• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2017
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An Intricate Disguise


Selling out has never felt so dirty. (Patreon!)

More Blog Posts83

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Jan
30th
2019

The Blog I Wish I Didn't Need To Write · 10:56pm January 30th

Hello, my fans, my followers, every user that has the time to read this message. It's with a fucking heavy heart that I write this, that I tell you all more about me than I ever wanted to share, but it's come to a point where I need to reveal things to each and every one of you. To ask you all for your help.

I wish it didn't have to be this way...

Let's start with who I am. Please understand, this is more than I've told anyone.

I'm a twenty year old writing student. My twenty first birthday is in a couple of weeks. For the last year, you've all known me as An Intricate Disguise, and I've done my best to retain a certain level of anonymity since my account's launch. Why? I enjoyed it, maybe. Also, I was rather scared to share my personal details, but now it's come to a point where I feel as if I need to.

I live at home with my mother and my two little brothers, both eight years old (they're twins, you see). They're my world. I love each of them to fucking pieces, and would trade the world for their happiness and wellbeing.

I also have a dad. He's living elsewhere, and we've had our rough patches in the past, but we're very close these days, and I feel lucky to have him around.

And the problem lies in each of these people. A problem I'm trying to deal with right now, to my own detriment.

You see, my mum has a thyroid problem. It's pretty bad. I won't pretend I know an absolute ton about her condition, not at all, but I do know that it's making her gain weight at a ridiculous level (70 pounds in the last two years), that it's completely sapping her motivation, energy, and mood, and that it's destroying her on the inside and out. Now, as it is, she has the risk of it further developing into hyperthyriod or fibromyalgia, and the weakness in her immune system leaves her very vulnerable to other illnesses, such as cancer.

My mum is a fighter. She actively looks after my two little brothers, her youngest children, and puts them through school on top of pursuing a master's degree in psychology. She's a wonderful human being that I could only ever aspire to be like. She wishes to work for the NHS and help the world by dealing with the issues and trauma of others. It's only a horrible shame that the same place she's destined to work in can't help her.

You heard that right. My mum needs a specific kind of medication, but for the purpose of shorthand and not confusing anyone, it's referred to as T3. She receives T4 on the NHS, which slows her symptoms a tad, but doesn't manage them or cancel out the adverse effects. T3 does however manage her conditions, but according to the law, she needs an expensive, non-NHS funded assessment to call herself eligible for them. Furthermore, ever if she was considered to be eligible, the NHS doesn't prescribe her medication in particular, which she needs to live.

This is because the price of T3 has gone up by 6000% in the last eight years, and the NHS doesn’t deal with much medication.

All of this means that her condition is incredibly expensive to treat and maintain. Anyone who had the impression that British healthcare is simple and infallible? I'm sorry to burst that bubble. Truly, I am, because it's one that I personally lived in for a long time. But now, watching my mother's quality of life deteriorating before me, realising she's trying her absolute hardest to provide for everyone even when there's no guarantee she'll be able to see this through?

It hurts me so fucking much, and that's why I'm here.

But there's more. And I wish there wasn't, but there is. I promised myself I wouldn't go without saying everything, so that's what I'm going to do.

I have a father, that I mentioned earlier. Me and him haven't always got on so well. We've fought, we've had issues, but deep down, we've always loved one another.

Until recently, he had a wife and three other children, my half-siblings.

They're all gone now. She left him just before Christmas, taking the kids, right after him renting a new house far away, one that he poured a lot of money into doing up, all on credit. He bought new floors, new furniture, new appliances and more. It all cost him a lot of money. Before he did it, he said to his wife 'are you sure we're alright? I don't want to do all of this if there's any chance something will go wrong', and she assured him everything was fine and he was worrying for nothing.

She then left him a few days before Christmas, taking the children with her. My father was, at a point, suicidal. I'm not exaggerating. I had him on the phone, and had to talk him down from a pill overdose. I saw him the next week, and we bonded for the first time in years. Ever since then, we've been keeping in regular touch, ever since he's had to get a new house and car because his wife took everything, and yet...

He's a mortgage broker. Good job, right? More than I could aspire to. It took him a ton of hard work and determination to get there, more grit than you see in most people, and yet, he can't do it right now. He's not right at the moment. He's seeing a psychiatrist. He's on medication for depression and to help him sleep after everything he's been through. Worst of all?

He's about to go fucking bankrupt. He's in so much debt from everything he paid for for the house and having to move out and get a new place, wardrobe, and car, that he's going to have to file for bankruptcy. And that means that my father, who pulled himself from nothing, will never be able to be a mortgage broker again, rendering the qualifications he took years to get and the business and experience he took years to build worthless.

Are you starting to see why I've been finding things difficult, FimFiction?

