Bonds and Fate

by Al Capony

(5) Q&A with a scientific impossibility

Chapter 5 – Q&A with a scientific impossibility!

“Twilight, being a magical, purple, winged unicorn in a world of talking ponies, the irony of that statement is lost on you isn’t it?”

Twilight just stared at me with a blank expression, probably trying the figure out what was ironic about that statement. I could sense the gears in her head turning, calculating the variables and formatting a response, eventually coming up with,

“How do you know my name?”

It took me less than a second to realise my mistake.

Oh shit, I’m not meant to know her yet.

“The Crusaders mentioned an ‘egghead’ and ‘smarty pants’ called Twilight. Judging from your response, that’s you.”

My stoic look hid my inner turmoil while I was silently praying that she doesn’t see through my lie.

“How do you know the Crusaders…?” asked Twilight, eyeing me suspiciously, not thoroughly convinced by my deception.

“They and Fluttershy saved me when they found me collapsed in the forest. Thanks for that by the way.”

“Oh, um, it was nothing really… you were hurt and I just applied some bandages. Your wounds weren’t that bad, you probably would have survived anyway…”

“Having just fought a manticore? Nah, I’d be out for the count for sure!”

At this Rainbow Dash instantly spun around with an amazed expression on her face which was almost perfectly mirrored by Twilight.

“You fought a manticore!?” They both asked, rather loudly, while gawking at me as if I had just announced my engagement to Celestia.

I’m never going to get tired of these hilariously exaggerated expressions, am I?

At this point the Crusaders decided to charge into the room and continue my tale with,

“He fought it all by himself!”

“Killed it with just one blow!”

Twilight and Rainbow looked at me, horrified just as Fluttershy and the CMC had been when I first told them about me killing the manticore.

“You… killed it?”

“Oh no, not like that Twilight – he had no choice. The monster kept trying to eat him and he didn’t get a chance to run away. He even gave the manticore an ultimatum before the final clash!”

At Sweetie Belle’s extensive defence of me and my actions I could no nothing but smile warmly. Though I was somewhat shocked on the inside by their coming to my defence, I reasoned that they were young, naïve and quick to trust. The fact that I hadn’t reacted violently when Rainbow attacked probably helped, however that was more because I was stunned than because I was a nice person.

“An ulti-what now?” asked Scootaloo, not understanding Sweetie Belles surprisingly advanced vocabulary.

“An ultimatum,” Rainbow Dash replied, shocking all those in the room and drawing eyes to her, “a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.”

All jaws dropped. She realised what had just come out of her mouth and the then-flustered mare tried to cover up her moment of intelligence with,

“What!? It’s not like I’m an egghead or anything! It was just one time when I didn’t know what something in Daring Doo meant and it looked important so I looked it up…”

The entire room, even the timid Fluttershy, was soon laughing, the shadow of doubt cast away by newfound mirth. Sadly that was not to last, made apparent when a mare of gleaming white appeared in the doorway and proclaimed,

“Twilight, what on earth is all the commotion about? Surely Sweetie Belle and her friends were just coming up with another ridiculous story to get our atten- oh my.”

Okay I was wrong – I am getting tired of these stupid expressions. Seriously, can’t these ponies be a little more stoic?

My, supposedly rhetorical, question was quickly answered with the arrival of Pinkie Pie and Applejack in the doorway. While Pinkie was excited as usual, her standard sentiments skyrocketed when she saw me. Applejack, to her credit, did only raise her eyebrows slightly upon seeing my seated form

“Wow! I’ve never met one of you before! What are you?”

Before I could reply, Applebloom decided to blurt out,

“That’s David! He’s a human, y’know Sis, the one ah wus talkin’ about! The one who killed a manticore!”

“And the one who would appreciate it if he got to tell his own stories, thank you very much.”

“Bwaah! It talks!” exclaimed Applejack, her admirable stoicism replaced by surprise as she scrambled back.

“He.” I politely corrected her, the only response being,

“Wut?”

At this point I was about to lose my patience with the ignorant ponies but I decided to extend my tolerance out of courtesy.

“You said it. I am a male, and would prefer to be referred to as such. Thus, I am a ‘he’.”

I looked over to Rarity, who was actually taking things much better than Applejack.

“ Aren't you going to pull out a fainting couch or something? You seem like the type.”

Her face contorted in distaste before she replied,

“What is that supposed to mean you unscrupulous oaf? Besides, fainting couches are beyond cliché, I prefer cushions. Well, that and I can’t do it outside of my home – carrying a cushion around solely for that purpose would be quite ridiculous.”

