If I Could Delete This I Would · 8:04pm Jun 27th, 2022
I know, I'm sorry in advance. I hated writing this but I'm in a real pinch and don't know what else to do. Explanation below, please read this if you have the time.
I dunno, it's really hard to put all of your personal information out there like this, but I suppose the only way I can ever expect anyone to understand is to share what's been going on, so let's get into it...
So mum's been on the sofa for like the past 2 months. Badly broken ankle (3 places, needed an operation), and can't get upstairs, can't really do anything.
So I've kinda been filling the role of carer and psuedo-parent figure to my two 11-year-old brothers for the last couple months. Feeding them, doing all the cleaning at home (the boys help sometimes), making sure they're able to go to school, washing clothes, etc.
All the while I've got a girlfriend in America who I didn't get to see when she came to visit me.
Well, I did get to see her, technically, as when she came to visit me in the UK, while she was arbitrarily refused entry for her holiday on the basis of her 'intention to leave not seeming genuine' because she bought a one-way flight and didn't have her mind made up on how long she'd stay, she was 'refused entry with a one day bail'.
This actually ended up being two days (yay!) because her bank froze her card and she couldn't get back the next day. We didn't even get to stay in our hotel for half the time we'd planned to.
Months and months of planning and saving to see each other to try and make something good out of a long-distance relationship and what it amounted to was getting to see each other for two days, followed by an immensely stressful rush back to the airport (where we found out after that she needed an on-the-day covid test in order to fly back and she almost missed her flight and they were gonna just send her to some random part of the US and effectively strand her there).
This is without mentioning that when they refuse you entry, they don't pay for the flight back. That cost $2400 which of course no one in their right mind would ever pay for an on-the-day flight from the UK to America unless they were legally forced to. Luckily her mum was able to help us with that. The alternative was that they fly you back but give you a lifetime ban from flying with the airline (Virgin/Delta, the main airline for transatlantic trips).
Basically the whole thing was immensely stressful and horrible and made me wanna cry. I am so regretful that we didn't get to see each other properly after all that waiting and saving and that all the work we put into it was essentially dismantled by the unchallengeable decision of a frankly imperious and likely racist home-office staff. When she was detained and her possessions were taken as she awaited a decision on whether she could enter, she commented that everyone else detained was either of colour or didn't speak proper English or both.
But anyways, this isn't really about that. It kinda is but it isn't.
Idk I saved for a while to see my girlfriend who I've been with for a year now. That didn't really pan out (though the two days we spent together, as stressful as they were, were lovely and we are fully resolved to see each other again in future and make things work), and on top of that, everything with mum happened and...
I've fallen really behind in money and not had time to work over the last couple of months. I owe mum money that she needs so we can pay bills and eat, I have bills mounting myself and because I am imminently going to be looking for work I need to be able to buy essential things like shoes and a couple of shirts, maybe a pair of chinos. Just so I have some work suitable clothes that aren't overly formal (but also aren't jeans).
I'm not really sure what to do but ask for help right now. I'm really hoping to get a new job soon as mum is getting better and I'm going to work hard at it to find something, but the recent dearth in spare time over the last couple of months plus the expense of girlfriend's trip has left me kinda fucked, and I'm really not sure what to do other than ask for some assistance.
I've got commission work to be getting on with and I'm aware that if I was constantly, always on the ball with it I'd probably be in a better position with it but it's difficult to find time when you're caring for an injured adult and two children and also have a partner whose timezone is 8 hours behind yours.
And then to top things off, mum's broke right now because they tried to take away her car. In the time since she's been injured, the car tax ran out, and some old man living a few doors up reported it as a missing car (which I now know is primarily because he was angry he couldn't have the parking space for himself). We weren't informed that the car was reported missing (naturally no one's really been going near it right now with mum being incapacitated), and so it was clamped, and then before we could get the clamp removed, it was taken away.
Cue about £500 in costs as we had to get the car back from another town while neither of us drove, had to pay to have the clamp removed, had to pay for it to be taxed and MOT'd—come to think of it I think it was more like £600. It was a lot.
But that £1100 car is the most expensive thing either of us own, and without it, when were we getting the money to buy another one? So it was give over everything to get it back or lose it forever. It'd have been scrapped eventually if it wasn't claimed.
With how expensive the cost of living is right now things are bad enough without all of these random horrible expenses and events repeatedly coming up. I don't know how anyone lives. I'm aware food banks exist and would help but I'm not sure when anyone's getting time to go to one when mum's incapacitated and I don't drive. Even then it'd only help with a fraction of expenses and most likely the cost of the food would barely cover the travel as far as I understand.
I will hopefully have a job soon. I am talking to someone about work right now and it looks as if they're interested in hiring me but I will not be taking anything for granted yet. If I get a new job then fucking yippee! I will be okay and we will be okay once I have paychecks rolling in. But until then and in the event that it doesn't happen I'm in a nasty spot right now.
I'd appreciate any help that anyone's able to muster. I know people judge me for this. I use my platform as a creator to complain about being in abject poverty and ask for handouts when the weight of the constant expenses and obligations surrounding me becomes too much to bear. I don't write or update things often enough and I'm sorry for that. I do have more things to post, a lot of which are almost post-ready or are waiting for go-aheads from commissioners. This is not a dead account despite appearances and won't be for a long time.