I've tried talking about my money situation before. I've made jokes about being poor. I've played with pride and hubris, hoped that I wouldn't come across as begging, but now I realise that I need to do what I need to do. When I originally released my Patreon, I said that I didn't need the money boost. That was a lie then, but it's a downright blasphemy now.

I live in a house of only me, my mum, and my two little brothers. My mum is below the poverty line. She gets no benefits and no student finance because she had to extend her master's degree, and she lives off of me as a result. It's not her fault. She absolutely hates having to do so, even if I'd support her every day of my life without resentment. The only money I have is the loans from university and the money I make online.

But that doesn't matter. What matters is that this is destroying all of our lives. I'm a university student. I just had to beg for a negotiated learning plan in order to stay on my degree path, because otherwise, I would've been thrown off. Why? Because I haven't been able to attend and consistently meet deadlines. The reason for that is because I've been spending so much time trying to write for this site, either commissions or other work, and make whatever money I can to help my family out.

it's the most important thing in the world to me, helping my family. I might have already said that once. It's hard to think right now. I'd fail my university course before it came to letting them down. Sell all my possessions. Become a slave to work in order to fix my mum's health, my dad's bankruptcy, the life of all of my siblings... but I don't want to do that. If I need to, I'll do it, but I really, REALLY hope it doesn't have to go that far, that I can at least have a chance to live a good life on top of doing everything that my family needs of me in order to survive.

Because I pay for my mum already. She's below the poverty line, as I said. I paid for Christmas. I've paid for everyone's food for months. I paid for bills and I paid for clothes. How did I do it? Every commission and other piece of paid written work I could find to write on the web. No matter how much time it took me, how much university work I was missing, I did it all. I'm not trying to say that I'm a good person. I'm not asking for your respect, because what I'm about to ask? It makes me feel horrible. It's weakness. It's the admission that I CAN'T do enough for my family to see them through, no matter how hard I try.

I NEED your help.

And I fucking hate saying that, but it’s the truth. I’m scared no one will care. That people will tell me that there are more important things in the world than me and my family’s well being. I’m scared that I told my family I can help, and it’ll turn out to be a lie, because in the end, there was nothing I could do to pull any of them out of this situation.

And I have no one else to confide in. No one else to ask. Nothing else I can do to make this better. I wish I could translate the severity of all of this better, but in the worst case?

I see myself failing university without help. Falling into a deeper cycle of anxiety and depression (I’m on medication for both). Watching my dad go bankrupt and not being able to live happily or see his kids anymore. Watching my mother die before me, or at the very least have a happy life sapped away from her. And what will I do if that happens? I can’t let that happen. What would happen to my siblings, who I love just as much as anyone else? Do eight year old boys deserve to go through this? Does anyone?

I know other people have their own problems. If mine pale in comparison to yours, if you feel that way, then I’m truly sorry, but I promise I’m only trying to help out my family, to fix this terrible situation before it spirals further out of control. (To those that are waiting on commissions from me? I’m trying as hard as I can, I promise, and I’m making headway, but all of the stress of my situation has been making writing incredibly difficult. I’m persevering in spite of it, and I’ll have content to all of you soon. I swear.)

How much do I need? How much does everyone need? I’m sorry to say it, FimFiction, but thousands. My mother’s assessment will cost at least two and a half thousand dollars (writing in dollars for simplicity’s sake), and her medication will cost at least $1200 a year thereafter. My dad’s over $30,000 in debt, and I figure I’ll need a fifth of that at least in a lump in order to convince him not to file for bankruptcy, that he can fight this rather than relegating himself to a shitty job along with his now shitty life, in which he feels terrible every day and his clinging to the one good thing he can still do.

I wish I could say that I won’t convince you to do anything, to give anything, but right now, I’m weak. I’m fucking begging anyone who can spare it. Spare anything. I don’t care about myself. About money for myself, that is. That’s another topic. I’m hardly great for it, but I could live with very little, so long as everyone who’s in need in my life is able to pull out of this state, and I happily would.

I absolutely hate that I’m having to ask this. It’s shit. It makes me feel like a bad person, like an irresponsible son and brother that can’t do anything to help his own family. I only hope you can take pity on me.

Anyone who chooses to help, who’s able? I’ll owe you everything. I’ll owe you my fucking happiness. I may as well owe you my life.

Because right now, my life is stress. My life is worrying about my family, about myself. It’s deliberating over what I can do to help, it’s fighting over motivation to continue to work for them, of finding ways to do so.

But I’ve run out of other avenues. This is the only one that’s left for me.

I’ve set up a Ko-Fi. The link for it is here. For those that aren’t familiar, you can use this to give a one time donation that might help me immeasurably.