I guess the show either can’t or doesn't emulate everything about this world.

An awkward silence hung in the air, giving me time to inspect the room with all of its current inhabitants.

The first thing that came to my attention is how hilariously overfilled Fluttershy’s living room was. Rainbow Dash and Twilight had relocated to the right oh the entrance to make way for Applejack and Rarity who stood in the doorway. The CMC were sitting down at the foot of the stairs, flanked by a surprisingly stationary but nonetheless ecstatic Pinkie Pie. Finally there was Fluttershy to my right, next to the bed I had awoken on, and myself, seated on a comfortable yet durable rug.

The room itself was quite small, clearly optimised for accommodating Fluttershy’s animal friends. Numerous cages and other forms of critter-accommodation were dotted throughout the living space. Under normal circumstances, the area was large enough for Fluttershy and a couple of friends, but the current situation was anything but and the lack of space showed it.

I also perceived that none of the ponies were actually keeping their distance. Twilight was curious, desire for knowledge and exploration burning in her eyes. Pinkie and Fluttershy stood and sat, respectively, both their usual selves. Applejack seemed weary of my presence – she wasn’t aggressive, but she was ready to defend her sister if something happened. Lastly, both Rainbow Dash and Rarity had an air of hostility about them though they didn’t seem to present a threat.

“How about we all calm down,” I glanced at Rainbow then Rarity to emphasise I was referring to them, “take a seat and discuss the… predicament we’re in, shall we?”

Slowly, each of them decided to agree and sat themselves down on the wooden floor. While there had at least been some progress, the tension was palpable and each of them looked kind of unstable in their own right.

“Okay, how about we start this off with formal introductions. My name is David, and as all of you now know,” I glanced over to the Crusaders, each of them forming a guilty smile, “I am a human.”

I looked to Twilight for the next introduction. Understanding what I was gesturing she continued,

“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, head of Ponyville library and protégé of Princess Celestia.”

She then in turn looked over to Rainbow Dash who also got the message.

“Rainbow Dash – head of Ponyville weather ponies, future Wonderbolt and the fastest flier in all of Equestria.”

What would usually have been an exuberant yet justified boast was reduced to a basic, monotonous statement and everyone picked up on that.

Wait a second, didn’t she get into the academy? This is getting weirder and weirder…

“Ahm Applejack, just a farmer.”

Basic and efficient.

Predictable and malleable.

The kind of person who gives people a chance to prove their worth.

“Rarity, fashionista.”

I was surprised at how brusque she was, though she was hardly unreasonable after I, in her eyes, insulted her as I had. Another thing I noted was that none of the others mate note of the change, implying it to be a regular occurrence, Sweetie Belle even going as far as to roll her eyes.

I guess this is standard for her when she’s grumpy, and that appears to be easy to incite.

“Ooh, ooh! Pick me, pick me!”

No points for guessing who that was…

“Okay then, you’re up next fluffy-pink-one.”

“I’m Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s number one party pony! I love parties and baking and cupcakes and brownies and streamers and confetti and oh, did I mention, I love parties!?”

Oooooh I like her even more in person!

Bloody irritating…

“Yes. Yes you did, Pinkie.”

God, I’m exhausted just from having to listen to her speak!

“As for the rest of us, we are already acquainted. So I’m guessing you have a lot of questions…”

The entire group nodded in unison. Twilight then chose to spearhead the assault upon my sanity.

“What are you and why are you here?”

I must admit I was actually surprised when Twilight asked this.

“You already know what I am, and even I don’t know why I’m here. Hell, I know nothing about where here is!”

“That’s not true,” Rainbow interrupted, a spark of malevolence in her eyes that just screamed ‘I’m gonna make your life a pain’, “you said you were here to enslave ponykind and that we should surrender our women and our intelle-“

“I also said that was a joke. Now it’s getting rather chilly in here, you wouldn’t mind shutting the door would you? Oh yeah, you broke t down and showered the Crusaders with potentially deadly splinters before attacking me, having done nothing to aggravate you, immature idiot. Now pipe down and let the grown-ups talk, punk.”

Rainbow glared daggers at me as she prepared a snarky response, though Pinkie beat her to it, even if there was a distinct lack of snark.

“Hey! There’s no mean to be such a big-mean-grumpy-mean-meanie-pants! She was probably just trying to help!”