But I know I could and can be better. That's why I'm putting everything into getting work and performing at it. That's why I'm trying to put myself and my family in the best position possible.
And that's why after weeks of sitting on this blog and not posting it I've decided it's gotten to the point where I need to post it. I have to swallow my pride and try to put myself in a better position because that's the right thing to do.
If you can help in any way, I'd appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. My Ko-Fi is linked here, you can use it to send a one-time donation to help me out through all of this. if you do choose to do so, or hell, even if you have taken the time to read this far, you are amazing and I appreciate you immensely. You reading and taking the time to care is what gives me any form of voice in this world and I'm so grateful you exist.
If you wish to help in another way please consider sharing this blog, or even leaving a comment would be greatly appreciated. Hearing people's thoughts and the occasional kind word truly helps, even if that's weak of me to admit. I don't get to talk about this situation to many people and be open about it.
Thank you all so much for your patience and for listening.
This is a really awesome community and I feel as if I take it for granted sometimes. I really hope I can pay you guys back with plenty of content in due course.
But most of all, all of the blogs I've written with all of the problems I've been having and the light that always seems as if it's a very distant speck at the end of a very, very long tunnel?
I just really hope I can give you all a happy ending to that.
But yeah, I hope you know just how much I appreciate all of you who have helped me so much until now. You will always, always matter.
'alright... posting it'
'fuck my life'
lmao I just wanna add here as a post-script that I am OKAY. Like mentally I am coping or at least I think I am which for me is a minor miracle. I am very motivated to work hard and get out of this funk.
But yeah, idk, I miss my girlfriend. Also miss leaving the house which I can't really do when the other responsible adult can't walk. It's funny I had the anxiety problem and hated going out for so long but whenever I feel like tackling it either something like Covid happens or I'm stuck at home because of responsiblity...
Okay this was meant to be a reassurance but now I'm just complaining ignore me. xd
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Well I'm glad you're mentally okay. I don't have any money to give ya, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope things get better soon.
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it! That's a lot to fall on one person, and I really hope it gets better for you and your family (and your GF) soon. It's not much, but I sent you a bit.
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Appreciate the kind words a lot, it helps to know that people care and want things to improve for me. Hope your life's going well, also! Thanks for being awesome.
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I mean, I've been trying my best to deal with it, and I really don't like to complain, but sometimes my back just feels as if it's really put up and I don't really know what else to do. People like you make situations like this liveable, thank god. And please, anything is amazing and wonderful and I appreciate it immensely. You have no clue how wonderful you are! Thank you very much, I'll keep trying my best to get things on track, and will keep everyone posted!
Thanks again, you're honestly incredible.
Boosted.
5668130
It sounds like you're in crisis mode right now, it also sounds like you'll pull through just fine. Once the pressure is off though it may hit you like a train but it sounds like you hot a good support net too so you'll make it through that too.
So sorry to hear all of this, truly. I hope things get better for you and yours so please take your time when it comes to your writing.
Boosted
Rough
You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, I’m sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately I’m in a bit of a situation myself so I can’t truly help you but my thoughts and prayers are with you hope you get through this! And screws that old asshole for calling your car in!
Boosted
Man, life can't give you a break, huh...
Unfortynately, only thing I can send your way is my best wishes, since any ways of material assistance are blocked in my country.
So, stay strong!
Keep your chin up man you sound like a great guy, I was in your shoes when I was younger cause after my mom passed away in 2005 my younger sister got put into foster care and my dad lost custody then in 2006 my sister and I went to live with my mom's sister and she treated us like pieces of trash after my uncle passed in 2011 and my dad lost the house,the truck,so he ended up on the streets so in 2013 I finally had enough so I ran away and ended up on the streets till 2016 when I found my long lost uncle from my Dad's side of my family so what I am saying your life will get better mate just keep your chin up
Sorry things are so hard for you my friend.
Sending thots and payers your way. All I can do until the next contract kicks off.
Hey, I read the whole post and I'm glad you managed to stay sane despite everything that happened to you, not everyone would have fared as good as you did, mentally ofc. I've been reading/liking your stories for some years now and I'm happy to see a writer I appreciate is still kicking, even if things look a little glum right now. I'll give a tip once my paycheck arrives
I read the blog and, I wish I could help but I'm going to be going through some of the same stuff. Except it's old family members that I I'm talking care of and the only outher person that is helping me needs a knee operation soon... I just hope it gets better and you are able to see your girlfriend again soon.
Can you press charges on the guy for filing a false report?
In the US it'd be a crime to do that.
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From my understanding, It wasn't a false report though.
5668130
I'm glad to hear that you're doing well mentally. I don't have any money to give, but I wish you the best of luck.
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
— Robin Williams as John Keating in Dead Poets Society
Friend, I wish I could help, but I’ve my own binds. Never feel insufferable in asking for help. Happy to hear you’re alive, though.
What's your status, Intricate?
I know things are not the best in the UK right now, but, perhaps, some good things happened to you in the past few months?
Hope things have improved. Recently stumbled on your great stories and wondered what became of you.
Godspeed.
Hey Intricate, you good?