she tries to comfort ponies and animals, being the element of kindness and all, I knew what I’d said had more power behind it that I’d anticipated.
Great now she’s upset. Maybe she had sister problems in the past or something happened recently with Scootaloo? Who knows. Ugh, I shouldn’t have let this escalate and now I have to do some sort of damage control with the situation.
Actually, why did you help her in the first place? She attacked you without concrete reason and disregarded the safety or concerns of her friend. You should have left her in her seizure-state. There probably wouldn’t be long-term effects from it and it’s only fair. An eye for an eye-
Makes the whole world blind. I refuse to be dictated by Talion law.
So noble of you. So why did you help her? Because you’re not a good person, we all know that.
She could be a valuable asset for returning home
It felt right? You want her as a friend right? That’s why you-
Stop trying to distract me. The reason was for my absolution.
With that one word the conversation in my head ceased.
Rainbow opened her wings, about to fly off into the afternoon sky and cry her troubles away. Or just go somewhere alone and sit in silence – who knows what Rainbow does when she’s sad and wants to be alone.
“Wait.”
She stopped and shifted her body slightly so that she could look at me while still being able to walk out of the door.
“What?” She replied, dripping with an amalgam of sadness and bitterness. The solitary word hung in the air like volatile gas - any wrong response could cause a spark that would do more than rekindle the argument.
“I apologise. What I said was in the heat of the moment and out of order. You only meant the best for your friend. That is all.”
My expression remained stoic throughout what I said, hiding any emotion. She probably thought it was because I didn’t like saying sorry, the truth was nowhere near as decent. I wasn’t sorry for what I’d said – it had been harsh and in the heat of the moment but it needed to be said. She was hardly going to go into a massive spiral of depression because of it, and in the process I had learned an important button to press if I ever need to make a point.
“Apology accepted,” she replied, “but I don’t trust you. You didn’t say you weren’t dangerous. Plus Angel looked pretty scared of you and he’s not easy to scare. I’ve got my eye on you so you’d better not pull anything, especially on my friends.”
She didn’t say her words with venom or any harmful intent. She wasn’t even trying to be threatening – cocky more than anything, like she was showing that she wasn’t scared of me.
Shifting her position back round so she could leave I added,
“How very loyal of you.”
She froze. I smirked.
“Ya’ll right there, sugarcube?” I heard, the strong southern drawl leaving me utterly shocked, “Applebloom came over an’ said somethin’ ‘bout you crashin’ in Flutttershy. She also said some hooty ‘bout some manticore-slayer or the like but she has a habit of comin’ up with stories.”
Told you they’d pick logically.
“Rainbow, darling, are you quite all right?”
You were saying?
Too many variables. No fair.
The logical part said ‘no fair’? How ironic.
I heard panting, then, “Sorry I’m late, I’m not used to flying high and not enough magic to teleport. Wait a second, I need to catch my breath.”
While I could only hear, not see, any of the mystery newcomers I easily recognised them as Applejack, Rarity and Princess Twilight Sparkle. Each of their voices were distinct - there was no doubt that the mane six bar one was in the immediate vicinity.
That quickly changed to the mane six plus four when I heard the cacophony that was Pinkie, Spike and the Crusaders approaching. The general kerfuffle of the Crusaders, Spike’s rambling about always getting hounded by Twilight if he doesn’t do his chores and the audible *BOING* as Pinkie bounced onto the scene.
“What’s up Dashie, you look really down? I know what’ll cheer you up – A PARTY!”
“Not now Pinkie! Rainbow, what’s wrong?”
“It’s uh,” She turned over her shoulder to look at me, “complicated.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’ll be fine. After all I’m the Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all of Equestria!” Rainbow tried to put on as much bravado in her voice as she could but it was to no avail – everyone could see she was distressed.
I heard a couple of wing beats and Twilight appeared in the door-less doorway. She took no notice of the carnage around the room, Fluttershy huddled about a metre or so from me in complete silence or the alien that was myself. She closed her eyes and immediately hugged Rainbow and held her close, cradling her with one how and her wings.
“Rainbow we’re your friends. If you ever have a problem or something is wrong please share it with us, okay?”
She opened her eyes.
“Waaaaagh! What the hay!? You’re a, you’re a –“
“Human. How do you know what I am?” I asked.
“No, no, no, no, NO! You’re not real, you’re just a myth!”
“And yet here I am, an alien in a faraway land. Heh, that rhymes. Well, half rhyme anyway.”
Twilight rushed over to me, walking around my body while examining every inch of my form. She stood in front of me, put her hooves on my shoulders and said,
“You are not scientifically possible,” in a surprisingly cheery voice.
Oh God, this is going to take a lot of explaining. And I probably don't have the answers she wants.
“Twilight, being a magical, purple, winged unicorn in a world of talking ponies, the irony of that statement is lost on you isn’t it?”
Twilight just stared at me with a blank expression, probably trying the figure out what was ironic about that statement. I could sense the gears in her head turning, calculating the variables and formatting a response, eventually coming up with,
“How do you know my name?”
It took me less than a second to realise my mistake.
Oh shit, I’m not meant to know her yet.
“The Crusaders mentioned an ‘egghead’ and ‘smarty pants’ called Twilight. Judging from your response, that’s you.”
My stoic look hid my inner turmoil while I was silently praying that she doesn’t see through my lie.
“How do you know the Crusaders…?” asked Twilight, eyeing me suspiciously, not thoroughly convinced by my deception.
“They and Fluttershy saved me when they found me collapsed in the forest. Thanks for that by the way.”
“Oh, um, it was nothing really… you were hurt and I just applied some bandages. Your wounds weren’t that bad, you probably would have survived anyway…”
“Having just fought a manticore? Nah, I’d be out for the count for sure!”
At this Rainbow Dash instantly spun around with an amazed expression on her face which was almost perfectly mirrored by Twilight.
“You fought a manticore!?” They both asked, rather loudly, while gawking at me as if I had just announced my engagement to Celestia.
I’m never going to get tired of these hilariously exaggerated expressions, am I?
At this point the Crusaders decided to charge into the room and continue my tale with,
“He fought it all by himself!”
“Killed it with just one blow!”
Twilight and Rainbow looked at me, horrified just as Fluttershy and the CMC had been when I first told them about me killing the manticore.
“You… killed it?”
“Oh no, not like that Twilight – he had no choice. The monster kept trying to eat him and he didn’t get a chance to run away. He even gave the manticore an ultimatum before the final clash!”
At Sweetie Belle’s extensive defence of me and my actions I could no nothing but smile warmly. Though I was somewhat shocked on the inside by their coming to my defence, I reasoned that they were young, naïve and quick to trust. The fact that I hadn’t reacted violently when Rainbow attacked probably helped, however that was more because I was stunned than because I was a nice person.
“An ultimatum,” Rainbow Dash replied, shocking all those in the room and drawing eyes to her, “a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.”
All jaws dropped. She realised what had just come out of her mouth and the then-flustered mare tried to cover up her moment of intelligence with,
“What!? It’s not like I’m an egghead or anything! It was just one time when I didn’t know what something in Daring Doo meant and it looked important so I looked it up…”
The entire room, even the timid Fluttershy, was soon laughing, the shadow of doubt cast away by newfound mirth. Sadly that was not to last, made apparent when a mare of gleaming white appeared in the doorway and proclaimed,
“Twilight, what on earth is all the commotion about? Surely Sweetie Belle and her friends were just coming up with another ridiculous story to get our atten- oh my.”
Okay I was wrong – I am getting tired of these stupid expressions. Seriously, can’t these ponies be a little more stoic?
My, supposedly rhetorical, question was quickly answered with the arrival of Pinkie Pie and Applejack in the doorway. While Pinkie was excited as usual, her standard sentiments skyrocketed when she saw me. Applejack, to her credit, did only raise her eyebrows slightly upon seeing my seated form
“Wow! I’ve never met one of you before! What are you?”
Before I could reply, Applebloom decided to blurt out,
“That’s David! He’s a human, y’know Sis, the one ah wus talkin’ about! The one who killed a manticore!”
“And the one who would appreciate it if he got to tell his own stories, thank you very much.”
“Bwaah! It talks!” exclaimed Applejack, her admirable stoicism replaced by surprise as she scrambled back.
“He.” I politely corrected her, the only response being,
“Wut?”
At this point I was about to lose my patience with the ignorant ponies but I decided to extend my tolerance out of courtesy.
“You said it. I am a male, and would prefer to be referred to as such. Thus, I am a ‘he’.”
I looked over to Rarity, who was actually taking things much better than Applejack.
“ Aren't you going to pull out a fainting couch or something? You seem like the type.”
Her face contorted in distaste before she replied,
“What is that supposed to mean you unscrupulous oaf? Besides, fainting couches are beyond cliché, I prefer cushions. Well, that and I can’t do it outside of my home – carrying a cushion around solely for that purpose would be quite ridiculous.”
I guess the show either can’t or doesn't emulate everything about this world.
An awkward silence hung in the air, giving me time to inspect the room with all of its current inhabitants.
The first thing that came to my attention is how hilariously overfilled Fluttershy’s living room was. Rainbow Dash and Twilight had relocated to the right oh the entrance to make way for Applejack and Rarity who stood in the doorway. The CMC were sitting down at the foot of the stairs, flanked by a surprisingly stationary but nonetheless ecstatic Pinkie Pie. Finally there was Fluttershy to my right, next to the bed I had awoken on, and myself, seated on a comfortable yet durable rug.
The room itself was quite small, clearly optimised for accommodating Fluttershy’s animal friends. Numerous cages and other forms of critter-accommodation were dotted throughout the living space. Under normal circumstances, the area was large enough for Fluttershy and a couple of friends, but the current situation was anything but and the lack of space showed it.
I also perceived that none of the ponies were actually keeping their distance. Twilight was curious, desire for knowledge and exploration burning in her eyes. Pinkie and Fluttershy stood and sat, respectively, both their usual selves. Applejack seemed weary of my presence – she wasn’t aggressive, but she was ready to defend her sister if something happened. Lastly, both Rainbow Dash and Rarity had an air of hostility about them though they didn’t seem to present a threat.
“How about we all calm down,” I glanced at Rainbow then Rarity to emphasise I was referring to them, “take a seat and discuss the… predicament we’re in, shall we?”
Slowly, each of them decided to agree and sat themselves down on the wooden floor. While there had at least been some progress, the tension was palpable and each of them looked kind of unstable in their own right.
“Okay, how about we start this off with formal introductions. My name is David, and as all of you now know,” I glanced over to the Crusaders, each of them forming a guilty smile, “I am a human.”
I looked to Twilight for the next introduction. Understanding what I was gesturing she continued,
“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, head of Ponyville library and protégé of Princess Celestia.”
She then in turn looked over to Rainbow Dash who also got the message.
“Rainbow Dash – head of Ponyville weather ponies, future Wonderbolt and the fastest flier in all of Equestria.”
What would usually have been an exuberant yet justified boast was reduced to a basic, monotonous statement and everyone picked up on that.
Wait a second, didn’t she get into the academy? This is getting weirder and weirder…
“Ahm Applejack, just a farmer.”
Basic and efficient.
Predictable and malleable.
The kind of person who gives people a chance to prove their worth.
“Rarity, fashionista.”
I was surprised at how brusque she was, though she was hardly unreasonable after I, in her eyes, insulted her as I had. Another thing I noted was that none of the others mate note of the change, implying it to be a regular occurrence, Sweetie Belle even going as far as to roll her eyes.
I guess this is standard for her when she’s grumpy, and that appears to be easy to incite.
“Ooh, ooh! Pick me, pick me!”
No points for guessing who that was…
“Okay then, you’re up next fluffy-pink-one.”
“I’m Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s number one party pony! I love parties and baking and cupcakes and brownies and streamers and confetti and oh, did I mention, I love parties!?”
Oooooh I like her even more in person!
Bloody irritating…
“Yes. Yes you did, Pinkie.”
God, I’m exhausted just from having to listen to her speak!
“As for the rest of us, we are already acquainted. So I’m guessing you have a lot of questions…”
The entire group nodded in unison. Twilight then chose to spearhead the assault upon my sanity.
“What are you and why are you here?”
I must admit I was actually surprised when Twilight asked this.
“You already know what I am, and even I don’t know why I’m here. Hell, I know nothing about where here is!”
“That’s not true,” Rainbow interrupted, a spark of malevolence in her eyes that just screamed ‘I’m gonna make your life a pain’, “you said you were here to enslave ponykind and that we should surrender our women and our intelle-“
“I also said that was a joke. Now it’s getting rather chilly in here, you wouldn’t mind shutting the door would you? Oh yeah, you broke t down and showered the Crusaders with potentially deadly splinters before attacking me, having done nothing to aggravate you, immature idiot. Now pipe down and let the grown-ups talk, punk.”
Rainbow glared daggers at me as she prepared a snarky response, though Pinkie beat her to it, even if there was a distinct lack of snark.
“Hey! There’s no mean to be such a big-mean-grumpy-mean-meanie-pants! She was probably just trying to help!”