I also have a Patreon. While it may be a monthly subscription, any amount could definitely help me immensely in the long run.

I realise that this is a lot to ask. Too much for some, and I totally understand that. I only hope that some of the people out there will be willing to help out, to do something, because…

I honestly don’t know where else to go. I’m scared for my family, for myself, and I have nowhere else to turn.

Whether or not you can donate, if you can find the time to signal boost this blog, it’d mean the world and more to me. I hope beyond hell that this manages to reach a good deal of people. I know that I’ve alienated some people on the site, that there are some people who won’t donate or signal boost this just because it’s me, but I’d hope that there are still some that care, that wish to see the situation of my family improve.

I promise that no matter what happens, even if I receive very little, I’ll continue to write for all of you. That won’t change. If you’re looking for commissioned work, that would also help me a great deal, and I’m willing to work once my waiting list is dealt with. I’ll speak about that more in a future blog.

All of that aside, I love all of you. Every single one of you, and I’m so happy to be a content creator here, to have such a wonderful and understanding audience. Whether you can give or not, thank you for reading. I'm so sorry to put this on any of you.

But you were the dam between me and the tears.

Report An Intricate Disguise · 5,947 views ·
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Comments ( 137 )

I'm broke as fuck, so donating ain't an option for me.

What is an option, however, is a few kind words.

No matter what, you're not irresponsible for asking for help. At some point in our lives, we all need help for something. Whether that be a situation like this or something as trivial as a mathematical equation. The fact that you're openly asking for help in a situation as personal as this for the benefit of your family shows that you're a responsible member of said family, as you're doing such a thing for their benefit.

You're a strong man. From what you've said, your mother/father are strong as well. You said they were fighters? Then they'll keep fighting no matter what, no matter the odds. Don't start thinking you're a shit cunt for coming to a bunch of pony porn pioneers for help.

Because I know you already were to begin with, my dude. Love you really, fam.

I wish both yourself and your family the best in these times. Keep pushing forwards.

:heart:

I may not have money, I may not even be in university or have a job yet, and I may not be all that active of a friend, but I’m with you all the way, and I will support you in whatever way I can. Know that we love you man :heart:

I won't be able to help out much, Intricate, but whenever I get paid a decent amount I'll try and drop a few your way if I can, plus signal boost ya best I can buddy.

:heart:

Us degenerate horsefuckers gotta stick together, fam

I’ll throw some cash your way.

Alright, while I don't have the resources or independence to make a donation, I can certainly try and boost your signal here, friend

I might have to actually start reading your stories at some point, but for now I hope even a little contribution can help.

Evo

I'll try and help some, kinda limited for cash myself atm... but hopefully it helps.

I'm going to post this to a few discord servers im on to signal boost it as its the ebst i can do.

I'll be honest, I stopped reading half way through. A great author that I like and respect is asking for help and that is enough for me. I sent a small tip your way, and I hope some of your other fans are able to donate as well.

I feel really bad for you. What you’re going through is so tough... I’ll spread.

Fight on, fellow creator.

Can't do much, m8. But I wish you and your family the best of luck.
Also, some music, if you need it, and context.

To paraphrase from wikipedia...
Glück auf is a traditional greeting among the miners of the Saarland area. Translated it means "Good luck". It itself is a shortened version of "Ich wünsche Dir Glück, tu einen neuen Gang auf"-or, "I wish you luck in opening a new lode."

For more information, see here.

I'll also spread the word about this. Wish you the best of luck.

I've been here, in a similar state.

I've seen this.

I wish I could help. I sincerely do. Next paycheck will see you with... something. Not much, alas, but something.

Stay positive. It will get better. It did for me.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Huk

Damn, this really is messed up :applejackunsure: I'll see how much I can spare...

No matter what, good luck - and please, keep us updated.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm going to share the crap out of this post on a numerous amount of discord servers. I hope everything goes well and your family comes togeather in this tough time. I'm praying for you.

It’s been a pleasure getting to know you. I have no doubt you and your family will get through this. That being said, I will help in absolutely every way I can.

let's see what may be done.

Good luck.
There's a lot of folks stepping up to the plate to offer a hoof or a hand, and I hope many more come along too.

All good things,
Dusky.

Here are a hand full of coffees and a patreon for the next year.

It's my way of saying thanks for the emotional support pony.

