• Published 24th Jan 2013
  • 21,228 Views, 1,878 Comments

My New Life in Equestria: Helping Has Its Ups and Downs - HAZESHIFT

Waking up in a tree usually doesn't mean its gonna be a good day...today on the other hand I find it to be the opposite...at least in the short run as i find myself in a world of ponies

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Chapter 1: Well if I told you this wasn't a fantasy of mine...I'd be lying - 2020 redux

Chapter 1: Well if I told you this wasn’t a fantasy of mine, I’d be lying

There are two different ways I’ve found you can wake up from sleep. The first is that nice peaceful kind when you wake up in your bed after getting both enough and not enough sleep; it gives you that peaceful feeling where your brain tries to quickly think if you have anything to do today so you can go back to sleep. The second is the kind where if you had too much to drink, did something painful, or had something painful done to you, and you would wish you had the ability to choose the first option.

This is all relevant because one morning I found myself dealing with the second option. Once consciousness returned to me, I could already tell it was not going to be a good day. Everything hurt and I felt as though I was lying not on slightly soft and worn mattress but rather some big uncomfortable pole. I thought to myself, Okay Dan, what did you do? I took the opportunity to stretch my limbs to see if everything was still working. The pain that went coursing through everything at least told me that I wasn’t crippled… yet. While stretching, my hearing came back and I heard noises that sounded like people gasping coming from… below me? And great...i’m in public too…

“Hello, is someone down there?” I asked, still refusing to open my eyes to save them from the blinding pain of the light of the sun.

I heard some hushed whispers, ranging along the lines of “Oh, it’s conscious!” to “Is it dangerous?” The voices sounded familiar but the hangover meant I couldn’t put my finger on it in the state I was in currently. Besides that, what did they mean by ‘it’?

“You do know I can hear you down there right?. Any chance I could get some help? I’m feeling...well absolutely horrible at the moment.” I decided to try again and put a little more oomph into it. I really didn’t feel like trying to get out of an unknown... whatever I was on by myself.

Silence was all I got in return. Well, that wasn’t technically true; I managed to hear something squeak but, other than that, nothing. I decided to wait about ten seconds to see if I could hear anything from the… 6 people below me from what I guess had heard earlier. And I didn’t know if any of that was true yet. Ten seconds later and still nothing… oh, this was gonna be fun with a capital FU.

“Fine!” I shouted, only regretting it slightly cause of the pain in my head. “I’ll just get myself down!” I said still and rolled not having seen where I was or high up I was or if there was anything underneath me the could impale me, many that would really suck.

“Wait, you shouldn’t-!” Someone shouted but it was a few seconds too late as I was already falling. I found that everything around me was bright...er than normal when I finally did open my eyes like the world off-color from how I remembered it. I also saw that I was actually kinda high off the ground. Ten feet minimum, and this was a second or two after I had already started falling. Suddenly this plan didn’t sound so good and would soon not feel so good either, but gravity did not feel like hearing any of my excuses, so I fell. HARD. Thankfully the ground was a bit softer than I had thought. That didn’t stop it from hurting at all but lessened it form a complete pancaking to say...falling down a three-step patio. After that, I decided to just lie there until at least one of two things happened. The first was to just lay there and let the pain go away or possibly pass out then wake up and try again. The other option was that I was hoping that someone would come and help me, hopefully, one of the people the voices I heard earlier belonged to. After lying on the ground for what seemed like five minutes, I was all too ready to just pass out again when finally someone broke the ice with the possible corpse on the ground. I.E. me.

“Ummm… hello… are you alive?” Someone on my left asked and they sounded worried which was nice at least.

“Well.. more or less.. Falling out of a tree isn’t painless you know.” I decided to answer back.

“Y’all alright there Twi? Is it doin’ anything funny?” Someone called out to the person on my left. I still didn’t get this “it” business…and why did these voices sound so familiar to me?

The person next to me or “Twi” called back to her friends just a little bit louder than I would have liked, hangover plus falling on your face pain didn’t tend to go away quickly “Girls, I think you should come over here! This thing speaks Equish!!”

