Daring Do goes into a Temple to get this golden statue thingy. No reason whatsoever. No reason at all.
Really.
Its not to pass time or anything.
I'm serious.
Cross w/ Temple Run. I was bored. Sue me.
Male. Los Angeles, California. Hmm. I have a WPM of 65. Meh. Occasionally arts. Lord of Dorkness's #1 fan. User #26976. inb4 Crossover
Daring Do goes into a Temple to get this golden statue thingy. No reason whatsoever. No reason at all.
Really.
Its not to pass time or anything.
I'm serious.
Cross w/ Temple Run. I was bored. Sue me.
Feedback time~
The events were rushed. They flew by faster than Sonic Rainboom speed, and I had to read a lot of the story twice to understand it. There weren't really many descriptions either.
I noticed a fair amount of grammatical errors as well.
Overall, I think you did fairly well. Keep writing.~ ^^
2403403
Well, that's better than silence, at least. I got to here someone tell me what my first fic sounds like. I'll keep it in mind. Honestly, I made this as a personal joke. No one did it. Its not gonna be super awesomely good, but I tried.
And to be honest, nothing really happens in Temple Run, either.
2403493 Lol, that is true. I like the plot of this story as well. xP
2403500
Plot? What plot?
Jk. I wrote this in like, two days. I just really wanted some random person critiquing my work. I was on Temple Run...run, and this popped in one day.
Thanks for your help, in any case. Not really good at this thing.
Effect.
This is more nitpicky, but it's generally written "magicks" in many stories I've read.
Would, not will.
When, not if.
Also, put an hr after your copyright acknowledgment.
4678916
1) Fix'd
2) hr is being stupid today. Centered a bunch of dashes in replacement.
3) Why are you here? This was a stupid thing I whacked out, and annoyingly the only one without red lightsabers.
4680006
The story seemed interesting. Is that such a bad thing? I put it in read later, forgot about it, then found it while trying to read the stories I had under 1,500 words.
4680212
I've pretty much written this thing's existence off my mind.
Though on the other hand, I doubletake whenever someone comments on my stuff anyways.
I upvoted this story.
8268544
goddammit