• Published 4th Apr 2013
  • 3,183 Views, 258 Comments

Fallout Equestria: Merchants of Hope - Gamma Deekay



120 years after the war, a young trader and his friends are given an incredible task from and unsuspecting source that will change the face of the Equestrian wasteland forever. Question is, will it be for better? or for worse?

Comments ( 119 )

Aww.. Please, make some improved version of B with detailed Backlash&42 clop. :rainbowkiss:
Seriously I would like to see alternative epilogue where Sky or Carlotta actually have children. Kill\death ratio in FoE makes me :facehoof:. And authors not helping it. Especially with generic lesbians, who looks like stallions without dicks in stories and not have motherly instinct at all. I respect females who have it. I respect real life lesbians who make some struggles and have kids. I hate childfree idea. I never will be tolerate for it. Reason why Kkat killed LP for me. :trixieshiftright:
Your storry, ofcourse. But more FoE stories becomes complete, more I feels myself disappointed. Just look at Outlaw's epilogue - Mach is sterile.. FOR FUCKS SAKE! :applecry:
I seriously considered option to leave reading foe just because unrealistic K\D ratio. Magic not working here it's a math. I not see how ponies still exist. Every mare in wasteland must have 5 foals to it.

Alt Ending A was kinda grim. XD Though I hada morbid curiousity for what she would do after the fact, having achieved her immediate goal and all, and how the wasteland copes with it. Whatever she plans to do would take time, and in general the wasteland wouldn't lie down willingly and take it. Though if such a scenario were filled out, I'd probably not read much of it depending on how it were handled. I don't imagine it turning out more like a Majora's Mask scenario instead of a Cupcakes or Batman's Joker scenario.

Alt Ending B was also kinda neat. XD A curious reinterpretation, I think. Fact of the matter is that in the immediate years preceeding the change, she would have a LOT of enemies to contend with and defend from, on top of those who have grudges against a figure of the old world instead of Fourty Two herself.

Anywho, neat! Thanks for sharing Gamma, and Happy Birthday, Merchants of Hope!

And then suddenly Backlash reincarnated as a bunny and the killing joke was actually made of squeaksplodium and then the world was plauged by the army of pink squeakies and they couldn't explode them fast enough but it's okay because BUNNIES RAINED FROM THE HEAVENS and then the dogs fell

4182454
Sadly, Backlash/42 clop isn't on the menu in the near future. :pinkiecrazy:

One the topic of Carlotta and Skyline, they did have Pallet! And with the two lost main characters in the story, Longbow had twins. I know the ratio is off, but I kinda see it as extenuating circumstances for the stories. The way I understand killing in FoE, it only get's bad because of X plot reason. Though, I do understand what you mean. :pinkiesad2:

4182454 Amen.

I myself have my qualms about KDR here, to which I concluded that normal long lived pony lives are terrible action stories- and that the old food for billions sustains a population larger than many conceive. Let's face it, divide 1,000,000,000 by 200. You get 50,000,000- assuming a one year food supply for said billion equestrians of the war, give or take the amount of stable-type food systems and doomsday prepper hoards. I mean take manehatten, it only takes a few thousand ponies in the city once housing millions to give a decent population. (If tenpony, for example, has some form of food production able to sustain its intended population is up to the author). :twistnerd:

Which leads to plenty of short lived ponies with a YOLO mentality to go wander and go raider (or more likely bandit. But hey, maybe ponies tend to go sadistic-psychopath without friendship and whatnot... Or sunlight.) and maybe take out a merchant who transports said food. That most stories have several dozen raider fights and several zero bandit fights is disheartening... Or maybe ponies prefer stretching the term raider subconsciously to make it easier to pull the trigger.

And with the supply of weaponry, just google the amount used in either world war. Yet alone the third one. But nobody's too skeptical about that... Though some are skeptical about the amount of cheat code class weaponry out there. I mean after two centuries a museum that wouldn't realistically have magic swords probably won't have a magic gun.

/rant.

Dont even want to ponder the equestrian wasteland sexlife. :facehoof: ...No matter how good it is for plots.

/walloftext (iPhone cuts off the pony emotes, and I only remember a few, like :fluttercry: )

P.S. Yes, it was definitely a moment when we learned Mach was sterile.
-------------

Now to the story... Why did I wait three months to read this? I guess I jumped ahead when it started turning pinkie (which later started becoming much better rather than what I first assumed was a 'because I said so' plot device, which lead me to jump to... I think it was Las Pegasus instead if finishing this.), though I wish I read another chapter or two which was when it started getting good. Though the 'ending' to New Roam's last chapter is probably the top of the list for liberal application of plot, but I suppose it's really just a cancellation with a rather hasty ending. (Luckily there's a remake I plan to read when it gets further along- keeping sixty story characters straight is plenty. Not that they get frequently updated. I hope they pick up over the summer- sixty stories averaging less than one update a week results in 12-13 months per story... But I'm no author of anything bigger than a rambling, over-edited text block I never quite get right. Like this 507 word long one. I should stick to math...).