After having enough of this sort of runaround going on I rolled over onto my back, sat up and opened my eyes fully for the first time this morning, and began to ask some questions. “OK what is with this ‘it’ stuff?” I said as I faced whoever had come up to me “And isn’t it considered polite to introduce yourself fir...” The words died in my throat as I came face to face with… purple. Well to be more exact its color was purple. As for the rest of it; it was an animal; it looked like a pony with a horn coming out from its forehead and had huge eyes that at this point probably looked like my own, swelled with surprise…except if my eyes were the size of tea saucers and ten thousand percent more adorable. After I took it all in, everything clicked into place. The reason everything was so pastel-colored, the reason the southern voice I heard before sounded familiar, and also where I had recognized the name “Twi”. And while my brain was busy processing everything and the physics and logic portions had decided to give up and take a vacation, I somehow managed to in control of my faculties enough to hear the purple pony talk.

“Oh I’m sorry you just startled me, allow me to introduce myself; my name is Twilight Sparkle." Okay, that was it, my mind officially blew up. I was somehow sitting next to a cartoon character. I was shocked beyond belief at this point. “And these are my friends!” Twilight said slipping into a more chipper tone. Even though my mind was gone at this point I was still able to move my body, turning my head to the left I managed to see the five other ponies that had joined us and I knew each one of them. Twilight continued, “This is Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy,” went down the line of four. “And this is Pin-” I never got to hear the end of that sentence cause as quickly as she spoke the name, my vision became filled with pink and i felt like I could hear it too..

“HI!! My name is Pinkie Pie!!! OOOOHHH what are you? Are you some kind of DEMON ALIEN MONSTER thing? Huhhuhhuhareyaareyaareya!?” She was talking so fast I couldn’t keep up. Fortunately for me, Rarity decided to step in to help.

“Pinkie darling, you’re going too fast. I’m not sure that IT can keep up, can you…sir?” Rarity did her best to dissuade the pink and soon enough the pink retreated allowing me to see again. Oh and thanks to the sudden shock of being next to LITERAL CARTOON CHARACTERS, I had completely forgotten they have no clue what I am so, of course, they wouldn’t know what I actually was

“Uh, Twilight?” Rainbow interrupted, “Do you think it’s going to stop just staring at us and… I don’t know… do something? Anything” She came close to me and I took more notice of her rainbow hair… mane for ponies,I guess.

I looked at Twilight who looked as puzzled as the rest of her friends as she said “Honestly girls, I have no clue. I guess it’s up to him. What do you think Fluttershy… Fluttershy?” I felt something soft just gingerly touch my right arm and I looked to see whatever touched me. Right next to me was Fluttershy, I hadn’t even noticed her move from where she was before. She seemed a bit scared from just being around me, I couldn’t blame her since I was kinda in the same boat with the whole dealing with some kind fo unreal phenomena

“D-Do you think you can tell us your name, mister creature? If it’s alright with you that is...” She asked in her own peculiar way. I don’t know what it is but something about the kindness in her voice just relaxes you on the inside and makes everything calm. And after hearing her words I decided to calm down a bit and take things one step at a time. I took a deep breath and began.

“Well…” my words got every… ponies attention “I’m Dan… and despite the circumstances-” i glanced up and found a tree branch above me. “it’s nice to meet you all. I guess...”

And with that, it was their turn to all be shocked. Despite knowing that I had apparently spoken their language while I was in the tree...and on the ground. Maybe they just didn’t expect full and coherent sentences from me? But apparently I was now back to square two. And in case you were wondering, square one was the whole tree thing. So I waited ‘til some of them got their bearings. Wasn’t like i had more pressing matters to attend to

“Well at least he seems like a friendly… uh… thing?” Applejack said, being the first to speak up while putting on a sheepish grin.

“Applejack, I’m pretty sure mister Dan here has probably had enough of us calling him names like “thing” and “it” by now and would be delighted to tell us what he is.” Wow, I didn’t expect that at a time like this Rarity would be a voice of reason. I was pretty sure that she would say- “And then we can finally ask him about that clothing he is wearing, it’s so unique but looks absolutely dreadful and definitely not fashionable… hmm, perhaps later I can get a look at them, mmm...” Rarity said and then mumbled off into something I couldn’t hear as I hung my head slightly in shame for thinking Rarity wasn’t working some kind of angle for fashion. A bit of giggling managed to rouse me from my shame and I looked up to see Twilight laughing at what had gone on in the past five or so minutes.

