After the "cupcakes" incident we see the true fate of Pinkie Pie and her demonic second personality, Pinkamena Diane Pie. After a string of disappearances riddles the town of Ponyville, Ditzy Doo discovers the horible events that unfolded in the basement of Sugarcube Corner. Discoveries lead to flashbacks, as we see how Pinkamena handled each and every one of her victims.
Rated teen for disturbing suggestive scenes and slight gore. Please criticize me in any way you want! Tell me what you liked, what you didn't, how you would have done it, or what you think should come next. Honestly without you guys, this story would have never been more than a simple one chapter, 600 word, 'stream of thoughts' writing!
Read, Comment, Enjoy -MasterFrasca99
Chapters (7)
Wow im ugghh suprised at this cause i absolutly bucking hated cupcakes but i cant wait to see what u do with this -tracking-
Seems more like a transcript/ piece of dialog rather than a story. It certainly is creative but seems a bit cliche to me.
146927Wow... I honestly had no intention of ever writing more about this...
It was supposed to just be a short fiction to prove I wrote something...
I can't exactly go anywhere with this either due to the ending...
Well you could always add on about the other 5, their reactions to how and why she did what she did blahblahblah
I liked it, something new and interesting.
Exactly .... So find a way AND KEEP WRITING lulz
'He' took over Pinkie Pie and then killed Rainbow...
Hmmm.
Would he happen to have a name, maybe..... 'Discord'?
147200 I was just going for a general demonic second personality really. That end is open to your imagination though!
It would have been so nice with some paragraphs!
Otherwise,
I found it interesting.
147277 Proper writing is for squares!
And honestly, the only reason there weren't any paragraphs was because I just didn't know where to stop and make new ones. (I seriously spent twenty minutes trying to find a good breaking point.)
Tracking
>Usually reads 5-15k word chapters with many characters and several simultaneously active plot arcs.
>Likes how you've done 5-8 hundred words primarily internal dialogue for one character.
Tracking and email tracking.
Wow that was really good you should keep writing and ill keep reading
Input I genuinely wish to help you with... I am making no assumptions about your thoughts or even your motivations here. Keep that in mind.
Think of a book you read by your favorite author, preferably a fantasy-oriented book. Put in mind how the words were strung together. A bit of description of verbs with a "commentary" of the character's thoughts... Your writing will be a lot more effective if you could find a smooth back and forth rhythm between direct thoughts, events, and descriptions of the environment that the situation takes place in.
I rated this 5 stars simply because I don't think very highly of the writer of Cupcakes... And for the fact that your idea to write this was brilliant.
I'm not saying to write like your favorite author... I'm just suggesting that you would... Perhaps put more description into the story than you feel you need to. It helps me as a writer to defy my own judgement as to how a story should be written, but I am rather gifted in thinking of how my words will project into somebody else's head. So take your time, and make it seem slower than you think it should feel, and you'll like what you get.
I really want to read more. I like the way you have styled this, and it makes my memories of reading "Cupcakes" bearable.
I love a good cupcakes story, this is no exception.
.
Man............... Awesome lol no really ur doin a good job and im so happy when i sign on and it says 1 unread and i look and its you ...... Awwwww ... But in all seroiusness great job and i love how you didn get into detail probly for 3 reasons
1 = to gross or u dont like writing that
2 = you cant write that cause ur not good enough
3 = SUSPENSE
So wich one huh
147962 Just to put this out there for everyone, I want to try and stay away from the heavy gore, as I'm not a fan of that writing style. Plus for this story, I'm going for a general "discovery-to-flashback" sequence, so I don't really want to be too specific.
With out reading... Pinkamena Diane Pie, you are a CRAZY-ASS BITCH!
I told y'all that bitch was crazy.
Pinky is nuts in this fic.
Now I am confused. How is Fluttershy having a flash back of being tortured by Pinkie Pie, and what set up the flash back?
148082 Well, I was going for the relation to the operation table... I'm rushing, and I apologize. I'm just experimenting... hmm I must ponder the direction of this...
So far not so interesting, but I know it will be! Tracked.
148157
Haha it's good. I appreciate this and it could go a few directions. Several good. :)
Oh, and, fluttershy says NOOOOOOO!!!!!
Holy shit that would scare the buck out o' me iffn ah was ther o wait ah was lol great job once again i love your writing
Hahaha i see what u did there wih the title of teh chap
150824 There you go! Someone got it!
150865 tee hee i get pinkie smile
I just want to point out what you've done here....
Something unnatural.
You have written a Cupscakes spinoff with not a single hate comment.
You're just that good, I guess...
i hate this u know Y? coz one day it will eventually end
but other than that i am having a wonderous time reading this great job
152476 confound this pony... How dare they say that i say keep going frasca .... U mad spotted star
152476 I'm sorry to put this to you, but the individual deaths are pretty much the main plot of this story.
(except for my planned epilogue) if you don't want to read about their individual deaths, I always end Derpys part when I hit these -->******
You won't miss much if you skip them, but you won't get the whole feel of the story.
Plus, no offense, but the the teen rating and the "dark" tag are there for a reason.
.....................................
dots is all i could say when one of my fave ponys is killed (good writing tho i got a lot of imagry)
i can already see a friendship letter from pinkamena,
Dear Princess Celestia,
Your next.
147556
Don't worry, I can fix that. Just read my Cupcakes sequel and you're memories of Cupcakes will become unbearable again in no time
.
I'm serious; I don't see what the big deal is about Cupcakes. It was very well written and exciting, but not scary. Of course, I'm also the guy who was unfazed by The Shining, The Omen, and the Exorcist; so my standards of horror are very high. I dare anyone to try to come up with a fic that actually scares me.
Not as gory, but way more creepy.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/e7a1c7ba25ccc625d91e6f4e16fe5220/28381%20-%20artist%3Ausagifriday%20force_smile%20pinkamena%20pinkamena_diane_pie%20pinkie_pie%20sad%20smile.png
soooo awesomly creepy
157974 That my friend is the perfect picture for this story.
And now that shall be the cover image (granted you don't have a problem with that
)
just read all chapters, slightly distubing and having an over-active imagination played them out in my head.
This is very interesting
I myself am writing a fanfic that deals with the same kind of thing, although mine is sort of a redemption story, and finale to the whole grimdark thing, i can't help but see the similarities...
Plus we both kinda end up doing the same thing to Rarity...
160260 Creepy! Great minds think alike I suppose.
Good Luck with your fiction anyway. I'll have to check it out sometime
i read all of these directly after reading the original cupcakes and i feel nothing out of the normal in fact apart from the suicide i kinda liked the story
DAMN IM A FUCKED UP PONY
i is saaaaaaad ponyyy
160547 That'd be great, I try to keep away from getting descriptive with the gore as well (not my style.)
But can't wait to see more from you, keep on writing!
161688 Well this story's done (unless anybody wants to see how Pinkamena handled her other named victims!
Ideas?!), but I'm going to try and start up my other fiction, The Night Lasts Forever, which was getting better ratings anyway
.
162223About Luna I presume?
162256 Eeyup
TwiLuna to be exact!
Oh ho you sly brony
can't wait to read!