Chapter 12: Can you feel the love tonight...if so go see a doctor
Chapter 12: Can you feel the love tonight…if yes go see a doctor…
It took me awhile to get away from the crowd of new fans and admirers after the show Vinyl and I had put on. I was flocked on all sides by stallions and mares who were telling me that that was some of the best music that they have ever heard. And I am pretty sure that at some point somepony poked me in the butt and I heard a couple of mares giggle.
Meanwhile while this was going on I could see the Princesses and most of the group was standing a bit away giving me some comforting looks. Well I say most but the only pony who showed a bit of something other than happiness was Twilight. I could tell that she was probably upset about me slapping Prince Blueblood; even if it was for a good reason.
After thanking many ponies for their kind words I dumped the rest of them on Vinyl who gave me a death glare as I made my escape back to the group where I got more praise from almost everypony.
“Dan that music was AWESOME!!!”
“That was the best party music I have every heard!”
“I’ll say it was like nothing I’ve ever heard before!”
“I um didn’t really even mind that it was that loud.”
“It was quite exquisite.”
The compliments came from everyone in the group; except for a certain brown stallion and grey mare who had been scene mostly dancing the night away. Oh and Twilight wasn’t with the group.
“Thanks everyone, I gotta say that was really fun. Hey has anyone seen Twilight?” I had thought that she would have stuck around to lecture me still since she was never one to skip anything.
“Oh while you were having your time with your fans her brother came over and then they went somewhere else in the gala darling.” Rarity managed to answer my question.
“Oh Shining Armor…I almost forgot that he would be here…well I guess I should get this over sooner than later.” I said out loud for absolutely no reason.
“Oh and why is that Dan? Did you do something that would upset Shining Armor?” Rarity chimed in and brought the whole group’s attention on me. Her coy smile led me to know that she probably knew what I had planned for the end of tonight.
“….Oh hey look over there!!!” I said acting as surprised as I could. Apparently this type of child’s play worked and distracted everypony long enough for me to get away.
“Hey where did Dan…he did that so he could get away couldn’t he?”
“Quite right Rainbow Dash but don’t worry I think that this will be even close to the biggest surprise of the night.”
“Ooh does that mean that there will be an even bigger surprise!?!?” Pinkie bounced with excitement.
“Oh I do hope so dear; this has already outshined last year’s gala it would be a shame for it to end on a bad note because Dan got his tongue tied because of his feelings for her.” Everypony was confused and looking to Rarity for answers bout her comment but she just giggled and wouldn’t give anything away
Further into the Gala Dan was walking through a sea of ponies. Some recognized him from his performance; and others still had not seen him yet and were shocked. So sometimes ponies flocked around him and other times ponies simply got out of his ways. Although even with his height he still couldn’t catch a glimpse of the lavender mare he sought.
“Huh you think being twice as tall as pretty much everypony would give you a better view…I wonder where she could be?” I mused to myself as I moved forward through the crowds. I felt that I really had to ask Twilight a question about something before the night was out. I sort of knew where my feeling were; but knowing Twilight and how she acted to certain situations I couldn’t even begin to guess how the next set of events of me staying in Ponyville.
I found a wall to lean against to give myself a small break before I waded back into the mass of ponies. I didn’t know how ponies stood and walked as long as they without stopping to rest; maybe it was because they had four legs supporting all their weight; and maybe it was just me being a little out of shape; besides the hoofball game and getting chased by a whole class of kids I hadn’t gotten much exercise. I should probably change that seeing as how I’m now a resident of a town where out of the ordinary things happen pretty often; me appearing there being one of them.
I let my mind continue to wander for awhile hoping that with any type of luck Twilight would walk somewhere that I could see and I could intercept her. It may have been a minute or two before I felt somepony softly prod me in the leg.
“Um excuse me?” I heard a female voice politely say. I looked down to find not just a mare looking at me but a stallion with me as well; and they seemed very familiar. The mare had a pink coat of fur with a mane and tail that were colored with blue and white stripes; her Cutie Mark was a set of three stars in a triangle. The stallion had blue coat with his mane being an even darker shade of blue; his Cutie Mark has a white crescent moon with two yellow stars.
The two of them stared at me while I stared back at them not saying anything for awhile. It was like that they knew who I was and vice versa but was still trying to pull up the information so we could use it.
