- Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
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Resurgent Wanderer
Am back, may continue writing.
Resurgent Wanderer
Joined 26th Apr, 2012 ·
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It's sad to see a story with 13 likes and not even a single comment so I hereby shall take the effort of relaying my humble thoughts on paper... wait... whatever, let's proceed.
I honestly don't know what to think of this story, the beginning confuses me. It seems that the "Celestia" is some kind of imposter able to mold its body even better than changelings can -- because I sincerely can't imagine the real Celestia killing her guards on a whim, brutally maiming her student and torturing her for so long. I guess she is the one who killed Spike to frame Twilight, because in the throne scene she knew of whom the guards were talking about. She seems to be interested in Twilight's research, but at the same time fails to secure the artifacts held in Twilight's lab and unduly accuses her of their disappearance... she was in a dungeon for a few days, right? -- dumb shapeshifter.
But then again, why didn't she simply continue to wear the mask of a benevolent ruler and snatch what she wants just when Twilight's research was almost done? Why kill Spike? Was his existence endangering her plan in some way? Why frame Twilight for murder in the first place? Was he even killed? You vaguely, and briefly mention some "proof" to his death that Twilight saw while being in the dungeon. This sounds fishy to me
I really hope you can come up with some convincing explanation for this later in the story.
As for more technical things. Your formatting is a bit sloppy; sometimes you indent paragraphs and sometimes you don't, plus sometimes you don't make that extra blank line between paragraphs... be consistent
if that's okay with you 
There are also some minor grammatical and punctuation errors strewn around the story, but it's nothing another watchful pair of eyes couldn't remedy. I won't say anything about your sentence structure or dialogue because I'm not an expert on it, and not even not a native English speaker (and because I'm lazy, that's the main reason
). But anyway, I haven't noticed any glaring errors that would have made me facepalm, so it's not that bad, good even 
I shall follow the story for now, see what happens
Oh, and as for the mysterious Jubilee... I will put my guess that she is Sweetie Belle. You have only briefly mentioned Rarity, and it's ambiguous as to if she lives or not, and Jubilee's sister is conveniently dead. Plus, she has three gems as a cutie mark, that's a huge lead in my opinion.
2614882 Well, I would like to reply with this first note.
I GOT MY FIRST COMMENT ON THIS STORY!
Now, as for the issues. I have no excuse for my grammar aside from the fact that I write 12 am to 6 am, which is totally my fault to begin with.
Next is the formatting, I noticed the indentation issues just earlier today as well and have traced it to the fact that I've been importing from google documents. I was going to go back and fix that by finding every long 'one liner' and hitting tab to see if any words shift to the next line.
Now, as per your story questions...
Firstly I would like to state that it has been thirteen years since Twilight's coronation.
3 years after coronation she begins research
4 years after that Celestia turns evil
6 years after that Twilight escapes and adopts the moniker Mavis Raven.
3+4+6=13 for any one terrible at math(I got 12 twice =/ this is why I write, not do math)
Next is Tia, or not-Tia. Yes shapeshifting...
It is obvious at this point that 'Tia' is behind all of this, but keep in mind that while we know there is a shape shifter, the ponies don't. Also keep in mind that Celestia even seems to have the same attitude and act the same, oddly enough. Must be some strange uncanny coincidence, right?
Anyway, I have a very good explanation for everything, and I wouldn't hinge a whole story on the study of some artefacts and then not have anything happen with them.
It may just blow your mind when we get there, though.
Oh and one final note on Celestia falls to Luna's words.
"-But do be careful as to whom you disclose this to, as there are some who would prefer the past remain in the past."
And of course everybody's favourite question!
"Who is Jubilee?"
Well, here's the current story given hints.
~Multiple ponies are using false names.
~Jubilee is a mare
~Jubilee is a unicorn
~Jubilee is pink coated
~Jubilee has a sister, age unannounced, who is dead
~Jubilee is a background character
Have fun with that, but no revealing it the in comments
I usually dont do this but i have to for this story: When is the next chapter due
(yes i know it updated two days ago
)
2622368 When it's done...
Probably within the week or so.
This is amazing!
More please!
2631621 What if I said no?
Ha, not like I would, I'm enjoying this story too much!
knight regent sombre winds? so is this sombra or was sombre winds impersonated by sombra
2631722 This is something you'll have to wait and see
Already working on chapter four, don't worry too much, you'll find out soon enough.
I thought i knew who Jubilee was then i changed my mind and thought it was her sister then i was back to the original again then i was back to her sister again ... now? with a nickname for Jubilee's sister i have to change my mind again If D. is the sister then ... dang it, I can't remember D.s sisters name ..
