Diary of an Aspiring Tyrant

by SugarPesticide

Entry Two

June 22, ANM

It is with the deepest shame that I realize perhaps hiding this diary in a pile of powdered Poison Joke was not the finest of my ideas. My glorious voice, ordinarily bold and noble even without being Royal and Canterlotian, has exploded into a noise so raucous that I cannot even speak in an attempted whisper without leveling the contents of any room I happen to be visiting at the moment. Though this might be an unusual and interesting method of beginning an early takeover, the prospect of deafening anypony, even Sister Dearest, is counterintuitive and would ultimately accomplish no purpose. As such, I am forced to keep my mouth shut and remain in my quarters lest I accidentally let slip some order or admittance of gratitude.

Sister Dearest believes that I am also incapable of raising the moon in my current state. Such an idea is foolish, I would tell her if possible. I was younger than I currently appear when I orchestrated my first moonrise. Has my cutie mark vanished from my flanks? Of course not. Therefore I see no reason why I cannot do such a task for myself, unless such is also a symptom of the cursed Poison Joke.

Currently, however, Sister Dearest tells me to stay in bed most of the day while she provides me with food and entertainment. I am careful to write within these pages during her few moments away from this place, as I am thoroughly unwilling to give her any reason for suspicion. As long as she is ignorant of my goals, I can take all the time I require to invent and execute a satisfactory plan.

Let me continue my recollections of the previous day; my memory is as crisp and perfect as an apple, so my gentle readers may be fully confident in the validity of my story. My union with the parasite, that cursed Nightmare, was blessedly ended at the hooves of the Bearers of Harmony. The strain of keeping myself whole and sane ended in that purifying ray of colors, and my utter exhaustion took its toll as I was freed, forcing me into my first rest in over a millennium. Never again shall I take for granted the necessity for constant sleep that mortal ponies have been cursed with.

Upon waking, I was terrified to discover my sister standing over me. Terror, however, shifted into a pleasing triumph as she extended the hoof of friendship to me, assuming that my intentions of dooming the world to eternal night was solely the result of the Nightmare's taint. (And in a way I suppose it was, though I cannot now relate that story in a way that intersects neatly with this one.) Heartfelt gratitude burst from my lips as I was welcomed back into her confidence — yes, this is true! Can any ordinary creature fathom the relieving effects of waking from that hideous Nightmare, surfacing from the depths of lightless madness and back into the gentle rays of the sun, where that smiling angelic face is the first thing to welcome you to the morning? No, I am not ashamed to admit my relief. My sister is not a repulsive being in all of her folly, and I shall not punish her harshly for her misguided attempts at coddling the common ponies.

Once Sister Dearest had calmed herself sufficiently, she was kind enough to teleport ourselves and the Bearers of Harmony back to the little province of Ponyville. As we appeared quite suddenly in the town hall, and as the ponies taking refuge there were understandably upset even in the wake of the would-be eternal night, a minor fracas was caused as soon as we arrived. Fortunately Sister Dearest managed to soothe the ponies before they could form an impromptu stampede, a skill which I have yet to learn. (It will be an essential skill to have once I have successfully conquered Canterlot with the appropriate doomsday devices.) Upon receiving a brief explanation of the events of my purification, the ponies were no less than thrilled to welcome a new princess into the ranks of the monarchy.

This was, of course, exactly what I was hoping to hear. My task of conquering Canterlot will be much simpler to accomplish without a cold eye of suspicion leering in my direction at every turn. With this in mind, I had no trouble allowing myself to get swept up in the festivities, putting aside any planning that would need to be done. After my awful ordeal with the Nightmare, I felt that I had certainly earned a chance to join in the festivities.

Of note is the orchestrator of the partying: an earth mare called Pinkamena Diane Pie, notable as the Bearer of Laughter. Her ability to suddenly appear in unlikely places is intriguing to say the least, as is her boundless energy. It is unlikely that anypony in Equestria has been able to sleep in the last twenty-four hours, considering the necessity of preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration, and yet Pinkamena appears to be as fresh and ready for action as if she had just leapt from her bed. Perhaps there is some mechanism or substance in Equestria that has been invented for just such a purpose. If so, I must discover it immediately, for it will undoubtedly be useful in my quest for domination.

Also of note is the instance in which a pair of fillies came forth to provide my neck with an exquisite rose garland. I assume the deep red roses represent the dark past between Equestria and myself that will henceforth be left to itself, while the soft white roses are instead a light of hope for the future that we may share together. I am not sure I can wholeheartedly embrace this simplistic binary symbolism of darkness being evil and light being good, but I can appreciate the gesture nonetheless. In any case, I was glad that no thorns had been left behind to scratch uncomfortably at my neck, although of course I did not dwell on their absence for long. Only an utter sissy would be so ungrateful as to actively consider the potential presence of thorns in such a gracious gift.

The festivities were otherwise rather ordinary, not much more active than the solstice celebrations a thousand years ago (though their spirited atmosphere was no less notable). I learned the names of the other Bearers of Harmony; of note is the Bearer of Magic, Twilight Sparkle, the prized student of Sister Dearest. Considering her name, cutie mark, and aptitude for magic, I am forced to wonder if Sister Dearest did not intend for Twilight Sparkle to be a replacement sister. This seems unlikely, since her acceptance into her school for gifted unicorns was nine hundred and ninety years after my banishment; if she truly wished to replace me, it seems much more likely that she would have decided on take on a pony for such a role several hundred years earlier.