Anyways, great story, and I'd like to thank you for writing it. :pinkiehappy:

4261620

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

I do understand your issue with the Bandit's though, but I think I fall under one of those who consider 'Raider' to be a generalized term. The thought for me, is that in a world where everypony carries some sort of weapon, the shoot first mentality is the thing that keeps you alive. I try to play the good guy in survival games, but even the nicest of folks I meet shoot me for whatever I've got. Why? Because they can't trust I'll just let them walk away, or that I'd be willing to give them anything anyway. As common as 'Wasteland lesbians' are, the reason I'm more so alright with sticking them in, is because homosexuality isn't likely to get you shot in the wasteland. Anypony who isn't me or my friends? That's who I use my bullet's on.

Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid. :pinkiecrazy::heart:

4261694
The failure to have a distinction between those who shoot you for your things and those who take joy in strangling you with your intestines (and also take your stuff) is just a pet peeve of mine developed through a few million words of story (The epilogue did have a mention if ditzy running into raiders, followed by a question if if they were bandits, to which the reply was that bandits don't do those types of atrocities. So bandits do exist in the wasteland).

As for sexuality... The male to female ratio of homosexual relationships is skewed to the side of females. And I suppose it'd apply to any fanfiction based on a show where all (or most, depending on who you define as a main character) the main characters are female. So that's not too surprising.

As a side note, it was a nice touch how we got a peek into alternate endings, the pinkie pocket world, and what became of the other characters. Though it took me a little bit to remember some of them.

4263155

Well I'm glad you liked the story and it's ending(s)! But yeah, I don't want a main character who focused on homosexuality because it's so horrendously overdone by now. I've made my protagonists straight, not just because of that, but because it's challenging to me. As per the bandit's thing, I think my viewpoint is just skewed because of how little faith I have in human nature. I love the idea of doing better in the wasteland, but I know that just wouldn't be how it go.

So I converted this whole thing to PDF and put it onto my e-reader. Best thing I've done for a loooong time~

We just want to say that both of us (me and me girl) are really enjoying this story. It's a bit fast in it's progression, but very good nonetheless~

Keep up the work and I hope to see more of you soon ^^

4305442

Well I'm glad you are liking it so far! After the first few chapters, it slows down quite a bit. I do hope you enjoy it, and I would love to hear your thoughts on it as you progress! :pinkiecrazy::heart:

4489222

Go for it! x3 I'm sure I wasn't the first to use it either. Hope you enjoy the story though! :pinkiehappy::heart:

4489771

Yeah, it was Brass's first time in the field! He's a quick study, but that's not saying much since if you live in the wasteland and aren't one, you're dead. :pinkiecrazy::heart:

4494634

I'm glad you are liking the story, and I'm delighted to see you share your thoughts with me! It means a lot that you've taken the time to do so. There's plenty more awesome coming up for you to enjoy, and I hope you'll stick around! :pinkiesmile::heart:

4504924

Once again, thank you for your continued reading! You have to think, sure the perk might be useless now, but generally I could come in hand if things were to change. And yeah, I do have a lot of perks with downsides. I like the balance it gives, and like you said, it keeps things interesting! :pinkiehappy:

so awsome im only at chapter 10 but this is the best fallout equestria ive read yet:rainbowkiss:

4512708

If you like this story, once you are done, you should check out some of the ones that inspired me! Like FoE: Treasure Hunting, FoE Heroes, and FoE Anywhere But Here!

4509710 I haven't been seasick either, I just hate all the bouncing around. Breach the top of the wave, crash down between them. Repeat until at your destination with added cold, salty spray in your face.

"Yes, it is, but this has been happening every twenty two minutes to the second for the last twenty four hours."

That's when something on my computer causes whatever game I'm playing to minimize. Coincidence. (And while incredibly annoying, a minimizing game is better than one that crashes without saving every 22 minutes.)

...Wait, Sprite bots are M.O.M. tech. Is this 42?

"With my magic, I can review the memories of a ponies crimes and tell if they are truly sorry of his or her actions. Whether they are worth reforming or not."

Well that sure makes that 'are they redeemable' thing I mentioned earlier easy. Pairs well with Backlash's lie detecting skills. ...Or makes it redundant. Not sure yet.