2635861 I think you figured it out, and how do you pronounce that name of your's. It's...intriguing
2635931
I stole it from gundam wing and spelled it wrong ... Quatre Winner
I took 6 months before i found i spelled it wrong and just kept doing it that way
also ... now i know how Jubilee knows that Twilight helped train Ponyville fillies with magic ... she was one of them.
2635955 Very intuitive of you. Now I just have to reach the appropriate flashback sequence and crush you poor heart and feels into the ground. And keep an eye out, because it will happen either chapter 4 or 5
2635990
My heart is already breaking just waiting to find out what happened to Jubilee's mom and sister ..
this time no one will show up and pull a miracle out of a box...
2636296 I apologise in advance then, for the devastating heartbreak you will be enduring in chapter four.
Thing is prestes is that you need to be blind as well.
2638123 She can do that in like, literally two seconds flat. Cue reference material from chapter one where she turns from Tia to a puddle to High Priestess Sparkle in less than five feet of movement.
2638136 So who actually is this apparition for I do not think she is actually Celestia. she is definitely not a changeling so she must be something, or someone else. but does she know that twi is in the town or not?
2638212 Well, she plans on impersonating the alicorn..so...yeah, prolly not...
we need a nickname for the antagonist till its revealed who or what it is.^^
lets first check the usual suspects:
NNM: possible.has shown to be able to transform her body to smoke. could be whatever possessed luna back then and is now roaming free
Discord: possible but he would probably be gloating about it by now
Chrysalis:i dont think it her and besides she has other means to transform herself so unless the author asspulled a plot-devise and used the method of transformation to give us a false lead my beds aren´t on her.
Sombra: possible. he seems like the kind of guy who would like torture and could probably form his body but i think he would attack the crystal kingdom sooner.
I thinks the antagonist is some kind of ancient evil who influenced almost all of the happenings(is that an english word?) in the history of equestria and of course doesn´t want twilight to find out the truth.
BTW I wonder if celestia is chained in a dungeon too, probably tortured by an evil "Twilight" who ubsurped her
2639201 The Blob...we shall call it the Blob.
As for the who's behind all of this, well, I can assure you it is neither Spike nor Dinky
Oh, and it isn't Twilight/Mavis or Sparkler/Jubilee either 
2639224
agreed we will call it bob (no, that isn´t a writing error)
2639242 Teh Blob it is!
2639242 Teh Blob it is!
so lost...
2641117 Do you need my help figuring anything out?
I tried to make everything clear, but when it comes to injuries there is only so much I can describe in-story without the addition of a sex or gore tag.
All my YES! All of it!
2679218 My my, aren't you happy...
It would be areal shame if... I dunno, something came along and ruined that...
2679754
A protection racket for characters?
Have all my fav's! and all my upvotes!
Just don't kill the Spikinator! ...
Holy Carp!
I knew things would be bad but WOW!
I .... I think I need a smoke!
2718525 Come on now, it couldn't have gone easy, you should know that haha.
Didn't somepony also mention they thought Tia would be locked up somewhere? Well, they were close I guess.
2718533
I knew Twilight had been through alot but i never could have imagined all the things revealed in this chapter. Not just a decade of torture but millenia ... life after life after life .. and still be sane ...
I wonder ... who will Twilight become when everything is said and done? She does not want to be Twilight anymore (the high priestess thing ruined that) She cant become Celestia (the imposter and potentially thousands of fake lives ruined that) ... Mavis? I like the name but it does not feel permanent , more like a placeholder for when Twilight becomes ... whole .. for lack of a better word ..
on another note ...
Twilight! Stop flipping your table and go back and hug Sparkler! you know you want to and you need it as bad as she does!
You are totally not ready to face Queen Meenie. you need to be at your best to handle her and maby have a few (or all ) of the other element bearers to help out.
yet another note ...
wow .. i feel for Derpy but that girl is broken in ways i do not think she can come back from ...
2718665 The big thing to keep in mind when it comes to Derpy, Sparkler/Jubilee, and Twilight/Mavis is that first off, yes, Derpy's broken pretty badly, that isn't even a spoiler, it's an obvious fact.
I also made it clear that Jubes and Mavis had words for each other, and that Mavis immediately regretted what she did but Jubilee told her to leave. It's easy to feel bad for Jubilee, but what Jubilee said drove Mavis to pick a fight with Celestia, so...
And yeah, centuries of having her life ruined and destroyed since the arrival of Luna and Celestia. I figured it was too cliche to have Tia possessed or imprisoned, so I went with plan 'Pulled-out-my-ass' where most of my unique ideas come from haha.
2718682
It Works! it really does!
I cant wait to find out who Fakelestia is so i can appropriately hate her (him or it) with a burning fiery passion. It will be Glorious!
I do not know why but i can not stop laughing over this line ...
