As a human girl named Kelly is placed in a strange place known as Equestria, she has to find a way to make herself fit in and learn about how the ponies behave. She able to live there, but can she get the ponies to trust her?
Chapters (11)
WritingFromEquestria
Joined 20th Jan, 2013 ·
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Help me to understand how your going to make this fan-fiction unique from every other self-insert, wish fulfillment, Human in Equestria fic.
Because from a readers standpoint, this isn't anything I can be enthralled in.
Plesas need more
1992101
it's just a story. don't read it if you don't like it because i can't promise it will be different. the important thing is if it's interesting to me.
It would be nice to see a nice "Human in Equestria" fic that wasn't a clop. I look forward to reading more.
1992133
there may be some kissing but i think that's the most adult thing i'll put in the story.
And thank you ^^
1992153
That's not a problem. I still look forward to reading more
The protagonist is a girl? That in itself makes this fic unique.
1992731
It does? Why thank you ^^
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I am your friendly neighborhood editor with some help for you! Shall we begin?
...
I'll take that as a "we shall!"
I see this throughout the chapter. When you use an 'I' by itself, it must always be capitalized. I'm not going to address this again throughout the edit, for your sanity.
Some how should be one word.
You don't need this extra question mark.
I believe the rule for dialogue is that you cannot end a piece of dialogue immediately followed by a 'he/she said' sort of deal with a period. "I say to myself" is not a sentence on its own.
Also, the punctuation should go inside the quotation marks, so this.. ^
.. becomes this. ^
Apple count: 4
Sentence count: 3
You used the word apple quite a bit in this. You could try 'I jumped as high as I can to reach them, but fall down empty handed.'
Er, when doing an interrobang, you only use one question mark and one exclamation mark, beyond that makes you look.. Novice.
Is the door open or closed? You are speaking in first person so you cannot say what Applejack's expression is if you can't see the expression.
I don't believe emergency should be capitalized.
Capitalize.
That is all I have found, you may want to go back and edit those.
Picture/GIF:
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Opinion:
Nice first try. You have potential, but I'm sure that doesn't mean much anymore, seeing as it is terribly over-used. Trust me on this one, you have potential. Just edit your work a bit, and keep doing what you are doing.
Yours truly,
Muffinpatrol
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Tell me if you want me to do the rest of the chapters also, or if my one edit was enough and I should just get out
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1993053
The reason I mostly mess up is because i type so fast that my brain can't keep up with it. Your corrections are helpful, but I think it's fine as it is, no disrespect :)
1993084
If you say so. Just.. Try to fix them from now on?
1993094
I will if I have time. :)
1993097
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Good god, even your username is a cliché. The only thing that could save a plot as plain and overused as this one is good writing, but that clearly isn't going to happen.
"As a Human girl named Kelly"
You have correctly capitalized two words here: the first word of a sentence ("As") and a proper noun ("Kelly"). "Human" does not need to be capitalized, and I struggle to understand why you would do so. Neglecting to capitalize something I can understand, but what could possess you to unnecessarily use the shift key?
1993408
There's no need for such a hostile approach to the situation. I only figured that since human is the name of a species, it would be capitalized. excuse me for my ignorance but that is no way to talk to someone.
I've changed my username to avoid such incidents again in the future.
um... kitchens on the table?
other than that, good chapter.
2005613
lmao. sorry 'bout that, i tend to type faster than my brain can work. i'll fix it right away
hmmm.
fingers began to tingle.....
MIGHT I SAY THIS SCIENTIFICLY PROVES SHE IS BECOMING UNICORN?
Uuum... no.
Hyu-min. It's pronounced HYU-MIN.
2016945
I will fix it, sorry about that.
I have a feeling that twilight is going to stir up some shit for kelly cause she found somee small obscure refrence in some book frome some biased arthor
So... Basically, she makes Discord nice, because she is nice? Than again, Discord never had anything in common with anyone... Being completely different and all.... I do believe it is a nice touch, but you cant let him be too nice... God of chaos still needs to have his own flaws...
2028707
He became pretty nice in the new episode. and that was Fluttershy who made him nice. I'm just going off the new episode.
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
new romance and it adorable!!!!
Google Advertisements says I have an addiction...
I think I read too much fanfiction.
again VVVVVEEEEEERRRRRYYYYY cute cupple
*Laughs* I just love her reaction. Oh.
that was fast
....
2118832
what do you mean? i thought i paced it out nicely
2118867 must just be my imagination
*has an arrow stuck inside him*
2118906
I added a few things so it's not quite as fast-paced.
thanks for reading!
2119023 your welcome. (please tell me you got my refrence)
2119023 your welcome. (please tell me you got my refrence)
2119150 yes :)
im kinda confused there. first you say he kisses you on the forehead than you ask he didn't kiss you? which is it??
2123379
man, i didn't even notice that. i'll remove her expectations from the chapters before.
-insert Rabies Guy from Avatar here-
This is the cutest cupple I seen ever I love it so
memegenerator.net/instance/27423823
good concept.... so quick?
Can wait until the next chapter!!
i.imgur.com/sUA33.gif
That may be true Brayden