“So she should have knocked first and been reasonable. Her loyalty is admirable but her actions misplaced. That doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to apologise and forgive, if you are willing to let the past be the past. Now, next question.”
“Why are you letting us ask you questions? Surely you want answers of your own, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do want answers, but as I’m the alien here I’m being courteous and allowing you to ask a few questions first.”
“Riiiiight…. Well, eerrr, could you tell us about yourself?” asked Twilight, clearly straining to find something about me that was actually useful to her.
“Depends on what you want to know.” I replied blankly.
“What do you eat.”
“Pass.”
My reluctance to answer the question baffled Twilight but she decided to ignore it and more on.
“How old are you?”
“Sixteen years of age. Though that’s in terms of Earth solar rotations, so I’m not sure how that time frame compares to yours.”
Next it was Applebloom who asked a question, which turned out to be one of the more interesting ones.
“How come you speak Equestrian if you’re an alien?”
All eyes were on small yellow filly. As she shrank away slightly I noticed a look of surprise or even jealousy on Twilights face, making me smirk ever so slightly.
“I have no idea, but that’s a very good question Applebloom. Best one so far in fact, definitely smarter than Twilight, that’s for sure. ”
I must admit, I gained a slight tinge of satisfaction as Twilight’s cheeks turned a slight shade of crimson. My statement wasn’t just to aggravate Twilight, however. Instead I was trying to either get a chance to ask myself without asking for it, or to make her ask more interesting questions.
“Any more questions?”
“No, you can ask away, Alien.”
“Fine then, I will. You referred to a princess earlier, thus I assume Equestria is a sovereign state? If so, is it ruled by a king or queen? Also, does your society follow and patriarchal or matriarchal routes?”
You already know the answer to those questions, thus they are pointless.
True, but in the process of asking these ’pointless’ questions I should be able to figure out the differences between the show and this ‘reality’.
Twilight looked unsure about answering, hesitating for a few seconds before finally replying,
“Equestria is ruled by two sister Princesses, no king or queen. Equestrian society is egalitarian in nature, not controlled by either sex.”
At this the fillies sniggered, resulting disapproving looks from Rarity and Applejack. Regardless, I decided to continue.
“How come you know what I am, Twilight, while the rest of your party remain in ignorance? Also, what are we to you and what do you know of us.”
“Humans are a mythological race, rarely heard of except for in ancient texts which few ponies read, let alone understand. In my studies I came across and read a tome on them written by Starswirl the Bearded, with you fitting their outward description exactly. We don’t know much of your race except for that you have tendency to be greedy tricksters and are very chaotic.”
“Heh. For some of my race that is a very apt description. Well, I’m satisfied for the time being but by no means are all my questions gone. Now, do any of you have individual questions for me?”
The question hung in the air for a short while, no one daring to speak for fear of looking stupid. This time, however, it was Rarity who shattered the stillness. She seemed to have recovered from her earlier grump and now seemed to be in a more reasonable state.
“Why are you wearing clothes?”
“Social convention. Humans don’t have fur and the small amount of hair around our bodies offers little protection against the cold.”
“Do you only wear clothes on your legs?”
“No, but my shirt was shredded in my fight with the manticore thus I am left with only these bandages.”
“Are all humans so fat? I mean, really, you could trim up a little...” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
My God she is so annoying! Even worse than fucking Pinkie! C’mon, beat the crap outta her – you’d show you mean business.
You know that you’d make a terrible diplomat, right?
What can I say? I’m your dark side given voice. You should come over some time – we have cookies.
Knowing our baking skills they’d taste like shit anyway.
“No Rainbow Dash, not all humans are fat. A lot of them are, due to laziness and complacency but many are also in top physical condition. I’m somewhere in the middle in terms of fat and I have terrible general fitness, but I have developed more muscle mass to compensate.”
The fact that I didn’t show any anger towards her aggravated her even further, fuming at the ears. Not figuratively either – there actually was what appeared to be steam leaving her ears.
Dude, piss her off more often – that’s fucking hilarious!
Instead deciding to move on, I looked around for any more candidates with Sweetie Belle asking next,
“What’s your cutie mark and where is it?”
Cocking an eyebrow to make them think I was curious, I inquired,
“What is a cute mark?”
I don’t think I’d ever heard a collective gasp like the one that took place in that room.
“You… you don’t know what a cutie mark is?”
“Nope. Enlighten me.”
The younger ones seemed quite upset at this, looks of near-despair adorned on their faces. The adults appeared to be plain confused, prompting Twilight to explain,
“A cutie mark is a symbol that appears on the flank of a pony that has discovered their special talent. The symbol is related to the talent and all ponies will get one,” She looks over to the fillies, “eventually. But if humans don’t have them, how do you know what your special talent is?”
“ ’Special talent’? As in something someone has a natural affinity for? Well, humans don’t normally have something that just clicks for them. Actually humans often spend their entire lives devoting themselves to subject in order to become a master at it, and many humans never find something they’re good at all.”
“Well-well-well, how in Equestria can any society function without everyone having something they specialise in!? It just doesn’t make sense!”
“We study in order to learn basic skills, then study further to specialise. When we are about twenty we go out into the world and see if there’s anyone out there who needs someone with our qualifications. There is often a lot of competition between job applicants and employers alike, and quite a large population is left unemployed. Then there’s greed and corruption, poisoning men and resulting in socio-ecenomic disasters but that’s less to do with special talents and more to do with human nature.”
Last out of the CMC, Scootaloo decided to ask,
“What’s human nature?”
When the question was asked I was tempted to pass – the darker aspects might have scared them - but I concluded that not answering would just lead to persistent nagging by the group, which in turn would lead to me revealing it in a much less composed manner.
“Human nature,” I began, “is exactly what it says – the nature of humans and humanity itself. It is an odd, fickle and much debated subject amongst ourselves. It has its ups and it has its downs, end of the day still life goes on.”
“Your kind seem pretty complicated,” said Applejack while fiddling slightly with her hat.
“That we are Miss Applejack. That we are.”
After this I believed I would be graced by quiet and a lack of questions for a while…
Guess I overestimated my tolerance for this Q&A crap, I’m bored to hell and back.
Only to be interrupted by Spike charging in and announcing,
“Twilight! I was going to do as you asked and I was going to write a message to the Princess but there weren't any quills at the library so I went to Quills and Sofas but on the way there I got a letter from Princess Luna about how Discord had said something or other about a something in the Everfree Forrest and then I thought ‘Twilight’s investigating a something from the Everfree over at Fluttershy’s’ so the I came here and I told you all this!”
Spike then promptly fell to his knees and gasped for air while I concluded,
“And that’s how Equestria was made!”
“Hey,” exclaimed Pinkie, “that’s my line!”
All this caused Spike to look at me and if he weren’t so exhausted and short of breath he probably would have ran off screaming ‘monster, monster!’ at the top of his voice.
I don’t have time for this shit…
“Okay I’m getting tired of introductions so this is all you’re getting. I’m David and I’m not dangerous, to you anyway – the Crusaders can vouch for that but aren’t going to at the moment.”
“Why not?” the three fillies asked in unison, visibly upset at not being endorsed to present me to the conversation’s newcomer.
“Because I am tired and grumpy, especially so seeing as my nap was interrupted by waking up in a foreign world with talking ponies – which, for the record, don’t do that where I come from – in which mythological creatures are real. Including manticores, one of which tried to eat me. Oh, and when I then wake up having killed this bloody great monster I’m attacked by a moody Pegasus and then I willingly decide to submit myself to questioning, a decision I a coming to regret dearly.”
Then it was my time to gasp for air. Well, more like take a couple of deep breaths and bring myself under control. Spike looked to Twilight as if to say ‘the fuck’s going on?’ with the lavender mare merely shrugging in response.
“Ugh, sorry. As you may have noticed I’m starting to fall apart, too much crap for one day. That and I’m-”
Mentally unstable?
“- a teenager, filled with irritating emotional hormones which are hardly helping tight now.”
I look to the dark sky, the sun having relinquished its place to the night during the short time we’d spent talking. The moon was not yet visible from where I was sitting, leaving me with only the twinkling stars to fill the shade-filled void.
And it hit me.
“Ah.”
“What?”
“Well, as I assume you don’t know of a way to send me home,yet, and there’s one thing we didn't discuss that we probably should have…”
Chapter 6 – A place to stay and diplomatic assignments
Twilight sat silent in thought for a second, then turned to Applejack.
“Wut?”
The purple Alicorn raised her eyebrows. Applejack responded in kind. She then shrugged her wings, leaving Applejack stumped. Twilight decided to gesture towards me with her head, prompting a vivid display on Applejack’s part.
“No. Nu’uh. No. Way.”
“Oh come on Applejack you’re the only reasonable option!”
“Ah said no. No way no how is that there alien not stayin’ on mah farm.”
“Okay I get the point, you don’t want to share your farm with the horrible alien who has done so may mean things to make you hate him. The one who arrived in a land he knows nothing about and has been attacked by manticores and vicious monsters alike. You know, the one who is tired and lonely and who just wants to go home.”
Actually I quite like it here – you could make some friends,
Wreak some havoc,
Learn and atone for-
-Seriously? How can I atone here, everything’s perfect!?You three are crazy.
See, three against one – democracy states we want to stay.
You are the avatar of my malevolence… any you’re using democracy to try to persuade me? Seems legit. Either way, this isn’t a democracy and you’re not citizens – it is a dictatorship and you are figments of my consciousness.
My train of thought was derailed when Pinkie appeared right in front of my face and bounced around in my field of view, all the while asking,
“If Applejack won’t take you I will! It’ll be looooaaads of fun - we can have cake for dinner then ice cream for dessert with chocolate milk! Then we can play party games and laugh and dance and talk about blue police boxes and giant mecha! How’s that sound?”
Dafuq she just say..?
Sounds awesome!
“Sounds awesome!”
Dafuq I just say!?
“Pinkie there’s no way he could possibly stay with you in Sugarcube Corner,” Twilight stated, “ it’s in the middle of Ponyville! He’d be noticed by the townsfolk and it would incite a town wide panic, not to mention what will happen if it gets into the newspapers –it’d be worse than Gabby Gums!”
Pinkie’s hair deflated after Twilight made her point, though her friend took no notice of this. Pausing and turning to applejack she continued,
“The same problem also applies to the Library along with the Carrousel Boutique, plus I doubt Rainbow Dash would stop herself from shoving him off the side of her could house, assuming a cloud walking spell would work on him – we don’t know what kind of magic humans have or are used to. And there’s not nearly enough space to accommodate him here in Fluttershy’s cottage so no he couldn’t stay here.”
Applejack still looked unconvinced until Applebloom decided to further Twilights argument. Actually, it was less adding to the logical reasons for me staying at the farm and closer to adorable pleading.
“Pleeeeeeease can he stay Sis’ ? Oh please oh please oh pleeeeease. He’s lost, lonely and he doesn’t have any friends here. You’d say yes if he wus a pony, wut’s so different if he’s a human?”
“Because, we… eerr…” Applejack glanced again at her younger sibling’s pleading eyes before lowering her hat in resignation.
“Fine, he can stay,” she then raised her hat again and locked gaze with me, “But you better not cause any trouble.”
“Yaaaaaaay!” exclaimed Applebloom, bouncing around the room.
“I can one up from not causing trouble. You mentioned you’re a farmer and both of you sisters have the word ‘apple’ in your names, so I’m guessing you run an apple orchard. How about this – I will earn my keep by helping out with your apple harvest and in return I can stay in a barn or something. Sound good?”
“See Applejack, he’s even gonna help on the farm! Just in time for zap apple harvest to!”
“Ah think Ah’d rather judge wut help you’ll be from yer actions, not yer words. But… thanks fer the offer.”
“I think that’s very wise of you. Oh, before I forget: Fluttershy, when you found me I would have been wearing a brown satchel bag. Quite big, about yay wide,” I gestured with my hands as to the width I was referring to, “did you bring it with or just leave it in the forest?”
“Ooh yes I brought it back here. Let me just get it for you.”
She fluttered off into the next room before I got the chance to thank her but I figured I’d be able to do so when she came back. Suffice to say, I didn’t. As Flutteshy returned from next door, the bag strap in her mouth, a certain song started playing, coming from inside the bag.
Oh shit, the alarm on my phone! Bollocks. I was hoping to avoid the whole technology discussion but I guess I’m fucked now.
“Hey, can anyone else hear that music?” asked Rainbow Dash, her interest clearly piqued.
“Hehe it sounds groovy!” were the only words a rejuvenated Pinkie spoke, her hair reflating in an instant.
Without realising it, I suspect, all three of the CMC were gingerly moving their hooves to the beat, with Sweetie Belle also starting to pick up on scat singing.
Her cutie mark is soooo gonna be music related.
I scrambled over to the shocked Pegasus in possession of my bag and took my phone out, cancelling the alarm as quickly as possible but the damage had already been done.
“What is that?” asked Twilight, curiosity painted onto her face. “I’ve never seen anything like it! It’s so small, yet it can play music! What kind of magic does it use?”
