Note: I wrote this and my other first two stories back in 2013 and I don't think they're good, but I still have them available to read if you like.
It's the 147th Annual Equestrian Fair, this time set in the Crystal Empire in honor of its revitalization! The Mane Six are all attending, including Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. A troubling encouncer causes them to race away from the rest of the pack. Alone together, the two share a romantic moment. But before they can figure out what it means, everypony finds out and makes way too big a deal about it!
Chapters (1)
Well... it's... interesting at least. I understand what you're trying to do, but the end just felt very unsatisfying. Sorry.
Those 4 dislikes are FlutterDash haters
2323021
Thank you. It seems like more people liked my story than didn't like it, so I suppose it was worth it.
2321708
Well, thank you for giving it a read anyway.
2323033 For the record I wasn't one of the dislikers. It wasn't a bad story, just a little unsatisfying.
2323553 ok then, Three of the dislikes where FlutterDash haters
2323708 No, it would still mean 4. I said I wasn't one of the dislikers, meaning that there are still 4 dislikes to be potentially provided by dislikers, while 0 were provided by me.
2323835
your confusing me damn it!
2323882 They meant that they didn't give the story a "dislike", easy-peasy.
(ps: When replying, how do you link the reply to a person's name rather than that weird string of numbers? The FAQ doesn't say :P )
Anyway, I thought the story concept was interesting, and the writing shone prior to the time-skip. If you're looking to improve, try comparing the story's writing pre- and post-skip.
2325569 the weird string of numbers automatically translates ino their name, the number is just unique to each member
2325717 Oh, now I feel silly. Thanks!
2325573
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I tend to rush more the farther I get into a story.
2325772. There's a lot of new users recently
2328027 Yeah, I just discovered the show during spring break last week and marathon'd my way through all 3 seasons. Turns out 3 seasons aren't enough for me
2328357 season 3 was enough for me though
Well I still have seasons 1 to 2 so I'm happy
2328360 Season 2 though, my goodness. And Season 3 seemed to have reeeeeeeeally bad pacing - most problems I had with it could be fixed if they spent more time on the plot-relevant episodes.
2327412 But anyway, you're welcome! I'm trying to improve my own skills at the moment, so I'm still kind of a newbie
Glad I could help!
2328391 exactly!
Damn Rarity is always, in romance stories, a freaking whirlwind when it comes to progressing a relationship. Fluttershy is cute when she rages.
It was an interesting idea but I just don't get it. I'm sorry.
It's too hard to believe that they kissed for no reason and that their friends somehow damaged what could have been a special bond or something else beyond repair.
i was kinda sad when it didn't end out as a a flutterdash
As much as I obviously wanted them to be a full on couple in the end... THIS IS AN AMAZING STORY.
Though the way you explained it and set everything up, it didn't feel out of place.
The writing and thought process behind both of them is wonderful. Like, when you had them fighting or talking to themselves back to back at the end in a very cinematic way. Just dialogue. It was done exceptionally well and not confusing at all. I could also really felt the anxiety and panic behind each character's struggle through out the whole story.
THE FIGHT WAS FUCKING ON POINT THO. I was literally jumping around at Fluttershy's comebacks. Especially, "Do I need to get you that dictionary now!?" OMFG SAVAGE.
Love this.