Adam Gray is a late 19th century physicist and professor, after tragedy strikes, he decides to build a time machine to prevent it, but along the way he ends up going into the far future where he ends up in a civilization dominated by colorful magical ponies.
Watch as Adam learns about this new world while a powerful villian tries to defeat him.
Currently re-writing and expanding random chapters.
**RE-WRITES COMPLETE: XIII, XIX
*RE-WRITES IN PROGRESS: -
^RE-WRITE PLANNED: XIV
NOTE: The first 2 chapters will not have any ponies in it, instead focusing on the main charcter and how he ends up in Equestria. All subsequent chapters will have ponies.
Chapters (39)
aw dang it i was going to make something like this!....eh well
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Sorry about that!
preliminary tracking, will definitely read, premise sounds great, can't wait :)
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Check out my profile for a list of upcoming chapters and synopsis, if you want any hints about how the story will go.
The overall pacing of the story seems off to me, too many things happens too fast. And the plot is like " Adam : Hey I"m a creature from the distant past, I managed to make a machine able to travel trough time while you can't ! Twilight : Cool, I don't care about you, the past or your traveling time machine, let's go party ! "
Twilight SHOULD pester him about everything, and Celestia SHOULD investigate sooner.
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and how she deals with the human will play a huge role in later chapters, plus, Twilight
does pester Adam, but it is not really important to the overall story at the moment.
Don't worry, Celestia
Welcome my Friends! Welcome......To...The Machine!
-Pink Floyd
Love that song.
Oh, the references! They burn!
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What references?
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Seriously? "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." That line was in a famous book and its movie.
If you honestly don't know where it came from, then you grew up under a rock.
sware should be swear
expirement is wrong and should be experiment.
and there was one other thing that I forgot...OH NEVER MIND!
Here is not the word for listening. Hear is.
Oh your paragraphs are lacking. Your dialog seems...all right but the love scene is a little strange. I already like the plot idea and the coincidental names of the mares.
However you're a terrible scene builder :/
I get the location of each place because of you just straight up telling us and then having them walk around, but that stuff is so dull and undetailed I couldn't build the scene very well in my mind. Needs separate paragraphs to tell us more about the character.
The story is also really rushed. I feel as if each scene happens in fast forward, and I don't have enough time to get familiar with each character. Everything they say is straight up plot informative and no casual conversation that really lets me get a sense of the characters.
oh and the scene where Marry got shot seemed to require description that wasn't there. Especially with the distance of the homeless guy and the characters. It confused me to no end when I knew he was at least five meters away from them and then suddenly close enough for the Main character to lunge at him.
"...What Adam and Twilight fail to realise is that the real reason Fluttershy wants to come along is so she can spend more time with the human..."
Applebloom, Trixie, Fluttershy, and the apparent reincarnation of his human GF, Twilight... Someone forgot to turn off his SWAG...
mlkshk.com/r/8GRE
Green eyes, cracks in a certain statue, Celestia hinting that she murdered some who found out too much in fear of a revolt... Oh this is going to be a hell of a tag team fight...
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Too bad...Adam is too focused on his dead human GF to notice...
But yeah, Twilight, Fluttershy and Apple Bloom have developed a crush on him.
(Oh, and Trixie will probably never fall for the human, especially after what happend...
wow, so original, but it's still good so far.
arch.413chan.net/fluttershy-is-sad-(n1299009571160)-(n1302287841355).png
Angel's gonna get ya!
You made Flutters cry? RUN YOU FOOL!
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Yes...Fluttershy finally lets her feelings for him known, and then they share an intiment moment together, only to find out that he still has feelings for his dead girlfriend and that he's is now regretting making out with her.
DAMN ALL THE CLICHÉ TO HELL!!!
I would see the time and shout DINOSAURS!,!!
Ten bits says Diamond Tiara found a way to record what Adam said.
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Hardly matters -- they fessed up to each other already.
As for AB, it NEVER pays to wait.
Sorry dude, nice premise, but until you get an editor, you're getting a thumbs-down from me. I can't cope with something with this many technical errors.
Hmm, if Luna read my mind without my permission, I'd sue her ass back to the big bang, and then some. Maybe destroy her entirely and sic tentacle monsters on Equestria for her misdeeds, because why should just she suffer?
Yay
whoa O__O
That was a definitely different chapter... SILL THOUGH! well writen as well, it was a nice read and belivable as well. A Mustache for you my friend...
Edit: wait... HOLY SHIT! I ACTUALY GOT FIRST!. sorry had to get that out first time...
Yay for new chapter?
I found the Time Machine to be one of the best remakes ever for a sci-fi, but that was probably because H.G. Well's great grandson directed it. The futility of time travel from the classical view, even the newer multiverse views of time travel, they show you can't truly change the past.
Like water running down a river. If you throw a stone in, the water is momentarily disturbed but then just flows around the stone.
I always found the fiance's death the most sad part of the film.
Looking forward to ponies.. oh yeah, hope you won't be on hiatus for too long, this story has potential.
So far this story just isn't grabbing me and I can't figure out why. You do have an anachronism though. "And I must scream" is most likely a reference to "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" which couldn't exist until at least after WW2 (too lazy to look up) or, even less likely, the painting: "The Scream" which wasn't created until after he left if I remember the dates correctly.
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It was not intended as an anarchism.
He came up with the line on his own and is in no way intended as a reference to the painting "The Scream". He was referecing the fact that as a statue, you a trap without a form of communication and you are forever destined to scream even though no one will ever hear you.
Got balls putting Fall of Equestria content in you're story. I salute your courage.
Would be interesting if there were ponies the beloved the earth to be created after when Adam says he came from.
Luna pls.
That is no way to treat a guest.
I remember seeing a movie about a scientist from the 19's who built a time machine and accidentally traveling to far to the future. And he has the same machine in the cover pic, but I can't remember what the movie is called
Oh shit...
Am I correct in assuming that this story will be really, really long?
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There's seven more chapters left. So not too long left.
HAH
nice Sponge Boob reference
so Celestia is the villain?
By this you mean the chapters, right? I'm not stupid, I'm just making sure.
Interesting premise, needs editing to correct the little mistakes.
One. Million. Years.
relatably.com/m/img/dr-evil-meme-one-million-dollars/One-Million-Dollars-639omk.jpg
Orchard. Orchard. An 'orchid' is a flower.
fragrantorchids.com/imfaces/orchid1.jpg
That's some nice character development. Let's get rid of it, shall we?
This story is... really rough.