Great, the moment I’ve been waiting for…
“Actually, magic doesn’t exist where I’m from.”
The room became eerily quiet, more than just a void of noise but an active absorption of the slightest sound. The silence was truly deafening, eventually broken by Twilight asking,
“But-but-but, without magic how do you survive, build. How can you live without magic!?”
“Human ingenuity. We were cold so we harnessed fire; we were weak so we invented the wheel. We meet obstacles and we overcame them with creativity. The things we’ve accomplished are both beautiful and terrible, massive in scope and yet in the ultimate scheme of the universe, insignificant. Anyway, I am quite interested in this magic you refer to so tell you what: you teach me about magic, maybe lend me some books, and in turn I’ll teach you about some of our science and technology. Maybe we can trade some other aspects of our cultures in the process. Think of it as a diplomatic assignment from your Princess Celestia.”
“A diplomatic assignment..?”
“Well, I am the first of an alien race to appear in Equestria.”
“Ah, good point. Well, if it gives me a chance to learn and share my knowledge I’d be more than happy to oblige!” squeaked the lavender mare, her thirst for knowledge unquenchable and her high spirit unbreakable.
“Well I’m not sure about you two,” I began while removing and adorning a hoodie from my bag, “but I am thoroughly exhausted. I don’t mean to be a burden, but please could you show me to where I’ll be sleeping?”
My request was followed by an adorable yawn from all three of the Crusaders along with Spike (even if he didn’t want to admit it), prompting us all to say our goodbyes and take our leave. When I stood to my full height I realised what Twilight meant by the space being ‘too small’ – my head was nearly touching the ceiling.
How didn’t I notice that until now? Well, to be fair I had been relatively preoccupied when standing before…
As I stepped out into the crisp spring evening (I knew it was spring as the leaves and flowers on trees were partially and beginning to bloom) I immediately noted how well Fluttershy’s house retained its heat. The door had been missing for the entire time since Rainbow’s dramatic entrance yet I had barely noticed the cold.
The walk itself was quite rather uneventful, the silence persisting between us three due to tiredness as opposed to resentfulness. The path was a straight dirt path, illuminated by a glowing full moon.
At some point, I’m not quite sure when but I think it was about half way on the journey, Applebloom pretty much conked out while standing on her hooves so Applejack lifted her onto her back and carried her the rest of the way. It was actually quite a touching sight, though it only led to pangs of regret that I was not then able to do the same for my siblings.
Eventually we arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. The deep-red barn was bathed in moonlight, the orchards stood to the right in all their majesty but in my tired state I was unable to fully appreciate it. Applejack showed me to m ‘room’ at the back of the barn, full of hay but empty of any cattle (even if the concept of cattle functions differently in Equestria).
“You’ll be sleepin’ here fer the time bein’. You’ll be introduced to the rest of the family tomorrow mornin’”
“Thank you,” was my reply as she began to walk over to the front of the barn.
I heard her open and close the front door to her home and I walked over to the nearest pile (not quite a bale) of hay. I promptly removed my bag and switched off my phone, not wanting to waste battery and collapsed backwards into the soft, comforting dried grass and let go all that I could.
Today’s been one hell of an interesting day. Can’t help but feeling it’s only going to get bigger, though I don’t know if I’m going to be here to see it. I’ll probably be off in a week.
The first sound to ‘grace’ my ears as I awoke was shouting. Angry shouting, full of rage. It was a very familiar sound, not because it was a common occurrence but instead because it haunted me.
Regardless I decided to rise from my slumber and uncomfortable position on the hay, stretching as I stood. It was early in the morning, rays of the twilight sun rebounding around the barn. The wind was still and foreboding, ominous but not malevolent. Other than the shouting coming from just outside the cavernous space I inhabited, the only sounds I could make out were the sweet chirruping of some unknown birds, their song bringing blissful tranquility to all those in earshot.
Assuming they’re not in vicinity of that cacophonous bloody shouting...
Despite the volume of the argument occurring not ten metres from where I stood it was difficult to make out what was being said. The combination of loudness and a heavy southern accent was unfamiliar, to my then-untrained ear at least.
Moving closer, remaining as quiet as possible in the process, I began to make some sense of what was being said.
“Applebloom! If Ah hear that kinda language again I’ll wash yer mouth with out with soap mahself!”
“Ah don’t care! It’s a load of horseapples and you know it! He’s our guest and we should treat him like it, not like cattle! Why didn’t you let him have the guest room? That’s not wut the sister Ah know would do!”
“Fer goodness’ sakes Applebloom what in tarnation has gotten into you!? We don’t know nothin’ bout that there alien except that Sweetie Belle saw it kill a manticore. Now Ah don’t know much about humans but Ah do know that if somethin’ can kill a manticore then it’s pretty darn dangerous.”
God I want to just smear the walls with this prejudiced bitch…give me five minutes and she’ll never talk shit again.
Harming her will make life significantly harder, both while remaining here and when you want to get home.
If you were in her situation you would act the same way – don’t judge her harshly for her ignorance and fear.
I was pretty angry. Nothing extreme, but it wasn’t ‘nothing’. I had gone to extreme lengths to compose myself, keep my decorum and not lash out but she refused to acknowledge it. Any of it, in the slightest. She didn’t understand my point of view but even worse, she refused to understand it. She didn’t even try to put herself in my shoes or to understand me.
And if she were in my shoes she’d probably do what wrath is suggesting, though slightly less extreme.
I can tone it down if you want to avoid lasting damage, physical or otherwise…
And what about Applebloom? Are you going to let your weakness, your lack of restraint to end up hurting her? Harm Applejack and Applebloom will feel it too, and she’s done nothing wrong by you. If anything, Applebloom one of the few who has been kind to you, as opposed to reasonable or neutral. She has been actively kind.
She is young and foolish.
She is innocent.
Regardless, calm down. I’m not going to strike out. I’ll try to help AJ understand first, hopefully avoiding a conflict – I don’t want to hurt anyone and all of you know full well why so don’t push it. And just so none of you can try and deter me:
I threw open the door to the barn.
“Top of the mornin’ to ya’ll!”
Applejack and Applebloom took a step back and let out a momentary, synchronised “Waaaagh!” before calming down.
“Oh Ah’m sorry, did we wake you?” asked the younger of the two, a considerate yet regretful expression painted to her face.
“Not at all young Applebloom. And, while I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I have to agree with your sister.”
Applejacks eyes opened wide before she avoided my gaze and commented, “Ah’m guessin’ you heard our conversation there didn’ ya,”pulling her hat over her eyes in shame.
“Wait a second, you agree with her!?” exclaimed Applebloom, the surprise evident from the near-squeak exhibited by her voice. Applejack soon followed suit with,
“You agree with me? But why?” no longer embarrassed but instead curious,
I crouched down to match Applebloom’s height, looked into her confused eyes… and I smiled.
“Applebloom, you are kind, open and generous. Honestly – you are one of the few ponies who has treated me nicely since I woke up here and for that I am grateful. But you are also quick to trust and somewhat naïve. Look at this from your sister’s point of view:
A mysterious alien has appeared, he has killed a manticore and doesn’t seem all that worried about it. She has then been forced by friends and a certain little sister to harbour this odd creature that she knows nothing about – immediately placing him inside a guest room might cause panic for the family even if he isn’t dangerous. Finally, instead of leaving him out in the cold she gave him temporary residence inside her barn and from there she will give him a chance to prove his worth and move into the guest room. So thank you very much Applejack for leaving me in a barn like you did last night and for giving me this chance to prove myself.”
I looked over to the pony in question with a plastic smile adorned on my face, like a mask worn at a masquerade. Applejack responded by pulling her hat back over her eyes, turning around and walking back towards the front of the house in silence.
That went better than expected
You didn’t have to be so manipulative
Of course I did, it was a bloody guilt trip!
My mental disagreement was put aside as Applebloom ran after her sister called out, “C’mon David you’re gonna miss breakfast!”
“Coming!” was my response. “Wait a second, weren’t you not meaning to wake me?”
“Oh, no – Ah wus cumin to wake you up, Ah just didn’t mean to do it with shouting.”
“Makes sense. So what’s for breakfast?” I asked, standing in front of the doorway.
“Hay bacon sandwiches!”
Oh bollocks I forgot about that… this is going to be a pain…
“Actually, that might be a problem. You see, I can’t eat hay,” I stated, trying to avoid the fact I need meat to thrive.
“Whaddya mean? Everypony can eat hay!”
“I’m hardly a pony, Applebloom,” I replied.
“Oh, right,” mumbled the young filly, her cheek flushing red with embarrassment, “What can ya eat then?”
“Would an apple be okay?”
“Sure! But we only have MacIntoshes ‘cause the rest are all sold or outta season,” stated Applebloom, matter-of-factly.
“Fine by me. So, when do I meet the rest of the family?”
Applebloom didn’t give a spoken reply, she just nodded her head in the direction of the dining room and led me on. As I approached the doorway I heard hushed tones, weary but not frantic. From what I could tell, Applejack was trying to convince Granny Smith to give me a chance.
I reached the room and was immediately struck by a powerful scent, recognisable night or day. It was the manliest meat one would ever find: bacon. It may have been hay, but I would have recognised that thick aroma even if I’d been half-dead and missing a nose.
Wow, they may have called it hay bacon but that sure smells like the real deal!
Applebloom rushed to the table with an ecstatic buzz. Applejack sat at the table looking worried. Big Mac was himself, a stoic expression hiding any hint of surprise, curiosity or worry. Then I focused on Granny Smith.
“Monster in the house! Monster in the house! Run fer yer lives youngin’s, I’ll hold it off! Chaaaaaaarge!” called the crazed, green granny. True to her word, she charged, albeit at a snail’s pace.
Pimp slap her back into place!
That’s a new low. Pimp slap a creaky old granny who poses no threat whatsoever?
What can I say, I’m a violent bastard.
You’re fucking unbelievable that’s what you are.
“Calm down Granny Smith! That’s the alien guest Ah was just tellin’ you about!” shouted Applejack. Her tone and her face just screamed that she was worried that I was going to pimp slap Granny Smith. Mind reading bitch, at the time anyway.
The elder mare looked at me incredulously, then at Applejack, over to Applebloom, and finally back at me again.
“Well shoot Applejack, you shoulda’ said so!”
“Ah just did!”
“Oh quit yer yappin youngin,” commanded Granny Smith, creakily walking over to her rocking chair. Reaching it, about twenty seconds later, she carefully planted herself on the wooden seat and continued. “Now, why don’t you introduce yourself.”
At this point introductions were already wearing me thin – constantly repeating my name and explaining what I was got old incredibly quickly. We exchanged names, nothing unusual - I already knew all of them anyway, not that they knew anything about that though.
Applebloom remembered my request for an apple and quickly popped out of the room to fetch one. The second she left the room I prepared for some form of verbal onslaught from the three about how I’m not welcome and that I should be weary for angering them.
“So how did you come to be here anyway?” asked Granny Smith, catching me off guard. It took a few seconds for me to formulate a response and when I finally did it was hardly spectacular.
“Quite frankly, I have no idea. I just woke up in the Everfree, my last memory before that was taking a nap under a tree in my world.”
Granny Smith thought on that for a second before continuing. “An’ how did you come to be here.”
I recounted my tale in the least dramatic and most straightforward fashion possible. Everything from my tussle with the manticore to Applejack leaving me in the barn was condensed and summarised, leaving only the bare essentials to scrutiny. Much to my surprise Granny Smith flipped out much like Applebloom had when she found out that Applejack had left me in the barn, stating that her ‘parents would be rollin’ in their graves if they heard!’
Applejack tried to argue her case but it was pointless – Granny Smith kept on talking about how the apple family were always open to strangers and that was how their parents had met and that they had no reason to distrust me. I was astounded by her ignorance – I thought Applejack was completely justified in saying that I could have been a threat.
The, now rather heated, disagreement was interrupted when Applebloom returned with an apple, at which point I realised I was still standing in the doorway and thus preceded to actually enter the room. I couldn’t fit in any of the seats at the table – all the dimensions were off for a human – so I opted to lean against the wall for support instead.
I brought the apple up to my mouth, the family looking on expectantly, and took a bite. My mouth instantly exploded in a barrage of taste like no other apple known to me. Unfeasibly sweet yet unmistakably tangy, the flavour was so powerful that I almost wanted to bounce around and weep with joy. Almost.
I managed instead to remain steadfast in the face of deliciousness and maintain my composure, stating only, “that was by far the best apple that I have ever tasted.”
The Apples just smiled. No cheering, no bouncing. It was nice. Nothing more, nothing less – just, nice.
From there, breakfast was relatively standard – questions, answers and the occasional suspicious glance from Applejack. Everything seemed to pass like a blur and the next thing I knew it was time for me to get to work on the farm.
Granny smith started on the dishes while the rest of us left, stepping outside to begin the colossal undertaking that was apple bucking. Well, maybe not for the Apples but it definitely was for me, even if I hadn’t realised it at the time.
