Blink

Somewhere between the Town Hall and Sweet Apple Acres is an abandoned general store. Nopony knows what happend to its previous owner Mr. Hopper, just that five years ago he dissapeared and was never heard or seen since.

After five years of sitting deserted, the building was bought by a local mint-green unicorn mare named Lyra Heartstrings. Lyra bought the place so she and her best friend Sweetie Drops, known by her nickname 'Bon Bon', can open a general store together.

A week later, Lyra and her best friend, a cream coated Earth pony, Bon Bon have come to the abandoned store to examine the condition of the building and determine how much it is going to cost to renovate.

"Isn't this great, Bon Bon!" exclaimed an excited Lyra to her friend as they enter thru the front door. "A new place to call our own, heck, there's a loft upstairs where the previous owner lived." Lyra looks around at the large empty room, the only furniture being various shelves and counters where the items were held.

"Are you sure this is a great idea? I'm already up to my neck in debt just to buy this building for you." said a doubtfull Bon Bon, looking at the dark and dusty surroundings, the only light coming from the store windows in the front.

"No need to worry, general stores have always been successful in Ponyville, this isn't a city you know." reasurred Lyra, going behind one of the counters. "I'll check the storage room, you can check the loft upstairs."

"Why do I have to go upstairs?" complained Bon Bon. "You bought this place with my money, you check it out!"

"Yes, I bought this store, making me the owner, and what I say goes." snaped back Lyra.

Bon Bon just gives an annoyed sigh, not wanting to waste her breath on Lyra. Bon Bon goes around back to find a staircase leading up to the upstairs loft where Mr. Hopper used to live in.

As Bon Bon goes up the steps, the wooden steps creak, each one getting louder and louder the higher up the stairs. She finally reaches the top and to her right is the door to the loft. Bon Bon uses her hoof to slowly up the door, hoping for no nasty surprises behind it.

Downstairs, Lyra is using her magic to sweep the floor with a broom, having found one in the storage room, while sweeping she thinks about all the great fun she and Bon Bon will encounter while running this store, and how after five years, Ponyville has a general store again.

Her thoughts are suddenly broken by someone knocking on the door, Lyra puts the broom down and looks to see an Earth pony stallion with a cream coat and purple mane. "A customer already?" thought Lyra. "How strange."

At the loft upstairs, Bon Bon looks around the empty main room and sees peeling wallpaper, with only a large window to provide light.

"Uh, this wallpaper has to go." said Bon Bon, walking up to the wallpaper ripping it off the wall with her teeth. What she sees next shocks her; a message written on the wall with white paint reading "Beware the statue! DON'T BLINK!"

Bon Bon then turns to leave the room and inform Lyra about this but then finds a statue blocking the only exit.

"A statue?" says Bon Bon to herself, looking at a statue of a unicorn mare, wearing a toga, with its hooves covering her eyes. "Where did it come from?"

Downstairs, Lyra opens the door and lets the stallion in. "How may I help you sir?" asked Lyra, being polite.

"Are you Lyra Heartstrings?" asked the stallion, anxiously.

"Yes, yes I am." answered Lyra, confused. A relieved look appears on the stallion's face.

"Well, my grandmother told me to deliver this letter to you." said the stallion, reaching into a small saddlebag and taking out a letter. "She told me to deliver it to on this very date, on this very minute." explained the stallion. "My family has been in posession of this letter for 70 years, always thought she was crazy, but I guess she's not." smiled the stallion.

"Wait, did you say this letter is 70 old?" said Lyra, looking at the letter, it is addressed to her, but appeares to have been written long before she was born.

"Yes, by the way, my name Hershey." said the stallion, introducing himself.

Lyra then opens the letter and begins reading.

Dear Lyra,

If you are reading this, then that means one of my grandchildren have sent this to you, you may not believe me, but my name is Sweetie Drops, or Bon Bon if you preffer.

Before she has a chance to read the next paragraph, a loud scream is heard, Lyra quickly runs up the stairs dropping the letter and a photograph attached to the letter. Hershey just walks off and leaves the store.

Lyra reaches the loft upstairs to find Bon Bon gone, not a single trace of her left.

Bon Bon finds herself in the middle of a field, she has no idea how she got here and no idea where she is. She is alone and lost.

Lyra goes back downstairs to find Hershey gone and the letter on the floor, she then notices a photograph on floor, she picks it up with her magic to and is shocked to see a photo of an Earth pony mare that looks exactly like Bon Bon, even the same cutie mark with a unicorn stallion and a foal, presumably their child. Lyra picks up the letter and continues reading.

