• Published 24th Jan 2013
  • 21,262 Views, 1,879 Comments

My New Life in Equestria: Helping Has Its Ups and Downs - HAZESHIFT

Waking up in a tree usually doesn't mean its gonna be a good day...today on the other hand I find it to be the opposite...at least in the short run as i find myself in a world of ponies

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Chapter 29: Don't eve let her forget it.

Chapter 29: Don’t ever let her forget it.

I woke up, feeling as though my liver had sent several hundred petitioners to noisily protest in my head. Opening my eyes, the sun's bright rays quickly attacked and forced me to shut them in pain. I don’t know why there were so many times where I just had to wake up in a weird way. Slowly I stretched my limbs trying to see if it would relieve some of the pain. While stretching I noticed that whatever I was lying on was moving.

“Oh god, what happened and how much did I have to drink?”

“Oh look, you’re finally awake,” I heard a familiar voice say. After finally opening my eyes and looking around I saw Twilight standing on the stage from the party last night. The only thing that was weird was that I was at eye level with her. I managed to twist my neck enough to see under me and I saw that I was lying on a pile of ponies.

“Ok let’s see if I can do this gently. One… Ta-whooo…Three!” I rolled to my right and fell a couple of feet before landing on my side with a resounding crunch. I laid there for a couple seconds before Twilight came over and cast a shadow over me.

“How many times will it take until you learn to stop hurting yourself?” she said; her face was a mix of worry, pity, and a hint of anger.

“The world may never know.” I grunted as I rolled onto my stomach and got onto my hands and knees. “So would you like to fill me in on what I did after, I’m assuming, I blacked out? I remember singing…then something about how much I love you…and then said I would fight anypony for you?” It all seemed a bit hazy in my head.

“Oh yeah you did all that, and not that I minded the whole ‘how much you love me’ thing in front of the crowd. But starting a huge brawl over it?”

“How much did I have to drink…and wasn’t your brother involved too?” I said as I climbed to my feet.

“Oh yeah you started fighting with him and then a bunch of other ponies jumped in and well...” she gestured to the pile of ponies behind me who were starting to try and untangle themselves.

“Your brother isn’t in there is he?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t have to dig him out.

“No, you actually knocked him out pretty quickly. He’s over there on the stage where he spent the night. Cadence decided to let him ‘stay with the boys’ or whatever that means.”

“Wow, she is a good wife,” I said looking over towards the stage. Shining was up sitting on his stomach using his front hooves to rub his head. Cadence stood over him with a warming smile and a mug of coffee.

“Do I get something to drink to?” I asked before I noticed that something was casting a shadow over my head. Looking up I saw a bucket that I could only hope was filled with water; being suspended in Twilight’s magic. “Please tell me not…” I started to say before the bucket slowly drifted down and landed in front of me.

“Please Dan, you should know I’m not like that. I figured that since you can drink more than ordinary ponies, that you could use a bit more water. I just want to try and be a good marefriend.”

It might have been my imagination or the hangover but I could swear she was putting some emphasis on certain words. I grabbed the bucket and slowly raised it to my lips. The cool water felt heavenly going down my throat and I took gulp after gulp until I had consumed about half the bucket.

“Oh thank whatever deity for crisp clean cold morning water,” I said as I dipped my hands into the bucket and splashed some water on my face. It helped to alleviate a bit of the pain and feeling of fatigue. “Oh that feels good…hey Twilight, did I ever put a shirt on last night after everything?”

“No and you’re still shirtless now…why?” she asked as I got to my feet with the bucket in my hands and proceeded to pour what water was left over my head.

Ooohhaahahaha” was the sound that came out of my mouth as the cold water ran over the nerve ending in my skin waking me up further. “Oh that’s the stuff!” I squeaked out as I gave myself a little impromptu bath. “So what’s on the agenda for today Twilight?” I said as I scrubbed my half naked body.

“Well first you’re going to put on a shirt.” She levitated one over to me; I could see a faint blush on her cheeks. “And then we were going to get your things, say goodbye to everypony, and then go back to Ponyville; where Pinkie will probably want to throw the both of us a party.”

My stomach churned when she said the word ‘party’. “Not that I’m going to mind another celebration but can you please not use the ‘P’ word. My body is still recuperating.”

“Ok big guy, now let’s get a move on. We don’t want to miss the train…oh and I have one piece of advice that I couldn’t give you last night.”

“Is it about not drinking too much?” I asked.

“Nope.” She replied before her horn lit up and she used her magic to pull me down to eye level with her. “Don’t ever call me BABE again.” she growled. The angry look in her eyes made her look serious…and just slightly cute.

“Ok ok I got it Twi, you can let go now,” I said before she released the grip she had on my shirt. The walk to the barracks after that was quiet. I was trying to remember what had happened last night.