As the remains flopped onto my back, I happened to remember that metal is heavy, and a Zebra made of metal, covered by flesh was doubly so.

Hey, a new party member that has a bigger weight problem than you!

Hope they bury Harmony soon. Mostly because it's weird having that dead body around. Ponies are starting to ask questions...

4514284

To my knowledge, the M.o.M. built them to monitor things, as well as spew the propaganda that the M.o.I. was feeding everypony.

On Longbow's ability, it's only useful when the person you are trying to judge isn't pointing a gun at you. x3 For that, Backlash is a bit better at it than her. Then again, he's not perfect at it.

Yeah, Backlash has a bit of a weight problem, but at least he could lost a few pounds if he tried! Their zebra friend there doesn't have much of a choice.

4519837

Yeah, the glow was a pretty terrible place to find yourself! :pinkiecrazy: I made sure to brush up on it when I wrote these chapters to match things up. I kept most of it the same layout, but there were a few variations I needed on the lower levels...

On the radiation, Rad-X and Rad Away are godsends. Too bad you could get addicted to them!

And Cave Johnson, no matter how obscure, is always relevant. :pinkiesmile::heart:

4569135

Huzzah! Somepony caught the reference! :pinkiecrazy::heart: But yeah, giant warehouse? Dangerous artifacts? It's a must to include the reference.

4597272

About being casual with ghosts. I figured that living in a world full of magic, and being a ghoul, he'd probably seen some crazy stuff over the years. Ghosts are probably not out of the question for him. :pinkiehappy:

About your Enclave guess: You'll just have to keep reading! :pinkiecrazy:

And lastly, about Backlash's steady hooves. His special talent is repair. A unicorn's magic is fantastic when they have focus, but to my understanding, even someponies talents can be better than the magical equivalent! At least, that's the logic I went into this with. :pinkiesmile:

I'm glad you've kept up on the story! Thanks for leaving your thoughts as well, I love to hear your perspective on things, even if you think you're pulling too much out of a chapter! :heart:

4602231

The way I figures it, ghosts are magical projections, and could take any form. It was part of the story I'd actually cut because it really went nowhere, but Willow can chose to look like her old self if she concentrated hard enough on it.

As for PINK, she's still in ED, the bipedal robot that she and BIT built. Ed wasn't loaded on the ship with them, and instead is on route to the garage in Manehatten where they were supposed to meet up again. :pinkiesmile:

As for having another Taint mutation, it's really unlikely. The mutation he had was fueled by the years of Hydra use he'd had even before the story, and only occurred because of the heavy radiation he'd absorbed. He'd need quite a few more hydra's and another heavy dose of radiation to have it happen again. :pinkiecrazy:

4606623

Yes! Slavery is something I abhor as well! I completely understand where you are coming from on this, and I feel the same. :pinkiesad2:

Though, it is a tad hard to bring vengeance and justice down on them from within their camp! Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion coming up soon! :pinkiehappy: :heart:

4610720

Yeah, Backlash is a merchant! He certainly know's his way around a negotiation! As for Xin, yeah, what happened to her was regrettable, but necessary. :pinkiesad2:

As for doors to the face? Yeah, he's pretty much a door magnet. :pinkiecrazy:

This blacking out stuff is starting to get annoying.

That encounter with the Enclave pretty much sums up every reason I hate them. Never tell the truth, only the story that conveniences you most and kill anyone that can say otherwise. (Not "will", "CAN".) Do so while citing made up laws and jurisdictions and acting superior to everyone you meet.

Strangely I feel nothing for the revelation of Brass's death. Not that I didn't like the guy, I guess I'm just really quick to accept this stuff. It's like hating 42, hollow and expected. I have no idea what I just said. What was I talking about? Totally don't think she's dead BTW.

Gonna do a mini-rant on 42. I am terrible at analyzing my own emotions in addition to the fact that I should be in bed right now, so I am not sure how accurate this is.
42 is irredeemable and evil. She is a force that is unstoppable and I've grown to just accept her as annoying and as an objective for Backlash. She's not going anywhere anytime soon thanks to her hyper Pinkie Sense omnipotence, so I've gotten used to her. The result of this? No idea. Just something I've noticed.
A pattern I've noticed across fanfics I've been reading lately is a popularity of pure evil irredeemable characters that you can in no way help but hate. What happened to the villains that you "Love to hate"? The ones that are quirky, silly, but still evil and need to be stopped? (Examples: Robotnik, Handsome Jack, Discord) All the recent stories I've read have villains that seem to exist to fuel the reader's spite and be an unquestionable goal for the protagonist. Not saying this is good or bad, that's above my pay-grade and literary understanding. Just saying it's a pattern I've noticed.

