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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*The feeling of satisfaction*
more, need more, a splended job, I did notice.a few.spell errors though so I would.have anoutber look over, but on the wbole an outstanding job again
Elixir
Lyra's with Bonbon, damn I was hoping she'd have a thing for Isaac
Oh, dude, not the Doctor, I'm really starting to hate that guy.... Otherwise, this is an interesting chapter, but it's very rushed......
I love it!!!
The Doctor eh? Debatable to add him to this, lets see where this goes shall we?
Truly loving the story, keep it up!
2137154 She could turn out to be bi... Or maybe both of them being bi...
great chapter! keep up the good work
I also know of a saying from a wise man
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2137178 Why don't you like the doctor.
MOOOOREE!!!!
Oh... The Doctor.... He better not have anything to effect the story in any way.
2137554 The doctor will make an appearance but will NOT become a major character.
Well Lyra don't have any romantic interesting on him or at least it appear that way, and I see your using the technique of nightmares, clever, now he is a lot more human, and you got our attention with that nightmare and mental chat.
And now, it only is left, Vinyl and I think Rarity is starting to get interesting. And if you make him Lyra bi, then she might return to the game.
By the way, where did his plan to help Spike with Rarity will start? I want to know if he success or at least help Spike to get closure and move on.
I always like a good cameo by the doctor as long as doesn't turn into a micgufin or whatever the get out of jail free card term for it is that is
I don't think I breathed while reading this...
Mistake: “Let me ask you this, has she ever done anything that to either of you?” He asked as he looked at the pack of mares...
Solution: “Let me ask you this, has she ever done anything like that to either of you?” He asked as he looked at the pack of mares...
Okay you are definitely improving now the pacing is now in considerable taste and I really like the fact that he's not too quick to forgive Rainbow Dash, even though I would. Also now I'm really feeling the friendship he has with the ponies. I do have one question: Why does he keep saying humans are carnivores and then omnivores the next, is it due to his favorite type of food being meat?
Edit: Also I'm still having this weird problem with my fave that keeps saying you have a chapter I didn't read but I've read all of them, I mean there are only 5 chapters in this story right?
2137827 Helping Spike is next on the to do list. How it will end up? Even I don't know.
It's time to....(Wait for it)
soyouwantajob.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/suit-up2.jpg?w=490
I hope Vinyl has a "thing" for Isaac.
2138398
Uy they going to wear suits to start fase two? Isaac must be very careful, a suit is a powerful weapon and if he want to leave before any mare fell for him, he better be very careful…no wait that will attract the silent type of woman's…he should act very rude…no wait that will attract womans with father issues…he should act very depending…no wait, that will attract womans with motherly instinct…he should stay as hide as possible and as quiet as possible if he is going to be Spike wing man
2137706 nononowhat you say is: "..."
Great, a surly kid with an attitude and hints of misanthropy.
Like I haven't seen this one before.
2138227 I Have the same problem whit the Chapter thing , and it always says that there is a chapter left to read... soooo yup
Hm... I confess, you srurpised me with this chapter, if only a little. You piqued my interest somewhat with that dream sequence, but I won't hold my breath though.
Anyhow, the pacing was kinda average at the start of this chapter, which in this story's case is a huge improvement. Right up until Celestia, Luna and Discord's visit; then it started to take the rushed pacing turn. Up until then it was fine
I'm not done reviewing this chapter.
What? You expect me to do a full review this early in the morning? Think again buddy; I got work in 2 hours. See you later this day!
Real talk, though: you surprised me with this chapter. I didn't cringe as much this time!
....
I will still review in the same manner as before though (snarky and short-tempered).
I'm going to ask a question before I jump to conclusions. And it has to do with this passage.
And my question is: Is it an everyday thing (meaning perfectly normal) to be in a homosexual relationship in this Equestria?
I have a feeling that it might be a xRD romance.
5th story of the night, *choo choo* Review Time:
Just like all your other stories it seems Issac has a dark past(It wouldn't be your story if your characters didn't have a mysterious/dark/traumatic/tragic past)You do know that parachutes have a back up chute in case the first one fails right?
Is Nurse Redheart gonna be another mare on his list?
cdn.derpiboo.ru/thumbs/1500/800/2012/06/22/20_52_22_997_15823__suggestive_anthro_nurse_redheart_artist_whitmaverick
I love the Doctor Who reference, (especially the famous lines) since your a fan of Doctor Who you are aware that The Doctor can not travel through dimensions.
Now I'm beginning to see his choice slowly going towards Rainbow Dash(you really make it hard for us to see who he'll pick, good job)*end of review*
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Well this was a informative chapter, now we know that Issac has a tragic past
Sucks to be you mate! There is a romance tag and it ain't no flutterdash I'll tell ya that you wanka!
I'm probably not at all going to be listened to, but I have one primary critique to offer this story. Before you get the wrong idea, I don't mind the story, it has an interesting plot and basis, but could make some improvements. With that said, the one bit of advice i'd give is:
"Show, don't tell".
It may just be down to personal style and preferance, but your story is very bare-bones and any description is scant. You focus on actions and very much ignore descriptions. It may just be due to familiarity to the season that you can justify not using adjectives but they never hurt a story. Plus having some description on emotions, reactions can really flesh out the long sections of dialogue which consist of one line for each person for about 30 paragraphs.
But like I said, it's my opinion. Take it with a pinch of salt and feel free to ignore it.
Happy Writing!
2139812 No, Nurse Redheart is not going to be a romantic interest.
2137457 ye I personally what to see what the Doctor effects in this story, even tough I'm not a Doctor Who fan
Hmm, So The Doctor is getting involved in this. Now this i wanna see
We're not carnivores, goddammit!
2140281
Who's talking about romance here?
2140017
My friend, unless you are Australian or English, you may not have noticed you just insulted him.
MORE!
2138972 i've seen you on like 3 other stories boy do you get around
2141722 A reviewer's work is never done. I'm on a break until tomorrow though. *sips tea*
2141722 You have no idea
Silentpegasus if you could make Issack forgive RD completely and I think it's safe to say that it RD should be Issacks special some pony (couple of suggestions) that and I think it's harsh not to forgive fully
2142546 I like to surprise my audience. It adds........excitement to the story. I will not confirm nor deny any relationship building. I'm still writing the next chapter, so unfortunatley you'll have to wait. I'll get in to Isaacs back story in future chapters and a big suprise involving Discord will ensure.
2142546 nope... they wont because his brain said she reminded him of 'her' then he replied angrily to stop talking (thinking) about it so i guess they dated then she left him after three years or something breaking his heart making him somewhat emotionless...
2142579 well discord did say he likes this guy so he might have made plans with him... also what fun is there with blending in? Dont you ever wont to be the first one to do something stupid and crazy? Like play last friday night on your ipod while dancing next to a pool filled with hot girls totally embarrising yourself?
2143772 I'm ALWAYS the one that does something crazy/
2142579
Are you writing the chapter in here by any chance? As in you save your work and progress on Fimfiction instead of another program like Microsoft Word?
2143926 I use Pages on my Mac.
2144100
Okay then, it's just that I don't understand the problems that I've been having with the fave system telling me you have an updated story but I've read all the chapters already and even click on all the available chapters and the darn thing is still there. Do you know why I have this problem?
2144269 No idea. A few other people who watch my stories claim to have the same problem, I honestly have no idea what's going on.
2144454 thiss problem happened before to me also... it was when i read a notification chapter then he deleted it and i could not get rid of it!
Well, looks like I won't be dropping this story after-all. Thats always a good thing.