“So she should have knocked first and been reasonable. Her loyalty is admirable but her actions misplaced. That doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to apologise and forgive, if you are willing to let the past be the past. Now, next question.”

“Why are you letting us ask you questions? Surely you want answers of your own, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do want answers, but as I’m the alien here I’m being courteous and allowing you to ask a few questions first.”

“Riiiiight…. Well, eerrr, could you tell us about yourself?” asked Twilight, clearly straining to find something about me that was actually useful to her.

“Depends on what you want to know.” I replied blankly.

“What do you eat.”

“Pass.”

My reluctance to answer the question baffled Twilight but she decided to ignore it and more on.

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen years of age. Though that’s in terms of Earth solar rotations, so I’m not sure how that time frame compares to yours.”

Next it was Applebloom who asked a question, which turned out to be one of the more interesting ones.

“How come you speak Equestrian if you’re an alien?”

All eyes were on small yellow filly. As she shrank away slightly I noticed a look of surprise or even jealousy on Twilights face, making me smirk ever so slightly.

“I have no idea, but that’s a very good question Applebloom. Best one so far in fact, definitely smarter than Twilight, that’s for sure. ”

I must admit, I gained a slight tinge of satisfaction as Twilight’s cheeks turned a slight shade of crimson. My statement wasn’t just to aggravate Twilight, however. Instead I was trying to either get a chance to ask myself without asking for it, or to make her ask more interesting questions.

“Any more questions?”

“No, you can ask away, Alien.”

“Fine then, I will. You referred to a princess earlier, thus I assume Equestria is a sovereign state? If so, is it ruled by a king or queen? Also, does your society follow and patriarchal or matriarchal routes?”

You already know the answer to those questions, thus they are pointless.

True, but in the process of asking these ’pointless’ questions I should be able to figure out the differences between the show and this ‘reality’.

Twilight looked unsure about answering, hesitating for a few seconds before finally replying,

“Equestria is ruled by two sister Princesses, no king or queen. Equestrian society is egalitarian in nature, not controlled by either sex.”

At this the fillies sniggered, resulting disapproving looks from Rarity and Applejack. Regardless, I decided to continue.

“How come you know what I am, Twilight, while the rest of your party remain in ignorance? Also, what are we to you and what do you know of us.”

“Humans are a mythological race, rarely heard of except for in ancient texts which few ponies read, let alone understand. In my studies I came across and read a tome on them written by Starswirl the Bearded, with you fitting their outward description exactly. We don’t know much of your race except for that you have tendency to be greedy tricksters and are very chaotic.”

“Heh. For some of my race that is a very apt description. Well, I’m satisfied for the time being but by no means are all my questions gone. Now, do any of you have individual questions for me?”

The question hung in the air for a short while, no one daring to speak for fear of looking stupid. This time, however, it was Rarity who shattered the stillness. She seemed to have recovered from her earlier grump and now seemed to be in a more reasonable state.

“Why are you wearing clothes?”

“Social convention. Humans don’t have fur and the small amount of hair around our bodies offers little protection against the cold.”

“Do you only wear clothes on your legs?”

“No, but my shirt was shredded in my fight with the manticore thus I am left with only these bandages.”

“Are all humans so fat? I mean, really, you could trim up a little...” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

My God she is so annoying! Even worse than fucking Pinkie! C’mon, beat the crap outta her – you’d show you mean business.

You know that you’d make a terrible diplomat, right?

What can I say? I’m your dark side given voice. You should come over some time – we have cookies.

Knowing our baking skills they’d taste like shit anyway.

“No Rainbow Dash, not all humans are fat. A lot of them are, due to laziness and complacency but many are also in top physical condition. I’m somewhere in the middle in terms of fat and I have terrible general fitness, but I have developed more muscle mass to compensate.”

The fact that I didn’t show any anger towards her aggravated her even further, fuming at the ears. Not figuratively either – there actually was what appeared to be steam leaving her ears.

Dude, piss her off more often – that’s fucking hilarious!

Instead deciding to move on, I looked around for any more candidates with Sweetie Belle asking next,

“What’s your cutie mark and where is it?”

Cocking an eyebrow to make them think I was curious, I inquired,

“What is a cute mark?”

I don’t think I’d ever heard a collective gasp like the one that took place in that room.

“You… you don’t know what a cutie mark is?”

“Nope. Enlighten me.”