The sun had lifted itself from its hazy confinements beyond the horizon and was floating in a cloud free sky. The faint glow combined with a faint breeze was refreshing, even if no work had actually been done.
Big Mac separated from Applejack, Applebloom and I in order to plough the fields, while the rest of us set off to the section of the Acres we’d be farming for the day. Applebloom wasn’t actually meant to be doing any of the manual labour – she was still too little, despite her protests – and was instead joining us to keep me company in lieu of Applejack constantly guarding me.
The only reason that I can think of for Applejack agreeing is that she mistakenly thought she could contain me if things went awry, which, of course, she couldn’t. She may be strong, but she was still a pony with no true concept of violence.
Regardless, the walk to the orchard was short, taking no more than five minutes at the maximum. Five minutes was plenty enough time to observe the beauty of my surroundings however, and I was overwhelmed by the number of trees. Everywhere you could see was filled by apple trees, completely smothering my field of vision with hues of green and brown, the occasional red spot from a corresponding red apple.
“Kay then, this’ll be where we gonna start. Applebloom, bring one of them buckets over here and let’s show David how to buck apples.”
“Sure thing Sis!” called out the excited filly, eager to showcase her skills at apple collecting. She picked up one of the buckets she’d been carrying and balanced it atop her head before sprinting to her sister’s side.
Applejack turned her rear to face the tree and bucked it with her hind legs. Hard. As in unbelievably hard – I doubt a human’s most powerful roundhouse could come close. A hollow *THUNK* reverberated through the tree, lasting a millisecond but echoing for multitudes that amount, before about twelve or so apples fell from the tree which were promptly, and expertly, caught by Applebloom.
I was astounded by the spectacle – Applebloom’s balance was unparalleled while Applejack’s strength was extraordinary.
“Bravo. Now, my turn.”
I walked over to the nearest tree and readied my stance. Left leg forward, knee bent over the toe. Rear leg straight, sticking out back and to the right. Both feet parallel, facing front. Using my left hand as a marker for my target, I held out front with an open palm, fingers pointing upwards and thumb ninety degrees to my fingers. Pulling my left hand back I propelled my right fist forwards, striking the wooden trunk with my force focused on my first two knuckles.
*CRACK*
Pain lanced up my arm, taking me by surprise and making me lose my composure.
“Ack, BOLLOCKS!” I shouted, expelling all the air from my lungs in an instant. In reality it didn’t hurt that much but I had definitely been taken off guard and my reaction was mainly out of shock.
That was rather stupid. What else did you expect? You are punching a tree.
I’ve punched trees before, none that hard. That’s one tough tree. Then again, that is to be expected – the ambient magic in Equestria probably makes the plant life grow stronger and faster, especially under Earth pony guidance.
That was mean of you! If you need anger management don’t take it out of the poor tree, what did it ever do to you?
Yeah! Don’t take your anger out on the tree!
Are you kidding me? You of all things are telling me not to take out my anger on an inanimate object?
Well duh – save it for these fucking ponies!
You’re hopeless, the lot of you.
“David! Y’alright?” asked Applebloom, her voice considerate and caring. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes themselves full of concern. For most it would be warming for someone to give a damn about my wellbeing for a change and I was uneasy when I found that it… touched me.
On the outside I always tried to show as little as possible. If I was in pain I wanted to be alone and overcome it myself, I didn’t want other people - or ponies, in this case - to show pity or care for me. ‘If I get over my troubles myself I get stronger as a result’ and ‘pain is a stepping stone to power’ were my beliefs on how I should handle personal difficulty. Most people had grown used to this about me and thus left me be when I had, but this little being didn’t know this about me and was actually went as far as to care.
Even more than that, I felt something positive on the matter. By no means was I some guy that didn’t know how to feel happy, and it wasn’t like I had forgotten what it felt like to be cared about. It’s just that I didn’t normally like it when people were concerned about me - it made me feel like I was just adding to the troubles of society, like I was making it harder on everyone else. So I hid it, I didn’t drag other people down with me and decided to keep myself to myself, hardening myself to discomfort over time.
So when I was touched by her concern, it left me feeling uneasy. I knew what it felt like but I certainly wasn’t used to feeling like that, and I couldn’t figure out why I felt that way. Pissed me off, but I couldn’t show that. So I kept up my usual façade, living my life wearing yet another mask.
“I’m fine, it’s not that bad. I’ve had worse and it’s not as if it’s broken or anything,” I casually replied, my stoic expression returning.
Applejack looked at me, unconvinced and not entirely uncaring, before asking,
“You sure? ‘Cause that was a mighty loud crack when you hit that there apple tree…”
“It’s nothing,” I stated flatly, striking the tree again to reinforce my point. A lesser sound emanated from the point of contact compared to before and my knuckles began to numb but I didn’t mind. Actually, that sensation stirred some pretty good feelings.
“If you say so. But if you can’t buck trees with me how do you expect to help me? You did say you were gonna earn yer keep or somethin’ like that,” responded Applejack, her tone almost accusatory.
Why didn’t you just climb the tree and pick the apples, like humans normally do. Actually, why did you feel compelled to try and ‘buck’ the apples down anyway?
Good question. Maybe I still have an unconscious desire to dominate after all.
Shaddap punk, that’s my job. Nah, you were just trying to show you weren’t a pussy to yourself, not rise above the rest. You’re too weak for that, and you know it. That’s what I’m here for.
Maybe, maybe. Who can say really? The fact that you even exist means I should be up for electro-shock therapy, barbaric as it is, so quite frankly I don’t value your input as much as I do the other two.
Yaaaaaaaaaay! See, Mummy loves me best!
That' not what I... ugh whatever, e and my big mouth….
I muted the voices in my head and proceeded to scrutinise the tree in front of me. I observed it carefully, taking care to note any branches or indents for hand or footholds, mapping out a vertical route towards my objective.
Having completed my theoretical path I slowly walked forwards a couple of steps and began my ascent. It didn’t take very long, thirty seconds at most, for me to climb to the top. What can I say, it was a short tree. Actually it was unlike any apple tree from home, more like a miniature, badly scaled oak that grew apples on its branches. That makes loads of sense… right? Regardless, reaching the apex of the bizarre tree required little effort.
“Applebloom, could you set a bucket down on the floor by the trunk of the tree?”
“Sure!” replied the little filly, exuberant as ever. As I heard the sound of said bucket being laid down in place, I began picking the apples individually and carefully dropping them below. The operation was repetitive, monotonous and boring… but it was also calming in its routine, soothing even. I quickly got into a rhythm, and before I knew it all of the apples on the tree were depleted.
However, when I went return down the tree I ran into some difficulty, well, getting down. Normally I would just jump down but the ground underfoot was very uneven, leaving me worried that I would twist my ankle. Yet climbing the tree in reverse would be arduous but more importantly, it was slow - there’s no way I’d be able to pick all of the apple trees if I had to climb back down each time.
Ah… I didn’t think this through very well…
Considering your plan was effectively:
‘1. Climb tree
2. Pick apples
3. ???
4. PROFIT’,
I’m inclined to agree with you.
Well, if you thought that was bad you’re going to go ape at what’s happening next. I can’t climb or jump down. However…
Oh dear.
While scaling the tree I had noted that the lower branches were both long enough to reach out a good few metres, and strong enough to support my weight. So I did what any unreasonable person would do: I took a running jump to an adjacent tree.
I don’t have a perfect memory of what happened next, but it turned out fine for the most part. A couple of scratches and bruises, but that was it really. At least I landed on the tree, as opposed to faceplanting on the ground. That would have hurt a lot more than minor lacerations…
“Applebloom, could you put a bucket under this tree too? Actually, how many buckets did you bring?” I asked, trying not to sound too confident.
“About seventeen, why?” responded the young filly. If I had seen her she probably would have had her face scrunched up in confusion, going from the way she sounded.
“Well, could you put a bucket under each of the next seventeen or so trees in this row?”
“Uhm, sure, Ah guess…”
From there it was child’s play. Pick apples, drop them into bucket below, jump to next tree, rinse and repeat. It may have been repetitive, but it was no longer boring - having to keep my balance while teetering on the branches was surprisingly difficult, but by around the fifth tree I had accustomed to it.
The Applebloom left to check up on Big Mac on about the tenth tree, leaving me and her older sister alone. At this point Applejack decided to speak, having been mute since we left the house about half an hour earlier.
“So…. Err… Is yer hand feelin’ better?” she asked gingerly.
“Fine,” I replied flatly, before adding , “thanks for asking.”
Silence hung in the air like a toxic fog, smothering the already strained relationship.
Why is she trying to talk to me!?
Maybe she’s trying to apologise.
Yeah right, she’s way too stubborn.
“Ah’m sorry.”
Applejack’s words struck me like a resounding blow, echoing throughout my being. I was completely stunned, completely caught off guard by her sudden apology. My only response was “Huh?”, prompting her to further her statement with,
“Ah said Ah’m sorry. Mainly for makin’ you sleep in the barn but also for mah attitude. Ah’ve been downright horrible to ya an’ you haven’t deserved it at all. If you still wanna stay here, an’ if you don’t Ah understand, you can sleep in mah room and Ah’ll go in the guest room.”
I didn’t immediately say anything, letting it sink in for a second. I put on an otherwise ‘normal’ tone, as if nothing were wrong and replied,
“It’s fine.”
Applejack exploded in anger. Not hateful… concerned and frustrated more than anything else actually.
“There you go again! Ah can tell that was a lie, it’s not just ‘fine’ Yer just actin’ blank, ya hide yer feelin’s! Why don’t ya show anythin’, why do ya just accept these things!?”
Everyone has their limits, and being a hormone-fluctuating teenager I had reached mine so I relayed my thoughts without any sugar coating at all. Actually, I was almost angry at her interference and to reflect that I felt a lot less forgiving. No, I felt downright mean.
“I'm not interested in anything that gets in the way of me getting home, feelings included. I don’t want or need friends either, so don’t try and force them onto me.”
I looked down at Applejack, who stood with a look of abject despondency. She looked utterly crushed. I believe twice she tried to open her mouth to say something in defiance but somehow couldn’t muster the willpower to do so.
Her eyes were wide and on the edge of tears, her lip quivering and her ears twitched subtly.
If she’s so weak that that’s broken her then I question the value of her existence.
The right to live isn’t dictated by strength.
In nature it is - survival of the fittest and all.
Not in this world.
I didn’t question her right to her life, just the value of the said life.
Life has no calculable value.
Maybe not one that can be calculated in numbers, but one life can be worth more than another. Now screw all of you, end of discussion.
Applejack turned her head from me and went back to bucking trees as before, but she clearly had taken a massive shock from my statement about my feelings. To be honest, I didn’t give a damn that she was upset, at least she was out of my hair.
I think I heard her murmur something about what I said being ‘too sad’, or (as I thought at the time) ‘some crap like that’. She may have been woeful but I was glad I could finally be open about my feelings, or lack thereof. It was a relief like no other to just be oneself, and I saw myself as a blank slate. That turned out to mean a lot more than I knew at the time.
From there we just continued our respective routines, me picking apples and Applejack bucking trees. Time flew by or droned on, dpending on your perspective and before I knew it I’d completed the first set of trees. I climbed down and loaded all the apples into a nearby cart before setting up the buckets in the same way as before. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
The wind blew, the birds chirruped, the sun blazed. This was the epitome of S.S.D.D and I hadn’t even finished the first day. This pissed me off greatly. I was about to voice my complaints aloud, to no one in particular (especially not Applejack), when something broke the routine.
Applejack’s eyes flew wide as they met mine. She looked utterly terrified, mouth agape and pupils small as pinpricks. To say she was worried out of her coat would be an understatement.
“Applebloom, Granny!” were the only words to leave her mouth before she darted off in the direction of the cry.
My legs sprang into action and I followed her, nowhere near keeping pace but at an impressive speed nonetheless. Apple trees zoomed passed on my sprint through the orchard, the hues of red, green and brown becoming one great blur. I didn’t think, I just ran. I have no idea why I reacted this way - I had no reason to - yet, I did. And that was that.
It’s difficult to place a timeframe on how long we ran for. On the one hand, the acres are pretty big and if I hadn’t been following AJ I definitely would have gotten lost. On the other hand, we were running quite quickly and Applejack was bound to have known the fastest route to reach the source of the disturbance.
Regardless, we ran. And we kept on going until we were panting with every step. Actually Applejack was in top physical condition and was hardly breaking a sweat; I was the one who was panting. What can I say, I was a terrible runner.
The canopy formed by the apple trees blocked out most of the light, leaving us in shadow bar a few rays that penetrated through the mass of branches above. Thus it was easy to tell when we were closing in on a clearing because of how damn bright it was.
Applejack got there first, quickly followed by myself bursting through the treeline. What I saw made me tremble.
Big Mac was lying on his side, a small pool of shining crimson leaking from his body. His normally red coat was stained a darker tone and matted with his blood as life seeped out of his body. I looked upon his form in search of the wound to find three surprisingly light gashes on his side and a bite mark on his left hind leg. Surprisingly most of the blood was coming from his leg, leading me to believe an artery had been nicked by the bite.