“Um sorry aren’t you…” all three of us said at the same time. We stopped and gave a laugh to show how embarrassed we were at what we just did. I decided that I would let them speak first; and as the mare began to say something we were interrupted.
“Mom, Dad!!!” me and the two ponies in front of me looked to the where the voice had come from. Smiles lit up as another pony joined a group; and it turned out all three of us knew her. Twilight had joined us and had been pulled into a hug with the two ponies.
“Oh Twilight dear; finally we get to see you tonight; although I think we met your “special friend” before you though.” The mare said nodding to me quickly while talking.
“Special friend??? What do you…”Twilight said following her mother’s notion and finally noticed I was standing there.
“You think being almost as tall as Princess Celestia that I would get noticed quicker; don’t you think so Twilight?” I joked as looked at the unicorn with a shocked look on her face. That look didn’t last long though as it quickly turned into a look of anger. I guess in the happiness of meeting her parents she didn’t forget about wanting to lecture me. Thankfully as she was about to start her mother stopped her; like all mothers usually do.
“Ah ah Twilight we’ll have none of that now.”
“But but…Moooom” Twilight whined dejectedly somewhat like a child.
“There will be no lecturing before you formally introduce us to your friend.”
Twilight looked at mother and then shot me an angry glare to which I gave her a surprise shrug back before she sighed in defeat.
“Mom, Dad this is Dan; the human I somehow managed to summon from another world. Dan these are my parents.”
“Twilight Velvet”
“Night Light”
Both of them held hoofs out for me to shake but instead I knelt down and gave them a hug. Behind me Twilight gave a little laugh as her parents gave her a curious look.
“He’s a hugger.” She said with a shrug as I let them go and stood back to my full height.
“It is so nice to finally meet you two; and now I can tell where Twilight gets her brains and her good looks.” I gave them each a compliment to try to get on their good side.
“Oh look at him first a hug and then trying to butter us up with compliments; he’s nice and polite too.” Apparently my plan was very see through; although I should have expected that from the parents of the Captain of the Guard and Element of Magic.
“Yes he can be exceptionally nice when he wants too; except for times when he goes and slaps princes across the face.” Twilight said deadpanned; her parents looked to me curiously at this news.
“He insulted me and I was avenging my honor…its one of my many quirks.”
“Would another one of those quirks be annoying older brother of the sister you are staying with?” a voice said behind me which made my blood run cold and body stiffen for a second. I turned around slowly to find Shining Armor staring at me with an intense glare.
“Now Shining be nice; he wasn’t trying to upset you; he was just having a bit of fun.” Said the soothing voice of Princess Cadence as she walked up next to him and put a hoof on his back which calmed him a little.
“Shining!!! Cadence!!!” Twilight basically shouted as she moved around me and hugged her brother and sister-in-law. It seemed like a nice moment for awhile before Twilight pulled back and looked at her brother accusingly.
“What did you mean annoying?” she looked back and forth between me and her brother.
“Oh I’m assuming he didn’t show you these?” Shining said while magicking the letters I had written to the princesses and floating them over to Twilight. Now being a very studious reader Twilight read through both of them in a couple seconds; but also reread them a couple of times. This was apparent in how her cheeks started to get redder and redder as time passed. Her mom and dad also got a chance to read them and like I had thought the princesses would; burst out laughing.
“How…why…I don’t…” despite probably having read a dictionary or two; Twilight was speechless and as red as a tomato.
“Oh then I guess you haven’t heard of or seen the picture have you then?” I said reaching into my breast pocket and pulling out the picture that I had finally gotten from Rarity after begging and offering my help unconditionally for any project. Twilight stood there stunned while the rest of their family rushed over to see the picture of the both of us sleeping while I held Twilight like a child would hold a stuffed animal.
Cadence and Velvet ooed and aahhed cutely like they were looking at a newborn foal. Shining still seemed angry but I could hear him holding back a snort. Night Light on the other hand…hoof; was laughing heartily like a father would seeing one of his children in an embarrassing situation.
“You…You…YOU!!!” Twilight yelled angrily at me before storming away with a huff. She quickly made her way out of everyone’s sight.
“Too much?” I asked the group of four ponies next to me.
“Oh Twilight has always been this way.” Her mother started. “She really didn’t start showing an interest in trying to know anything about anypony else till we got Cadence to foalsit for her. And even then it was still an uphill battle for us.”
“Heh sort of like me but opposite of where both of us are today.”
“What do you mean by that Dan?” Cadence asked.
