• Member Since 5th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen January 3rd

Rain Firis

Fate fell short


Rainbow Dash's ancestor from the past pays her a visit. Why does Rainbows family have the rainbow mane trait almost nopony else has? Who is Moonstar and why is he here? Who knows? One unicorn tells the story of how her family got their rainbow mane.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

You have a mistake in your description

Why does  of Rainbows family have the rainbow mane trait nopony else has?

Should it be 'everypony'?

2594311 Thanks for telling me! Fixed it. I thought it would make more sense if I just took out the 'or'.
I payed more attention to the story than the description :twilightsheepish: thanks! I can't believe I missed it.:derpyderp2:

You need an editor, I saw a lot of grammar mistakes in there. You missed a lot of capitlisations too

But otherwise great story, kinda mind fucked me, I like it

Wait, wait wait. I just realised something. If everybody from the same bloodline was drawn together to create offspring, wouldn't that make Rainbow Dash inbred? Coz her parents would be cousins

2594342 You're right, I definitely need an editor, I just now read through the story and capitalized most of the places that needed it though :twilightsmile:
who knows, she might be inbred, or the genes could have mutated into separate bloodlines, :rainbowderp: I was originally going to have Twilight claim the possibility of them having mutated into separate bloodlines, but I decided 'nah'.:moustache:

I was like :pinkiehappy: and then I was like :rainbowderp: and then I was all like :pinkiegasp: and then I went :pinkiehappy:

... I liked it.... alot. :heart:

2610599 I'm glad you liked it! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Rainbow Dash is best pony! Oh and RainbowFires? Thanks for following me, it means a whole lot to me! :D

Also: You aint so bad yourself at writing. Loved the story, something nice and relaxing to read after a hard day at the office at night.

Really took some stress away....

3603052 No prob, and thanks! :heart::pinkiehappy:

First off, I loved the concept of this story. The whole thing where Rainbow Dash gets his mane colors is everywhere, but I loved this interpretation. The story with the colors, that was cool. I loved how each of the colors represented different things and how they couldn't see how they affected the world as a whole. I really liked that, that's pretty imaginative.

The whole Rainbow Dash getting visited by his ancestor, that was a touch odd for me, but it didn't really hurt it. Again, I enjoyed the legend so much that, the ancestor didn't bother me.

The writing style was a struggle for me. It was really difficult for me to keep track of who was speaking. There were some grammar mistakes here and there and it was definitely odd for me. A proofread will help you a lot in the long run.

A few mistakes here and there, but overall, I loved the premise. I loved the legend. A proofreader and more practice will only make you better and honestly, I look forward to it. See you next time. Take care. :pinkiehappy:

Wow this was an awesome story nice plot

3634341 Rainbow dash is a girl >.>

That............. was the most amazing Rainbow story i've ever read!
This is going on favorites!

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