Next to him crouched Applebloom, tears pouring from wavering eyes. Distraught and terrified, she turned to face us with a look on her face like no other. It was the look of a child begging for help. She opened her mouth but no words left her mouth, her throat visibly constricting as she silently cried out. For all I know she really did cry and I just didn’t hear it, being lost in the moment. Usually when that term is used it denotes joy like no other.
Here, it doesn’t.
The wind was still and all was silent, bar the soft growling of some then-unnoticed predator. There were quite a few of them, about eight or so, spread around the seeding plains. They weren’t hiding - I just hadn’t noticed them due to my focus on the unmoving body of Big Mac, distracting me from the greater picture at hand.
I widened my gaze, opening up to all of the sights in front of me in order to better observe Big Mac’s assailants. Each of was about a head shorter than myself, with leaves for eyebrows and breath like no other. In a bad way. A really bad way.
“Timberwolves!” Applejack shouted, alarmed by the presence of the wooden canids in question. Now Granny Smith may have been old and deaf, but when she heard this flew out of the house with the speed of a startled gazelle, all the while clanging assorted pots and pans.
“Git outta here ya darned varmints, ya mangy beasts!” shouted the elderly mare, content on making quite a ruckus. She hollered and clamoured to try and scare the wolves away but it was to no avail. If anything it seemed to make them angrier, assuming their low growls were any indication.
The timberwolves held their ground and didn’t retreat an inch. Granny Smith stopped her cacophony, seeing that they refused to budge, and in the ensuing quiet I heard Applebloom sobbing next to Big Mac’s incapacitated form. She was completely out of it, oblivious to the danger surrounding her as she mourned her elder brother.
He wasn’t even dead… yet. While he was barely breathing and certainly not conscious, he was certainly still alive, no doubt about it. That’s not to say he’d survive without help - he was in dire need of medical attention
“Wah aren’t they runnin’? That racket’s always scares them off before!” Applejack was even more panicked than before, her brow covered in sweat and her legs shaking. I was still trembling, urging my body to stop shaking. It was pointless - my body didn’t want to listen to me.
Shit I thought, undecided on what to do in the situation
Okay, there’s got to be some way out of this, some way we can all make it out alive.
Just go out and fight them. It’s the right thing to do and they’ll think you’re a hero!
Hardy fucking har. Yes, It may the ‘right’ thing and the ‘heroic’ thing to do, but it’ll also get me killed and I don’t feel like dying.
Fight.
The hell!? You’re meant to be the logical one! How on earth did you come to that conclusion!?
If you run, they’ll chase you down and kill you - you’re too slow and Applejack wouldn’t be able to hold them off. However, if you were to act as a distraction and you simply kept them at bay while Applejack ran and got help from Twilight and the others… You needn’t incapacitate them; merely stall them long enough for help to arrive. Quite frankly, that is the only course of action you can take that will lead to your continued existence.
Well there’s no arguing with that kind of logic... Well why not? I can handle a few mutts… that can reanimate themselves… AJ had better be a fast runner.
“Applejack, I’m going to distract those wolves using various degrees of violence, a universal language that you are not well versed in. While I’m doing that I want you to run to Twilight and tell her what’s happened. Get her to teleport to Fluttershy then bring all three of you here. Understood?”
Applejack looked at me with an expression of disbelief and bewilderment, eyebrows high and mouth agape. “Uh huh,” was the only vocal response she gave, at first, before she added, “ but wut about Applebloom?”
I have no idea why, but it was almost hard for me to say this,
“Sorry, but she can’t go with you - she’ll slow you down too much. Don’t worry though,” my features hardened, showing my resolution to be absolute, “I won’t let any harm come to her.”
Good Lord when did I get so damn corny? And since when did I care.
Since you were, oh, I don’t know, human? For all of your attempts to avoid them, emotions -however corny- still exist in you. I am wholly guided by emotion and also a part of you, so naturally you’re going to get sentimental, if only on occasion.
For a voice in my head who’s meant to act all irrational you do seem to enjoy your deductive reasoning.
Applejack stared at me blankly for a second, looked over to her sister in earnest, then returned to gaze deep into my eyes.
“You’d better keep her safe, ya hear me?”
She turned away and began galloping towards Ponyville at a breakneck pace, easily matching that of Rainbow Dash were she on the ground. I turned back to face my multiple opponents who were now ignoring Applebloom, Big Mac and Granny Smith in lieu of their new target: me.
My trembling continued, quaking where I stood. This was not out of fear however, when scared I would usually (but not always) freeze up, completely paralysed. It’s utterly counterproductive really - if I need to run or fight, being unable to move is hardly useful. No, this trembling was not out of fear. If anything it was the complete opposite. A feeling I hadn’t felt or had at least suppressed for quite a while, a feeling like no other.
Bloodlust.
I was shaking in anticipation. And I hated it. What kind of disgusting monster enjoys pummeling their enemies to a bloody pulp, dominating all those who stand before them until they are reduced to feeble, kneeling wrecks?
Evidently I do, I mused to myself. Regardless, my self-hatred would have to wait for a while.
I’m not actually sure of what possessed me to do this, but I decided to forget about stance, technique, tactics and just general common sense. I charged forwards and tackled the first wolf to the ground, straddling and pinning it on the soft earth.
Throwing my left fist as hard as I could into the jaw of the beast, I expected a crack or dislocation. Instead, to my surprise, the timberwolf’s head flew clean off and rolled along the ground. The body of the wolf below my collapsed and separated into multiple blocks of wood, each individual component moved by some unknown force. Surrounded by a dark, shroud-like aura, the bits of tree began reforming into the shape of a wolf about five metres in front of me.
Well, I’m fucked.
The rest of the pack assembled around its newly constructed brother, surrounding me in a semi-circle of sentient pine and oak. I got back to my feet and observed my situation
There are multiple opponents that can reanimate themselves if destroyed. They‘re persistent pack hunters, so they probably use flanking manoeuvres and work off attrition, wearing me down until I can’t fight. In terms of endurance they most probably outclass me, so they’ll get tired long time they’ve eliminated me.
Their tactics will be predictable: keep me guessing which direction they’ll come from and use little attacks as diversions to distract me from their killing blow. Or, they’ll just wait till I exhaust myself and become easy pickings.
The wolves snarled loudly and spread out, expanding their ranks. They began to advance, taking small and patient steps. They could afford to wait. My plan was reliant on them waiting so I was content to let them take as long as they wanted, using the time to try and come up with some way to fight them effectively.
Think! Okay, they can reform themselves but there must be a part of them that is required for that. Some sort of lynchpin, a part required to manipulate the rest of their body relative to it…
The pressure from the upcoming confrontation was immense, at first hindering my ability to think logically. I was on the verge of breaking down and panicking when I mentally slapped myself, forcing me to focus on the task at hand.
I turned instead to scrutinising every inch of the wolves before me, trying to absorb every detail humanly possible. Various types of wood composed their form, from birch to maple and oak to ebony. I found that curious, seeing as how they all grew in different places but then again, these were wolves made of wood that inhabited a magical forest in a world of talking ponies.
While the whole pack was fundamentally similar in design, each individual wolf was composed of varying proportions of each wood and they were all made up of different shapes. Some wolves had larger claws while others had more protruding canines, though all wolves had the same crimson red eyes.
As much as I examined the composition of the bizarre creatures for a recurring weak point, I couldn’t find anything resembling what I needed. It occurred to me that the heart/brain thing of a timberwolf wouldn’t be out for show, just as it isn’t on any other animal. Thus it would obviously be inside the wolf itself, which, having knocked one apart a short while ago, I deduced were almost completely hollow.
My train of thought was interrupted by a wolf charging at me from the right. It took only a second or two for it close in before pouncing at me. The clunky, brown canid sailed through the air for a moment before I struck it hard in the sternum, a hollow thud resounding through its form.
It didn’t immediately break apart when I hit it, instead separating when it collided on the ground. The area echoed with the clonking sound of wood hitting wood, the components of the timberwolf splaying across the floor.
I took the chance to observe its reconstruction process and thankfully I wasn’t attacked while doing so.
The first part to move was a small pine-cone like piece that wasn’t normally visible. It rolled away from me and launched itself into the air. As it hovered in place the rest of the parts were covered in the same dark, shadowy aura and the wolf began to reform and take shape.
Just as the reconstruction was complete another wolf, this time from the left of the pack, attempted to charge me just like its brethren had before. This time I pushed it away with a thrust from my left hand followed by a right hook to the base of its neck.
This time the wolf broke apart when my hook connected, scattering chunks of timberwolf in every direction. Again, a small pine-cone like component rolled then hovered, before the rest of the parts were attracted to it and rebuilt itself back into a wolf.
Another wolf did the same, then another, then another. The process repeated itself: a wolf charges, I strike, the wolf breaks apart then reforms, another wolf attacks, and so on. I started to think this was how they planned to fight - taking a long time to exhaust me while maximising their safety. I had no problems with this plan - if I paced myself it would take a time for me to get really tired, plenty long enough for help to arrive.
I also learned a couple of spots that would easily dismantle a timberwolf: the neck and solar plexus being prime examples. Any significant force would smash them apart, but to maximise efficiency I aimed for said points. Seeing as how they aren’t incapacitated by pain and long term injury is near non-existent for them (I broke a few branches making up a wolf and it just levitated more from the apple trees, much to the frustration of Granny Smith), using every trick at my disposal was crucial.
Time works differently when you fight. Time passes like a blur yet takes forever to move on, leaving one quite confused as to how long has passed. It had felt like forever since Applejack had left to get Twilight, yet it had probably only been a couple of minutes at the most.
I wondered how long the timberwolves would continue their monotonous, repetitive tactics and as if the heavens headed my foolish pleas for more excitement, the pack stepped up their game. This time three wolves rushed me at once from all sides, taking me by surprise.
I barged into the centre wolf, knocking it to the ground, before turning and smashing into my nest adversary with my elbow. While engaging its partners in crime, the third of the trio leaped up and latched itself onto my back. I tried to shake it off with little result, eventually resorting to flinging my back to the ground in an attempt to crush the wolf.
My tactic worked, the wolf cushioning my fall and dismantling in the process. But unlike before I heard a howl of discomfort. The sound that emanated from the beast below me was a primitive cry like no other, not of desperation or need of help but of pain.
I rolled off the former body and got to my feet immediately, while the timberwolf’s remains, well, remained. It made no attempt to reconstruct itself, nor did the pine-cone like heart appear. Actually, the timber-heart was there, but it was lacking its normal shape and mysterious aura. As I examined t I came to the conclusion it had been crushed to minute fragments under my (not so immense) weight.
So you can keep them down for good… now to repeat the process. I hope Fluttershy doesn't mind too much about me killing them but in this situation I don’t have much else of a choice.
An ear-splitting howl filled the air, forcing me to cover my ears for fear of losing my hearing. Looking across at the rest of the pack I saw my previous two opponents reforming while the rest of the pack let lose their feelings audibly. The previous cry had been of corporeal pain, but this… this too was a cry of pain yet it was so much more.
It was a cry of pain that any sapient creature could recognise. It was a cry of hate and anguish and... grief! They were heartbroken by the death of their comrade and it showed was audible in their howling, a symphony of bereaved emotion made audible.
The wolves fell silent and for a while made no outward signs of emotion, aggressive or otherwise. On the contrary, they were completely passive yet seemed open to conversation. I decided to take a chance and tried to talk them out of continuing the fight.
As much as part of me begged for more more I knew that with my terrible endurance I wouldn’t be able to hold out for Twilight for much longer and if they all attacked me at once I’d be done for.
I was an offensive fighter, used to ending things quickly, one way or the other. Long term, defensive combat was a massive weak point on my part and it wouldn’t have a happy ending. For me, at least.
“If you leave now and stop this violence I will not pursue you. We won’t be an easy meal and we certainly won’t be worth it - you can find a better meal in the Everfree for half the effort.”
They must have seen through my bluff as a few seconds later a low snarl emanated from what I believe was the pack alpha. Three of the pack broke themselves down, falling to the ground piece by piece, before collectively reassembling themselves into a single being. The three wolves’ parts clunked together as the beast grew in size, eventually reaching its apex about half a metre taller than my own height.
I didn’t need a translator to tell me that their response was along the lines of ‘fuck no’.
I stood still, hoping they’d somehow, miraculously change their mind.
Time is a fickle thing. It all depends on perspective and the amount of adrenaline pumped into one’s system. And I was full of adrenaline.
Well, you done goofed. You can hardly take them all at once.
Fuck you.
Look at you, exhausted already. You’ve only manage to escape unscathed so far because of sheer luck, and now you’re out of juice. Even that excessive speech was just a desperate, last ditch ploy to buy more time. Of course the wolves didn’t listen to you, they can see right through your blatant weakness.
What’s your point? You want to rub it all in?
