• Published 23rd Feb 2013
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The Adventures of Trixie if Her Father Was a Badass Alien - totallynotabrony



After some irresponsible age spells, radiation exposure, and adoption, Trixie is...changed. Rated M for machine gun.

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Chapter 33

“Um, I don’t like this idea,” said Fluttershy as the Cult of Badass closed in around her and Trixie.

“It’s a little late now,” Trixie reminded her.

“But you can just teleport us away or something,” Fluttershy pleaded, pressing herself to Trixie’s side as the CB members closed in.

“I’ve actually never tried that,” Trixie admitted. “That’s really more of Twilight’s thing.”

Fluttershy turned to look at her. “But you’re powerful enough, right? Please try. I just don’t want anypony to get hurt if you can help it.”

Trixie took a look at every member of the cult that was on the boat, knowing that she would probably not have any trouble kicking their collective ass, but at the same time wanting to honor Fluttershy’s wishes.

“Stay close,” Trixie said. “I think I can pull this off, but I have no idea where we’ll end up.”

“Anywhere is better than here,” Fluttershy squeaked as the cultists began to grow more bold, possibly worried that their targets would escape.

“But we’re going to make a deal,” Trixie said as she began to charge her magic. “If they don’t get the hint and back off, then the next time we see them I’m going to kill at least a few.”

“I still don’t-”

Fluttershy’s words were cut off as Trixie cast the teleportation spell. There was a flash of magic and the two of them suddenly appeared in some sort of jazz club. Based on the appearance of the place and the speaking accents of the ponies present, Trixie decided that they had probably ended up in the nearby Neigh Orleans.

Fluttershy looked around, relieved. “This seems much nicer.”

Trixie had to agree. Somewhere along the way, she’d turned back to her regular four legged form, and the environment was certainly much more relaxed. It was a jazz club, after all.

A pony wearing a fedora came over. “Two entries for the jazz competition?”

“No thank you,” Trixie replied. “We were just leaving.”

“You can’t go,” he said. “This is the Cult of Jazz. Once you arrive you must enter the competition or we won’t let you leave.”

“Seriously?” Trixie stared at him with incredulity. She traded a glance with Fluttershy, whose eyes had gone wide.

Looking back to the jazz pony, Trixie asked, “So what happens if we refuse? Because if you’re going to try to eat our brains or something, I’ll kill everypony in the cult before you even know what hit you.”

“Whoa,” the jazz pony raised a hoof. “That’s not what we’re about at all. This is about jazz. It’s supposed to be relaxing and cool. Blues players aren’t about eating brains or holding ponies against their will or any of that silly mumbo jumbo. The Cult of Jazz is just the name of the club.”

“So we could just walk out and you wouldn’t try to stop us?” Trixie asked for confirmation.

“No, we wouldn’t. But we would be very sad.”

“Let’s enter the competition,” said Fluttershy instantly. “I don’t want them to be sad.”

Trixie hesitated, but what did they have to loose? She nodded.

“All right then,” said the jazz pony. “What do you play?”

Trixie and Fluttershy traded glances.

He chuckled. “First timers, huh? That’s okay, we can let you borrow some stuff. Will there be any other members of your band joining you?”

Just then, the door opened and Iron Will came in. He looked around and was immediately met by another member of the club who explained the rules.

“Uh…” said Iron Will, scratching the back of his head. “Iron Will doesn’t really have a band.”

“He’s with us,” chorused Trixie and Fluttershy.

“Hey there,” said Iron Will, his face brightening. “Iron Will didn’t expect to see you two here.”

“It’s a coincidence, considering that we weren’t expecting to be here,” Trixie said. “Did you have a seminar or something nearby?”

Iron Will nodded. “That's right. Iron Will wanted to take a little break and came here. So, about this jazz competition. What can each of us play?”

“I’m pretty decent at the drums if I do say so myself,” Trixie replied.

“Iron Will plays the trumpet a little.” He shrugged. “Got to use this giant lung capacity for something, right?”

They both turned to Fluttershy. She ducked her head meekly and murmured, “I can’t really play any instruments in a jazzy way.”

“We might be able to use you as a singer,” Trixie mused.

Iron Will nodded. “Good idea. If playing isn't your thing, you can always sing.”

“But I don’t know any jazz songs,” Fluttershy said.

“No problem, just sing scat and we’ll go from there,” Trixie replied.

Fluttershy nodded hesitantly. “I guess I can do that.”

While she would never admit it, Trixie thought that maybe the Flim Flam brothers would be a nice addition to the band. They could at least compose lyrics on the spot. Fortunately, this band would be a one time thing and if she could help it, she would never play music again. The whole cult aspect had really turned her off.

They took the stage, which was covered with instruments to use. Trixie settled herself behind the drum kit. One of the jazz ponies gave Iron Will a clean mouthpiece and he fitted it to a trumpet. Fluttershy went to the microphone.

There was nervous tension in the air. While nothing had been said about a certain level of performance to be able to leave the club, all of them did feel like doing their best – or at least not making fools of themselves.

Trixie tapped a beat - 1, 2, 3, 4 - and they began.

Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo.

Fluttershy’s lyrics were fitting with her mumbling speech, although the microphone made them audible to the rest of the jazz club. Back by Iron Will’s trumpet and Trixie’s drums, Fluttershy appeared to gain a little confidence and went through another few rounds of scatting.

Shoo be doo, shoo be da, shoo be da da da, hapdeedoobydoowop, weebydeebydeewoo, shoo be doo be doo da day!

It was, Trixie reflected, the first time she’d ever done a show jointly with other performers, not with just an assistant. While it wasn't her usual style, it didn't take anything away from true showmareship.

She smiled. It sounded good.