The three pony races are nearly at war again over the age-old accusation that earth ponies smell like rotten sardines. As Equestria's only unbiased citizen, Anon is called upon to answer this question once and for all. It's an unenviable task, but the future of Equestria depends on him.

There are a few minor tie ins to my previous story, Anon is Going to Pony Prison, but nothing that means you have to read that one before this one.

Being the Royal Advisor for Celestia and Luna, you've come up with solutions for many of the nation's problems.

Unfortunately you said a naughty word in front of a guard. Seeing as how these ponies are extremely sensitive, you lie your way out of it.

The events that follow could only be described as "completely stupid".

Rated Teen for naughty words being said.

Thanks to Zephyr for editing.

Featured within 1 hour and 30 minutes on Aug 12, 2015. Thank you guys so much!

Good thing I was reading this on the toilet, because this story made me lose my shit. -LeoneHaxor

Twilight Sparkle receives a new book from Discord chock-full of interesting and unknown facts about draconequi. How fascinating!

Nothing sinister about that, right?

You are Anon, a human living in Equestria. Your good friend Rarity has suggested, or rather forced you, to work at the Ponyville Day Spa as a masseuse. This won't get awkward, right? Right? Right?!

Pinkie Pie learns a new word that starts with 'F' and ends with 'K'. No, it's not firetruck.

How will she use this new word? Let's find out.

After a concert in Manehattan, Octavia overhears somepony calling her a fillyfooler and gives a heartfelt, somewhat drunk, curse-filled speech regarding it.

Inspired by a brief mention of the event in "Tools" by Samey90.

Tons of swearing, by the way.

And in case your eyes are allergic to letters, there is this fabulous Youtube reading by Octavia Winged T. Spears: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URysKo0Ymk0

It was just another day for Eric Reed as the "non-native bridge to pony society" for Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship. He was the only non-pony in Equestria who had fully accustomed to pony life who also wasn't native to not just Equestria, but to that world completely. A view even Spike can't claim to have.

However, even Eric's unique take on ponies couldn't prepare him for how to respond when Gallus confided in him that he had formed a crush on one of the Mane 6. So, Eric did what he had a tendency to do during times he was rattled.

He ended up putting his foot in his mouth, and not literally.

This story is one of a series of stories that all take place after A Giant Adventure to Equestria. However, it is not necessary to read any of them to understand this story, but "A Giant Adventure to Equestria" does show how and why the human OC Eric Reed is in Equestria.

If you enjoy this story and would be interested in reading any of the other stories with Eric, you can find the list of all current ones here.

Spike accidentally gets white paint on his back. This wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that his newly-added stripe has attracted a particular female skunk. Can he escape the grasps of Fifi La Fume and find a way to remove the paint? More importantly, what is Fifi doing in Equestria anyway?

Crossover with Tiny Toon Adventures. Takes place between Season 6 and 7. Contains one-sided hugging and kissing and a whole lot of flirting.