Entry Twenty
July 10, 1000 ANM
This morning Sister Dearest surprised me yet again, this time by means of perusing the latest issue of the Canterlot Sun whilst chewing on a mouthful her breakfast thoughtfully. I have seen few things that can distract her from spending quality time with her dear family, so the fact that she could be so enthralled by mere words on a paper immediately caught my attention.
"What manner of horror is this?" I asked, leaning forward on the tips of my hooves to get a better look at the headline. "Surely nothing less than the collapse of an entire city could draw you to the dry plains of line upon line. Pray tell, what trouble ails Equestria today?"
"Oh, Equestria is fine," she assured me, taking a sip of steaming tea. "My faithful student managed to get herself in the news, that's all. I'm quite proud of her for handling the situation so well. I really can't wait to see what sort of friendship report comes out of this."
The picture appeared to be that of Twilight Sparkle entrapped in the throes of brutal constipation. My amusement was palpable until I managed a second glance, which revealed that her expression was the result of strain of the magical sort, not that of the bowels. Far off over a cluster of trees in the corner of the photo floated a great blotchy mass of stars, which made me quite envious. When, oh when will my glorious mane of nebulae return to adorn my gracious crown? When? The days when I regain my fearsome lovely visage remain yet so afar.
"Isn't it impressive?" Sister Dearest gushed. "I've never seen any of my little ponies levitate more than they could physically lift before."
I squinted. Of course that uncertain shape would be relevant to the ruckus. "Indeed," I agreed, my heart sinking. What if this Twilight Sparkle managed to consistently improve her magic even beyond these parameters? Is it not possible that Sister Dearest plans the Rite of Ascension for her? A trace of earth pony magic in a unicorn ... such would surely signal a possible candidate whom it would be impossible not to consider. Oh, how I shall have to reshuffle every last one of my ingenious plans!
"Cheer up, Luna. The Ursa is perfectly all right; Twilight was very careful with him."
"So that is an Ursa, then?" I honored the picture with a fourth glance. "It appears to be more similar to a miscellaneous cloud. With all the wonders this new age has wrought, I find it odd that the inventor of these photographs could not inject any semblance of color into them."
"Some do have color. It's a matter of preference, that's all." She sprinkled a dash of some savory sauce across her plate of amaranths. "I could buy a copy of the Neigh Orleans Nightly, if you wanted. The newsponies there certainly prefer a greater injection of liveliness in their papers."
But past that point I was no longer listening to her prattle. I was too preoccupied in noticing another blob of gray in the photograph, somehow fading into the background despite being far paler than Twilight Sparkle. That distinctive curl of white mane ... even bearing that uncharacteristically terrified expression, the face managed to leer up at me in mockery.
Trixie Lulamoon. Did that foal actually journey to Ponyville, believing herself to be Twilight Sparkle's superior? My words were not a suggestion, but a statement of fact! The Bearer of Harmony is mine and mine alone to defeat. If this sniveling upstart attempts to steal my unknown rival from me, I will have to deal with her directly. There is only room for one at the top of the New Lunar Republic, and that one shall not lack wings.
I continued to fume about the situation throughout the morning, nearly forgetting the helmet fiasco of yesterday in my efforts to devise a suitable punishment for that poison-blue unicorn. Only after lunch had passed did I realize that perhaps, with my constant muttering of indignation, my plotting would attract suspicion from the servants. With a heavy heart I resigned myself to an afternoon of sulking about in my quarters, hoping to perhaps conjure up another invention as I wiled away the long burning hours.
When I arrived, however, I was astonished to find Blueblood packing all of my carefully laid out scheming into boxes of that peculiar material, cardboard. "And what do you think you are doing?" I could not stop myself from speaking angrily, as this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. "I sacrificed a full hour of my time to organize all of these ingeniously coded lists! Is there reasoning for this nonsense, or are you fiddling around like an old Diamond Dog?"
"Mother," he said patiently, "they were everywhere. Under the bed, in the wardrobe, on the vanity, stuck to the walls with that vile duct tape you insist on keeping around ... it's a miracle that nopony's discovered our plots yet. I mean to prevent us from being tossed into a dungeon, even if those dungeons are rather cushy. We are moving our base of operations."
"You should have brought the matter up with me first!" I scowled, magically reshuffling a pile of photographs into a neat stack. "I am in charge of this tyranny scheme, so it should be I who decides whether or not we find another area of antagonism!"
He sighed. "So you want Auntie to discover what we're up to?"