“So Twilight?”


“So I can’t really remember…but I guess that since I was laying on top of the pile of ponies that I won my little challenge?” I asked hoping that something she said would trigger a memory. Oddly enough she stopped walking, looked at me for a fraction of a second and started laughing. “Oh boy there’s something I’m missing, isn’t there?” I said while I waited for her to finish laughing.

“Yeah the end of the fight is about when the party ended for you. Oh and no you didn’t win, Red Star did.” she said wiping a tear away and continuing to walk towards the barracks.

I stood there in there in disbelief for a while. “…red star? ….RED STAR!?!?!” I yelled running to catch up to Twilight who had already made it to the barracks. “Alright I gotta know…how did he beat me?” I asked as I opened the door for her.

“Well it happened a couple of minutes after you began fighting random ponies. Everyone that came to fight was about as drunk as you were and when it seemed like you would be the last guard standing…Red Star broke a chair over your back.” She managed to say with a straight face before bursting into laughter again.

“He…broke a chair over my back…really?” I was shocked as Twilight answered me with a nod as she regained her breath. “I…I can’t believe that…he would be so creative like that. Next time I see him I got to give him a pat on the back. That was pretty good thinking.”

“Are you being serious right now? Or just very sarcastic?”

“Serious. When you get into a drunken brawl you can’t expect to be defeated gracefully. Whatever happens, happens. Actually, wait a minute, there is one more thing. If he hit me in the back with a chair…then how did I end up lying face up?”

“Oh you did a dramatic mid-air turn with a very Rarity like dramatic flourish.” Twilight said in a deadpanned tone as she helped me pack up my things.

Half an hour later we exited with my things. Twilight was helping me by carrying some things in her magic while I had my bag on my shoulder and my sword strapped to my back. “So where is everypony? I haven’t seen anypony from the squad and that’s weird considering I can usually see Flintlock who knows where all over the camp.” I hadn’t seen plenty of ponies from the games but I wanted to say goodbye to the squad. I had talked to Celestia about it and she had come up with her own plan, but I had no clue what it could be.”

“Well I know the girls went into the city to do some quick things, we are all going to meet up at the train station. But I haven’t seen anypony from your squad as well. But you talked to Princess Celestia about it right? I’m sure that she came up with something right?” she said trying to cheer me up.

Looking down at her and into her eyes I couldn’t help but smile just a bit. “Yeah she is pretty smart when it counts. Although in a fight; if you surprise her too bad you may end up paying the price.”

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean Dan.”

“It means tha...” I started to say before I was interrupted by a shadow over head.

“It means Twilight…” Celestia said as she flew done and landed near us. “That Dan here is still a little sore about his ‘initiation’. I thought that you liked how the fight went Dan?”

“I did how like how the fight progressed Celestia. But I didn’t like the part where I apparently scared you into using a triple gravity crush spell to basically put me six feet under!” I said a bit angrily as I remembered what happened.

“Gravity crush spell? Dan, you do know that there is no spell named that?”

“Yes; and while that is true it was also more like ten feet, the ground in the coliseum was a bit softer than I had thought.” Celestia’s coy smile was just egging me on.

“Oh really now ten feet?!” I said, putting on the maximum amount of sarcasm I could muster. “Oh, and by the way Twilight, yes I do know. I just haven’t studied any magic to know what the spell is named. Now how about we get to the train station before anything you two are about to say gives me an aneurysm?” I said before stomping off while hearing the two ponies giggle behind me.

The three of us met Luna, Cadence, and Shining at the entrance to the palace. Since it was still a guard holiday, Shining had the day off and Cadence and him thought it would be a nice opportunity to come back to Ponyville with us for the rest of the day.

It was a quiet walk to the train station where we met the rest of the girls. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were fighting over some treats while Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy watched them with only one pony giving a look of worry.

We all said our goodbyes to the Princesses and boarded the train afterwards. The long ride back gave me some time to think about what was going to happen. I wondered about what Celestia’s plan was. And also about my newly discovered magic. How did it work and why exactly did I get it?

Time passed quicker than I thought as we arrived in Ponyville. Getting off the train I felt relieved. The atmosphere always seemed to calm everything.


I took back my last statement as a small group of ponies rushed to tackle me. Lyra was leading the pack made up of herself, Bon Bon, Vinyl, Octavia, Doc Whooves, Caramel, Thunderlane, and Snowflake. When they were about five feet from me they all jumped to tackle me to the ground. Instinctively I held my hand out , and closed my eyes waiting for their weight to collide into me. Seconds later when nothing had happened I slowly opened my eyes to see what happened.

In my panic my magic had activated and grabbed each pony in mid-air. Each of them looked surprised as my fire like aura held them…well except for Lyra whose eyes lit up in joy.