It's kind of strange going from present day to 70 years ago in a single breath, but I got used to it, I found a new life in Ponyville, started a family, and lived a good life, now unless I manage to live long, I'll not be there to see or meet you again, you've been a great friend Lyra and I'll miss you, but heed my warning, stay away from this building especially the statue, and whatever you do, DON'T BLINK!

With regards,
Sweetie "Bon Bon" Drops

Lyra sheds a tear, her bestfriend gone forever.

At the Ponyville graveyard, Lyra is looking at the headstones until she sees Hershey standing in front of a single headstone on top of a hill. Lyra walks up to him and stands next to him, she then looks at the grave to find that it belongs to Bon Bon, who died 20 years ago.

"Did she die happy?" asked Lyra to the stallion.

The stallion was caught off guard by the question. "Yes...yes she did." was all the stallion said before walking off, leaving Lyra alone.

The silence was suddenly cut by a scream, Lyra turns around to see a Hershey gone and a statue of a unicorn mare in a toga taking his place, the unicorn wearing an angry face with its stone fangs exposed. Lyra blinks only to see the statue getting closer and closer to her. Lyra is too scared to move as with every blink, the statue gets closer and closer until its hooves are reaching out for her neck, soon Lyra and the statue are face to face.

"Don't worry Bon Bon, I'm coming for you!" exclaimed Lyra with defiance as she blinks one last time.

A scream echoes across the graveyard as a new headstone appears reading:

"Here lies Lyra Heartstrings, aged 80."

Author's Note:

My first story, just wanted to try this out to see how it is like.

I'll accept any comments and critiques (but be gentle about it).

Thanks.

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Comments ( 10 )

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Eakin

Eakin #1 · Jan 10th, 2013 · · ·

As someone who's written my own Blink fic I have a couple pointers. First, this is just too short to develop anything of substance. You're covering a lot of ground and don't really take the time to flesh out what's here. Second, this is just a beat for beat retread of the episode. If I hadn't seen the episode I'd have no idea what was going on, and since I have seen the episode there nothing new or surprising here. Worst of both worlds. Finally, check out a grammar guide for punctuation on dialogue. You have a lot of periods that should be commas

The Grey Pegasus

The Grey Pegasus #2 · Jan 10th, 2013 · · ·

First fic? It's decent enough formatting-wise. However, stories are usually written in past tense; ex: 'used' not 'uses'. Naturally, this does not apply to dialogue. Also, in dialogue, sentences end with "Dialogue here," speaker, not "Dialogue here." speaker. Other than those and a few misspellings here and there, your grammar is a nice sight for a description that also says 'first fic'.

As with the above, I immediately predicted what this was about the second I read the description, by the way, though it had a little bit touch of Back to the Future with it as well.

englishwitch

englishwitch #3 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

for a first fic it's not bad. Entertaining despite its flaws.
But the whole thing just feels too rushed. Lyra is too ready to believe even the casual explanations by Hershey. "You've had the letter for 70 years? oh ok." No reason why a 70 year old letter is addressed to her, or how it's possible. she just goes with it.

Other than that, I agree with what the above people have said

Avenging-Hobbits

Avenging-Hobbits #4 · Jan 18th, 2013 · · ·

Well, besides the flaws already pointed out (but what I understand, this was you're first published work, so I won't be too hard on you)

This is actually pretty good.

And I'm not even a Whovian.

Question: Did Lyra find Bon-Bon in the past? Cause if she didn't I think I'd have to go weep in a corner for a few hours, but if she DID find Bon-Bon, they okay then.

BTW, Bon-Bon's full name? HEAD CANON ACCEPTED

ADRNEL

ADRNEL #5 · Jan 18th, 2013 · · ·

1980817
It is assumed that Lyra does find Bon Bon in the past and live full lives together, each starting their own families.

Also, for Bon Bon's name, some sources call her Sweetie Drops, while others call her Bon Bon, so I decided to make Sweetie Drops her full name and Bon Bon as a nickname as a comprimise.

Avenging-Hobbits

Avenging-Hobbits #6 · Jan 18th, 2013 · · ·

1980860 Well, then that works.

I do suggest however, returning to this at some point, to flesh it out and fill in the details, maybe describing them adjusting to life in the past and such.

BioChemicalWolfGear

BioChemicalWolfGear #7 · Mar 29th, 2013 · · ·

I'm sure you fixed this by now but.

"Thru" is actually "Through"

I'm not sure what thru means but it doesn't seem to be wrong...TO A WORD DOC TO INVESTIGATE!

Same as Through (informal)

.....

OK WELL THE SYNONYMES SAID SOMETHING ELSE! but whatever. Well that's still wrong because this is supposed to stay formal. I think I did the same thing before but...DAMMIT THIS WORD!

fuck you "Thru" you ruin my day.

ADRNEL