"What? Of course not! Relocating this is not a terrible idea, and deep down I am quite glad you thought of the issue, but ..."
"We need a secret lair," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Everypony who wants to topple the government requires a secret lair. It's a rule, you know."
His words had reason. I tapped my chin with a delicately noble hoof, pondering. "I do believe there is a chapter dwelling on that in So You Want to Be an Evil Overlord?, is there not? Your side of the argument does have merit, dear Blueblood. Very well. I shall assist you in assisting me. Where can we find a secret lair?"
As it turned out, an extensive map of the palace could be found after much digging in the forbidden section of the library. It was designed by the very builders of the palace themselves, detailing every last nook and cranny from the garage to the drawbridge. Of note were several secret compartments within my room, and even more in that of Sister Dearest. I shall have to investigate that matter further.
In the preparation area behind the throne room, there sits a statue of a one-eyed sorceress. The paneling behind it conceals a carefully hidden passageway, nearly impossible to find if one does not tug firmly on the golden pull cord to its immediate left. The passageway slopes downward and downward, trailing beneath the palace and into the heart of the mountain. It has clearly not been visited in centuries; poor Blueblood nearly suffered an aneurysm at the dust clogging the place. With a flick of my horn I conjured torches, embedding them carefully in the jagged stone. They should be useful in preventing me from tripping on the crystals scattered about incongruously.
I vaguely remember tales of crystal mines established long before the concept of Canterlot was ever conceived, though of course I had never visited them. Here and there throughout the caves and tunnels we could spot a mine cart resting comfortably on rusty tracks, or a gaping chasm from which no light escaped. In the torchlight the crystals sparkled, but those beyond merely glittered in the light's weak reach like beady eyes of predators.
We did not get lost, despite the lack of information on this area in the map. I say this because it is certain that in days to come I can return to the massive cavern I found, which appears large enough to comfortably house the entire throne room. It is rather plain, nothing glorious like the majesty of the shimmering Crystal Expanses, but it will have to do.
On the morrow we shall continue this steady transfer in the necessities of the schemes to this cavern. I have dubbed it the Bat Cave, as a flock of its namesake sought to sweep down upon us the second we entered. Is it not creative? Ponies of future generations shall tremble in fear love at the name of the Bat Cave. Perhaps I should organize a night of slumber in this place with Blueblood, teaching him more about what it means to live in the shadow. I wonder at times if he has spent too long in the care of Sister Dearest to remember his calling as child of the night. But enough with my worrying! This is a time of motion, not of stagnancy! I still must decide whether or not to incorporate a pit of alligators into the design.
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It's aneurysm, actually.
You wouldn't happen to have an editor for this, would you? If not, I'd be happy to. I thoroughly love this story.
And then Luna was the Batman.
3147690
Crap, I knew there was a Y in there. Fixed.
And I don't have one, even though I should. Just let me know what works for you and we can figure something out. Thanks!
No no no no! Alligators are for sewers, not caves! You need some good old fashioned spiked pit traps, 10 feet deep! Along with the occasional gelatinous cube. Because there's always a 10'x10' room for jello.
3147933 Alternately, small rooms which are difficult to enter or exit quickly, so that when rocks fall, everybody dies.
3148032 As well as having that Magic Missile ready to attack the darkness. (Just don't attack the gazebo.)
The one eyed statue,a reference to one of the many secret tunnels the marauders used? Although correct me if I'm wrong/being too anal, isn't it a one eyed humped statue? Or am I mixing up my vague memories of the series again?
3148255
Yep, that's the reference. As for the hump part, I didn't think that either of the royal sisters would be too keen on having a deformed statue hanging around the palace. One eye is enough of a stretch.
*Is a pony of the current generation trembling in love at the Bat Cave*
3147691
Batmane.
I can already tell the Luna Eclipsed chapters are going to have much hilarity ensuing in them.
Bat Cave. And Luna continues her streak of inventing things that already exist.
Hm... I wonder how she gets sends Trixe to go get the Alicorn Amulet.
I love how Luna clearly thinks she's hot shit, yet she's so incompetent that she gives Cerberus a run for their money.
You get a fave and a like.
There needs to be two levers; one that leads to a roller coaster to the lab, and the other causing something random/funny to happen. If you've seen The Emperor's New Groove, you'll know what I'm talking about.
Nananananananana LUNA!!!
3148324
Batmare.
3151621 Yes! To the Bat Cave, Blueblood! Nope! Wrong lever!