“When I was a kid I was very friendly with all sorts of people; not the wrong sorts of people mind you. But as time went on people did and said things that slowly made me shut myself away from real contact.”
“Well that settles it young…man.” Night Light stepped up to me to talk. “I think you know what is going on and what has to be done; and you have my permission.”
“Do you mean…”
OUTSIDE ON A PALACE BALCONY
Twilight sat alone in the cool night looking at the stars. It was one of the few things that could calm her down. It wasn’t working quit as well tonight however; and a certain human was to blame for that.
“Stupid Dan with his stupid letters and photo…why did he have to do that…And he slapped Prince Blueblood!!! Doesn’t he take into account all the things that could go badly because of his actions!” she said to empty space around her.
“I can’t understand how he could do things like that it’s so…it’s….I don’t even have a word to describe it!” she leaned half her body on a railing and looked to the night’s sky. “And that’s not even the whole problem…”
“Then perhaps we should get it all out in the open then?” Twilight gasped as someone said something from behind her. She turned to find Dan looking slightly sad.
“What are you doing out here?”
“Well A: I wanted to apologize and talk to you, B: to get away from the crowds for a bit, and C: to cool down; it’s kind of hot in there…So what exactly is on your mind?”
“Well…you would be more or less correct; I can’t get over on how you sometimes just do things. You seem like your just jumping from one thing to the next trying not to get distracted by something and never thinking about what could go wrong. I also wonder what would happen if we found a way to send you back; and how everyone would take it; and I can’t tell why I have these feelings” I could see that she was on the verge of tears. And that she was having the same kind of mental quandary that I was in also.
Instead of waiting I quickly wrapped her in a hug and held her.
“Dan what are you…”
“Honestly I didn’t think we would be thinking almost the same things. Twilight I’m sorry if I did anything that didn’t seem right; it’s just how I live. After some things happened in my life I decided to just live more in the moment and just enjoy everything I could; I don’t see what could go wrong because I don’t want to and I always try to make sure the right thing happens. As for going back…Twilight; you’ve seen what my world is like; why would I want to go back. There I’m just some guy whose has a job he doesn’t like and failing to pass school.” I pulled out of the hug so I could look her in the eyes.
“If I stay here I could do something more than I ever could back home…I have a fresh start here Twi; I don’t think there is anything else I would rather have than that. Not to mention especially when I have feelings for somepony…”
“…is it Pinkie?” were the first words that came out of Twilight’s mouth.
“Pinkie?”
“Because both of your energy levels are so in sync sometimes…”
“No it’s not Pinkie, it’s…”
“Is it Rainbow Dash or Applejack because of how athletic they are; I mean it does make them look nicer but…”
“No if you wait…”
“Well I don’t think it would be Fluttershy.”
“No…”
“Then it’s Rarity right; I see the way you two always look and talk to each other.”
“For Celestia’s sake Twilight no; Rarity and I do that as a game of wits just to have fun with each other. The one I have feeling for is…oh screw it actions speak louder than words.” I said moving my right hand under her chin and lifting it up. I then leaned in and brought her lips to mine for a kiss.
We stayed there in the kiss; motionless for awhile before the need to breath came up. Both of us pulled away and just stared at each other without saying anything. I decided to be the first one to break the silence.
“I’m sorry if that was sudden but…” I didn’t have time to finish as Twilight came back and kissed me this time. Needless to say I didn’t mind.
Afterwards I finished what I had tried to say. “I think that for now we came leave some of the talking for later and for the rest of the night let’s have some fun…ok?”
“That…sounds nice.” She said as we just sat there on the stone balcony outside in an embrace of finding a special someone and somepony.
“Would you like to dance Twilight?” I said standing up and holding out a hand.
“Um sure but we don’t have any mus…” Twilight started to say but stopped when we could hear music coming out of the palace loud enough for us to hear. “Well that’s convenient…so how do we WOAH!?!?” she started to ask as I lifted her off the ground with one arm wrapped around her midsection under one of her forelegs allowing her hind legs to dangle in the air along with part of her dress.
“Now just put one hoof on my shoulder and put the other in my hand.” I said giving her the instructions. Within in a minute we were set and were slowly dancing around in circles; doing nothing but smiling at each other for the hurdle we decided to jump together.