4597313
It's not that I think I'm pulling too much, It's just that I find it interesting that there is so much in this story I can relate to, makes me think of or reminds me of something. Most of the other stories I read my reaction is nothing more than "I am amused by this tale and shall continue reading."

4620064

Well on the subject of 42, I know that she's irredeemably evil, and that being so makes her kinda flat. Just as you've said, she'd become an objective for Backlash. That's it, nothing more. The problem I had with her is that I didn't do nearly as much set up or development for her. With the story finished, there is little in the way I can do to go back and correct this. I had thousands of words worth document for this story that contained ideas that I'd use for any place I could fill it out into. Part of these notes were just things about 42 I wanted to expand upon. Unfortunately, most of these things never went anywhere and I ended up just leaving them out. As my first story, I realized this was an issue when I finished, and has been something that's bugged me ever since.

And sorry about the blacking out. I know I used it all the time for the story, and that it really isn't something that should happen a lot. The problem I had with Merchants of Hope was pacing. I didn't plan things out nearly as well as I'd thought I had and those sort of things just 'filled in the gaps'. My stories since then I believe are much better and pacing is no longer an issue.

At least, no one has told me if it is... :pinkiesad2:

4745963

And that's exactly why it's not allowed within the city!

4768220

Well, I'm glad you made it all the way through the story! :pinkiehappy: I understand that there were quite a few parts of the story that were either done poorly, or overused. Then again, it was my first, and I've been working hard to correct these sorts of things in my further writings. I'm glad that you found the finale entertaining at least!

Now, to answer some of your questions!

While she was impaled by bits of wood and such from the dunk tank explosion, she knew that was coming. The shock of getting hit, as well as having you skin ripped by hydrostatic shock would probably make it fairly more painful, but that's just how I saw it. About her death though, you pretty much hit the nail right on the head! Lastly, yes. The yellow line and song were directly inspired by the adventure line.

4929355

Well, power armor hitting you full force is the same as getting hit by a car! :pinkiecrazy:

I wonder what 42 is thinking in ending B. I assume that her thoughts in the start of ending B is the same as ending A... So, Just how did she went from extremely angry/crazy to laughing with Backlash... it seems...impossible.

Aw what am i saying (typing?), It's a different ending and her thoughts are probably different.

5039806

His reaction wouldn't have been one that she had expected from him, so I'd thought she'd just go with it. :pinkiecrazy:

Did you really just blast the the story in like 2 days? :pinkiegasp: That's pretty insane dedication! :heart:

5040005 Yup, I did just finish everything in 2 days, I have too much free time...:twilightblush:

Well, I've finally finished this fic. Most of what I would say has pretty much been covered already by the other commenters so I will simply say that i enjoyed this fic. You did a good job for your first fic (though I read Monsters first...). The only issues (pacing, spelling) are things that are definitely correctable and can improve with experience. I'm going in order in the timeline so next up FoE: Long Winter followed by FoE: Better Days.

5041575

Thank you so much for reading, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! I'm glad that you could see past the spelling and pacing issues. At one point, I do plan on going through and just overhauling the whole story, but that probably won't be until I'm done with Better Days. Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy as you read through the series! :pinkiehappy::heart:

5161809

Yup! I hope you've been enjoying the story! :pinkiecrazy::heart:

5164731

I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far! You aren't alone in lamenting his death, but I hope you'll see in the end that it had to happen. :pinkiesad2::heart:

5173210

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy::heart: Thanks for reading through the whole story, it means a lot to me that you liked it!

5174251 now time for me to read BD can't wait :pinkiehappy:

5175408

I hope you enjoy it! :pinkiehappy::heart:

5175557 If is a story by you I will :twilightsmile: then you will kill my favorite character :raritydespair: it will be good

so I'm at chapter 2 now, and it's both good and bad. The problem I am having is that things just keep happening, no explanation, nor transition. it's a bit jarring, and makes it hard to read the story, as the little bits between start to feel not important. The other problem is that I have a hard time telling who is talking some of the time, though that might just be me, so it's a minor gripe. But with how events just seemed to happen, chapter 2 felt like two different chapter smashed together and cut down to a manageable size.

with that said, I'll keep on it, you can only get better at this, though I have to say that chapter 2 may drive new readers away, chapter one is ok, but I did love the prologue.