“You can do magic now?!?!?” the enthusiasm in her voice was very high.

“Uh yes? Oh and HI guys, been awhile huh?”

“A while is an understatement Dan. You’ve got some explaining to do… now can you please let us down.” Bon Bon was easily the angriest in the group.

“Ok ok let me figure out how to…” I said as I tried to control my magic. Relaxing a bit and controlling it like my armor I thought and gave it the command to stop. In an instant the glow disappeared leaving the ponies to fall into a tangled mess. Laughing a bit I helped them untangle themselves. “Oh and don’t you guy and gals worry I’ve got such a story to tell you.” I said smiling.

“I don’t know Dan it was such a big and confusing story, don’t you think you might need a bit of help from some ponies that saw most of what happened?” I heard a familiar voice say from a little down the train platform. Turning to face the voiced I saw a familiar Pegasus.

“Swift? What are you doing…?” I started to ask before several shadow jumped out from behind her straight towards me.

“SURPRISE!!!” Flintlock shouted as he was the first to collide with me.

“WAAGH!!!” I shouted as several bodies dragged me down to the floor. “Wha? What are you guys doing here?” I said as my squad mates got up after jumping me.

“Princess Celestia didn’t tell you?” Jonagold Apple said as he came off the train and stood next to Swift.

“DAD!?!?” Applejack’s voice was joined by her other two siblings who had walked up behind the first group. All three of them rushed over to hug their father.

“Well Dan; We knew that you were going to miss us but we didn’t count on you telling Celestia about it. As it turns out she thought that it was about time that Ponyville have squad of the guard here to help for when things go wrong. So she sent us since we were the squad in charge of the winning team of the Equestrian War Games.” Swift took over explaining while Jonagold was being hugged by his kids.

“That smart, over confident, smug know it all of a Princess really knows how to make a plan come together.” I said; my grin reaching from ear to ear. A small tug on my pants made me look down and see spike holding up a scroll for me. I hadn’t even realized that he had gotten here; he could be really sneaky if he wanted.

“If you think that’s smart Dan, she sent this for you for when you got here,” he said as he handed me the scroll. Opening it up I looked at the message written on it.

“Dear Dan. Thank you for the compliment and you’re welcome,” I said as my expression quickly changed from curious to deadpan. “So Swift, I guess this means that you guys are going to live here now?” I asked her, trying to forget how troll like Celestia was being.

“Yeah Captain Shining has already gotten everything set up. It’s pretty much perfect right?” I looked to Shining who gave me one of the silent guy shrugs that said ‘I know’.

“Yeah it is pretty much perfect…although I can think of one more thing that would make it even better…”

“HEY JONAGOLD!!!” a voice called out from beyond the platform. Jona who had just untangled himself from his kids turned to face his caller and was immediately hit the face with a snowball. Looking to where it came from; all of us saw his wife; Gala Apple standing next to a royal chariot that had presumably carried her here.

‘”MOM?!?” said the three Apple siblings before they rushed past their father and glomped on their mother.

“Well hey there my darlings,” she said. Hugging the two older siblings and then sweeping Applebloom off her hooves into a hug.

“Gala I don’t… I mean…how?” Jonagold struggled to find the right words.

“Well I was just minding my business up in the frozen north growing plants that can survive in the cold when this here chariot came down and on of the guards gave me a message from the Princess. Now instead of breeding plants for different environments, she wants me to see if I can get those kinds of plants to live in normal environments like this one. The message even came with a grant to get all the equipment we need to set it up at the farm!” she said smiling softly at her husband.

“Does that mean?” Applebloom said; her eyes widening in excitement.

“It means we are gonna be home from now on little one,” Gala said, giving her youngest a nuzzle.

As I stood on the platform watching this unfold I looked over at Swift. “Ok Swift now it’s perfect.” I said as I watched the family celebrate. “Hey Pinkie! I think we are going to need to make this a bigger party!”

“Ooh then I’m going to need some help…can Flintlock help me?” she asked seemingly pulling the pony out of nowhere.”

“Uh, sure…” I said raising an eyebrow.

Soon enough me, Twilight, Spike, and the twenty plus other ponies were inside Sugarcube Corner; living it up at a Pinkie Pie’s party with some Flintlock Spark flair. And by flair I mean everything was a bit more “explodey” the usual. I told everypony from Ponyville about my time in the guard. All the guys and Vinyl laughed and the mares gasped when I told them about my spar with Swift Gale; Swift on the other hand blushed profusely. I had pony’s jaws on the floor when I told them about the battles and everything leading up to getting my magic. And when I told them about my moment with Twilight all the mares; sans Vinyl “Awwed”. And then I had every pony laughing when I told them about my drunken shenanigans.”