And while we danced we didn't notice that a certain group of ponies hid just out of our range; they sat there watching us, some with smiles, some with tears of happiness, and some with both. Also one of them had some tape over her mouth to keep her from squealing and screaming in delight. And until the music had finished they didn’t interrupt us and let us have this moment with each other.
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2417502 i thought it wasnt out yet
2417544 i send you the next chapter later
2417636 shit the thing messed up didnt it
2417636 should be fixed now
Fucking awesome !!!!!!!
Wwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2418312 I KNOW!!!!! my editor just got back....didnt we have this conversation awhile back??? if not deja vu...anyway my editor is rifiling through my mistake as we speak..and like i think i said before its more of a dream...i can have dreams can't i
i await more, youd think having about 50 incomplete stories that i would be drowning in updates, sadly, no im not. it sucks.
Anyways, im also up for a conversation so if you got something on your mind i wouldnt mind a talk using the internets
2420768 all please
This is cool, I like this cute story. I was hoping for some more of Dan making fun or messing with Shining Armor for the heck of it, though I'm going to settle for Blueblood getting smacked. I wish I was there with Dan so he could hook me up with Lyra. Anyway, take it easy and keep it up!
2421800 the nights not over....
2421851 Yeah! Go Dan! Still no Lyra for me though...now...TROLL SHINING ARMOR! DO IT!
2422823 no on rarity and vinly and octavia...neither starsky and hutch had an afro...or mustache lol
AHEM ...OC's IN MY STORY!!!!!
I gots an idea
2423082Well then I have no clue who Rarity was. And as for Vinyl and Octavia, no clue there either. I don't even know who Starsky and Hutch are. I just saw a previous comment say those names.
2424104 rarity is morrigan from darkstalkers or mvc3 if you like and vinly and octavia are vincent vega and Jules Winnfield from pulp
fiction
2426487Of course she'd be the seductive succubus.
2426551 why do you think i picked it; it fit perfectly once i thought about it. i thought of making her w witch but i couldn't remember any witch characters that were like her
2426703Claire from Soul Eater. Enough said.
2426731 heh that coulda worked for some reason my mind was stuck on the old tv show bewitched
2432482 hmmm that could wor....nah i got nothing for that
2434277 well awhile back he commented on something so i started talking to him about how i would have liked the story to get featured and stuff and thats hwo it all started really
2462761 Bon Bon and Lyra AREN"T a couple are they? I'm tired of seeing that shipping.
2465021 well....now that you say it i haven't fully explained it but...tbh i didn't decide yet...i kinda wanted to use it as a set up for part of a later story...but maaaayyyybe i can swing something...not sure yet... i need to think...thinky time
2465683 Your story, but I'll be disappointed if you go that route.
2466586 would you like it if i made it worthwhile??
2466993 Don't know how you can do that seeing as that I don't like Bon Bon/lyra shipping. PM if you want too to a talk about this further. Not tyring to sound whiny so sorry if I come across like that. Your story is a good one and I like Dan's antics.
"The Blue Danube Waltz" doesn't anyone think that it's just a bit too cliche
Daww thats cute
Ehhhh PonyXHuman isn't really my cup of tea but I'll still read this story.
The FEELS!!! The D'AAAWWWWWWS!!!!!!! HNNNNNNNG.... *falls over dead from cute diabetus*
This is the fastest I've seen a ponyXhuman relationship develop so fast in one of these stories
3968439
YYYEAAAHH
I think I'm going to have to stop reading for the following reasons:
1. The main character is absolutely the single MOST Gary Stu I've ever seen.
2. So many clichés it is making my head hurt.
3. No real character development.
4. Everything goes ridiculously well for him and he is better than everybody at everything.
5. While the references are quite good, they are way over the top and far, far too frequent.
6. Storyline was workable if you had gone another direction with it, which you did not.
7. If I wanted to read a nearly identical story, there are literally hundreds on Fimfiction.
8. So many spelling and grammatical errors in this story it makes even mine look perfect. (And mine is terrible for those same issues.)
Sorry bro, I'm done. Upvote but no favorite from me.
Is that a Sonic Colors reference I spy?
4959703
You have a big point, but...
...I'm very bored, so I'm still reading it.
5246253
it's no use!
4959703 I agree on some points, but I'm staying for the comedy.
Such as this:
Okay i like it, that he likes Twilight, but i don´t like it that he suddenly had planned something that shows her that he loves her, even if i think that we didn´t saw him thinking him about it befor.