The younger ones seemed quite upset at this, looks of near-despair adorned on their faces. The adults appeared to be plain confused, prompting Twilight to explain,

“A cutie mark is a symbol that appears on the flank of a pony that has discovered their special talent. The symbol is related to the talent and all ponies will get one,” She looks over to the fillies, “eventually. But if humans don’t have them, how do you know what your special talent is?”

“ ’Special talent’? As in something someone has a natural affinity for? Well, humans don’t normally have something that just clicks for them. Actually humans often spend their entire lives devoting themselves to subject in order to become a master at it, and many humans never find something they’re good at all.”

“Well-well-well, how in Equestria can any society function without everyone having something they specialise in!? It just doesn’t make sense!”

“We study in order to learn basic skills, then study further to specialise. When we are about twenty we go out into the world and see if there’s anyone out there who needs someone with our qualifications. There is often a lot of competition between job applicants and employers alike, and quite a large population is left unemployed. Then there’s greed and corruption, poisoning men and resulting in socio-ecenomic disasters but that’s less to do with special talents and more to do with human nature.”

Last out of the CMC, Scootaloo decided to ask,

“What’s human nature?”

When the question was asked I was tempted to pass – the darker aspects might have scared them - but I concluded that not answering would just lead to persistent nagging by the group, which in turn would lead to me revealing it in a much less composed manner.

“Human nature,” I began, “is exactly what it says – the nature of humans and humanity itself. It is an odd, fickle and much debated subject amongst ourselves. It has its ups and it has its downs, end of the day still life goes on.”

“Your kind seem pretty complicated,” said Applejack while fiddling slightly with her hat.

“That we are Miss Applejack. That we are.”

After this I believed I would be graced by quiet and a lack of questions for a while…

Guess I overestimated my tolerance for this Q&A crap, I’m bored to hell and back.

Only to be interrupted by Spike charging in and announcing,

“Twilight! I was going to do as you asked and I was going to write a message to the Princess but there weren't any quills at the library so I went to Quills and Sofas but on the way there I got a letter from Princess Luna about how Discord had said something or other about a something in the Everfree Forrest and then I thought ‘Twilight’s investigating a something from the Everfree over at Fluttershy’s’ so the I came here and I told you all this!”

Spike then promptly fell to his knees and gasped for air while I concluded,

“And that’s how Equestria was made!”

“Hey,” exclaimed Pinkie, “that’s my line!”

All this caused Spike to look at me and if he weren’t so exhausted and short of breath he probably would have ran off screaming ‘monster, monster!’ at the top of his voice.

I don’t have time for this shit…

“Okay I’m getting tired of introductions so this is all you’re getting. I’m David and I’m not dangerous, to you anyway – the Crusaders can vouch for that but aren’t going to at the moment.”

“Why not?” the three fillies asked in unison, visibly upset at not being endorsed to present me to the conversation’s newcomer.

“Because I am tired and grumpy, especially so seeing as my nap was interrupted by waking up in a foreign world with talking ponies – which, for the record, don’t do that where I come from – in which mythological creatures are real. Including manticores, one of which tried to eat me. Oh, and when I then wake up having killed this bloody great monster I’m attacked by a moody Pegasus and then I willingly decide to submit myself to questioning, a decision I a coming to regret dearly.”

Then it was my time to gasp for air. Well, more like take a couple of deep breaths and bring myself under control. Spike looked to Twilight as if to say ‘the fuck’s going on?’ with the lavender mare merely shrugging in response.

“Ugh, sorry. As you may have noticed I’m starting to fall apart, too much crap for one day. That and I’m-”

Mentally unstable?

“- a teenager, filled with irritating emotional hormones which are hardly helping tight now.”

I look to the dark sky, the sun having relinquished its place to the night during the short time we’d spent talking. The moon was not yet visible from where I was sitting, leaving me with only the twinkling stars to fill the shade-filled void.

And it hit me.

“Ah.”

“What?”

“Well, as I assume you don’t know of a way to send me home,yet, and there’s one thing we didn't discuss that we probably should have…”

“And what would that be?”

“Accommodation.”

Author's Note:

Sorry for the speech heavy and boring explanatory chapter (not to mention cliche), but it is a necessary evil, mainly for practicing dialogue. Please don't lose faith yet! (if you had any to start with)

Comments

[Al Capony]

2632330 My guy's not too smart Nice name by the way!

[JBL]

You know, he should really start listening to his dark thoughts more often, they are a lot more interesting than the bland nice guy he portrays who instantly forgives whatever happens to him.