Any other time? Yes. But quite frankly I’m disappointed that you tried to apply so much logic to this situation. Those beasts don’t obsess over it like you do and they aren’t driven by emotion like you are either. And don’t give me any of that ‘detached from my emotions’ crap, we both know it’s bullshit.
Care to explain what it is that drives them then? I mean, I’m about to get mauled beyond recognition by a pack of angry timberwolves, so you can at least cut the crap.
Ugh it’s so obvious, it exists in pretty much everything…
Instinct!
Sure, they can use rational thinking to formulate plans and their emotions can tell logic to fuck off, but their driving force is their primal instinct. Eat, shit and fuck. Or tree-planting… whatever weird-ass stuff they do to reproduce. My point is that they’re impulsive and unrestrained - they don’t have morals, or laws to limit them. They persist and dominate everything in their power, be it mates, packs or prey.
And how do you fight an instinctive opponent? I mean, logic is too limited while emotion simply doesn’t give clear enough direction. So, how do you have to fight in order to be on equal grounds with something that fights without restraint?
You fight without restraint yourself, Fucktard! But no, that’s not good enough for you is it? The trembling, the quaking, the lust for blood? You hold it back; you fear it because you’re not strong enough to dominate it and you’re worried about your precious, insignificant values.
A voice, a symbiote, a parasite. Call me what you want, end of the day it’s this simple: if you die, I die. And I don’t want to die yet. Still got plenty of arson, murder and jaywalking to do before I kick the bucket.
So, what you need to do here is simple - give in to your bloodlust. Admit it, that feeling is what defines you, that feeling is what makes you feel alive. You felt it with the manticore, why is this any different? It isn’t, and our right now you’re just as fucked as before.
I’m still not completely sure what possessed me to listen to it. It was probably just a desire not to die, or maybe I really was just sick of restraining myself for the sake of those ponies. Regardless, I cut loose.
And it felt fantastic.
As the wolves closed in I flew ahead. There was no thinking about it, no weighing the pros and cons. Just action, and the true feeling that I was alive. I desensitised myself to anything that wasn’t useful: taste, scent, pain. I ignored the incoherent cries of Applebloom and I took no note of my previous exhaustion. I felt only a desire to utterly destroy any resistance, revelling in my adrenaline-fueled frenzy.
Forget assistance from Twilight and Fluttershy - I was going to deal with the timberwolves faster than they could arrive. And I was going to enjoy it. Nothing any pony could do about it.
The first wolf pounced at me, soaring higher than one would normally expect. Then again, normally the wolf would have expected me to be surprised. I gave absolutely zero fucks; I just grabbed its wooden body and threw it to the ground.
An explosion of branches and chunks of tree came from the impact, scattering bits of timberwolf in all directions. As before, the creature’s heart rolled along the ground, encased in its mystical aura as it prepared the reconstruction process. Raising my foot high, I stomped hard on the pine-cone like ‘organ’, my intent to kill the creature almost palpable.
*CRUNCH*
This time there was no howl from its brethren, nor did I feel an ounce of remorse. Without any pause in the action the pack continued its vengeful assault, biting and slicing like the savage beasts they were.
They came from all directions at once. Left, right, in front, behind, even from above. They came at me with everything they had, leaving me no time to dodge or form any kind of defensive stance.
I loved it.
This unlimited, no holds barred fight was what I needed: a complete and utter beatdown, no logic and no holding back. Only striking and smashing until nothing remained but bloody stains in my wake. During that short period of time, the only purpose my existence held was destruction. And destroy I did.
I grabbed the nearest timberwolf and span to gain momentum before flinging it into one of its kin. Both broke apart in a thunder of branches and given the chance I would have finished both of them off right there and then, but I was interrupted by the rest of the pack.
More accurately, I was interrupted by the jaw that was currently clamping down on my left forearm.
“Bloody nuisance,” I muttered as my fist connected with the wolf’s ‘skull’. A hollow*THUNK* resounded from the blow, echoing through its hollow body and wooden form.
The pressure on my arm loosened, leaving carmine blood to flow freely from the shallow wound. Each droplet of the precious liquid that fell to the ground stained the normally brown dirt black. I gazed at the sight with avid fascination, inspecting the ground as if it held the answer to some great and unspoken mystery. It didn’t. It was just some blood mixed into dirt, something so many others had seen before me.
The timberwolves retreated a few metres and with the action having suddenly paused, I took the time to observe my adversaries. The wolf I had just taken out had split apart and rolled over to its brethren, while the other two were reconstructing themselves piece by piece post collision.
The alpha stood in the centre of the others like a statue, the astute lack of movement somehow expressing his command and dominance over the pack. Its leafy eyebrows were furrowed and its crimson eyes narrowed, as it seemed to visualise impaling me with imaginary spears. That’s a good few steps up from staring daggers at someone, not that I cared at the time though.
The mega-wolf was off to the right of the pack, an imposing tower of a beast that cast an ominous shadow across its kin. While the others stood at about one-and-a-half metres tall, this behemoth stood at at least three. It was like comparing a freshly grown shoot to a gigantic oak that dwarfed all those beneath it. Except the oak also had claws and teeth. Either way it looked bloody dangerous. Then again, like I gave a damn.
I ran headlong in the direction of the mega-wolf, sprinting at the beast with a speed comparable to some exotic sports car. I may have been a crappy runner but boy did I fly towards my target. Hell, even the timberwolves surprised, if the raising of their leafy eyebrows was any indication.
Closing the gap in a few seconds, I leaped into the air. Easily reaching the head height of the wolf (which, under normal circumstances would have surprised me immensely)I twisted my body to kick it in the head but was swatted out of the air by the gargantuan beast.
My mind flashed back to my battle with the manticore, when much the same thing had happened before. Except while before I landed in a heap, this time I collided full force with a tree.
I collapsed to the ground, my strength sapping away like helium leaking from a tear in a zeppelin. While I slowly deflated I resolved to get to my feet at least. After all, the only things on my mind were: ‘CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY, SWAG’ and how could I do any of those things lying down?
Especially swag. One cannot have swag while lying down.
I rolled onto my front, planted my hands on the floor and began pushing myself up. My muscles strained as they exerted themselves, expelling an electro-chemical cry to just give in and accept defeat. I couldn’t stand it. Baddum-psh! See what I did there? Sorry. I’ll move on now.
Imagine trying to push the earth down as opposed to pushing oneself up, trying to feebly muster an impossible degree of strength.
Lifting myself off the ground, I planted a foot underneath my body and continued my struggle against gravity. Slowly but surely I rose, eventually getting to my feet and leaning against a tree, though I was not given a moment of respite as the mega-wolf continued it assault.
Slicing and clawing like the wild beast that it was, the wolf kept on attacking relentlessly. Despite its tenacity and size, the beast was also slow and predictable. Pushed to my absolute limit, my bloodlust nearly evaporated in place of my need to survive. Valuing my life over bloodshed, I started to bob and weave, dodging the oncoming strikes. I slid and sidestepped to avoid each attack, many of them barely missing me.
I was thankful that the rest of the pack holding back and I could clearly see why they were doing so: the big guy had pretty bad aim and could easily have taken out his buddies. The bad aim and the remaining wolves’ lack of interference are probably the only reasons I made it out alive.
The dodging continued for a short while - the blood-haze state I was in makes it hard to make a guess on how long, but I’d say it lasted about a minute-and-a-half before I started my counterattack. It started with the occasional punch between the wide swings of the between, forcing it onto a back foot (hind leg?) as I worked to stall its offensive.
Over a relatively short time I built my strikes up. An extra punch here, a quick elbow there. I quickly moved up to including a few kicks, throwing in a couple of roundhouses to keep it on its toes. It took a while, but eventually the wolf got sloppier and sloppier, letting its frustration get the better of its fighting instinct.
The beast pulled back its left foreleg and preformed a huge swipe with its claws in a feeble attempt to lop my arm off. It was a heavy hit that would do tremendous damage that would’ve done tremendous damage had it connected. Then again, the reason it was a feeble attempt was that it was incredibly slow…. and because it left the rest of the wolf completely undefended.
I saw the blow coming in from my right, lethargic yet thunderous. As it closed in I tried to measure the distance, calculating for the best time to strike. I saw the opening: a relatively thin layer of wood on the beast’s carapace, close to its ‘armpit’, that was completely exposed.
My opportunity was right there, clear as day. I didn’t hesitate for a second - I took it. No, I grabbed it and ripped it from the mantle of opportunity; I took an unlikely possibility and turned it into my desired reality. I’d like to see a two-bit piece of shit timberwolf pack do that.
I locked my arm up with a clenched fist and lunged forwards. Pushing off with one foot, I threw the hardest punch I had ever thrown in my brief existence. Time seemed to slow as I saw my hand fly past my field of view, travelling to its target with a desire to kill, independent of its owner. It collided with the chest of the beast with a bone smashing *CRACK*.
I had expected a colossal shower of wood, my adversary shattering into pieces wherein I could then stomp the life out of each of the three hearts inside its chest. Well, I’m not sorry to say that’s not what happened. You see, my fist didn’t just hit the wood. It punched straight through it.
My arm sank into the timberwolf’s hollow body, covered in shallow cuts and miniscule splinters. As the possessed hand unclenched itself and its fingers unfurled, my palm was greeted with three small pinecones. Given the situation, very few words came to mind; but some did, those words being:
“I’m gonna put my pain into your soul!”
I roared as I crushed all three of the timber-hearts, releasing all of my pent up rage and teenage angst in a headache-inducing cry. The alpha emitted a cry of its own, but with not nearly as much feeling in it. It was a pitiful sound, almost a whine but much, much louder.
I looked up at the remaining wolves, expecting another fight. At this point I truly had burned out, not a drop of energy left. The only reason I was still standing was because my leg muscles had clenched up, a pre-emptive rigor mortis. I wasn’t scared of dying - I was far too full of adrenaline, fear just didn’t register. I mean, normally, I’d have been scared shitless.
I think the weirdest thing was that I wasn’t sad that that was the end. It had been a good fight: a fight worth living and a fight worth dying for. Completely stupid idea, utterly ridiculous, I know. But hey, that’s how I felt, no two ways about it.
I expected it to be the end, so I was more confused than anything when the wolves started whining and yelping. Before my eyes the wolves… well, had a change of heart is probably the easiest way of putting it. Their ‘aura’ shifted from a shadowy black to a leafy green, followed by their crimson eyes turning to a deep lime.
And with that, they left. Just sprinted off, retreating to the forest from which they came. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure their tails were between their legs too. Or maybe I’m just remembering things the way I’d like them to be, who knows.
My legs relaxed and I fell to the ground, panting in exhaustion. I didn’t get the chance to make some snarky comment about making them my bitches, as I was interrupted by a loud, echoing *CRACK*
I turned my head in the direction of the obnoxious sound to find a three bemused mares: Applejack, Fluttershy and Twilight. One of them had a look of worry and concern plastered to her face, the look of someone expecting the worst - eyes wide, eyebrows high, teeth chattering. No cookies for guessing who that was.
The other two had similar sentiments, though from their less active outward states one could assume they weren’t nearly as powerful as that of certain orange cowpony. Who was most likely scared out of her mind over the condition of her brother who was bleeding out…
Oh yeah… So that’s why I was fighting. Wait… what about Applebloom!?
I span my head around in search of Applebloom to find her silently ushering Fluttershy over to the still-prone body of Big Mac. It didn’t take a great deal of inspection to see that he had lost quite a lot of blood, considering how large the pool of crimson around him had grown.
For a second I was worried he might not pull through, a feeling that wasn’t helped by how green Fluttershy turned.
Then again, this is a world where magic is the norm. There’s probably a spell for that…
A feeling that was helped by the way in which she immediately rushed to his side and began removing various medical devices from her saddle bag. Her expression was unique and quite difficult to describe, the closest comparison I can think of being an artist who was completely engulfed in their flow.
That diligence is way beyond just saving a life… and that fear of messing up is definitely more than what someone would have for a stranger… could she… and him? Then again, this is a lot of pressure -for someone so timid, even more so- and this is the brother of one of her best friends. Besides, she’s so shy! No way that would work...
I shifted my gaze over to Applejack, who had collapsed where she stood with numerous beads of sweat lining her brow. Hell, she looked even more exhausted than me! I doubt she was, but she certainly looked it.
And then came Twilight. Woop-de-doo.
“What in Equestria happened here!?” she screamed. She was definitely a professional at overreacting. Actually, given the circumstances that was probably a perfectly reasonable reaction. Oh, and you definitely know you’re a bit of a psycho when your response is:
“I powdered my cockatiel for the ribcage slaughter!”
Close enough.
“Uh, what?” asked Twilight, her face scrunched up in confusion over my random outburst.
“Well, err...”
“Applejack, Ah believe you owe David here yer thanks,” interrupted Granny Smith, her withered yet forceful voice cutting through my incoherent mumbling, just as how Moses parted the Red Sea. Actually, I consider anything that could shut me up to be pretty rapturous so that might be a slight exaggeration.