“Well, I think we should head back inside library and from there we can let Dan explain some things. I’ll also need to send a letter to the princesses about what’s happened today.” Twilight suggested

“Well that sounds like a plan, just give me a second to stand up and stretch out my arms and legs.”

“What do you mean stand u-” Twilight started to ask but then gawked as I got to my feet. I have to admit being six foot two did make me like... a lot taller than everyone here… well everyone that wasn’t hovering near me, though I wasn’t sure if that counted, but I wasn’t about to really do anything about it. I smiled when I saw the six of them looking at me with a bit of awe on their faces. It made me chuckle on the inside that when on the ground all of them came up to about waist height on me.

“I guess that you didn’t think I would be this tall?” I asked and got a bunch of head shakes in return. “Well…Where is the library?” I asked and Twilight broke out of her staring state to inform me.

“Oh, we’re actually right outside of it. You uh...fell out of it,” She said and gave a sheepish smile before I looked and then back some and found that yes, the tree branch I had fallen off of was connected to a pretty large tree that also had some windows and a balcony. “Well, that makes a bit more sense now. Okay, lead the way,” I said and followed behind the group as we walked towards one of the entrances. It was a short walk and luckily no one was around to see me and make a scene. Even though I almost hit my head on the door frame on my way in as I thought about that. Which apparently Rainbow had counted on.

“Aww, I was sure you were gonna do it!” she said with a huff as she crossed her forelegs and pouted as she hovered in front of me.

“Sorry to disappoint you now, but give it a while, I’ll forget and probably do it in the future,” I told her and did have to resist an urge to reach out and tussle her mane

“Oh, I’m counting on it,” she said and we had a little bit of a stare down for a minute or two. It was hard to keep staring into those large magenta eyes. Fortunately for me, Twilight interrupted us.

“Okay, I just sent the letter to the princess; thank goodness Spike and I figured out I could send letters to him since he is with her for business. Now, would you mind if we took some time we asked you some questions, Dan.” Twilight said and I looked from Rainbow Dash to see everyone else had settled down and Twilight was floating over a considerable-sized stack of paper along with some ink and a few quills. Even though they didn’t know that I already knew quite a few things about them and their...universe? I couldn’t exactly say that I knew about them and magic, and everything else.

“Okay, fine with me.” I said chuckling “Although I have to admit waking up to a world of technicolor ponies and being question by a purple… unicorn, right? Was not even remotely on my list of things that could happen today.” I said, giving an answer

“Yes, Unicorn ponies is the correct term for Rarity and I, just like Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are called Pegasus ponies, while Applejack and Pinkie Pie would be called Earth ponies.”

“Good to know,” I said, answering like I was taking in the information

“But you’re mistaken about one thing, Dan!” She said while giving sharp glare my way, “I am not purple! My coat is lavender, there’s a difference!”

“Well, I’m colorblind!” I shot back and caught off guard, “ Actually I think what I have is technically called Color Vision Deficiency but anyway, purple or lavender, it definitely is a cute color on you Twilight.” It was just a small compliment considering that to me they pretty much all looked cute and adorable. But after hearing a couple of “oohs” from the rest of the girls and seeing Twilight blush, I saw the error of my ways… sort of. I started backpedaling. “Wha- what I meant was tha- that…”

Twilight cut me off, as floated the first of what was probably going to be many pieces of parchment “It’s okay Dan, thank you for the…compliment…Let’s get started!”



Princess Celestia sat in her royal chamber. Joined by Princess Luna, the royal couple Princess Cadence and Prince (although he didn’t prefer the title) Shining Armor, and Spike. They were in the midst of a conversation over tea when Spike belched and let out a green tuft of flame which turned into a scroll.

“Oh, excuse me.” Spike apologized and chuckled at his bad table manners.

