Diary of an Aspiring Tyrant

by SugarPesticide

Entry Six

June 26, 1000 ANM

Success! I have smuggled a variety of materials into my quarters with the help of dear Blueblood and several unsuspecting maids for use on my first ingenious scheme. I am pleased, and frankly amazed, at the fact that Sister Dearest can be so lax in her security, and that the maids are not prone to forthright inquisitiveness. The materials in question are listed below, as such:

• Sixteen parcels of candy canes (just short of desired quantity, creative application required)

• Two cardboard boxes (one is for further study of this marvelous material)

• Twelve rolls of duct tape (eleven are for further study of this marvelous material)

• Twelve sheets of iron (with holes conveniently driven into appropriate areas)

• Fifty screws (with screwdriver)

• One priceless diamond (must deliver duplicate to throne room before absence is noted)

• Ten grams of concentrated magic (volatile, do not shake)

This list-making process is tedious. Why am I even engaging in this activity? There is no need for recording which materials are utilized, as a failure would be pointless to return to while a success would make any further construction of this device unnecessary. I feel that I am indulging in a complete waste of time merely discussing it.

The walls of my chambers have already been soundproofed, for reasons I do not wish to fathom, and I doubt that I need to expend the energy attempting to cast similar spells on my floor and ceiling. I have already begun construction on my apocalypse apparatus, which I will properly name upon its completion.

Its current appearance is of a simplistic miniature house, with walls and roof made entirely of iron. There is a hole in the middle of the roof, providing access to a metallic pocket inside which contains the sprinkling bits of crushed candy canes. On the morrow I will activate the apparatus after christening it, and its activation will secure me the entirety of Equestria! Such a sentence is a relief to write, even if similar sentiments have already been expressed a dozen times over.

I supped with Blueblood this evening once we had determined that the day's work was completed. He seemed wary for reasons I cannot determine, though I noted that his ears were heavily bandaged today.

"How did construction work out, Mother?" I remember him asking between cautious sips of tea.

"It went as well as one could hope, I suppose. I am simply pleased to have come so close to completion of the project in such a short time." I munched thoughtfully on my salad for a moment, thoughts brewing. "I must wonder, though, if such a perception of time ... if the duration could appear so short due to my expectations of its accomplishment, or if it is merely the aftereffects of imprisonment for a thousand years. I do not doubt that time dilation is in effect here, though to what extent I cannot say. Perhaps time, in this case, is the key. After a millennium of unending nightmares on those lunar plains, I am unsure as to how I have avoided slipping into a downward spiral of gibbering madness, but I suspect that mental time and physical time are not quite the same. This could be a useful fact, I believe. What do you think, Blueblood?"

"Hmm?" He glanced up from his food. "Apologies, Mother, I cannot hear anything at the moment. Were you philosophizing?"

I puffed out my noble chest, anxious to bring him into these ideas. "I said, I wonder if such a perception of time could appear so short—"

The fortunate thing is that Blueblood was not knocked into my great creation, but instead into a dusty wooden bookcase. The power of my Royal Canterlot Voice is not always easy to overestimate. It is less fortunate that he injured his posterior quite severely, to the point of embedding several unflattering splinters in his distinguished derriere. I fear love that he may remain in the infirmary for at least a day's length in trying to have them removed. In my defense, I did apologize to my poor son profusely, and Sister Dearest seemed more amused at the incident than anything, that witch.

In any case, I will apologize to him tomorrow, after Equestria is in my grasp. Sister Dearest will be forced to apologize to him for his embarrassment at her giggle (which I do not believe was inadvertent in the slightest), and to me for coddling our my kingdom far worse than I would ever coddle Blueblood. I believe there is nothing that can cripple my chances of domination now! I am so excited that I can hardly sleep, yet I must. Tomorrow will be a trying day, one way or the other.

Comments

[Mystic Deadman]

Hopefully now, Blueblood has a better understanding of how he can come off to less well-off ponies. That is, of course, a royal pain in the ass.

Also, Luna seems to be lined up as the Equestrian equivalent of Jamie Hyneman.

[PonyBro]

Noticing that some words are being crossed. Wonder what it could mean, if it means anything at all.

[Gapeagle]

Twelve rolls of duct tape (eleven are for further study of this marvelous material)

Yes, Luna. Feel the power that is duct tape!

[Shachza]

I get the impression that Luna's in-depth research in to the wonders of duct tape will end up with her requiring to grow an entire new coat of hair.

[xTSGx]

Why do I get the feeling Peppermint was some sort of evil, mind altering (poorly understood) substance back in the day?

[Mystic Deadman]

2819209
Luna after a failed attempt: Are We...missing...an eyebrow?

[blazikenking]

2818853 I think it's just for comedic effect.

2823012 Don't forget the coin embedded in her forehead!

[djthomp]

• Two cardboard boxes (one is for further study of this marvelous material)
• Twelve rolls of duct tape (eleven are for further study of this marvelous material)

Fantastic.