Entry Seventeen
July 7, 1000 ANM
Today, whilst anxiously anticipating the arrival of my nitroglycerin shipment, I was approached by Blueblood, who claimed that there was really something I ought to know.
"What plagues your mind?" I asked him, looking in the mirror at my sad solid hair in dismay. Sister Dearest has assured me that my stars will grow back, but as of yet I have seen not a trace of them. I suppose I must give the situation some time.
"Mother," said he, "when you claim your rightful place on the tyrant's throne, there is something you are required to be very, very good at. It is, of course, chess."
"Chess?" I repeated. The name was familiar, but a thousand years ago it had been a rather obscure game, to the point where few instances were played within Equestrian borders. "Why chess?"
"It's simply how it's done these days. If anypony holds a position of absolute power, they are required by tradition to be a master of chess."
I frowned at that statement. "I am quite unfamiliar with such a tradition."
"Well, I suppose it's not so much a tradition as it is an expectation. It symbolizes how you think strategically, as well as what sacrifices you're willing to make to reach your ultimate goal. To be good at chess is to be not merely be powerful, but also shrewd and good at planning."
"I dislike the term 'shrewd'," I said plaintively. "It contains the word 'shrew', which of course does not fit me in the slightest degree. But I suppose that if it is such a necessity, I will have to endure it. Shall we practice immediately?"
"But of course." He levitated a chessboard from who knew where. "Auntie would make a far better tutor than myself, I must admit; yet we cannot give her any room for suspicion."
"A fair point. Let us commence!"
We set up the board in a timely fashion, and I of course received the black pieces. Blueblood's white soldiers loomed on the other side of that square-patterned field, and it occurred to me that I could not quite remember which pieces could accomplish which specific action.
"White goes first." He pushed one of the short ones in the front two spaces forward.
I stared down at my side, wondering what I should do. Suddenly, a marvelous idea came to me. With haste I seized one of the pony-headed pieces and slammed it against Blueblood's king, causing the unfortunate object to spin through the air before colliding against the floor with a loud clack.
"Checkmate!" I crowed, leaping to my hooves in victory. How could I have ever thought ill of this game? It was such a simple thing, really, certainly not worth much of a bother. How easy it was to ascend to the rank of chess master and, by extension, the glory of dictatorship!
Blueblood buried his face in his hooves. "No, Mother. That's not how it ... no."
I paused, excitement draining from my limbs. "What do you mean, 'no'? Is it not the point of the game to conquer the tall ones with the crosses?"
"Not exactly, I'm afraid. The goal is to trap the ... tall ones with the crosses, so that they can't move to any adjacent square without getting captured. That's what a checkmate is."
"But what about directly endangering them?"
"That's called check, Mother."
"Well then, pardon me. Check!"
He made an odd strangled sound that I had never heard before. "That's not how check works, either. It's a gradual process. One does not simply leap across the entire board. Do you at least remember how the pieces move?"
"I know the castles travel diagonally. As to the rest, I fear that ... I love that I am not sure."
A wide grin stretched his face. It was not the grin of a stallion playing a relaxing game with his mother. When he spoke next, it was through gritted teeth. "I suppose this is going to take longer than I thought."
"Oh, that is no trouble! Teach me what you know about these little creatures of stone. What function does the knobby one serve?"
It took me two hours, but I eventually came to know the names and motions of each individual piece. The pawns are, of course, aptly named, for they serve no purpose but to become willing sacrifices. I mentally discard those. The rooks are certainly more useful, for they can barrel directly from one side of the board to the other in their thirst for blood. Bishops are much the same, except that they travel in different directions. The knights do not deserve their noble pony heads, for their methods of movement are inconsistent and apt to change depending on the situation. Them I shall move directly into the line of fire. The queen is naturally the greatest of all pieces, for she can sweep about the field in whichever way she likes, leaving naught but destruction in her wake. Next to her radiant glory, the king is but a pittance. Why he is so crucial to the game is a mysterious matter; I suppose there is a valuable lesson in there somewhere, but I cannot fathom what it might be.
Blueblood then taught me a maneuver called the Fool's Mate, a method by which a player can be checkmated in a mere two moves. I mastered it easily enough, despite having the color unfavorable to its execution. What confused me was his reasoning for flipping the board and storming off upon checkmating me for the tenth time in a row. Was he not eager to teach me this game? It seems that his mood swings unreasonably. I shall have to talk to Sister Dearest about him.
Still, I suppose this chess phenomenon is more interesting than I thought. Its rules are complicated, and its strategies doubly so, but I cannot doubt Blueblood's judgment. I must learn more about this game in order to overthrow Sister Dearest. Somehow, for odd reasons, it is will be a critical part of my regime, for better or for worse. I shall have to know more ways of being checkmated, for the point of the game is not to win, but to see how the enemy wins. It will be useful to know, though exactly how it will be useful will take time to understand. No matter. I am many things, but impatient is not one of them.
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"The rooks are certainly more useful, for they can barrel directly from one side of the board to the other in their thirst for blood."
This may be the most engaging description of chess I've ever read.
I don't think Luna understood the point of the game.
Bwahahahaha!
Luna's actually living out her chess strategy with regard to Celestia, yet is both gloriously oblivious to all of it, and failing horribly.
I so want to see Luna tell Celestia about Blueblood's mood swings, and Celestia confront him about it XD
Princess Luna ... the only entity over the age of 5, or the easy setting on the computer that I can beat at chess.
.....dear sweet lord, she's horrible at this game. Horrible to the point it's hilarious.
"The point of the game is not to win, but to see how the enemy wins."
That's an interesting philosophy, actually. It almost sounds like her sister... except Celestia would probably make them work more for it than she seems to be doing to Blue Blood.
The hilarious point is that this chapter proves the dreary cliché that Blueblood claims is a fact is true. Luna is an awful strategist so far... as her talent for chess shows!
Technically speaking checkmate is having the king in check with absolutely no way out the way you describe sounds like the king is simply surrounded but not in immediate danger... and what is this two-move checkmate? The fastest way I know of requires four moves.
3081875
It's Fool's Mate. Technically yes, it is four moves, but each player uses two moves for it to take place. Sorry for the confusion; I know about as much stuff on chess as Luna does.
Throwing the knight at the king.... That sounds like how my younger brother plays.