Colgate is your average pony with a special talent in time. This is a tale of the special powers she and she alone possesses, and the other world she can visit. Something is wrong with this frozen world, though, and Colgate is about to find out about the dangers of manipulating the time around her.
(This was originally written for a group I created that challenges writers to describe some aspect of a background pony's cutie mark in 2000 words or less)
The cover art was created by Eldorado. Check him out!
Read, Comment, Enjoy -MasterFrasca99
Chapters (11)
Wow, I'm really looking forward to what happens, if you're going to write about it.
[edit] oops, didn't see the complete tag there... but this could expand into such an awesome~~~
405923 It is complete as of now, but as soon as I finish one of my other 6 stories I may add onto this one. Just keep your eyes open
"I could see the blood red pupils now."
Discord?
Nicely put together
I think you meant 'feel' instead of 'feet'
I WANT MOAR!!!!!! cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-ryell.png please??? cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pplease.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tteehee.png
Please write more!!! OuO This is awesome!
1518036 An update is coming soon... The end of the week
D: I rarely comment on stories, but you did a fantastic job here. I am terrified.
This is one of my favourite stories I'm tracking. Please update more often!
1545607 Don't worry about not updating for now. I just got back into the swing of things, so expect another update in a week or so.
D: Suspense! I hate suspense!
AAAHHHH!!!! O-O
Needs more chapters!!!
This is fantastic!!!
Twilight is a bit more antagonistic than I would have expected, but it's worth it...
Scary D:
O___O
Why so cliffhanger?!
1794139 Sorry...
I'm writing I swear... I'm just unsure of how I want to reveal the new setting.
i50.tinypic.com/9hmk3k.png
unicorn horn master race
Your chapters are too short D:
Regarding the latest chapter title,
.
That is all.
Why can we only like once?!
I've only read the first four chapters so far, but I figure I might as well post my thoughts.
First off the good stuff. Where do I start? This story is one of the more original ideas I've seen in my short time on this site. Which probably doesn't account for much, but I still felt I should mention it. More than that, though, this story has a great sense of danger and mystery. There were a couple of moment that were actually nail-biting, and this is coming from a guy who is barely fazed by any attempts at horror or suspense. Not to mention the mysterious nature of the creatures inside the Frozen World, and the world itself, for that matter.
But wait, there's more! I also enjoyed your imagery. It really helps get me into the story, and it does a good job of making sense of the peculiarity of stopping time. The dialogue was also decent. Sure, some parts of it felt a little choppy, and I thought Llly's surprised reaction to Colgate's abilities could have been drawn out a little more, but it does its job.
Now, for the stuff that didn't quite sit well with me. The first two chapters are too short. They should at least be 2000 words, if not 4000. Another thing is that this story seems way too rushed. I suppose its better for the story to move at a faster pace than taking the time to impress upon me the importance of the color and texture of the spring grass, but still, it could put on the brakes I think.
Overall, there's more good to this story than bad, and the originality of it is just the icing on the cake. I enjoyed my experience with this story, and so I shall bestow upon you a like and a favorite, good sir.
2821896 Thanks for the feedback. I do suppose I should go back and revise the first two chapters if not the entire thing, because I wrote those way back before I was starting to get the hang of anything. Thanks for the positive words, and I'll see if I can't get this up to scratch.
Holy hell. Took me forever to get around to reading this...
How did I never find this before?
Thank you Shadowflash for the suggestion!
~Skeeter The Lurker
2957639 I'm glad you like it. I'll update eventually when life isn't dragging me back.
Ooo. So, she CAN take people with her to this place?
And the spell... Seems simple, yet powerful. I wanna know more on it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Oh shit. Things just went wrong on an epic scale!
Love the pace to this so far. Not to mention, the imagery and building you're doing is awesome.
~Skeeter The Lurker
And Colgate done messed up.
NEVER tell Twilight about a new spell.
It will never end well.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Daaaaaaamnnnnn.
And the rabbit hole goes deeper...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Time Lords, huh?
Why am I expecting Time Turner to show up?
Ah well, please, do go on.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ooo. Nice solid action scene.
I wonder... Won't wreaking the place damage time itself...?
~Skeeter The Lurker
This place they're in... My god...
I love this fic!
In cannot wait for the next chapter... Please say it will update soon...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Fuck, THAT was trippy! Looks like they went right into her mind...
And Twilight betrayed Colgate? But why?
~Skeeter The Lurker
3169679 Oh, there's a good reason.
Damn... Nice ending to it all.
Kinda sad to see it end though, but hey...
I can always re read it. Well done, man. Well done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Here you go:
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Take this and enjoy!
~Skeeter The Lurker
The story was the kind that grabs you from your balls and shouts: "Read more!" (once I finally started reading it, that is). I was honestly surprised that it turned so serious so quickly, what with Colgate fearing death every moment. I liked the theme and the constant sense of danger, as well as the idea of Colgate being able to control time, as her cutie mark seems to suggest. The ending was good... but now someone needs to write a Colgate x Twilight story
But the story also had its flaws, the biggest one being the almost total Lily-amnesia for half of the story. Why is Colgate worrying more about Twilight than her? This becomes very apparent when the three meet in the library: instead of comforting Lily, Colgate just goes to hug the random stallion. Not what I'd expect a good friend to do...
3553978 Yeah... That's probably because of my own Lily-amnesia. I honestly forgot that she was the reason any of this happened around the middle of the story. (Having written the later chapters months after the first.) Someday I'll have to go in and fix that, or at least realize that I need to worry more about my own characters in the future. Thanks for the positive review, Prolet. I hope I'll be able to see more of your stuff soon enough.