Applebloom has grown tired of being at a disadvantage when it comes to earning cutie marks, and she doesn't want to be involved in Scootaloo's pegasus-related opportunities. There is only one logical conclusion to the belief: try to be a unicorn. Sure being great at magic is one thing, but how does it go once she actually succeeds, but more importantly, how long can her magic abilities last?
Originally an idea stemming from a random prompt from englishwitch on a forum in the "Twilight's Library" group. I started this because I thought it was for a write-off, but continued because I liked the concept.
Not sure if this is what was meant by the suggestion, but this is what I came up with when I thought of the prompt.
Chapters (1)
Nice work on this.
Storytelling-wise, if you'll permit me, I have a few spots of critique.
The plot was quite linear, meaning there were few surprises. The rising action didn't feel like a true escalation, both because the link between the successive events wasn't made particularly strong, and because those events were all of basically the same type. (By those events, I mean to refer to Apple Bloom getting carried away by using her 'magic' to do bigger and bigger tricks. The 'link between the events' here chiefly refers to the quality of Apple Bloom's character that would make her behave in such a way.) Some of the plot events were left unexplained (how would Celestia hear about Apple Bloom so quickly? Why was Sweetie Belle able to hide herself with no trouble at all?) and other possibilities were not considered (Wouldn't Sweetie Belle's attempt to carry out Apple Bloom's magical attempts fail at some point, like by moving right when Apple Bloom wants to go left, and wouldn't that make Apple Bloom suspicious?). Overall, I thought this was a cute slice of life story, but I didn't find it very satisfying.
2596847 Completely understood.
Admittingly, the main reason I wrote it was to do something so my writing wouldn't take a break as I consider the next part of a multi-chapter story I was working on. While I would debate that the majority of stories nowadays (not just fanfictions) have pre-determined plots, however, you do have a valid point. I tend make sure I don't write too much, meaning [at least to me] I'd prefer to not write a story which is more than 5000 words per chapter, and stay away from writing "one-shots" over 10k words. This consolidation leads to the story presented, the only part I can defend is Celestia's, but admittingly, that's because I have the show style in mind. Celestia, in my mind, tends to be the omnipotent power, but I understand if,overall, it went too fast for you. I prefer to write poetry since it forces me to concentrate my short thoughts.
Most importantly, thank you for providing criticism on my work. I understand my work can't really be 100% liked; if a great fanfiction had that rating, I'd be shocked on many levels. Upon that, it givesme ways to improve on future works.
tl;dr
I know it's not great quality, but not everything is great. I write short stories to get Ideas out there. I could defend my passages, but won't because I know (thanks to you for pointing out) it's flawed. I thank you for critiquing this, it helps me in future projects.
Cute.
If Apple Bloom really wants to learn magic, she should just go ask Pinkie Pie.
Aww well that was sweet.
Work on your spacing a little, everything was cramped together, it made me lose my place a couple of times. And don't be afraid to add more detail, space out time and things. Celestia seemed to hear about Apple Bloom really quickly. At times certain passages felt a little rushed.
Other than that, it was a nice tale and on the whole I enjoyed reading it.
Very cute, I agree with the above criticisms but enjoyed it none the less.
Also, the cover art gave me 8 heart attacks.
Huh. The premise rminds me of my own fic a bit. I wonder if-
Thanks for that refference, but in future, I'd like to be told about reffs to my fic so I know to check thm out.
Anyway, this was very cute.
Love it! The writing was a little off at times - strange word usage in places - but this was a great little story given how short a time it was written in, and a good use of the prompt as well. The Rarity and Sweetie Belle stuff was nice as well - a lot of stories just have them arguing with each other, so it was cute to see them getting along. :)
2600272 I started reading it, but I never got around to finishing it, perhaps the reason why I said chapter three was the point SB turned to and disgarded it. (sorry about that, it was an on the whim thing, my bad there)
2601168 Yeah, in my other writings (even those outside of fanfiction) I'm told I have that problem of overwording stuffs. I'll work on that where I can for the future.
2597578 Now that you mention it, I could see Pinkie at least being approached about magic, but in typical fashion, I doubt she'd even have an explanation for her own magic.
This reminds me of a story with a Pegasus who teaches non-unicorn ponies how to do magic. Ironically, Apple Bloom happens to be one of them.
2602389 Well, I suppose chapter 3 does go in a direction some wouldnt appreciate. Thanks for trying anyway.
2602457 Sounds interesting. Link?
2608616 I never said I didn't want to continue it,
I just got busy as I was reading and happened to stop reading before I started chapter 3, suppose just a side-homage to my busy college life. 
2599317 Sentence spacing or spacing between lines?
If it's spacing between lines, you can change that on the story setting when you're in the chapter: there should be a number (which might be 1.0 or 1.5) below how many views the story has which indicates the line spacing. Hopefully that works. If it's sentence spacing, I was told one space after period just this past semester for formal papers, not the two I had been accustomed to beforehand. If I babbled on about useless stuff to you on that front (
), let me know what you mean, perhaps I could correct the problem for future readers.
2610958
it was spacing between the lines. I find double spacing makes fics easier to read, like so,
just press enter twice instead of once, it breaks the text up into managable chunks.
When making a new paragraph, for things like a time skip or change in location, show you have by adding a symbol
...***...
some people use an asterisk, i use the above.
fanfics don't quite work to the same rules as regular writing, it's a lot more relaxed. Unless it's spelling and grammar, then you're in for a whole world of hurt if you get those wrong LOL
2608616
Hard part is, I can only definitively tell you it's here on FiMfiction. Maybe something like "Pegasus magic 101" or something? Can't remember.
I just realised what style the cover is in..
6596587 cute
6663352
6663599 sorry i meant cute zelda