As for Applejack, well she just laid there. No sounds left her, but the mouthing of the words ‘thank you’ was enough. I didn’t do it for thanks anyway; I did it for the fight. No, that’s not quite true either… No, I did it for Applebloom - she’d done well by me and she deserved to be paid in kind. 0
Always did have a soft spot for crying children. Hell, I used to be one of them, so I knew that all it took was a push in the right direction and they wouldn’t cry anymore. I also knew what happened if they were left to their own devices and that image really didn’t suit the adventurous little filly before me.
“It’s nothing,” I replied brusquely. I didn’t really know how to deal with praise and I had a severe distaste of having all eyes on me, being far too used to people looking at me with less-than-pleasant expressions.
“That wus not nothing! You beat those timberwolves harder than that time Ah found out about that good-fer-nothin’ colt that wus foolin’ ‘round with Applejack back the day! Sent them right back into the Everfree Forest, an’ I ain’t never seen somethin’ like that before.”
“Wait, you beat the timberwolves all by yourself!?” exclaimed Twilight, her voice high and strained, the sound of surprise. “But, how?”
“Violence, and lots of it,” was my response. It was a rough sound, full of sensations like pain and exhaustion. Both flooded my body as the effects of the adrenaline receded, yet it was matched by only one other feeling: fulfilment. “I’m lucky that they fight off attrition instead of applying a killing blow, otherwise I’d be done for.”
Twilight shook her head, “Nu’uh, normal wolves might be pursuit predators but timberwolves are ambush predators and always go straight for the kill.” She looked over at me once more and frowned.
“If anything, your wounds are pretty odd by timberwolf standards - they use their teeth a lot more than their claws and they usually target the neck, yet you have no injuries anywhere near yours...”
I was about to complain, asking whether or not she doubted what I said, but my concerns were laid to rest when she continued her contemplative monologue.
“Not that I doubt you or anything! They’ve probably never seen a human before and weren’t sure where the neck was, or something. I don’t know, it’s just… weird, that’s all. Anyway, we’d better get you patched up - we wouldn’t want any of your wounds to get infected, and if we let you out who knows what Equestrian fauna will start hunting you next.”
My desire to be macho and to tell her that I was fine was outweighed by the fatigue washing over me, my senses returning completely and hitting me like a freight train. I was just too tired to argue, so I went along with what she said, for the time being at least. And then all was good and I went home and everyone lived happily ever after. The End.
“Ach, FUCKING BOLLOCKS!” I exclaimed loudly, pain jolting up my arm as Twilight ‘dabbed’ a cotton ball soaked in whiskey on my wounds. And by dabbed, I mean she jammed the bloody thing as far into each cut and gash as far as it would go. To this day, I swear she did more damage than the timberwolves themselves, though I doubt she shares similar sentiments.
“Oh stop being such a foal, it doesn’t hurt that much,” replied Twilight, leaving me about to respond about her being welcome to experience it herself, but I was cut of when she added “and you really should watch your language –Applebloom’s still in the room you know.”
As the realisation dawned on me I looked up to find Applejack giving me a harsh stare. She really didn’t approve of my more colourful vocabulary.
Like I gave a –
“Fuck that noise, I’ll swear as much as I want - It hurts a damn lot, and if you want to prove me wrong you’re welcome to give it a try yourself.”
The entire room, bar Fluttershy who was absorbed in her work and Big Mac who remained unconscious, looked at me with slack jaws. Even I was surprised at myself.
Where’d that come from? Am I really that high strung?
What, more than usual?
Very funny.
“Sorry about that... Just... stressed. That’s all.”
The group seemed satisfied by this, and Twilight took it as a cue to continue her barbaric method of torture. Thus the various cuts and lacerations across my arm burned, whiskey igniting the pain in each of the wounds.
It was damn near indescribable – just an incredibly powerful burning sensation striking each of the nerves - so I’ll just say that it hurt. A lot.
So I did what any reasonable person would do in the situation when swearing was out of the agenda. I spouted gibberish.
I can’t remember all the crap that came out of my mouth, but from the expressions that the group made it must’ve been pretty random. Anyway, when my bout of spewing things like: “why do the vampires in Twilight sparkle!?” and” the square root of rope is string” reached its end, something relatively sensible came.
“Seriously, why can’t you just heal it with magic or something!?”
It was a valid point, to me anyway. Even Applejack raised her eyebrows and looked to her friend as if to say ‘yeah, why can’t ya Twi?’. So you can imagine I was pretty frustrated when the only response I got was an exasperated sigh and a frustrated cry of:
“Magic doesn’t work like that!”
“What the hell do you mean ‘magic doesn’t work like that’? Magic is magic, logic doesn’t apply!”
“What do you mean logic doesn’t apply? Magic is a science so of course it has constraints! Everypony know that!”
“Well excuuuuuse me Princess, but I’m not a pony and magic doesn’t exist where I’m from, so maybe you could clarify why your ‘science’ can’t help me. Or better yet, help define it as something other than voodoo sorcery.
You can tell that I was semi-delirious because I was arguing with a purple alicorn about the nature of magic. But back to the story.
Twilight stuttered and huffed before she broke into full on rant mode. Everyone else, again bar Fluttershy and Big Mac, covered their ears and rolled their eyes in preparation for the oncoming storm.
“Voodoo sorcery!? How dare you! Voodoo is a load of hooey and sorcery is just a name for some of the darker aspects of magic; which on the whole is an essential component of our world!”
The enraged mare took a deep breath of air to reload her ammunition before continuing her opressive fire.
“And the reason that it won’t work with you is because I’m being careful for your sake! You’ve already said that you don’t have magic where you’re from, so I don’t know whether of not the effects of magic could be detrimental to your health. I don’t know anything about your anatomy and I don’t want to take that risk! Your welcome, by the way!”
Twilight finished her monologue with a tremendous huff and stomped out of the room. Each step caused tremors that resounded through the wood, giving the illusion she had twice the number of hooves than she truly possessed.
She was clearly pissed, and from the expressions of everyone else in the room they were too. So I’d lost a few cookie points, but at least the purple demon was no longer stabbing at my arm with her whiskey-cotton blade, a most deadly torture tool. Silver linings, y’know?
“Uhm, David, Ah think you should apologise. Ah mean, you did just insult her most important subject an’ way of life. If somepony came and told me that Apple farmin’ was a load of horseapples Ah’d be pretty angry too.”
She has a point.
I’m not apologising.
Why not?
Because she’s an insufferable bitch?
Close, but no.
“I agree Applejack, however what if apple farming didn’t exist where they come from. Or rather, what if the way in which apple farming works contradicts everything they understand about the world? Surely you would cut them at least a little slack, especially if they’d put themselves in mortal danger to keep your close ones safe?”
Applejack’s stern expression faltered as she lapsed into resignation.
“Ah guess ya have a point... That don’t mean you shouldn’t apologise though, if anything ya should outta courtesy conisderin’ she was treatin’ yer wounds an’ all...”
Ugh, is every mare in equestria, bar Pinkie and Flutters, this goddamn irritating? Rainbow gatecrash, AppleTwat, The Marshmallow and... ugh, I got nothin’ for Twilight.
How ‘bout faggot? Works for most of the internet.
Now witty enough and the internet doesn’t exist here, Dimrod. Meh, I’ll figure something out eventually...
“Ugh, fine – I’ll apologise later.” For the record, I didn't. “But first I need to finish cleaning these wounds,” I muttered, examining my arms. Thankfully, there was little to no bleeding as most of the cuts had barely broken the skin, leaving numerous thin stripes of bright red across my otherwise fair flesh.
However there was a much messier gash from the timberwolf that bit me, its short and stumpy canines having torn through the tissue much less cleanly as the claws had. It wasn’t deep, half a centimetre at most, but compared to the rest it was certainly the worst thus it sat squarely at the top of my priority list.
Well, at the top of the injury-related priorities - my actual top priority at the time was winding up a certain lavender alicorn. In retrospect I prioritised quite a lot. Didn’t get in the way of my fun though.
“Hey Applejack, what are these balls soaked in?” I asked as I brought one of said cotton balls to my nose and inhaled, furrowing my brows in (false) contemplation.
“Uh, Ah think its whiskey. Why?”
A look of horror adorned my face, eyes wide with shock and mouth agape in terror.
“Alcohol in all forms is incredibly dangerous to humans! If it enters our bloodstream even the tiniest amounts can kill!”
Applejack took a step back as fear crept into her expression, not pausing to allow words out of her mouth before bolting from the room with the speed of a startled gazelle.
“TWILIGHT!!! DAVID’S IN TROUBLE!!!”
A smirk adorned my face as I positioned myself on the sofa that I inhabited. Playing dead is surprisingly difficult when you can’t stop smiling, so I bit my cheek to bring myself under control. The pain was minuscule compared to the torture of a certain purple mare not five minutes earlier, but it was enough to get the smirk off my face.
“Wut are ya doin?” asked Applebloom, who I must confess I had completely forgotten about.
Crap. Play it cool...
“Playing a prank on Twilight.”
“By pretending she's killed ya?
“You catch on quick, but don’t give it away. Just, trust me on this – it’ll be funny.”
Applebloom raised a single eyebrow in response before cantering back over to Big Mac’s unconscious body. Fluttershy was still absorbed in her work, oblivious to the surrounding ruckus.
I wonder if this’ll snap her out of it...
Through the door I heard Twilight shout,
“I don’t care, I’m not having anything to do with him until he apologises!”
Applejack audibly skidded to a halt on the wooden floor before announcing, “Twilight you can make up with him later, but if ya don’t come now ya won’t be able to!”
Applejack’s panicked tone must’ve gotten her friends attention, leading her to ask, “Why, what’s happened?”
“Ya know how ya were talkin’ ‘bout not knowin’ the effects of stuff on his body? Well, David ju’ told me alcohol’s toxic to humans, Twi.”
Now, I would like to say her eyes flew wide in realisation of what’s she (thought she) had done and that she gasped in horror of the consequences, but I couldn’t actually see them so I have no idea what her reaction actually was. But for the sake of the story, I think my description works fine.
“What! Oh no, I only considered magic to be a potential risk, not any chemicals or drinks! Oh Twilight, how could you have been so stupid? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stu-“
“Twi, Ah can understand yer frustrated an’ all, but now might be a good time to try an’ fix it.”
“Yeah, fix it. Right.”
As Twilight raced back to the room I quietly queried to Applebloom if I appeared dead enough, to which she responded with a nod. Placing confidence in her judgement I left things as they were and resigned myself to the outcome, whatever it was going to be.
I didn’t have to wait long before a lavender form burst through the doorway, panting in exhaustion.
“David?” The lone word was spoken with trepidation, hoping for a response but fearing a lack of one.
There was a lack of one.
“David!?” she queried again, this time more tensely as she rushed to my side. My eyes were open, but not focused on her and didn’t move them for risk of alerting her to my deception, so I was left without a sight of the real victim as panic overtook her. She jabbed me in the side with her hoof, knocking me in attempt to rouse me from my ‘eternal slumber’, but it was in vain – I refused to be given away so easily.
“Oh no, oh no, oh no; I didn’t mean this to happen! Now how am I going to present my studies on human society to Princess Celestia!?”
Wait, WHAT!? She cares more that she’s lost a source of information than the fact that she’s ‘killed’ me?
“Uh, Twi? Ain’t there anythin’ ya can do to fix this? Ah mean, yer magic can do pretty much anythin’... right?”
Applejack’s question was fraught with concern, though I’m still unsure whether it was for my health or her friend’s conscience.
“Well, I could always try restarting his heart... it’s a good place to start, right?”
Uh, what? Restart my heart..?
And then it hit me.
Well shit.
“WAIT! I’m not dea-“
My words fell upon deaf ears as Twilight unleashed her mystical energies on my unprepared body. I was instantly overtaken by sensation, my mind blanking out all stimuli except for the power now being transferred to me.
I wish I could say it was incomparable warmth flowing through my body, radiating joy and happiness through every cell. I wish I could call it a wonderful experience that burned out any sadness and replaced it with joy. I can’t. It just burned.
It wasn’t especially unpleasant, only lasting an instant. But it was one bloody hell of a shock.
As conscious thought returned to me I became aware of the bemused expression adorned on Twilight’s face.
“Huh, I don’t remember reading that sort of thing happening before...”
“Uh Twilight, what just happened?”
I shook my head groggily, an uncomfortable ache forming in the base of my skull.
“Yeah Horny, what just happened?”
[color=purple]Hehe, Horny. Geddit? ‘Cause she’s got a horn.
If your drivel is going to start coming out of my mouth I really need to get help. I don’t like having to ask for help, so don’t ever do that again.
Ooookaaaay, sorry. Won’t happen again.
Good.
Well, again today at least.
God help me.
But you don’t believe in-
Figure of speech.
Oh.
My head throbbed mercilessly, dragging me back into reality, face to face with two mares. One mare was shocked, her mouth forming a near perfect ‘o’ shape and her eyebrows threatening to fly off of her forehead. The other was blushing intensely, the crimson hue of her cheeks clearly visible despite her lavender coat.