Yet doubt creeps at my thoughts even as I write this, wondering if such an action was taken to playfully spite me. It is certain that with some effort and practice, Twilight Sparkle could easily gain the fear love that I have always sought from the common pony. There is no chance that Sister Dearest is not aware of this possibility. Could she actually intend Twilight Sparkle to undergo the Rite of Ascension? As one who has felt her power as the Bearer of Magic, I believe she would be an ideal candidate, and this honestly worries me. The Rite of Ascension has not taken place in over eleven hundred years. Equestria does not need more demigods to crowd the throne, of this I am certain. This would be a poor decision on the part of everypony involved, and I must take care to have Sister Dearest postpone it until I can rise to domination.

Fortunately, Sister Dearest has gone out of her way to make this task easier for me. By her own royal decree, she has declared that Twilight Sparkle shall remain in Ponyville to study the magic of friendship, the most potent of all magic. While this development could eventually forge Twilight Sparkle into my most serious rival, it shall have to be enough for now. With her separate from Canterlot, my task is already far easier. No studious unicorn, intelligent or otherwise, can stop me now!

Returning to the events of yesterday, we departed by chariot a few hours before sunset, at which point I fell asleep for the entirety of the journey to my new home. I suppose I should have forced myself to remain awake in order to study the subtle changes the landscape has undergone, but again, my exhaustion from the Nightmare prevailed. There would be plenty of time later to examine what advances Equestria has seen during my imprisonment, so I slipped into a sweet dream that somehow escapes my memory. I must regain my ability to dreamwalk within the year, or else I will surely grow bored with the predictability of the waking realm.

Upon my return to consciousness, I found myself in a grand bed with night-blue coverings, situated nicely within a room of similar décor. The personalization pleased me, and I found myself sinking comfortably back into the mattress, nearly prepared to once again lose myself to the siren song of sleep.

It was then that this very book caught my eye: an unused diary, its cover decorated with a full moon. Much to my confusion, the moon bore the dark relief of a unicorn mare's head. Presumably the mare is a representation of myself during my incarceration, though I cannot tell how my head is meant to be equal in size to the moon. Understanding this to be a less-than-subtle jab at my failings, I scowled and with my magic picked up the note lying innocuously next to this diary, which I have attached here with a remarkable invention that the few servants I have yet seen call tape.

To Luna:

I hope you feel better quite soon! We have much to discuss about Equestria and the state of affairs when you awake. Not to mention that I wish to spend lost time with my baby sister as soon as possible!

As you may have noticed, I have given you this diary for your own use. In it I would like you to write whatever you wish — hopes, thoughts, dreams, anything! Studies have shown that writing on a day-to-day basis allows individuals to grow creatively, mentally, and in any way you could wish. In particular I would like for this diary to track your progress as you readapt to society, but as it is for your personal use I will not be obnoxious and decide to start checking up on it behind your back. You may think this is a silly little experiment of mine, but it really does work! Please begin writing as soon as you feel up to it.

Your loving sister, Celestia

As I indeed have need to get used to the workings of modern Equestria, not to mention plotting the downfall of my poor naïve sister, I decided to indulge Sister Dearest in her silly little experiment. There is no harm in it, for I am certain she will keep her word. Thus here I sit, writing down my hopes, thoughts, and dreams.

Today has been far less eventful. After my foolishness with the Poison Joke, I have attempted to remain confined to my quarters. Sister Dearest, however, was happy to parade me about the palace half an hour ago, spouting random facts about how the castle was established. Being spotted in this awkward body was sufficient to keep me silent and sullen, quite aside from the poisonous joke that has been played. As such I did not pay any attention to her ramblings, though of course I should have. Any information is useful information at this point.

As it is, I do not have much time. Soon Sister Dearest will return, and I must hide this diary in a more fitting place until the morrow. Until then, I will begin to pay more attention to my surroundings, delving into actual interaction once I have taken the cure for my deplorable condition.

Adieu, gentle readers.

Comments

[Magical Trevor]

Pfft... Okay, this looks promising... It's reading time!

EDIT: Yeah, I'm following this. It's fairly well-written, and a unique twist on things, so I'll follow to see where it goes, sure.

[Keeper of Jericho]

Luna, I hope you die in the most excruciatingly painful way possible.

[Gym Quirk]

I predict much annoyance and reshuffling of plans when Luna finds out about Cadance...

[arancaytar]

It is with the deepest shame that I realize perhaps hiding this diary in a pile of powdered Poison Joke was not the finest of my ideas.

[xTSGx]

In any case, I was glad that no thorns had been left behind to scratch uncomfortably at my neck, although of course I did not dwell on their absence for long. Only an utter sissy would be so ungrateful as to actively consider the potential presence of thorns in such a gracious gift.

Hmm, could be a reference to Frigid Winds And Burning Hearts.

Could she actually intend Twilight Sparkle to undergo the Rite of Ascension?

You don't have to worry about that, Luna. That requires a military coup.

It's so nice seeing a "Luna's secretly evil" story that doesn't have a [Dark] or [Tragedy] tag in it.

[Eclipsed]

This chapter...I like it.......
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5fkjykYV51qbygev.gif

You're going to POST ANOTHER CHAPTER!

[lilmagi]

Wouldn't it be funny if Celestia has a way of somehow reading the diary? Maybe what ever Luna writes in it appears in a similar book somewhere else. So Celestia knows all about her little sister's plans for World Conquest, but is willing to try and rehabilitate her. Like she will do with Discord.

[SugarPesticide]

2709193
I didn't think anyone would catch that reference! Nice eye there.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for reading this! I never imagined this silly idea would be anywhere near this popular. New entry is coming soon.

[RanmaChaos]

Nice!

[ThatClosetBrony]

Luna, you go and take over this damn kingdom, and do it with gore and torture and dark magics and everything, and I will LOVE YOU.

[book_burner]

Well written, but I'd really like it if you could maybe integrate something from the Evil Overlord List...

[Black John]

Really liking this so far. I've got some 2am reading to do!