Diary of an Aspiring Tyrant

by SugarPesticide

Entry Twenty-Five

September 13, 1000 ANM

At last, I have discovered the location of this long-lost diary! It was nestled in the fireplace, buried in ashes. I have wondered what became of it for weeks, and now I have found the answer. Despite its dirty appearance, no pages are ripped or burned. All entries are accounted for … aside from the second half of the last. After my lamentation of Blueblood’s attitude, the words are all smudged beyond readability. For the life of me I cannot recall what they are supposed to say. I suppose it is nothing of merit that has been lost, as all of my other records of the path of tyranny are perfectly intact and useful yet.

Now, what has transpired since that last entry? Let me reflect … our resources in Nitroglycercute have begun to deplete themselves. Contrary to my wary doubts, nothing of harm has come of them, but their wanton use has led to further lengthy tunnels in the crystal caves. I should have realized that even a princess of Equestria must practice all things in moderation.

I returned to the Yugoslothvian embassy in hopes of persuading Indola to part with more nitroglycerin, but alas! The building was empty. It appeared to have been swiftly deserted, as miscellaneous articles and belongings lay scattered about without a trace. There was even a broken window in the lobby.

Disturbed, I retreated back to the castle, seeking the time of Sister Dearest for an explanation as to this sudden disappearance. I was forced to wait until lunch, as she was as usual busy with court, but once we settled down to eat she revealed the nature of the mystery’s elusive answer.

There had been a coup in Yugoslothvia just the previous day, she said, involving a sudden uprising of the populace against the dictator Folivus. It was quite an unpleasant affair apparently, for the sloths have not moved about so quickly in centuries, and the resulting explosions caused quite a mess. According to her, it was fortunate that the coup was ultimately successful, as the dictatorship had at last fallen and a tentative democracy was set up in its place.

“But how did such an coup even occur?” I asked in between mouthfuls of pasta. “I am fully aware that change is a certainty, but such a turn of events seems rather sudden. Why, I visited the embassy just three weeks ago, and the government seemed perfectly stable from what I could see!”

“That’s the question,” she said thoughtfully. “It looks like the miners have been unpaid for one hour of labor too many. According to our spies, the whole matter has something to do with the suspicious disappearance of a shipment of nitroglycerin.”

I froze, and the levitating forkful of spaghetti dangled in the air before me. “Is that so?”

“I don’t see why I should doubt it. But why question the specifics? Everything has worked out for the best. With any luck, nitroglycerin will no longer be a mandatory part of a sloth’s diet, and I expect there to be a presidency in place by the end of the week. Sloths can be highly effective bureaucrats, I must admit.” She smiled, and something in that expression seemed to mock me. “The embassy should house sloths again soon enough, Luna. There’s no need to worry.”

“‘No need to worry’?” I repeated incredulously, though of course I did not do so until I had safely sequestered myself in the Bat Cave — I am not an idiot, after all. I paced past Blueblood again as he lay sprawled on his back, sleeping like a seapony and completely oblivious to my ramblings. “There is an entire dictatorship that has crumpled overnight! What country am I supposed to turn to now for support? How is this supposed to affect our morale? What say you to that, Blueblood?”

Blueblood said nothing in reply. I paused in my aimless march, softening slightly in pity. The poor dear had whiled away the night at another charity ball; he claims that those who attend such events are dreadfully dull. The only reason he even bothered to go was for the sake of the orphanage that was receiving the money, which puzzles me greatly. What is the point in sacrificing one’s time for a simple building?

In any case, I decided that there was little use in nagging my sleeping son, so I played with the Nitroglycercute again to calm myself. As stated previously, our amount of remaining paint is dwindling, and before long I will be forced to consider my next invention. I may decide to use baking materials in it, although that may be due to the fact that supper is close at hoof. At times I can scarcely control my appetite. How common of me!

As for other occurrences which have happened in the interim … none in particular spring to mind. Is it not peculiar how so little has taken place whilst my diary’s location remained a mystery? Perhaps the universe smiles on me, though I cannot fully understand what would make this such an auspicious sign. It is something, at least. I shall take comfort from that.

Aha! There is one other instance of note. I have held night court three or four times more since that fateful entry, and few ponies of any kind have appeared. The pony who calls himself Moonshadow made a point of attending every one, though I refused to listen to him slander Sister Dearest’s name further. The idiot takes pleasure in waxing philosophical about my beauty, and tiring of him is an easy feat. I can never remain there longer than half an hour without retreating back to my chambers. Exhaustion still creeps over me at times, I fear love.

But I tread around the real event. One evening, fortunately before Moonshadow’s appearance could sap my patience, a familiar pony arrived in rather less glamorous circumstances than previously. Remembering the newspaper and the Ursa Minor, I took a deep breath and prepared to …

Is that the supper bell? It beckons me with its brazen charms. I shall be off straightaway, for I cannot remember ever being so hungry. Aside from my indiscretion, of course. I set aside this pen, and the tale will have to be told on another day. Adieu, gentle readers!

Comments

[SpaceCommie]

The poor dear had whiled away the night at another charity ball; he claims that those who attend such events are dreadfully dull.

[Obsidian Ink]

Aw, her last entry was lost? she was making such progress...

[BlueNinja]

What??? You can't tease us with Triluna like that!

[xTSGx]

That's not suspicious at all...

[ForSpite]

Cruel cliffhanger.

[Nightmare]

Celestia knows and is using probably mind spells and stuff

[ActionPony]

So... In her attempts to turn Equestria into a dictatorship, Luna has actually managed to help overthrow another one.

That's... a very special level of failure...

[supergirl1329]

Why does Luna seem to be inadvertently behind every problem that is canon? Is she going to accidentally knock over the discord statue and weaken the spell next or something?