“H-H-H-Horny?” said the lavender mare in question, her voice strained with an excess of embarrassment. I say ‘lavender mare’ because at the time her name eluded me for whatever reason, probably due to the
It wasn’t quite amnesia, if anything it was closer to face blindness. I’m not developing ‘lavender mare syndrome’, though she did wear lavender perfume on a number of occasions and had lavender soap by her sink. So all in all, she was quite a lavender mare; but I digress – back to the story,
“Yeah, you have a horn on your head. Thus, Horny,” I stated plainly, my logic irrefutable.
“Oh.. well, I suppose you’re right, but I’d prefer Twilight if you don’t mind.”
“Sure thing, Horny,” I replied casually, eliciting a slight huff from the target of my teasing.
I was expecting some sort of rebuke for my stirring, but I was instead greeted by silence – Twilight had forsaken a response completely and had instead returned to pondering whatever conundrum presently occupied her thoughts.
During my short respite from having to interact with the ponies I scanned my surroundings, taking in all of the information that was on offer.
At a first glance, one wouldn’t think much of the space – it was a standard living room, containing the sofa that I inhabited, a rocking chair with no current occupant, and numerous other pieces of furniture dotted about the place.
The walls, ceiling and floor were all made of the same, cold, dark wood. Rows upon rows of uniform ashen brown planks, their colour having faded with age and wear. To be fair, it was impressive craftsmanship, most likely having required a great deal of skill and dedication.
Or, a pony with a woodworking cutie mark.
Under normal circumstances I probably would have found it rather suffocating – the dim light from a single glass pained window; the dark wooden walls that seemed closer together with each glance; the tattered and musky furniture. Each of these things I found vaguely unpleasant and yet...
Dotted around the place were little bits and pieces – assorted home art, pictures of the Apple family in its entirety during one of its reunions, even a set of painted hoofprints; four miniature blobs of orange on the left, and four less miniature spots of red on the right.
Despite the nature of the room, I couldn’t help but feel warm; in spite of, or maybe because of the contrast between the crushing space and how homely the Apples seemed with everything that filled it.
My heart released a twinge of sadness as it drew similarities between the hoofprints and a similar kind of thing back at my home; three sets of handprints in clay, my own along with that of my younger brother and sister.
I let my mind wander for a short while before returning to inspecting the living space, only to find an inadvertent smile on my lips and an undesired tear on my cheek.
“Y’okay David?” asked Applebloom, her voice tender. Normally I would have put it down to childish naivety on her part, and yet I couldn’t help but feel touched that she was concerned over my well being. Across from me lay her brother, unconscious and much worse for wear than myself, and yet she was asking if I was okay.
“I’m fine. Just remembering home, that’s all,” I responded, “it’s nothing, really.”
For a second Applebloom looked as if she was going to perpetuate the subject, but for whatever reason she decided against it and returned to patiently waiting for her brother to awaken. And that’s when the Purple Horror returned.
“David, yesterday you described our conversation as a diplomatic assignment pertaining the trading of information... and well, would you mind if we continued?”
Okay, so maybe she wasn’t so horrible after all. But she was definitely purple. Very purple. Anyway, having nothing better to do I decided to indulge her request for knowledge. I mean, there’s no way I was going to regret it, right?
“I don’t mind answering a few questions, as long as I’m allowed to pass any that I feel like.”
Twilight practically exploded with glee, rocketing off the ground and nearly hitting the ceiling. For a second I mulled over the image of her horn embedding itself in the wooden planks above but I quickly dismissed it. I had to remain completely focused on the task at hand, for I was about to allow the most curious mare in Equestria test the absolute limit of my sanity.
“Oh ponyfeathers, I forgot my list of questions at the library... I’ll be right back; just, wait here while I get them.”
Or not. Well, at least until she got back – then I was really in for it. I mean, she had a list. Considering how Twilight could probably come up with fifty-plus relevant questions on the spot, that list would have to be pretty damn long.
And in the blink of an eye, she was gone. At first I thought she had teleported off, but from the slamming of the door and the sound of hoofsteps galloping away I concluded that she had decided to travel on hoof. I didn’t mind, of course – more time to prepare for the oncoming storm.
Or so I’d hoped.
It all started with a knock on the door. The hollow bashing sound reverberated through the wooden room, drawing my attention to the front of the house. At first I assumed that Twilight had rectified her error in walking before teleporting there and back, and the knocking on the door was merely a polite gesture; though after a second of consideration I doubted that Twilight was trying to smash the door down.
Smash the door down...
I dismissed the idea – Miss Dash had made it pretty clear that she didn’t like me very much the day before so bar looking for a fight she had no reason to come here. Unless of course she was trying to make peace, but if the force of the knock was any indication she was anything but peaceful.
I heard Applejack canter over to the door, relying on my ears due to wall separating me and the cyan terror. Everything seemed to slow – the as of yet unnoticed ticking of a small clock in the corner; the echoing hoofsteps on the cold wooden floor; the faint snoring coming from the rocking chair in the next room. I even had time to take note of Fluttershy’s faint humming as she worked on Big Mac’s prone form.
I wondered what she was doing, seeing as how Big Mac was fully bandaged and she’d been doing her thing for at least ten minutes, but before I could muse on the subject I was interrupted by a noise emanating from the house’s entrance.
“Hey AJ, how’s it hangin’? The Alien not been too much trouble has it?” asked the invisible and obnoxious guest. Already I gave a mental moan at what was to come, a hollow dread filling the cavity that was my soul.
“Eerr, no trouble really. Actually he-“
“Oh come on Applejack we both know the truth; what’s it really been like?”
“Well, it’s been a might hectic’ since-”
“I’ll say!” exclaimed the unseen interloper, “it looks like half the farm’s spread on the floor out front!”
“Well, this morning-”
“What did it-”
“Gosh darn it Rainbow would ya jus’ shut yer trap an’ let me speak already!?”
The shout elicited silence from the interloper while momentarily rousing Granny Smith, who uttered “Huh, what’s goin’...” before again falling victim to her slumber.
“Thanks, now please jus’ wait in’t lounge while Ah get some coffee. Ah’ll explain everythin’ in a bit, ‘kay?”
The intruder remained mute and obliged her friend’s request, slowly sulking into the room. As she crossed the threshold of the chamber she threw me an aggressive yet otherwise uncaring glance before fixating her eyes on Big Mac.
An audible gasp left her lips and her ears twitched unintentionally. She turned again to face me, her expression turning from shock to anger. Her brow furrowed, her wings flared out and her teeth became visible as she snarled.
Oh, and shit hit the fan.
“WHAT IN TARTARUS DID YOU DO!” she yelled. Any other day I might have gotten up and slugged her there and then in frustration - a little something to ‘diffuse the situation’ - but at that point I was thoroughly exhausted beyond any further violence.
For a couple of seconds I just sat there, on the rugged sofa, with a disinterested look and a distinct lack of words leaving my mouth. As it turns out, when faced with a problem such as this one, my reaction was not the best way to respond.
“WELL? SAY SOMETHING, MONSTER!”
‘Monster’. I hated that word. A word that the weak and the fearful use to describe something they don’t understand. They only know it’s stronger than them so they become scared, going from ‘potentially a risk’ to ‘utterly evil and existing only to hurt’ in an instant, without even trying to understand that which they refer to.
I felt like Frankenstein’s so called ‘monster’; the younger ones were gleeful and accepting while the older ones were somewhere between cautious and downright aggressive. To be fair, anyone would have the right to be cautious about an alien appearing from within an already mysterious forest, and all things considered they were handling it pretty well.
It was really only Rainbow Dash who aggressive and boy did it piss me off, probably more than it should have done, but taking into account that I had only woken up there one day earlier I’d say I was entitled to having a slightly shorter fuse.
“Look, Bitch; I don’t care how angry you are, I don’t care how much you care about Big Red over there and I especially don’t care about your wellbeing. So let’s call a truce: you calm the fuck down and I won’t use your feathers to stuff a pillow.”
I kept my voice calm in order to help sell the threatening facade. In truth I was so fatigued I could barely pluck a chicken, let alone an agitated Rainbow Dash.
“You wouldn’t dare!” she snarled, somewhat intimidated but certainly no less angry.
I must admit that at that point I relaxed a little. I avoided showing it, but on the inside I was flooding with relief, a numb tingling forming at the base of my skull. The immediate threat having seemed to have passed, I relinquished my body to the sofa’s surprisingly comfortable grasp.
“You’re bluffing, aren’t you.”
The words were spoken with a hint of malice as she began unravelling my deception. I contemplated dragging out the act a while longer but as I thought about how I must have looked it was obvious that I wasn’t doing any pillow stuffing that day. I mean Rainbow wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so if she’d seen through my ruse already I must have looked pretty bad.
Nothing to gain at this point, might as well fold.
“Well, you got me; yes I’m bluffing. But before you jump to any conclusions let me just make it clear that it wasn’t me who hurt Big Mac.”
“Bullshit!”
Rainbow Dash stomped the ground to emphasise her point. And I shit you not what happened next was by far one of the craziest coincidences I’ve ever come across.
The stomp reverberated through the floorboards and up the walls, the force enough to dislodge one of the pictures and sent it falling to the ground. It clattered onto the table below, knocking over a crystal lamp and in the process spilling the copious remainder of the torturous cleaning whiskey across the wooden slats.
As the pungent fluid spread around the room Rainbow Dash began to shrink back slightly, seeing the messy consequence of her anger and regretting her outburst. But the worst was yet to come.
While the cyan pegasus furled her wings and retreated from the unfolding incident, I facepalmed at the way things were turning out. With perfect timing Applejack then entered the room with a stern expression about her face and body.
“Rainbow, Ah-”, her would be lecture being smothered as she took in the sights before her.
“What in tarnation is goin’ on in here!?”
“Uhm, well-”
Rainbow Dash was interrupted by a blinding flash and startling *CRACK* as Twilight appeared in the centre of the room. All the attentive ponies (i.e. not Fluttershy) jumped back in surprise while I hugged the sofa’s comforting arms for protection.
Now for my favourite part; you see, a teleportation spell involves the rapid replacement and a subsequent displacement of matter within a given volume. The loud *CRACK* is created by the expulsion of air from the space which the teleported object now inhabits, while the flash is a by-product of both the magic and dust particles in the air momentarily heating up from friction... which also happens to be capable of igniting a floor that is soaked in copious amounts of flammable whiskey.
Before I knew it the ground in front of me was engulfed in little flames and Twilight was barrelling towards me at a starling pace. There was no time to evade before she collided into me, toppling us both over the sofa and onto the floor behind. While Twilight moaned in discomfort despite my body breaking her fall, I heard Applejack shout “Fire!” and rush out of the room.
It took a couple of seconds for me to take in everything that had happened.
Rainbow Dash got angry, spilt whiskey on floor.... Twilight appeared and scared the living daylights out of everyone... Floor lit up on fire... Twilight rugby talked me like a professional flanker... fire was put out by...?
Loading... Loading... Done.
Shit.
I got to my feet and further absorbed the carnage before me, making sure to take in the flames in all their glory. Until I heard screaming.
As the sound graced my ears my brain got to work figuring out who it was. Rainbow was trying to stamp it out; Twilight was moaning in pain so it wasn’t her; Applejack was somewhere else, but the scream was much closer; Granny Smith was somehow still asleep; and finally, Fluttershy was still working on Big Mac, completely oblivious.
Who screamed then...?
And like that, it just clicked: I had forgotten about Applebloom... again...
My eyes darted around the room, frantically searching for the filly and finally finding her cowering beneath a coffee table. Addendum: the one that had the whiskey on it. Also, the one that the fire had almost consumed.
Looks like the fun never ends...
My heroism kicking in, I vaulted over the leathery sofa and charged into the knee-high flames. Applejack had reappeared in the doorway with some strange object in her mouth, though because I was so focused on gaining brownie points saving Applebloom, it failed to come to my attention.
As I reached the coffee table and bent down in order to scooch Applebloom up in my valiant, manly arms, the unpleasant heat of the flames licking at my legs was replaced with an unpleasant, cold stickiness.
Looking in front of me, I could see my arms outstretched and frozen. Not literally frozen, mind you - I was just holding them perfectly in place from the shock of the temperature shift.
My eyes drifted to Applebloom, taking in the odd sight of her crimson mane matted to her cream fur. I looked down to find the ground scorched but no longer alight and my trousers to be completely soaked.
The crackling of the fire had been replaced by an almost eerily silence, occasionally permeated by somepony’s audible breathing.
Twilight moaned and popped up from behind the somehow unburned sofa. Rainbow Dash started giggling. Granny Smith snored. Applejack and her sister just stared at the aftermath of the carnage with wide eyes.
“There, there, all better now,” squeaked Fluttershy, as she leaned back from Big Mac to observe her work. Satisfied that she’d attended his wounds adequately, she looked up.
Another HiE I'm afraid. I hope the subgenre isn't too bloated at this point, though I'd like to share it anyway. I haven't done any writing in a while so any feedback would be appreciated!