Shining Armor, being of a common stallion mind, simply waved it off, “It’s okay, Spike. We know it’s just Twily sending the Princess a letter.”

“Oh, it’s been a while since I got to see this!” Cadence was a bit excited that Twilight had sent Celestia a letter, it reminded her of the good old days back when Twilight was a filly. “What does it say, Auntie?”

Celestia just smiled as she floated the letter over in her golden aura, unfurled the scroll. “Ahem… Dear Princess Celestia, I believe that I have finally gotten that inter-dimensional spell that I found in the restricted section of the archives to work. While attempting it under the supervision of my friends, the spell went off and at first, nothing happened; that is until something crashed into my tree…” Celestia paused mid-read to look up at everyone at the table to make sure none had bolted already before resuming. “And when we went to check outside we found that there was some kind of being in my tree. After he fell out a couple of minutes later, of his own accord, I promise, I proceeded to move closer and see if he was friendly.” Celestia stopped, not even bothering to finish whatever was left of the message, and looked around the room and just as she had thought they all had looks of worry on their faces just like the one she felt forming on her own. “Guards!!!! Prepare the chariots for use here, we need to leave for Ponyville immediately!!!” She shouted as she rose, her doors flinging open in her magic, and the formerly posted guards running down the hallway as they obeyed their orders.

Luna was the first to speak again, as she fell in behind her sister. “Sister, there is more on the letter,” she said as she floated the letter back in front of Celestia who kept walking.

“After finding out that he -as Fluttershy has told us so far- is named Dan, the girls and I introduced ourselves and invited him into the library so that we could ask him a few questions. Also, he seems to be bipedal and very tall, possibly taller than you, Princess. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.” She finished reading as castle staff kept moving out of her and the group’s way.

After finishing the letter, the group moved quickly to their chariots where they climbed aboard and set off. “And by ‘a few’ I’m sure she meant a few dozen. She’ll probably go through our whole month’s paper stash,” Spike snarked

“All I know is that this ‘Dan’ better not try anything stupid. Especially around Twilight,” Shining said with a look of anger in his eyes while his wife tried to calm him down a little.

“Shining, we shouldn’t judge him yet. I bet he’s just talking nicely with Twilight and the girls about… whatever he is. Plus Twilight can pretty much take care of herself...in combat,” Cadence said, having to amend her statement when she caught Spike’s raised eyebrow at her words. Luna seemed to agree with Cadence and looked to her sister to see what she thought about this whole subject. Like everyone she had no clue what this new creature was or what it was capable of.

“Sister, what are your thoughts on the matter here?” She asked.

“...When we get there, we shall see what the creature’s intentions are, and if they do not a standard then we shall take some form of action,” Cleetiua answered after a pause. “But for now let us hope that this Dan also wishes that this all end up peacefully.”




“Oh, bless you, Dan. That was a pretty large sneeze there. Are you okay?”

“Yeah… maybe someone is talking about me… if that really is a thing that happens. Also did anyone else here something suspiciously like a scene transition?... Nevermind. So what’s your first question?”


“Note to self, cut down on the Dun Duns, or at least alter the connection to this plane so that they won’t be heard heard. Also, look over the trajectory of summoning portals...he shouldn’t have ended up in that tree like that...

Author's Note:

So...i did it... I finally did it. the thing people have been asking for...god has it been seven years!?!?

well anyway yeah after a long...long long long time I'm going back through this series and buffing it up with my standard of writing that I have now. Which hopefully means that it's better. and I am trying to take care of all the "plotholes" and problems that have been pointed out for years.

But don't expect this to be quick...there's like 30 something of these chapters to go through and rewrite all this dialogue and stuff.

Oh and here are some rules for how this is gonna go down:
1. all parts with the MC will be done in the first person while cutaways to other characters will be done in the third person. Why? because I can!
2. there still might be some small grammatical errors here and there but I'll try to make sure I get the bigger more in your face ones
3. not much structural story changes will be happening but what is there will be shaped into a better...shape.
5. I am trying to get rid of all that "first time mlp hie" newness stuff. when I look back at this, especially the beginning I can see how I tried to seem...really authentic, if you catch my drift

anyway here's to a new start!

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