5394450

First of all, I want to say thanks for giving my story a shot! The first five chapters were written in the span of a month and as you can see, it was a bit of a mess. I was new to writing, but I got a lot of help once the story was all planned out. The chapters past that have much better pacing and structure to them, so I hope you'll stick with it until then. I currently have plans to do a major rewrite of the first four chapters and break them up into slower paced and more thought out sections that give the story a proper set up, but I won't get around to it until I finish the current stories I'm working on.

That being said, I'm glad that you at least enjoy it a bit. I'm by no means a fantastic writer, but I really hope that you'll continue on past the rough stuff. Merchants of Hope was and still is, my most ambitious story in regards to the plot. So if it's not your thing, you could always give my other Fo:E story, Better Days, a shot. Again, thanks for at least making it to chapter two. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of it!

5394481 don't worry, I already have my mined set on finishing this story, and reading all the other story's in the order you set them at. But ya, some of the problems I see are the same mistakes I would make, though what I would wright would be far harder for someone to read do to the farthest thing from a writer, Dyslexia stunted my growth on that end.

P.S. you seem to have read far more them me, has anyone done a F:E fic that involves a Stable Tech R&D sight. If I ever get a story off the ground, it's going to involve what I call the S.T.R.D.F. (Stable Tech Recherche and Development Facility) a bit of a nod to the N.C.R.C.F. from Fallout:NV

5394896

Yeah. As I'd said, the first five chapters were done in a month, and with little time for my editor at the time to go over any of it. I had so much I wanted to get out, and I was so excited for where the story was going, I got lost in it all and made a whole lot of mistakes. But, I'm glad you'll continue on. I very much doubt you won't see the flaws in the later chapters, but even with them, they are miles ahead of the early work that I'd done. I sincerely hope that the story itself can make up for my horrible grammar and pacing at the start.

Also, while I have read quite a few stories, yours is a concept I haven't seen done yet. While I'm sure that someone has tried to put something similar in to the N.C.R.C.F. (possibly in Fo:E New Pagus), I don't think that anyone has really focused a story on it. The problem with writing any Fo:E story is, at this point so much from the games has been done. I know I'm not the first to have a character with a 'Highwayman' type vehicle, but I wanted to put my own spin on it. However, even if someone has done it, so long as you have an idea for it, you should follow up on it the way you want to see it. If you do get a story started up and posted onto Fimfic, send me a link to it and I'll happily give it a read!

5394971 Five in one moth, most of the stuff I read take that long to wright one chapter, at their best speed. At leas that means the fans get a lot more content.

As for the what I 'm trying to make, I rather not have it be a story everyone has seen before, so something a little different is what I want to do. So I'll send you a link if I get something down.

5395170

Yeah, while it was a lot of content, as you could see the quality had suffered greatly. Now, I get about a five thousand word chapter to one of the other stories I work on out nearly every week, and it does wonders for the quality. But yeah, when you get something down, note me a link to it! :pinkiehappy:

well I just finished chapter 4, and it is getting to be a better read. events still seem to just happen, but it's feeling more and more just me then the writing. Though on the black out drunk part, I would have had it be him blacking out do to the alcohol reacting to the drugs in his system, he did just regrow a leg, it also make a good, 'oh shit, this was a bad idea' moments before he blacks out. I also am getting the feeling that you are going to make Silver Bell related to Backlash, which I'm ok with.

5397492

I'm glad it's seeming to get better to read! I know that some parts could have been a bit better written or expanded on, but these are things I'm keeping in mind for when I do get around to rewriting the first chapters. :pinkiehappy:

Still reading Ch 9, but I got to say I love how you brought back P.I.N.K., and how she/it reminds me of Pink Eyes, she/it may not be pink voice, but that AI family is a fun read.

5410034

Yeah, there were a lot of different AI from Movies/TV/Books/Games that influence the way I've written all the different AI in my stories. Anything from Isaac Asimov, to Robocop, to Star Trek. Of course, I inject a lot of my own views onto the subject as well, and wrap them up in references (I'm sure you've noticed, I like pop culture and obscure references!) and the like, but I enjoy writing it. PINK and BIT were characters that I really enjoyed thinking up and building upon, and I'm glad that you like the dynamic that it adds! :pinkiesmile:

5410651 finished ch9, and that was awesome. and I have to say that 42 is at her best when she is a direct threat. The killing of Ponyvill so quickly, and on her own, felt it was pushing the "She is evil" a bit too hard. (having her help a bunch of raiders do it would have worked for me) but all the moments when she is having a face to face with Backlash just makes think if Farcry 3, and the Joker from the Dark Knight, Just a blast for me to read. Also I think Backlash is turning into a Xenomorph, even 42 did not see that coming.

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