Mezilsa

*Removes glasses.* This touched me in ways even I can't describe. My mother also suffers from Thyroid, thankfully it isn't as severe as what your mother has but it still weighs on me emotionally. She was fine. At least before she gave birth to me... After I was born she started having issues with it, and even though time and again she says it was worth it because she got me I still blame myself for my mother's condition. But friend, you need to realize that you are a great person, a much better one than I could ever be or even hope to be. You may feel week and irresponsible, but I assure you that you are the exact opposite. You've been doing your best for your family and really that's all anyone can ask of you. You've swallowed your pride and asked for help, that is neither week nor irresponsible, friend. I wasn't a patreon sponsor of yours before, but I'd be happy to send money your way. It won't be much, but I'll give you what I can and hope. Hope that it actually helps and puts your mind at ease. Keep doing your best, I'm rooting for you.

Shit, man. if I could help, I would. As it is, though, I'm out on the road with my driver mentor earning a starving salary while I wait to go solo (joys of being a new truck driver), and I'm chipping away at my own tens of thousands in debt and responsibilities. Sorry that I can't offer more than some kind words and a digital hug...

:,( I cant really do anything, so here’s an inspirational quote :) :heart:

If your going through hell, keep going.-Winston Churchill

Either I’ll find a way, or I’ll make one.

After a storm comes a calm.

The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.

Any friend of 5005228's is a friend of mine. Money sent.

As this one guy always said: When a pipe is clogged... KEEP PLUNGING!!! I may not have that much money, but I can still donate a little bit of it to you

I wish I can help but I can’t so here’s a motto of my friend” if life hates you, try and you make friends with it” hope your situation gets better

Form a follower
Jack

I'll try when I get home

I hope everything works out for you my friend. Family is very important. Take care of your family. I wish I could help with money, but sadly I am broke. I owe the bank money.

I can't personally speak for everyone, but I feel you should focus on writing second and family first. We'll still love you and your work whether or not it comes in a week, or a year so don't fret too much.
I'll drop some money when the paycheck comes in in a few days
:heart:

This hurts my soul just like these things always do, because I know I can do nothing. I'll just say I know what it's like to have too little.

I am not a follower of you, I don't know you. But still, expect a donation soon, its only right. To help someone in need.

All I can give you, dude, is my ear.
Some 18 months ago, when my bank statement was down to usd$500, I found a new job... And then came the latest Mexico City earthquake, the hotel I was working for cracked in half, and I was once again unemployed. I seriously considered ending it all.
My bank statement isn't currently worth a complete thousand. And I cannot afford to fall sick...
And my mother hassles me all the time, asking me why I don't have a girlfriend. Would you have a girlfriend if you could not afford movie tickets?

MythrilMoth told me about this.

Regrettably, all I can do is boost.

I'm sorry to hear that things have gone so down hill for you. Family comes first, do what you must to sort it out first, don't feel pressured to deliver content if you aren't in a position to do so. Also, don't feel bad about asking for help, asking for help is much harder than keeping quite. I'll make sure to drop a donation soon, won't be much but I hope it helps. I wish you luck in these hard times and hopefully things will get better soon.

Hang in there. But dont overdo it, if you destroy yourself, you wont be able to help anyone, so dont forget to look after yourself.

Stay strong and dont give up.

I'm currently in the process of finding a job, but once I've got one you've got donations coming. Stay determined, and keep a positive attitude! :rainbowdetermined2:

Well, good news and bad news
good news! Local man who hasn't lurked here in fucking years has some disposable income
Bad news? I don't know how to Patreon.

Once I do, things are gonna get wild for you.

I'mma share this blog. :twilightsmile:

I have put out word to get others to kick in and/or spread the word further. And while I cannot help with actual money, would it be possible to help with your writing or anything else?

Signal Boosted you.

*Hugs*

I wish you the best. This is a horrible situation no one should ever be in.

So you need around 6k? PM me please and I will see what I can do.

Try starting a GoFundMe, they can actually help. As of right now, I am broke and looking for a job so I can't really help there. I'm sorry I can't help more, however, I will promote this blog. Good luck with your family and writing.

Any friend of 5005228 is a friend of 5005249's is a friend of mine. Have some coffee.

5005204
Eh skeeter, see you got a new profile pic, nice. I wish I could contribute like you, but alas I can barely afford to pay my own bills.

I wish to god I could help man I'm having problems at the moment also sadly but if I get anything I will try to spare you some.:pinkiesad2:

Pitched in a little something. Even if Skirts didn't say you were cool people, I know the pain of undiagnosed/untreated hypothyroid (I'm assuming it's hypo due to the weight gain and medication required. Hyper isn't much better in the long run though, really) for nearly half my life, and nobody deserves that. Well... nobody in the UK.

Keep doing your best, mate.

PS - Echoing what some folks have said about GoFundMe/Venmo/etc. The more avenues the better.

The woman who abandoned your father is a bitch and I hope she loses everything. Also I am very sorry for your situation and hope you all come out of this alright. Best I can say is see what you or your father can do about the bitch, there's got to be something you can scavenge (reclaim) from her.

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