How much of those memories will remain after all the others pass on to their eternal reward? I Might be a little tough to stay herself with all that stuck in her noggin ...
2728393 hopefully all of them an d the real Celestia's memories take presidence over the others.
2728965
I have mixed feeling on it myself.
On one side there is a kind of purity in completely letting go of the past. A True Fresh Start with none of the old hatreds biases holding her down. Memories or not, The Core of who she was will always be there. The Important things will never change.
On the other side if all those memories go away so does her love for Sparkle and the rest of Twilight's friends. That would be a tragedy.
all in all I have no idea what would be the best outcome
2730203 actually your core and beliefs are usually built upon your memories, how else do you think that the Amourfous was able to keep her under control and able to design her new mind under neath her beliefs and what ever path the false Celestia decided she would be forced to follow.
Memories hurt and memories can build distrust but over all Memories are the foundation you are build upon the core that makes sure you don't fall down when your beliefs are challenged.
2730203>>2730723
First...just wow...that was some deep stuff.
Second, remember what I said, each and every one of those previous 'ponies' were their own pony. And that when they died, they were stuck in a sort of undeath.
That's 600 'undead' beings trapped in one mind, and Luna knows how to let them pass on. This means that at the end of the day, Dawnbreak chooses what she wants to hold on to from the others as they pass away. She could just let them all die, remembering nothing of them and starting with a blank slate. Or, she could very well let them go, one by one by one, grilling each one for knowledge and experience.
Keep in mind that she can let the others speak through her, and that she can talk with them too.
But I will say this, the ending you guys are looking forward to? Well I'm sure this just let you know things got a lot more interesting. That and maybe not everypony gets a happy ending...
2731123 I can understand that sometimes the only ending is a sad one. the only option is how sad of an ending the players get based on their choices and actions.
2731123
Nooooooooo! Spike only just found a girlfriend that really likes him likes him!
...
or were you talking about Sparkler ...
Nooooo! no more Sparkler and Twilight/Mavis wild crazy monkey sex!
and romance fail ... but mostly the monkey sex thing!
You little sunofabitch... The optimist in me says there's no way in the multiverse you really killed everypony off, but then the part of me that knows you says, "Yeah, no, he's a dick, there's a good chance he really did." Either way it turns out, know that A: this is fantastic, and B: I hate you.
2738012
Or C) this is fantastic, but you still hate me hahaha.
And to be fair there are a lot of hints in that chapter about what's gonna happen next. You just have to be smart and put them together.
There was an episode of star trek TNG way back in the day.. Data Vs Moriarty ...I wonder if the solution to Amourfous is similar to that one ...
spoiler for an old TNG episode ...
Essentially put him in an illusion (or trick him into going into an illusion voluntarily) that makes him THINK that he won and is the lord of all of creation ...
2738386 I'll give you a very subtle hint.
Nope, that is in fact not the answer, and no, I'm not fucking with you. You are wrong.
Granted the answer is not that Dawn just dukes it out with him either.
Have fun with that.
Holy chapter update Batman! *begins reading*
2739582 yup, lotsa epilogue-ey chapters
As you said earlier they are all dead but there are always other dimentions when things happen to change history and other things so things do not turn out so bleak.
2740914 Did you know, that originally I was going to make the fake celestia and Twilight vamponies? And that vampony Twilight was going to have her cheeks and lips ripped off and go by the name Sharkface?(See Baraaka and Mileena from Mortal Kombat)
Or that originally there were never 600 other lives, and that Mavis was going to beat Amourfous and live happily ever after with Sparkler/Jubilee?
Originally it was planned that there would be a huge battle between the Crystal Empire and Equestria, and that there would be an epic confrontation.
The original ending was that Equestria's trust in alicorns would fail, and that Luna would pass on, and Mavis would leave in exile to the Dragonlands.
Eventually I decided I wanted to know what made my bad guy tick. What made it who/what it was, and why it wanted to stay in power. Originally I made it simply power hungry, but in the end I decided to make it literally live on the power given to it. And when Dawnbreak took that power away it became helpless.
That and up until the last second Dawn wasn't going to get a happy ending, the whole no good deed goes unpunished thing. But just like with my 'one-shot' Serving Purposes, I wasn't satisfied with the bittersweet ending. I just don't like it, because it's so commonplace in the real world. So with that I figured, fuck it, lets send Dawn back, and with a valid reason to.
With that everypony not only got their happy endings, but I left plenty of openings for other stories.
2741080heh true enough. Thank you for sharing that little tidbit.
2741135 And off question, have you watched the red vs blue series from rooster teeth?
If so, then I was going to have a scene where Sharkface walked into a bar and some random stallion turned and said 'The fuck is with this girl?'
If not, well, then darn, no fun references other than the massive Kingdom Hearts song.