“I still think you shouldn’t have done the whole fighting thing.” Twilight said as I finished my story.

“But drunken shenanigans are the best kind of shenanigans!” I said to her. We both sat at a table after my story was done.

“But it…and you…humpfff.” she pouted; puffing out her cheeks adorably.

“OH don’t be like that Twilight this is a party!” Pinkie appeared at our table. “Just pretend like it yours or Dan’s birthday, I bet that would cheer you up!” I nodded a bit at her kind of sagely advice.

“I got to agree with Pinkie on this one. Although we already passed my birthday.” The music stopped abruptly. And Pinkie stopped in her tracks and turned to face me with the force of a hurricane.

“WHAT!!!” her voice boomed; her eyes were wide in surprise with just a hint of fear. “What did you say?”

“That I agreed with you?” I shrunk in my seat a little.

“NO! The thing after that!”

“That we already passed my birthday?”

“YES!!! I MEAN NO!!! We can’t have passed your birthday because I didn’t throw you a party for it!” she inched closer and closer to the point where our faces were almost touching.

“Well it was back in the fall and we had all the stuff happening and I even forgot I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”

“Not a big deal! NOT A BIG DEAL!! I make it my job to make sure that everypony is super duper happy on their birthday in Ponyville. I would try for in the whole world but I don’t have the right equipment yet, but that’s not important. You have to let me make it up to you!” Her voice took on a pleading tone.

“But Pinkie…”

“But nothing mister. Please please please please please please please!?!?! There’s gotta be something you want right?”

I could tell that she wasn’t really going to take no for an answer. I looked around the room for a way out but didn’t find much. I saw Shining and something clicked in the back of my head, a weird idea that I had thought of way back that I would never be able to pull off.

“You know what? Pinkie I actually do have something in mind for you.” The pink mare nodded her head rapidly and I pulled her in so I could whisper my plan to her. When we moved apart she smiled brightly.

“Okie Dokie Loki!!! I got it, I just need to borrow your helmet thingy so I know the music. But other than that it will be ready in two shakes of a pony tail,” she said before zooming off.

“Dan what did you tell her to do?” Twilight had the right idea to be suspicious.

“I can’t tell you, it would ruin the surprise…but it is going to be a nice surprise,” I said, smiling.

Over the next couple of minutes I notice Pinkie putting her plans into action. Ponies started disappearing as Pinkie needed for “the project”. It was also funny to watch Cadence’s reaction as her husband suddenly disappeared.

“Um, Dan, Twilight, either of you wouldn’t happen to have seen where Shining went to right?” she asked as she came to join us at our table.

“If he suddenly vanished then Pinkie has possibly abducted him for her project to make up for missing Dan’s birthday,” Twilight replied flatly.

“Oh ok then…wait what are they doing?” she said, now looking at me.

“Oh don’t worry Cadence it’s nothing dangerous at all…I fact I think it will be more humorous than anything.”

“I’m not sure I get what-” Cadence started to say but was cut off.

Attention everypony!” Pinkie Pie’s voice called out and drew all the attention to a stage that seemingly was put together without anyone noticing. “Since I wasn’t informed of our good friend; Dan’s birthday. I’ve taken it upon myself to prepare a little musical number that he suggested. And with the help of some of our friends I present a performing of the song “A Modern Major General”!!!”

Pinkie bounced off the the staged as the curtain rose and everyone behind it began the performance. In my eyes it was great, I was about to laugh my head off through the whole thing and then Shining came out and did his singing part. I was in complete shock. It was too funny to do anything. I simply sat there with my mouth open watching as the song went on.

Went it was finished everyone who wasn’t on stage began to laugh and clap furiously. I was on the ground holding my sides because they hurt too much. It was the perfect way to end a pretty much perfect day.

Author's Note:

This was originally part of the last chapter but i realized i tend to write to many words ande i get tired to after doing so for hours straight...so yeah.

so anyway i'm now at almost 360 favorites, past 3600 views and at 319 likes...i fell so awesome for everythign you people have given me...and if your not a person but some weird sentient animal or machine well then...thank you still.

so anyway i know what my goal for the general story is and i ahve plenty more chapters to write but i have alsop given myself another. I'm going to beat the word count of a famous story ...nah a famous story and a couple books...alhtough all things have much better quality than my story.

as of now Past Sins stand at a word count of 203,012
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows stands at 198,227 the second highest
wiith the first being Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix standing tall at 257,045

i probably woont hit that high... another 120+ thousand words...yeash
but i am going to aim for over 200K.I'm not going to pad it or anything with pointless story plots or anything. I'm going to keep wirting how i have been and let my fantastic editors MrAnybody, Flintlock Sparks, and Flint Sparks help me along the way
(the second and third don't know each other it's all just a funny coincidence)


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