I would have liked to see him thinking about that for a moment, befor something like this happened, i think i now one scene where you probably thought it would be enough as a hint, but this happened more or less to sudden.
I have to admit it was still a nice scene.
The events of this chapter needs much revision. The reveal on the romance st the end could be stretched out and in more detail, and there was hardly any hinting as to their (twi/dan) attraction to one another, just indirect characterization on twilight, mostly done by Rarity. Detail takes a story to new heights, and I feel that this story still needs to take off.
Dan equipped man-pants:
+100 to Masculinity
+25 to Confidence
+50 to Charm
- 500 to Insecurity
This is like the visual equivalent of AIDS, oh my god. It's like I'm watching a trainwreck in slow motion. Completely fucking awful, yet somehow I manage to eek some twisted enjoyment from it. Like, my head hurts from this grammar man. It'd be a good story, if I could figure out what you were trying to say. As it is, it looks like you're trying to make a story based off of the 'Does Bruno Mars Is Gay?' way of writing things. Holy mothetfucking shitballs dude. I was like 12 when I started reading this the first time. Somehow, I remember it being a lot better. Weird. Rose tinted glasses, I suppose. Or maybe because it was written by (or somebody who might as well have been) a twelve year old. Maybe we were on some sort of cancerous wavelength.
Anyway, TL:DR, it's a fucking trainwreck. Great concept, decent but obvious self insert, pace is too fast (you just won't last), holy god your grammar, and above all, a really shitty application of good concepts. Get an Editor man, holy fuck. And maybe rewrite the story. Try to keep to a single point of view, or at least let your readers know when you're changing POV. If you rewrite, try to extend it all. I know that in the story, this has all taken place only twelve short chapters. Virtually no actual relationship building up to this point. They just kind of clicked when they met. I'm not sure if you're a romantic virgin or not, but most people who have touched somebody else's junk know that love at first sight is mostly bullshit. I love the ideas you're presenting here, but this story is several years old at this point. It's fucking aids. Please fix this, it has so much potential. So do you, for that matter. I would hate to see it go to waste.
8762711
Ok 1: You do realize the story is "finished" right? 2: If the sto
9092114
I hate my phone sometimes. 2: If the story is as bad as you say how could it have over 1000 likes ?
8762711
Yeah, it tends to be that. But I'm not sure about this "twelve year old" thing - people who haven't written stories before (or indeed haven't read all that many before, either) tend to write this way, it's a common theme.
Also - twelve years old? You do realise this page is officially for adults, right? It even has the RTA (Restricted to Adults) logo an' everythang. ;-) There are things a 12yo would've had nightmares about, here. (Not that I care much, mind.)
9092118
Not the first time that has happened. In general, the technical aspect of the writing is... decent-ish, with some issues here and there (not talking about the typos here)... but the storytelling is complete crap. :-) The writing is rushed, the pacing is all over the place, the characters are basically a bland circlejerk for the MC (who is so obviously a self-insert, it hurts - see also wish fulfillment), and the story itself is a shining monument to clichés.
Still, it has its little 'nuggets', and it does appeal, because (I'm probably speaking for most of us when I say that) there are things in here that we'd all like to do - either as a response to what happened in the show, or just... because. That does entice, and I'm also still here despite having formed the above opinion around chapter #3.
So I'm not saying it's unlikable. Far from it. It's just... well, it suffers from the issues typical for works by beginners, is all. And if over a thousand people found that they still like it - that's their thing, you know?
Eh, I'm dropping this. I can see how it appeals to some, but the writing is quite awful honestly. Things are added as if for convenience and story sake more than natural progression, like Dan got utterly offended by Blueblood's insult against humanity's honor only to say that he doesn't want to go back because it's shit and not worth it.
10251430 made some good points in his comment there.
10670602
I would like to argue the point you made concerning humanities honor. You don't have to like the world you live in to be proud of and appreciate it's beauty. I for one perfectly understand where the character is coming from. I absolutely love art in all different forms, music, stories, drawings, shows, movies. They are all fantastic and I take pride in that my race was the one to produce so many wonderful things. If an alien were to tell me that everything I loved about my world was shit I would be insulted as well.
MC is definitely a Gary Stu. I don’t normally like that type of trope, but junk food like this hits the spot once in a while. It’s a good break from tougher times when the time is right.
Yeah. The "Beauty and the Beast" instrumental track definitely sounds better for Dan and Twilight's first dance, imo